KNICKERBOCKER. 



WITH ILLUSTRATIONS. 




A ?:CHEPEN LAUGHING AT A BU R GO M A 'iT E: R S JOl 



"JHW TO R '^- ;V !-■ p-yr-NTA- 



^^^€U-E\?m(D:)Q^r^^^ 




DUTCH COURTSHIP. 



E W Y R K : G. P. P U T l<l'KM . 



.AUMi 



HiSTOEY OF New York, 



FROM THE 

BEGINNING OF THE WORLD TO THE END 
OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY; 

CONTAINING, AMONG MANY SURPRISING AND CURIOUS MATTERS, TUB 
UNUTTERABLE PONDERINGS OP WALTER THE DOUBTER, THE 
DISASTROUS PROJECTS OF WILLIAM THE TESTY, AND 
THE CHIVALRIC ACHIEVEMENTS OF PETER THE 
HEADSTRONG ; THE THREE DUTCH GOV- 
ERNORS OF NEW AMSTERDAM ; 

BEING THE 

ONLY AUTHENTIC HISTORY OF THE TIMES THAT EVKR 
HATH BEEN OR EVER WILL BE PUBLISHED. 



BY 

DIEDRICH KNICKERBOCKER 



3>e iDaar()ei^ Mc in ^ut^ter lag, 
2)ie tomr met tUuu•Oet^ mm ^en &ag. 

THE AUTHOR'S REVISED EDITION 
COMl'LETE IN ONE VOLUME. 



PHILADELPHIA : 

J. B. LIPPING OTT & CO. 
1871. 






Btitered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1864, by 

George P. Putnam, 

in tl*9 Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Southern Distrioe oi 

New York. 



27JtW 




PAei 
THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY 15 

ORIGINAL ADVERTISEMENTS 21 

ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR 23 

ADDRESS TO THE PUBLIC 35 

BOOK I. 

OONTAININa DIVERS INGENIOUS THEORIES AND PHILOSOPHIC SPECULA 
TIONS, CONCERNING THE CREATION AND POPULATION OF THE WORLD, 
AS CONNECTED WITH THE HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Chap. I. — Description of the World 43 

Chap. II. — Cosmogony, or Creation of the World; with 
a multitude of excellent theories, by Avhich the crea- 
tion of a world is shown to be no such difficult mat- 
ter as common folk would imagine 51 

Chap. III. — How thnt famous navigator, Noah, was 
shamefully nicknamed; and how he committed an 
unpardonable oversight in not having four sons. 
With the great trouble of philosophers caused there- 
by, and the discoverv of America 62 

Chap. IV. — Showing the great difficulty philosophers 
have had in peopling America — and how the Abo- 
rigines came to be begotten by accident — to the great 
relief and satisfjiction of the Author 70 

Chap. V. — In which the Author puts a mighty question 
to the rout, by the assistance of the Man in the Moon 
— which not only delivers thousands of people from 
great embarrassment, but likewise concludes this in- 
troductory book 79 



BOOK II. 

TEEATING OF THE FIRST SETTLEMENT OF THE PROVINCE OP NIEUW- 
NEDERLANDTS. 

Chap. I. — In which are contained divers reasons why a 
man should not write in a hurry — Also of Master 
Hendrick Hudson, his discovery of a strange country 
— and how he was magnificently rewarded by the 
munificence of their High Mightinesses 98 



g CONTENTS. 

PAOH 

Chap. IL — Containing an account of a mighty Ark 
which floated, under the protection of St. Nicholas, 
from Holland to Gibbet Island — the descent of the 
strange Animals therefrom — a great victory, and a 
description of the ancient village of Communipaw. . Ill 

Chap. III. — In which is set forth the true art of making 
a bargain — together with the miraculous escape of a 
great Metropolis in a fog — and the biography of cer- 
tain heroes of Communipaw 119 

Chap. IV. — How the heroes of Communipaw voyaged to 

Hell-gate, and how they were received there 128 

Chap. V. — How the heroes of Communipaw returned 
somewhat wiser than they went — and how the sage 
Oloffe dreamed a dream — and the dream that he 
dreamed 141 

Chap. VI. — Containing an attempt at etymology — and 

of the founding of the great city of New Amsterdam 147 

Chap. VII. — How the people of Pavoiiia migrated from 
Communipaw to the island of Manna-hata — and how 
Olotfe the Dreamer proved himself a great land-spec- 
ulator 150 

Chap. Vlll. — Of the founding and naming of the new 
city — of the City Arms; and of the direful feud be- 
tween Ten Breeches and Tough Breeches 154 

Chap. IX. — How the city of New Amsterdam waxed 
great under the protection of St. Nicholas and the 
absence of laws and statutes — how Olofte the Dream- 
er begun to dream ol an extension of Empire, and of 
the eflfect of his dreams 161 



BOOK III. 

tN WHICH IS RECORDED THE GOLDEN REIGN OF WOUTER VAN TWILLKB ■ 

Chap. I. — Of the renoAvned Wouter Van Twiller, his 
unparalleled virtues — as likewise his unutterable 
wisdom in the law-case of Waudle Schoonhoven and 
Barent Bleecker — and the great admiration of the 
public thereat 169 

IJhap. II. — Containing some account of the grand council 
of New Amsterdam, as also divers especial good phil- 
osophical reasons why an Alderman should be fat — 
with other particulars touching the state of the prov- 
ince 180 

Chap. III. — How the town of New Amsterdam arose out 
of mud, and came to be marvellously polished and 
polite — together with a picture of the manners of 
our great-great-grandfathers 191 



CONTENTS. 



PAUE 

Chap. IV. — Containing farther particulars of the Golden 
Age, and what constituted a tine Lady and Gentle- 
man in the days of Walter the Doubter 20C 

Chap. V. — Of the founding of Fort Aurania — Of the 
mysteries of the Hudson — Of the arrival of the Pa- 
troon Killian Van Rensellaer; his lordly descent 
upon the earth, and his introduction of club-law. . , . 207 

Chap. VI. — In which the reader is beguiled into a de- 
lectable walk, Avhich ends very diftei-ently from what 
it commenced ". , 21 1 

Chap. VII. — Faithfully describing the ingenious people 
of Connecticut and thereabouts — showing, more- 
over, the true meaning of liberty of conscience, and 
a curious device among these sturdy barbarians, to 
keep up a harmony of intercom\se, and promote 
population 217 

Chap. VIII. — How these singular barbarians turned out 
to be notorious squatters. How the3^ built air-castles, 
and attempted to initiate the Nederhmders in the 
mystery of bundling 223 

Chap. IX. —How the Fort Goed Hoop was fearfully be- 
leaguered — how the renowned Wouter fell into a 
profound doubt, and how he finally evaporated 229 



BOOK IV. 

CONTAINING THE CHRONICLES OF THE REIGN OF WILLIAM THE TESTY 

Chap. I. — Showing the nature of history in general; — 
containing furthermore the universal acquirements of 
William the Testy, and how a man may learn so 
much as to render himself good for nothing 237 

Chap. II. — How William the Testy undertook to conquer 
by proclamation — how he was a great man abroad, 
but a little man in his own house - 244 

Chap. III. — In Avhich are recorded the sage projects of a 
ruler of universal genius — The art of tighting by 
proclamation — and how that the valiant Jacobus 
Van Curlet came to be foully dishonored at Fort 
Goed Hoop 248 

Chap. IV. — Containing the fearful wn-ath of William the 
Testy, and the alarm of New Amsterdam — how the 
Governor did strongly fortify the City — Of Antony 
the Trumpeter, and the windy addition to the armo- 
rial bearings of New Amsterdam 254 

Chap. V. — Of the jurisprudence of William the Testy, 
and his admirable expedients for the suppression of 
poverty 260 



10 CONTENTS. 



PAGl 

vyHAP. VI. — Projects of William the Testy for increasing 
the currency — he is outwitted by the Yankees — 
The great Oj-ster War 266 

Chap. VII. — Growing discontents of New Amsterdam 

under the government of William the Testv 272 

Chap. VIII.— The edict of William the Testy against 
Tobacco — Of the Pipe Plot, and the rise "of Feuds 
and Parties 275 

Chap. IX. — Of the folly of being happy in the time of 
prosperity — Of troubles to the South brought on by 
annexation — Of the secret expedition of Jansen Al- 
pendam, and his magnificent reward 281 

Chap. X. — Troublous times on the Hudson — How Kil- 
lian Van Kensellaer erected a feudal castle, and how 
he introduced club-law into the province 286 

Chap. XI. — Of the diplomatic mission of Antony the 
Trumpeter to the Fortress of Rensellaerstein — and 
how he was puzzled by a cabalistic reply 290 

Chap. XII. — Containing the rise of the great Amphic- 
t^'onic Council of the Pilgrims, with the decline and 
final extinction of William the Testv 294 



BOOK V. 

CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OP PETER STUTVESANT, 
AND HIS TROUBLES WITH THE AMPHICTYONIC COUNCIL. 

Chap. I. — In which the death of a great man is shown 
to be no very inconsolable matter of sorrow — and 
how Peter Stuy vesant acquired a great name from the 
uncommon strength of his head 301 

Chap. II. — Showing how Peter the Headstrong bestirred 
himself among the rats and cobwebs on entering into, 
office; his interview with Antony the Trumpeter, and 
his perilous meddling with the currency JK) 

Chap. III. — How the Yankee League waxed more and 
more potent; and how it outwitted the good Peter in 
treat^'-making 315 

Chap. IV. — Containing divers speculations — showing 

that a treaty of peace is a great national evil 322 

Chap. V. — How Peter Stuyvesant was grievously belied 
by the great council of the League; and how^he sent 
Antony tlie Trumpeter to take to the council a piece 
of his mind 330 

Chap. VI. — How Peter Stuyvesant demanded a court of 
honor — and what the court of honor awarded to 
him.. 336 



CONTENTS. 11 



PAQB 

Chap. VII. — How "Drum Ecclesiastic" was beaten 
throughout Connecticut for a crusade against the 
New Netherlands, and how Peter Stuyvesant took 
measures to fortify his Capital 339 

Chap. VIII. — How the Yankee crusade against the 
New Netherlands was baffled by the sudden outbreak 
of witchcraft among the people of the East 345 

Chap. IX. — Which records the rise and renown of a 
Militaiy Commander, showing that a man, like a 
bladder, may be puffed up to greatness by mere 
wind ; together with the catastrophe of a veteran and 
his queue 351 



BOOK VI. 

CONTAINING THK SECOND PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEAD- 
STRONG, AND HIS GALLANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DELAWARE. 

Chap. I. — In which is exhibited a warlike Portrait of 
the great Peter — of the windy contest of General 
Van Poffenburgh and General Printz, and of the 
Mosquito War on the Delaware 361 

Chap. II. — Of Jan Risingh, his giantly person and crafty 
deeds; and of the Catastrophe at Fort Casimir 368 

Chap. III. — Showing how pi'ofound secrets are often 
brought to light; with the proceedings of Peter the 
Headstrong when he heard of the misfortunes of Gen- 
eral Van Poffenburgh 376 

Chap. IV. — Containing Peter Stuyvesant' s Voyage up 
the Hudson, and the wonders and delights of that 
renowned river 385 

Chap. V. — Describirig the powerful Army that assem- 
bled at the city of New Amsterdam — together with 
the interview between Peter the Headstrong and 
General Van Poffenburgh, and Peter's sentiments 
touching unfortunate great men 394 

Chap. VI. — In which the Author discourses very ingen- 
iously of himself — after which is to be found much 
interesting history about Peter the Headstrong and 
his folloAvers 402 

Chap. VII. — Showing the great advantage that the 
Author has over his Reader in time of Battle — 
together with divers portentous movements; which 
betoken that something terrible is about to happen. 413 

Chap. VIII. — Containing the most horrible battle ever 
recorded in poetry or prose; with the admirable ex- 
ploits of Peter the Headstrong 421 



12 CONTENTS. 



PAOB 

Chap. IX. — lu which the Author and the Reader, while 
reposing after the battle, fall into a very grave dis- 
course, after which is recorded the conduct of Peter 
Stuy vesant after his victory 434 



BOOK VII. 

OONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REION OP PETER THE HEADSTKONG 
— HIS TROUBLES WITH THE BRITISH NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND 
FALL OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY. 

Chap. I. — How Peter Stuyvesant relieved the Sovereign 
People from the burden of taking care of the nation ; 
with sundry particulars of his conduct in the time of 
peace, and of the rise of a great Dutch aristocracy. . 445 

Chat. II. — How Peter Stuyvesant labored to civilize 
the communit}' — how he was a great promoter of 
holidays — how he instituted kissing on New- Year's 
Day — how he distributed fiddles throughout the 
New Netherlands — how he ventured to reform the 
Ladies' petticoats, and how he caught a Tartar 455 

Chap. III. — How troubles thicken on the province — 
how it is threatened by the Helderbergers — The 
Merrylandersj and the Giants of the Susquehanna. . 458 

Chap. IV. — How Peter Stuyvesant adventured into the 
East Country, and how he fared there 462 

Chap. V. — How the Yankees secretly sought the aid of 
the British Cabinet in their hostile schemes against 
the Manhattoes 470 

Chap. VI. — Of Peter Stuvesant's expedition into the 
East Country, showing that, though an old bird, he 
did not understand trap 473 

Chap. VII. — How the people of New Amsterdam were 
thrown into a great panic, by the news of the threat- 
ened invasion ; and the manner in which the}' fortified 
themselves 479 

i'liAP. VIII. — How the Grand Council of the New Neth- 
erlands were miraculousl}' gifted with long tongues 
in the moment of emergency — showing the value of 
words in warfare 484 

Chap. IX. — In which the troubles of New Amsterdam 
appear to thicken — showing the bravery in time of 
peril, of a people who defend themselves by resolu- 
tions 489 

3hap. X. — Containing a doleful disaster of Antony the 
Trumpeter — and how Peter Stuyvesant, like a sec- 
ond Cromwell, suvldenly dissolved a Rump Parlia- 
ment 499 



CONTENTS. 13 



PAGh 

Chap. XI. — How Peter Stuyvesant defended the city o! 

New Amsterdam for several days, by dint of the 

strength of his head 505 

Chap. XII. — Containing the dignified retirement, and 

mortal surrender of Peter the Headstrong 5 14 

Chap. XIII. — The Author's reflections upon what has 

been said 529 



NOTICES 

WHICU APPEARED IN THE NEWSPAPERS PREVIOUS TO 
THE PUBLICATION OF THIS WORK. 



From the Evening Post of October 26, 1809. 
DISTRESSING. 

Left his lodgings, some time since, and has not since been heard of, 
a small elderly gentleman, dressed in an old black coat and cocked 
hat, by the name of Knickerbocker. As there are some reasons for 
believing he is not entirely in his right mind, and as great anxiety 
is entertained about him, any information concerning him left either 
at the Columbian Hotel, Mulberry Street, or at the office of this pa- 
per, will be thankfully received. 

P. S. Printers of newspapers would be aiding the cause of hu- 
manity in giving an insertion to the above. 



From the same, November 6, 1809. 

To the Editor of the Evening Post : 

SiK, — Having read in your paper of the 26th October last, a para- 
graph respecting an old gentleman by the name of Knickerbocker, 
who was missing from his lodgings ; if it would be any relief to his 
friends, or furnish them with any clue to discover where he is, you 
may inform them that a person answering the description given, was 
seen by the passengers of the Albany stage, early in the morning, 
about four or five weeks since, resting himself by the side of the road, 
ft little above King's Bridge. He had in his hand a small bundle, 
tied in a red bandana handkerchief; he appeared to be travelling 
northward, and was very much fatigued and exhausted. 

A TRAVELLER. 



16 NOTICES. 

From the same^ November 16, 1809. 
To the Editor of the Evening Post: 

SiE, — You have been good enough to publish in youi paper a 
paragraph about Mr. Diedrich Knickerbocker^ who was missing so 
strangely some time since. Nothing satisfactory has been heard of 
the old gentleman since ; but a very curious kind of a written booh 
has been found in his room, in his own handwriting. Now I wish 
you to notice him, if he i.^ still alive, that if he does not return and 
pay off his bill for boarding and lodging, I shall have to dispose of 
his book to satisfy me for the same. 

I am, sir, your humble servant, 

SETH HANDASLDE, 
Landlord of the Independent Columbian Hotel, Mulberry Street 



From the same, November 28, 1809. 

LITERARY NOTICE. 

Ikskeep & Bradford have in press, and will shortly publish, 

A HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 

In two volumes, duodecimo. Price Three Dollars. 

Containing an account of IL discovery and settlement, with its in- 
ternal policies, manners, customs, wars, &c., &c., under the Dutch 
government, furnishing many curious and interesting particulars 
never before published, and which are gathered from various man- 
uscript and other authenticated sources, the whole being inter- 
spersed with philosophical speculations and moral precepts. 

This work was found in the chamber of Mr. Diedrich Knicker- 
bocker, the old gentleman whose sudden and mysterious disappear- 
ance has been noticed. It is published in order to discharge certain 
debts he has left behind. 



From the American Citizen, December 6, 1809 

Is this day published 

By INSKEEP & Bradford, No. 128 Broadway, 

A HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 

&c. &c. 

(Containing same as above.) 



KMrciEHBOClErS NEW YOBJL 



BY WASHINGTON IRVING. 




NEW YORK, 

r ui L i..:j u I. and S on , 6 61 S to acLway 





HE foUoAvIng work, in -wliieb, at the out- 
set, nothing more was contemplated than 
a temporary jeu d'esprit, was commenced 
in company with my brother, the kite Peter Ir- / 
ving, Esq. Our idea was, to parody a small hand- 
book which had recently appeared, entitled " A 
Picture of New York." Like that, our work was 
to begin with an historical sketch ; to be followed 
by notices of the customs, manners, and institutions 
of the city ; written in a serio - comic vein, and 
treating local errors, follies, and abuses with good- 
humored satire. 

To burlesque the pedantic lore displayed in cer- 
tain American works, our historical sketch was to 
commence with the creation of the world ; and we 
laid all kinds of works under contribution for trite 
citations, relevant, or irrelevant, to give it the proper 
air of learned research. Before this crude mass 
of mock erudition could be digested into form, my 
brother departed for Europe, and I was left to pros- 
ecute the enterprise alone. 

I now altered the plan of the work. Discarding 
all idea of a parody on the " Picture of New York," 
I determined that what had been originally in- 
tended as an introductory sketch, should comprise 
the whole work, and form a comic history of the 
2 



18 THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY. 

city. I accordingly moulded the mass of citatlona 
and disquisitions into introductory chapters, forming 
the first book ; but it soon became evident to me, 
that, like Robinson Crusoe with his boat, I had begun 
on too large a scale, and that, to launch my his- 
tory successfully, I must reduce its proportions, i 
accordingly resolved to confine it to the period of 
the Dutch domination, which, in its rise, progress, 
and decline, presented that unity of subject required 
by classic rule. It was a period, also, at that time 
almost a terra incognita in history. In fact, I was 
surprised to find how few of my fellow-citizens were 
aware that New York had ever been called New 
Amsterdam, or had heard of the names of its early 
Dutch governors, or cared a straw about their an- 
cient Dutch progenitors. 

This, then, broke upon me as the poetic age of 
our city ; poetic from its very obscurity ; and open, 
like the early and obscure days of ancient Rome, 
to all the embellishments of heroic fiction. I hailed 
my native city, as fortunate above all other Amer- 
ican cities, in having an antiquity thus extending 
back into the regions of doubt and fable ; neither 
did I conceive I was committing any grievous his- 
torical sin in helping out the few facts I could 
collect in this remote and forgotten region with 
figments of my own brain, or in giving characteristic 
attributes to the few names connected with it which 
I might dig up fi'om oblivion. 

In this, doubtless, I reasoned like a young and 
inexperienced writer, besotted with his own fancies ; 
and my presumptuous trespasses into this sacred, 
though neglected region of history have met with 
deserved rebuke from men of soberer minds. It 
18 too late, however, to recall the shaft thus rashly 



THE AUTHORS APOLOGY. 19 

launched. To any one whose sense of fitness it 
may wound, I can only say with Hamlet, — 

Let my disclaimiug from a purposed evil 
Free me so far in your most generous thoughts, 
That I have shot my arrow o'er the house, 
And hurt m_v brother. 

I will say this in further apology for my work : 
that, if it has taken an unwarrantable liberty with 
our early provincial history, it has at least turned 
attention to that history and provoked research. 
It is only since this work appeared that the for- 
gotten archives of the province have been rummaged, 
and the facts and personages of the olden time res- 
cued from the dust of oblivion, and elevated into 
whatever importance they may virtually possess. 

The main object of my work, in fact, had a 
bearing wide from the sober aim of history; but 
one which, I trust, will meet with some indulgence 
from poetic minds. It was to embody the tradi- 
tions of our city in an amusing form ; to illustrate 
its local humors, customs, and peculiarities ; to clothe 
home scenes and places and familiar names with 
those imaginative and Avhimsical associations so sel- 
dom met with in our new country, but which live 
like charms and spells about the cities of the old 
world, binding the heart of the native inhabitant 
to his home. 

In this I have reason to believe I have in some 
measure succeeded. Before the appearance of my 
work the popular traditions of our city were unre- 
corded ; the peculiar and racy customs and usages 
derived from our Dutch progenitors were unnoticed 
gr regarded with indifference, or adverted to with 
a sneer. Now they form a convivial currency, and 
we brought forward on all occasions ; they link our 
whole community together in good-humor and good 



20 THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY. 

fellowship ; they are the rallying points of home 
feeling, tlie seasoning of our civic festivities, the 
staple of local tales and local pleasantries, and are 
BO harped upon by our writers of popular fiction, 
that I find myself almost croAvded off" the legen- 
dary ground which I was the first to explore, by 
the host who have followed in my footsteps. 

I dwell on this head, because, at the first appear- 
ance of my work, its aim and drift were misappre- 
hended by some of the descendants of the Dutch 
worthies ; and because I understand that now and 
then one may still be found to regard it with a cap- 
tious eye. The far greater part, hoAvever, I have 
reason to flatter myself, receive my good-humored 
picturings In the same temper In which they were 
executed ; and when I find, after a lapse of n(?arly 
forty years, this hap-hazard production of my youth 
still cherished among them, — when I find Its very 
name become a " household word " and used to 
give the home stamp to everything recommend- 
ed for popular acceptation, such as Knickerbock- 
er societies, Knickerbocker Insurance companies, 
Knickerbocker steamboats, Knickerbocker omnibuses, 
Knickerbocker bread, and Knickerbocker Ice, — and 
when I find New Yorkers of Dutch descent prid- 
ing themselves upon being " genuine Knickerbock- 
ers," — I please myself with the persuasion that I 
have struck the right chord ; that my dealing? 
with the good old Dutch times, and the customs 
and usages derived fi-om them, are in harmony 
with the feelings and humors of my tOAvnsmen ; 
that I have opened a vein of pleasant associations 
and quaint characteristics peculiar to my native 
place, and which its Inhabitants will not willingly 
puffer to pass away ; and that, though other histo- 
ries of New York may appear of higher claims to 



THE AUTHORS APOLOGY. 21 

learned acceptation, and may take their dignified 
and appropriate rank in the family library, Knick- 
erbocker's history will still be received with good- 
humored indulgence, and be thiunbed and chuckled 
over by the family fireside. W. I. 

SUNNYSIDE, 1848. 





T was some time, if I recollect right, in 
the early part of the autumn of 1808, 
that a stranger applied for lodgings at 
the Independent Columbian Hotel in Mul- 
berry Street, of which I am landlord. He was a 
small, brisk-looking old gentleman, dressed in a rusty 
black coat, a pair of olive velvet breeches, and a 
small cocked hat. He had a few gray hairs plaited 
and clubbed behind, and his beard seemed to be 
of some eight-and-forty hours' growth. The only 
piece of finery which he bore about him was a 
bright pair of square silver shoe-buckles ; and all his 
baggage was contained in a pair of saddle-bags, 
which he carried under his arm. His whole ap- 
pearance was something out of the common run ; 
and my Avife, who is a very shrewd body, at once 
set him down for some eminent country school- 
master. 

As the Independent Columbian Hotel Is a very 
small house, I was a little puzzled at first where 
to put him ; but my wife, who seemed taken with 
his looks, would needs put him in her best chamber, 
which is genteelly set off with the profiles of the 
whole family, done in black, by those two great 
painters, Jarvis and Wood ; and commands a very 
pleasant view of the new grounds on the Collect, 
tOffcHher with the rear of the Poor-House and Bride- 



\f 



2'1 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 

well, and a full front of the Hospital ; so that it 
is the cheerfuUcst room in the whole house. 

During the whole time that he stayed with us, 
we found him a very worthy good sort of an old 
gentleman, though a little queer in his ways. He 
would keep in his room for days together, and if 
any of the children cried, or made a noise about 
his door, he would bounce out in a great passion, 
with his hands full of papei-s, and say something 
about " deranging his ideas " ; which made my wife 
believe sometimes that he was not altogether compos. 
Indeed, there was more than one reason to make 
her think so, for his room was always covered with 
scraps of paper and old mouldy books, laying about 
at sixes and sevens, which he would never let any- 
body touch ; for he said he had laid them all away 
in their proper places, so that he might know where 
to find them ; though, for that matter, he was half 
his time worrying about the house in search of 
some book or writing which he had carefully put 
out of the way. I shall never forget what a pother 
he once made, because my wife cleaned out his 
room when his back was 'turned, and put every- 
thing to rights ; for he swore he would never be 
able to get his papers in order again in a twelve- 
month. Upon this, my wife ventured to ask him 
what he did with so many books and papers ; and 
he told her that he was " seeking for immortal- 
ity " ; which made her think more than ever that 
the poor old gentleman's head was a little cracked. 

He was a very inquisitive body, and when not 
in his room, was continually poking about town, 
hearing all the news, and prying into everything 
that was going on : this was particularly the case 
about election time, when he did nothing but bus- 
tle about from poll to poll, attending all ward 



ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 25 

meetings, and committee rooms ; though I could 
never find that he took part with either side of 
the question. On the contrary, he would come 
home and rail at both parties with great wrath, — 
and plainly proved one day, to the satisfaction of 
my wife and three old ladies who were drinking 
tea with her, that the two parties were like two 
rogues, each tugging at a skirt of the nation ; and 
that in the end they would tear the very coat off 
its back, and expose its nakedness. Indeed, he was 
an oracle among the neighbors, who would collect 
aroimd him to hear him talk of an afternoon, as 
he smoked his pipe on the bench before the door ; 
and I really believe he would have brought over 
the whole neighborhood to his own side of the ques- 
tion, if they could ever have found out what it was. 

He was very much given to argue, or, as he 
called it, philosophize, about the most trifling mat- 
ter ; and to do him justice, I never kncAv anybody 
that was a match for him, except it was a grave- 
looking old gentleman who called now and then 
to see him, and often posed him in an argument. 
But this is nothing surprising, as I have since found 
out this stranger is the city librarian ; who, of course, 
must be a man of great learning : and I have my 
doubts if he had not some hand in the following 
history. 

As our lodger had been a long time with us, and 
we had never received any pay, my wife began to be 
somewhat uneasy, and curious to find out who and 
what he was. She accordingly made bold to put 
the question to his friend, the librarian, who replied 
in his dry Avay that he was one of the literati, which 
she supposed to mean some new party in politics. 
I scorn to push a lodger for his pay ; so I let day 
after day pass on without dunning the old gentleman 



26 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 

for a fartlilng : but my wife, wlio always takes these 
matters on lierself, and is, as I said, a slirewd kind 
of a woman, at last got out of patience, and hinted 
that she thought it high time " some people should 
have a sight of some people's money." To which 
the old gentleman replied, in a mighty touchy 
manner, that she need not make hei-self imeasy, for 
that he had a treasure there, (pointing to his saddle- 
bags,) worth her -whole house put together. This 
was the only answer we could ever get from him ; 
and as my wife, by some of those odd ways in which 
women find out everything, learnt that he was of 
very great connections, being related to the Knick- 
erbockers of Scaghtikoke, and cousin-german to the 
congressman of that name, she did not like to treat 
him uncivilly. What is more, she even oifered, 
merely by way of making things easy, to let him live 
scot-free, if he would teach the children their letters ; 
and to try her best and get her neighbors to send 
their children also : but the old gentleman took it in 
such dudgeon, and seemed so affronted at being taken 
for a schoolmaster, that she never dared to speak on 
the subject again. 

About two montlis ago, he went out of a morn- 
ing, with a bundle in his hand, and has never been 
heard of since. All kinds of inquiries were made 
after him, but in vain. I wrote to his relations at 
Scaghtikoke, but they sent for answer, that he had 
not been there since the year before last, when he 
had a great dispute with the congressman about poli- 
tics, and left the place in a huff', and they had neither 
heard nor seen anything of him from that time to 
this. I must own I felt very much worried about 
the poor old gentleman, for I thouglit something bad 
must have happened to him, that he should be miss- 
ing so long, and never return to pay his bill. I there* 



ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 27 

fore advertised him in the newspapei^s, and though 
my melancholy advertisement was published by sev- 
eral- humane printers, yet I have never been able tc 
learn anything satisfactory about him. 

My wife now said it was high time to take care 
of- ourselves, and see if he had left anything be- 
hind in his room, that would pay us for his boar<l 
and lodging. We found nothing, however, but some 
old books and musty writings, and his saddle-bags ; 
which, being opened In the presence of the libra- 
rian, contained only a few articles of worn-out 
clothes, and a large bundle of blotted paper. On 
looking over this, the librarian told us he had no 
doubt it was the treasure which the old gentleman 
had spoken about ; as it proved to be a most excel- 
lent and faithful History of New York, which 
he advised us by all means to publish, assuring 
us that it would be so eagerly bought up by a dis- 
cerning public, that he had no doubt it would be 
enough to pay our arrears ten times over. Upon 
this we got a very learned schoolmaster, who teaches 
our children, to prepare it for the press, which he 
accordingly has done ; and has, moreover, added to 
it a number of valuable notes of his own. 

This, therefore, is a true statement of my reasons 
for having this work printed, without waiting for the 
consent of the author ; and I here declare, that, if 
he ever returns, (though I much fear some unhappy 
accident has befallen him,) I stand ready to ac- 
count with him like a true and honest man. AVliicb 
IS all at present, 

From the public's humble servant, 

Seth Handaslde. 

Independent Columbian Hotel, New York. 
The foregoing account of the author was pre- 



28 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 

fixed to the first edition of tliis work. Shortly 
after its publication, a letter was received fi-om him, 
by Mr. Handaside, dated at a small Dutch vil- 
lage on the banks of the Hudson, whither he had 
travelled for the purpose of inspecting certain an- 
cient records. As this was one of those .fcAv and 
happy villages into which newspapei's never find 
their way, it is not a matter of surprise that Mr. 
Knickerbocker should never have seen the numerous 
advertisements that were made concerning him, and 
that he should learn of the publication of his his- 
tory by mere accident. 

He expressed much concern at its premature ap- 
pearance, as thereby he was prevented from mak- 
ing several important corrections and alterations, 
as Avell as from profiting by many curious hints 
which he had collected during his travels along the 
shores of the Tappan Sea, and his sojourn at Haver- 
straw and Esopus. 

Finding that there was no longer any immediate 
necessity for his return to New York, he extended 
his journey up to the residence of his relations at 
Scaghtikoke. On his way thither he stopped for 
some days at Albany, for which city he is known 
to have entertained a great partiality. He found 
it, however, considerably altered, and was much con- 
cerned at the inroads and improvements which the 
Yankees were making, and the consequent decline 
uf the good old Dutch manners. Indeed, he was 
informed that these intruders were making sad in- 
novations in all parts of the State ; where they had 
given great trouble and vexation to the regular 
Dutch settlers by the introduction of turnpike-gates, 
and country schoolhouses. It is said, also, that IMr. 
Knickerbocker shook his head sorrowfully at notic- 
ing the gradual decay of the great Yander Heyden 



ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 29 

palace ; but was highly indignant at finding that 
the ancient Dutch church, which stood in the middle 
of the street, had been pulled down since his last 
visit. 

The fame of Mr. Knickerbocker's history having 
reached even to Albany, he received much flattering 
attention from its worthy burghers, some of whom, 
however, pointed out two or three very great er- 
rors he had fallen into, particularly that of suspend- 
ing a lump of sugar over the Albany tea-tables, 
which, they assured him, had been discontinued for 
some years past. Several families, moreover, were 
somewhat piqued that their ancestors had not been 
mentioned in his work, and showed great jealousy 
of their neighbors who had thus been distinguished ; 
while the latter, it must be confessed, plumed them- 
selves vastly thereupon ; considering these recordings 
in the light of letters-patent of nobility, establish- 
ing their claims to ancestry, — which, in this re- 
pubUcan country, is a matter of no little solicitude 
and vainglory. 

It is also said, that he enjoyed high favor and 
countenance from the governor, who once asked him 
to dinner, and was seen two or three times to shake 
hands with him, when they met in the streets ; which 
certainly was going great lengths, considering that 
they differed in politics. Indeed, certain of the gov* 
ernor's confidential friends, to whom he could venture 
to speak his mind freely on such matters, have assured 
us, that he privately entertained a considerable good 
will for our author, — nay, he even once went so far 
as to declare, and that openly too, and at his own 
table, just after dinner, that " Knickerbocker was a 
very well-meaning sort of an old gentleman, and no 
fool." From all which many have been led to sup- 
pose that, had our author been of different iiolitics. 



aO ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 

and written lor the newspapers instead of wasting 
his talents on histories, he might have risen to some 
post of honor and profit, — peradventure, to be a 
notary - public, or even a justice in the ten - pound 
court. 

Beside the honors and civilities ah-eady mentioned, 
he was much caressed by the literati of Albany ; 
particularly by Mr. John Cook, who entertained him 
very hospitably at his circulating library and reading- 
room, where they used to drink Spa Avater, and talk 
about the ancients. He found Mr. Cook a man 
after his own heart, — of great literary research, and 
a curious collector of books. At parting, the latter, 
in testimony of friendship, made him a present of the 
two oldest works in his collection ; which were the 
earliest edition of the Heidelberg Catechism, and 
Adrian Vander Donck's famous account of the New 
Netherlands : by the last of which, Mr. Knicker- 
bocker profited greatly in his second edition. 

Having passed some time very agreeably at Al- 
bany, our author proceeded to Scaghtikoke, where, 
it is but justice to say, he was received with open 
arms, and treated with wonderful loving-kindness. 
He was much looked up to by the family, being the 
first historian of the name ; and was considered al- 
most as great a man as his cousin the congressman, 
— with Avhom, by the by, he became perfectly recon- 
ciled, and contracted a strong friendship. 

In spite, however, of the kindness of his relations 
and their great attention to his comforts, the old 
gentleman soon became restless and discontented. 
His history being published, he had no longer any 
business to occupy his thoughts, or any scheme to 
excite his hopes and anticipations. This, to a busy 
mind like his, was a truly deplorable situation ; and. 
had he not been a man of inflexible morals and reg 



ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 31 

iilar habits, there would have been great danger of 
his taking to poHtics, or drinking, — both which per- 
nicious vices we daily see men driven to by mere 
spleen and idleness. 

It is true, he sometimes employed himself in pre- 
paring a second edition of his history, wherein he en- 
deavored to correct and improve many passages with 
which he was dissatisfif^ d, and to rectify some mis- 
takes that had crept intJ it ; for he was particularly 
anxious that his work iJiould be noted for its authen- 
ticity ; Avhich, indeed, is the very life and soul of 
history. But the glow of composition had departed, 
— he had to leave many places untouched, which he 
would fain have altered ; and even where he did 
make alterations, he seemed always in doubt whether 
they were for the better or the worse. 

After a residence of some time at Scaghtikoke, he 
began to feel a strong desire to return to New York, 
which he ever regarded with the warmest affection ; 
not merely because it was his native city, but because 
he really considered It the very best city In the whole 
world. On his return, he entered into the full en- 
joyment of the advantages of a literary reputation. 
He was continually Importuned to write advertise- 
ments, petitions, handbills, and productions of simi- 
lar import; and, although he never meddled with 
the public papers, yet had he the credit of writing 
innumerable essays, and smart things, that appeared 
on all subjects, and all sides of the question ; In all 
which he was clearly detected " by his style." 

He contracted, moreover, a considerable debt at 
the post-office, In consequence of the numerous let- 
ters he received from authors and printers soliciting 
his subscription, and he was applied to by every 
charitable society for yearly donations, which he 
gave very cheerfully, considering tliese applications 



32 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 

as so many compliments. He was once invited to 
a great corporation dinner ; and was even tv/ice 
summoned to attend as a jmyman at the court of 
quarter sessions. Indeed, so renowned did he be- 
come, that he could no longer pry about, as formerly, • 
in all holes and corners of the city, according to the 
bent of his humor, unnoticed and uninterrupted ; but 
several times when he has been sauntering the 
streets, on his usual rambles of observation, equipped 
with his cane and cocked hat, the little boys at play 
have been known to cry, " There goes Diedrich ! " — 
at which the old gentleman seemed not a little 
pleased, looking upon these salutations in the light 
of the praise of posterity. 

In a word, if we take into consideration all these 
various honors and distinctions, together Avith an ex- 
uberant eulogium passed on him in the Port Folio, — 
(with which, we are told, the old gentleman was so 
much overpowered, that he was sick for two or three 
days,) — It must be confessed, that few authors have 
ever lived to receive such illustrious rewards, or have 
so completely enjoyed in advance their own immor- 
lality. 

After his return from Scaghtikoke, ]\L'. Knicker- 
bocker took up his residence at a little rural retreat, 
Avhicli the Stuyvesants had granted him on the family 
domain, in gratitude for his honorable mention of 
their ancestor. It was pleasantly situated on the 
borders of one of the salt marshes beyond Corlear's 
Hook ; subject. Indeed, to be occasionally overflowed, 
and much infested, in the summer time, with mosqui- 
toes ; but otherwise very agreeable, producing abun- 
dant crops of salt grass and bulrushes. 

Here, we are sorry to say, the good old gentleman 
fell dangerously ill of a fever, occasioned by the 
neighboring marshes. When he found his end ap- 




Knickerbocker, p. 33. 



ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 3S 

proacliing, he disposed of his worldly affairs, leaving 
the bulk of his fortune to the New York Historical 
Society ; his Heidelberg Catechism, and Vander 
Donck*s work to the city library ; and his saddle- 
bags to Mr. Handaslde. He forgave all his enemies, 
— that Is to say, all who bore any enmity towards 
him ; for as to himself, he declared he died In good 
will with all the world. And, after dictating sev- 
eral kind messages to his relations at Scaghtikoke, 
as well as to certain of our most substantial Dutch 
citizens, he expired In the arms of his friend the 
librarian. 

His remains were interred, according to his own 
request, In St. Mark's churchyard, close by the bones 
of his favorite hero, Peter Stuyvesant ; and It is 
rumored, that the Historical Society have it in mind 
to erect a wooden monument to his memory in the 
Bowling Green. 




Knickcrbooker, p. 35. 





^ £^ -^ O rescue from oblivion the memory of 
former incidents, and to render a just 
tribute of reno^vn to the many great 
and wonderful transactions of our Dutch progeni- 
tors, Diedrich Knickerbocker, native of the city 
of New York, produces this historical essay." ^ 
Like the great Father of History, whose words 
I have just quoted, I treat of times long past, 
over which the twilight • of uncertainty had al- 
ready thrown its shadows, and the night of for- 
getfulness was about to descend forever. With 
great solicitude had I long beheld the early his- 
tory of this venerable and ancient city gradually 
slipping from our grasp, trembling on the hps of 
narrative old age, and day by day droppmg piece- 
meal into the tomb. In a kittle wliile, thouglit 
I, and those reverend Dutch Durgliers, who serve 
as the tottering monuments of good old times. 
wiU be gathered to their fathers ; their children, 
engrossed by the empty pleasm-es or insignificant 
transactions of the present age, will neglect to 
treasure up the recollections of the past, and pos- 
terity will search in vain for memorials of the 
days of the Patriarchs. The origin of our city 
will be buried in eternal oblivion, and even the 
1 Beloe's Herodotus. 



36 TO THE PUBLIC. 

names and achievements of Wouter Van Twiller^ 
"William Kieft, and Peter Stiiyvesant, be envel- 
oped in doubt and fiction, like those of Romulus 
and Remus, of Charlemagne, King Arthur, Ri- 
naldo, and Godfrey of Bologne. 

Determined, therefore, to avert if possible this 
threatened misfortune, I industriously set myself 
to work, to gather together all the fragments of 
our infant history which still existed, and like 
my reverend prototype, Herodotus, where no MTit- 
ten records could be found, I have endeavored 
to continue the cham of history by well-authenti- 
cated traditions. 

In this arduous undertaking, which has been 
the whole business of a long and solitary life, it 
is incredible the number of learned authors I 
have consulted ; and all but to little purpose. 
Strange as it may seem, though such multitudes 
of excellent works have been written about this 
country, there are none extant which gave any 
full and satisfiictory account of the early history 
of New York, or of its tlu-ee first Dutch govern- 
ors. I have, however, gamed much valuable and 
cm-ious matter, from an elaborate manuscript 
written in exceeding pure and classic Low Dutch, 
excepting a few errors in orthography, which was 
found in the archives of the Stuyvesant family. 
Many legends, letters, and other documents have 
I likewise gleaned, in my researches among the 
family chests and lumber-garrets of our respecta- 
')le Dutch citizejis ; and I have gathered a host 
of well-authenticated traditions from divers excel- 
lent old ladies of my acquaintance, who requested 



TO THE PUBLIC. 37 

.hat their names might not be mentioned. Nor 
must I neglect to acknowledge how greatly I 
have been assisted by that admirable and praise- 
wo]-thy institution, the New York PIistorical 
Society, to which I here publicly return my sni- 
cere acknowledgments. 

In the conduct of this inestimable Avork I have 
adopted no individual model ; but, on the con- 
trary, liave simply contented myself with combin- 
his: and concentrating: the excellences of the most 
approved ancient historians. Like Xenophon, I 
have maintained the utmost impartiality, and the 
strictest adherence to truth throughout my his- 
tory. I have enriched it after the manner of 
Sallust, with various characters of ancient wor- 
thies, drawn at full length, and faithfully colored. 
I have seasoned it with profound political specu- 
lations like Thucydides, sweetened it with the 
graces of sentiment like Tacitus, and infused into 
the whole the dignity, the grandeur, and magnifi- 
cence of Livy. 

I am aware that I shall incur the censure of 
numerous very learned and judicious critics, for 
indulging too frequently in the bold excursive 
manner of my favorite Herodotus. And to be 
candid, I have found it impossible always to re- 
sist the allurements of those pleasuig episodes 
which, like flowery banks and fragrant bowers, 
beset the dusty road of the historian, and entice 
liim to turn aside, and refresh himself from his 
wayfaring. But I trust it will be found that I 
have always resumed my staff, and addressed 
myself to my weary journey with renovated spir- 



38 TO THE PUBLIC. 

its, SO that both my readei-s and myself have 
been benefited by the relaxation. 

Indeed, though it has been my constant "wish 
and uniform endeavor to rival Polybius himself, 
in observing the requisite unity of history, yet 
tlie loose and unconnected manner in which 
many of the facts herein recorded have come to 
liand, rendered such an attempt extremely diffi- 
cult. This difficulty was likewise increased by 
one of the grand objects contemplated in my 
work, which was to trace the rise of sundry cus- 
toms and institutions in tliis best of cities, and 
to compare them, when in the germ of infancy, 
with Avhat they are in the present old age of 
knowledge and improvement. 

But the chief merit on Avhich I value myself, 
and found my hopes for future regard, is that 
faithful veracity with Mdiich I have compiled this 
invaluable little work ; carefully winnowing away 
the chaff of hypothesis, and discarding the tares 
of fable, which are too apt to spring up and 
choke the seeds of truth and wliolesome knowl- 
edge. Had I been anxious to captivate the 
superficial throng, who skim like swallows over 
tlie surface of literature ; or had I been anxious 
to commeiid my writings to the pampered palates 
of literary epicures, I might have availed myself 
of the obscurity that overshadows the infant 
years of our city, to introduce a thousand pleas- 
hig fictions. But I have scrupulously discarded 
many a pithy tale and marvellous adventure, 
>vhereby tlie drowsy ear of summer indolenc(i 
might be enthralled ; jealously maintaining that 



TO THE PUBLIC. 39 

fidelity, gi'avity, and dignity, which should ever 
distinguish the historian. " For a writer of this 
class," observes an elegant critic, " must sustain 
the character of a wise man, writing for the m- 
struction of posterity; one who has studied to 
inform himself well, who has pondered his sub- 
ject with care, and addresses himself to our judg- 
ment, rather than to our imagination." 

Thrice happy, therefore, is this our renowned 
city in having incidents worthy of swelling the 
theme of history ; and doubly thrice happy is it 
in having such an historian as myself to relate 
them. For after all, gentle reader, cities of 
themselves, and, in fact, empires of tJwmselves, are 
nothing mthout an historian. It is the patient 
narrator who records their prosperity as they 
rise, — who blazons forth the splendor of their 
noon-tide meridian, — who props their feeble me- 
morials as they totter to decay, — who gathers 
together theu* scattered fragments as they rot, — 
and who piously, at length, collects their ashes 
into the mausoleum of his work and rears a 
monument that will transmit their renown to all 
succeedmg ages. 

What has been the fate of many fair cities 
of antiquity, whose nameless ruins encumber the 
plains of Europe and Asia, and awaken the fruit- 
less inquiry of the traveller ? They have sunk 
Into dust and silence, — they have perished from 
remembrance for Avant of an historian ! The 
philanthropist may weep over then' desolation, — ■ 
vhe poet may wander among their mouldenng 
arches and broken columns, and indulge the 



40 TO THE PUBLIC. 

visionary flights of his fancy, — but, alas ! alas 
the modern historian, whose pen, like my own, 
is doomed to confine itself to dull matter-of-fact, 
seeks in vain among their oblivious remains for 
some memorial that may tell the instructive tale 
of their glory and their ruin. 

" Wars, conflagrations, deluges," says Aristotle, 
"destroy nations, and with them all their monu- 
ments, their discoveries, and their vanities. The 
torch of science has more than once been extin- 
guished and rekindled ; — a few individuals, who 
have escaped by accident, reunite the thread of 
generations." 

The same sad misfortune which has happened 
to so many ancient cities will happen again, and 
from the same sad cause, to nine tenths of those 
which now flourish on the face of the globe. 
With most of them the time for recording then* 
early history is gone by ; their origm, their fomi- 
dation, together with the eventful period of their 
youth, are forever buried in the rubbish of years ; 
and the same would have been the case with this 
fair portion of the earth, if I had not snatched it 
from obscurity in the very nick of time, at the 
moment that those matters herein recorded were 
about entering mto the wide - spread, msatiable 
maw of oblivion, — if I had not dragged them 
out, as it were, by the very locks, just as the 
monster's adamantine fangs were closing upon 
them forever! And here have I, as before ob- 
^erved, cai'efully collected, collated, and arranged 
them, scrip and scrap, '■'■punt en punt, gat en gat]'' 
and commenced in this little Avork a history, to 



TO THE PUBLIC. \ 

Berve as a foundation on which other historians 
may hereafter raise a noble superstructure, swell- 
ing in process of time, until Knickerbockers New 
York may be equally voluminous with Gibhon\ 
Rome, or Hume and SmoUefs England! 

And now indulge me for a moment, while 1 
lay down my pen, skip to some little eminence 
at the distance of two or three hundred years 
ahead ; and, casting back a bird's-eye glance ovei 
the waste of years that is to roll between, dis- 
cover myself — little I — at this moment the 
progenitor, prototype, and precursor of them all, 
posted at the head of this host of literary wor- 
thies, with my book under my arm, and New 
York on my back, pressing forward, like a gal- 
lant commander, to honor and immortality. 

Such are the vainglorious imaginings that will 
now and then enter into the brain of the author, 
— that irradiate, as with celestial light, his soli- 
tary chamber, cheering his weary spirits, and 
animating him to persevere in his labors. And 
I have freely given utterance to these rhapsodies 
whenever they have occurred ; not, I trust, from 
an unusual spirit of egotism, but merely that the 
reader may for once have an idea how an author 
thinks and feels while he is writing, — a kind of 
knowledge very rare and curious, and much to bf 
desired. 




Knickorbockor, p. 43^ 




BOOK I. 

JONTATNIXG DIVERS INGENIOUS THEORIES AND PHILO- 
SOPHIC SPECULATIONS, CONCERNING THE CREATION 
AND POPULATION OF THE WORLD, AS CONNECTED WITH 
THE HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER I. 




DESCRIPTION OF THE "WORLD. 

CCORDING to the best authorities, 
the Avorld m which we dwell is a huge- 
opaque, reflecting, mauimate mass, float- 
ing in the vast ethereal ocean of infinite space. 
It has the form of an orange, being an oblate 
spheroid, curiously flattened at opposite parts, for 
the insertion of two imaginary poles, which are 
supposed to penetrate and unite at the centre 
thus forming an axis on which the mighty orange 
turns with a regular diurnal revolution. 

The transitions of light and darkness, whence 
proceed the alternations of day and night, are 
produced by this diurnal revolution successively 



44 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

presenting the different parts of the earth to tho 
rays of the sun. The latter is, according to the 
best, that is to say, the latest accounts, a lumi- 
nous or fiery body, of a prodigious magnitude, 
from which this world is driven by a centrifugal 
or repelling power, and to which it is drawn by 
a centripetal or attractive force ; otherwise called 
tlie attraction of gravitation ; the combination, or 
rather the counteraction of these two opposing 
impulses producing a cii'cular and annual revolu- 
tion. Hence result the different seasons of the 
year, viz : spring, summer, autumn, and winter. 

This I believe to be the most approved mod- 
ern theory on the subject, — though there be 
many philosophers who have entertained very 
different opinions ; some, top, of them entitled 
to much deference from their great antiquity and 
illustrious character. Thus it was advanced by 
some of the ancient sages, that the earth was an 
extended plain, supported by vast pillars ; and by 
others, that it rested on the head of a snake, or 
the back of a huge tortoise ; — but as they did 
not provide a resting-place for either the pillars 
or the tortoise, the whole theory fell to the 
gi'ound, for want of proper foundation. 

The Bralnniiis~assert^~tliat the heavens rest 
upon the earth, and the sun and moon swim 
therein like fishes in the water, moving from east 
to west by day, and gliding along the edge of 
the horizon to their original stations during 
night ; ^ while, according to the Pauranicas of 
India, it is a vast plain, encircled by seven oceans 
1 Faiia y Souza. Mick. lus. note b. 7. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 45 

of milk, nectar, and other delicious liquids ; that 
it is studded with seven mountains, and orna- 
mented in the centre by a mountamous rock of 
burnished gold ; and that a great dragon occa- 
sionally swallows up the moon, which accounts 
for the phenomena of lunar eclipses.^ 

Beside these, and many other equally sage 
opinions, we have the profound conjectures of^ 
Aboul-Hassan-Aly, son of Al Khan, son of 
Aly, son of Abderrahman, son of Abdallah, son 
of Masoud-el-Hadheli who is commonly called 
Masoudi, and surnahied Cothbiddin, but who 
takes the humble title of Laheb-ar-rasoul, which 
means the companion of the ambassador of God. 
He has written a universal history, entitled " Mou- 
roudge-ed-dharab, or the Golden Meadows, and 
the Mines of Precious Stones."^ In this valua- 
ble work he has related the history of the world 
from the creation down to the moment of wait- 
ing; wdiicli was under the Khaliphat of Mothi 
Billah, m the month Dgioumadi-el-aoual of the 
33 6th year of the Hegira or flight of the Proph- 
et. He informs us that the earth is a huge bird, 
Mecca and Medina constituting the head, Persia 
and India the right 'svuig, the land of Gog the 
left wing, and Africa the tail. He informs us, 
moreover, that an earth has existed before the 
present (which he considers as a mere chicken 
of 7000 years), that it has undergone divers del- 
uges, and that, according to the opinion of some 
well-informed Brahmins of his acquaintance, it 

1 Sir W. Jones, Diss. Antiq. Ind. Zod. 

2 MSS. Bibliot. Roi Fr. 



i6 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

will be renovated every seventy tlioiisandth haz- 
arouam; each hazarouam consisting of 12,006 
years. 

These are a few of the many contradictory 
opmions of philosophers concerning the earth, 
and we find that the learned have had equal 
perplexity as to the nature of the sun. Some 
of the ancient philosophers have affirmed that 
it is a vast wheel of brilliant fire ; ^ others, that 
it is merely a mirror or sphere of transparent 
crystal ; ^ and a third class, at the head of whom 
stands Ajiaxagoras, maintained that it was noth- 
ing but a huge ignited mass of iron or stone, — 
indeed, he declared the heavens to be merely a 
vault of stone, — and that the stars were stones 
whirled upward from the earth, and set on fire 
by the velocity of its revolutions.^ But I give 
little attention to the doctrines of this philos- 
opher, the people of Athens havuig fully refuted 
them, by banishing him from their city : a concise 
mode of answering unwelcome doctrines, much 
resorted to in former days. Another sect of phi- 
losophers do declare, that certain fiery particles 
exhale constantly from the earth, which, concen- 
trating in a single point of the firmament by day, 
constitute the sun, but being scattered and ram- 
bling about in the dark at night, collect in vari- 
ous points, and form stars. These are regularly 
Imrnt out and extinguished, not unlike to the 

1 Plutarch de placitis Philosoph. lib. ii. cap. 20. 

2 Achill. Tat. isag. cap. 19. Ap. Petav. t. iii. p. 81. Stob. 
Kclog. Phys. lib. i. p. 56. Pint, de Plac. Phi. 

3 Diogenes Laertius in Anaxag. 1. ii. sec. 8. Plat. Apol. t 
. p. 26. Plut. de Plac. Philo. Xenoph. Mem. 1. iv. p. 815. 



% 
m 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 47 

lamps in our streets, and require a fresh supply 
of exhalations for the next occasion.^ 

It is even recorded, that at certain remote and 
obscure periods, in consequence of a great scar- 
city of fuel, the sun has been completely biu-nt 
out, and sometimes not rekindled for a month at 
a time. A most melancholy circumstance, the 
very idea of which gave vast concern to HeracK- 
tus, that worthy weeping philosopher of antiquity. 
In addition to these various speculations, it was 
the opinion of Herschel, that the sun is a mag- 
nificent, habitable abode ; the light it furnishes 
arising from certain empyi'eal, luminous or phos- 
phoric clouds, summing in its transparent at- 
mosphere.^ 

But Ave will not enter farther at present into 
the nature of the sun, that being an inquiry not 
immediately necessary to the development of this 
history; neither A\dll we embroil ourselves in 
any more of the endless disputes of philosophers 
touching the form of this globe, but content our- 
selves with the theory advanced in the begin- 
ning of this chapter, and will proceed to illus- 
trate, by experiment, the complexity of motion 
therein ascribed to this our rotatory planet. 

Professor Von Poddingcoft (or Puddinghead, 
as the name may be rendered into English) 
was long celebrated in the university of Ley- 
den, for profound gravity of deportment, and a 
talent at going to sleep in the midst of exami- 

1 Aristot. Meteor. 1. ii. c. 2. Idem. Probl. sec. 15, Stob. Eel. 
Phys. 1. i. p. 55. Bruck. Hist. Phil. t. i. p. 1154, &c. 

2 Philos. Trans. 1795, p. 72. Idem. 1801, p. 265. Nich. 
Philos. Joum. I. p. 13. 



48 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 

nations, to the infinite relief of his hopeful stu- 
dents, who thereby worked their way through 
college with great ease and little study. In the 
course of one of his lectures, the learned pro- 
fessor, seizing a bucket of water, swung it around 
his head at arm's length. The impulse with 
which he threw the vessel from him, beuig a 
centrifugal force, the retention of his arm oper- 
ating as a centripetal power, and the bucket, 
which was a substitute for the earth, describing 
a circular orbit round about the globular head 
and ruby visage of Professor Von Poddingcoft, 
which formed no bad representation of the sun. 
All of these particulars were duly explamed to 
the class of gaping students around him. He 
apprised them, moreover, that the same principle 
of gravitation, which retained the water in the 
bucket, restrains the ocean from flying from the 
earth in its rapid revolutions ; and he farther 
informed them that should the motion of the 
earth be suddenly checked, it would inconti- 
nently fall into the sun, through the centripetal 
force of gravitation, — a most ruinous event to 
this planet, and one which would also obscure, 
though it most probably would not extinguish, 
the solar luminary. An unlucky striplmg, one 
of those vagrant geniuses, who seem sent into 
the world merely to annoy worthy men of the 
puddinghead order, desirous of ascertaining the 
correctness of the experiment, suddenly arrested 
the arm of the professor, just at the moment 
that the bucket was in its zenith, which im- 
mediately descended ^^Ai\\ astonishing precision 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 49 

upon the pliilosopliic head of the iustructor of 
youth. A hollow sound, and a red-hot hiss, 
attended the contact ; but the theory was in 
the amplest manner illustrated, for the unfortu- 
nate bucket perished in the conflict ; but the 
blazing countenance of Professor Von Podding- 
coft emerged from amidst the waters, glowing 
fiercer than ever with unutterable indignation, 
whereby the students were marvellously edified, 
and departed considerably wiser than before. 

It is a mortifying circumstance, which greatly ^v_ 
perplexes many a painstaking philosopher, that 
nature often refuses to second his most profound 
and elaborate efforts ; so that after having in- 
vented one of the most uigenious and natural 
theories imaginable, she will have the perverse- 
ness to act directly in the teeth of his system, and 
flatly contradict his most favorite positions. This 
is a manifest and unmerited grievance, since 
it throws the censure of the vulgar and un- 
learned entirely upon the philosopher ; whereas 
the fault is not to be ascribed to his theory, which 
is unquestionably correct, but to the Avayward- 
ness of dame nature, who, with the proverbial 
fickleness of her sex, is continually indulging in 
coquetries and caprices, and seems really to take 
pleasure in violating all philosophic rules, and 
jilting the most learned and indefatigable of her 
adorers. Thus it happened with respect to the 
foregoing satisfactory explanation of the motion 
of our planet ; it appears that the centrifugal 
force has long since ceased to operate, while its 
antagonist remains in undiminished potency ; the 



60 HISTORY OF NEW YORK 

world, therefore, according to the theory as it 
originally stood, ought in strict propriety to tum- 
ble into the sun; philosophers were convinced 
that it woidd do so, and awaited m anxious 
impatience the fulfilment of their prognostics. 
But the untoward planet pertinaciously contin- 
ued her course, notwithstanding that she had 
reason, philosophy, and a whole university of 
learned professors opposed to her conduct. The 
philosophers took this m very ill part, and it is 
thought they would never have pardoned the 
slight and affront which they conceived put 
upon them by the world, had not a good-na- 
tured professor kindly officiated as a mediator 
between the parties, and effected a reconcilia- 
tion. 

Finding the world would not accommodate 
itself to the theory, he wisely determined to 
accom.modate the theory to the world ; he there- 
fore mformed his brother philosophers, that the 
circular motion of the earth round the sun was 
no sooner engendered by the conflicting impulses 
above described, than it became a regular revo- 
lution, independent of the causes which gave it 
origin. His learned brethren readily joined in 
-the opinion, being heartily glad of any explana- 
tion that would decently extricate them from their 
(mibarrassment ; and ever since that memora- 
ble era the world has been left to take her own 
course, and to revolve around the sun in such 
orbit as she thinks proper. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 51 



CHAPTER n. 



WSMOOONT, OR CREATION OP THE WORLD ; WITH A MULTITUDE OP 
EXCKLLENT THEORIES, BY WHICH THE CREATION OF A WORLD IS 
SHOWN TO BE NO SaCH DIFFICULT MATTER AS COMMON FOLK WOULD 
IMAGINE. 

WAIgAVING thus briefly introduced my 
I p^sri r reader to the world, and given him 
SaL^it some idea of its form and situation, 
he A\^ll naturally be curious to Ivnow from 
whence it came, and how it was created. And, 
indeed, the clearing up of these points is abso- 
lutely essential to my history, inasmuch as if 
this world had not beeh formed, it is more than 
probable that this reno^vned island, on which 
is situated the city of New York, would never 
have had an existence. The regular course of 
my ' history, therefore, requires that I should 
proceed to notice the cosmogony or formation 
of tliis our globe. 

. And now I give my readers fair wariiing 
that I am about to plunge, for a chapter or two, 
into as complete a labyrmth as ever historian 
was perplexed withal ; therefore, I advise them 
to take fast hold of my skkts, and keep close 
at my heels, Venturing neither to the right 
hand nor to the left, lest they go.i bemired in 
a slough of unintelligible learning, or have their 



52 HISTORY OF NEW YORK 

brains Imocked out by some of those hard Greek 
names Avhich will be flying about in all direc- 
tions. But should any of them be too indolent 
or chicken-hearted to accompany me in this 
perilous undertaking, they had better take a 
short cut round, and wait for me at the begin- 
ning of some smoother chapter. 

Of the creation of the world, we have a thou- 
sand contradictory accounts ; and though a very 
satisfactory one is furnished us by divine revela- 
tion, yet every philosopher feels himself in honor 
bound to furnish us with a better. As an im- 
partial historian I consider it my duty to notice 
their several theories, by which mankind have 
been so exceedingly edified and instructed. 

Thus it was the opinion of certain andlent 
sages, that the earth and the whole system of 
the universe was the Deity himself ; ^ a doctrine 
most strenuously maintained by Zenophanes and 
the Avhole tribe of Eleatics, as also by Strabo 
and the sect of peripatetic philosophers. Pythag- 
oras likeAvise inculcated the famous numerical 
system of the monad, dyad, and triad, and by 
means of his sacred quaternary elucidated the 
formation of the world, the arcana of nature, 
and tlie principles both of music and morals.^ 
Other sages adhered to the mathematical system 
of squares and triangles ; the cube, the pyi'amid, 
ind the sphere ; the tetrahedron, the octahedron, 

1 Aristot. ap. Cic lib. i. cap. 3. 

- Aristot. Metaph. lib. i. c. 5. Idem, de Coelo. 1. iii. c. 1. 
Rousseau .Alem. sur Musique ancien. p. 39. Plutarch de Plac, 
Phiios. lib. i. cap. 3. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 53 

the icosa}iedroii, and the dodecahedi'on.^ While 
others advocated the great elementary theory 
which refers the construction of our globe and 
all that it contains to the combinations of four 
material elements : air, earth, fire, and water 
with the assistance of a fifth, an immaterial and 
\dvifying prmciple. 

Nor must I omit to mention the great atomic 
system taught by old Moschus, before the siege 
of Troy ; revived by Democritus of laughmg 
memory ; improved by Epicurus, that king of 
good fellows, and modernized by the fanciful 
Descartes. But I decline inquiring whether the 
atoms, of which the earth is said to be composed, 
are eternal or recent ; whether they are animate 
or inanimate ; whether, agreeably to the opinion 
of the atheists, they were fortuitously aggregated, 
or, as the theists mahitain, were arranged by 
a supreme uitelligence.^ Whether, in fact, the 
earth be an msensate clod, or wdiether it be ani- 
mated by a soul ; ^ which opuiion was stren- 
uously maintained by a host of philosophers, at 
the head of whom stands the great Plato, that 
temperate sage, who threw the cold water of phi- 
losophy on tlie form of sexual intercourse, and 
inculcated the doctrine of Platonic love, — an 
exquisitely refined intercourse, but much better 
adapted to the ideal mhabitants of his imaginary 

1 Tim. Locr. ap. Plato, t. iii. p. 90. 

2 Aristot. Nat. Auscult. 1. ii. cap. 6. Aristoph. Metaph. lib. 
\. cap. 3. Cic. de Nat. Deor. lib. i. cap. 10. Justin Mart. 
orat. ad gent. p. 20. 

3 Mosheini in Cudw. lib. i. cap. 4. Tim. de anim. mund. 
»p. Plat. lib. iii. Mem. de I'Acad. des Belles-Lettr. t. xxxii. 
3. 19, et al. 



54 HIST OR T 01' XEW YORK. 

island of Atlantis tluui to the sturdy race, com* 
posed of rebellions flesh and blood, whieh popu- 
lates the little matter-of-laet island we inhabit. 

Beside these systems, we have, moreover, the 
poetieal theogony of old Hesiod, who generated 
the whole miivei'se in the regular mode of pro- 
creation, and the plausible opinion of othei*s, that 
the earth was hatched from the great egg ol' 
night, which floated in chaos, and was cracked by 
the liorns of the celestial bull. To illustrate this 
last doctrme, Burnet, in his theory of the eai'th,^ 
has favored us with an accurate di-awmg and 
description, both of the form and textui-e of this 
mundane egg; which is found to bear a marvel- 
lous i-esemblance to that of a goose. Such of 
my readers as take a proper mterest in the origin 
of this om' planet, will be pleased to learn that 
the most profound sages of antiquity among the 
Egyptians, Chaldeans, Persians, Greeks, and Lat- 
ins, have alternately assisted at the hatching of 
this strangle bird, and that their cacklui^js have 
been caught, and continued in different tones and 
inflections, from philosopher to philosopher, unto 
the present day. 

But while briefly noticing long celebrated sys- 
tems of ancient sages, let me not pass over 
with neglect those of other philosophers ; which, 
though less univei'^al and reno^^'ned, have equal 
claims to attention, and equal chance for correct- 
liess. Thus, it is recorded by the Brahmins, 
in the pages of their inspired Shastah, that the 
angel Bistnoo, transforming himself into a great 
1 Book i. ch. 5. 



n I STORY OF NEW YORK. 55 

boar, plunged into the watery abyss, and brought 
up the earth on his tusks. Then Issued from 
him a mighty tortoise, and a mighty snake ; and 
Bistnoo placed the snake erect upon tlie back of 
the tortoise, and he placed the earth upon the 
liead of the snake.^ 

The negro philosophers of Congo affirm that 
the world was made by the hands of angels, ex- 
cepting their own country, which the Supreme 
Being constructed himself, that it might be su- 
premely excellent. And he took great pauis 
with the inhabitants, and made them very black, 
and beautiful ; and when he had finished the fii'st 
man, he was well pleased Avith him, and smoothed 
him over the face, and lience his nose, and the 
nose of all his descendants, became flat. 

The Mohawk philosophers tell us that a preg- 
nant woman fell down from heaven, and that a 
tortoise took her upon its back, because every 
place was covered with water ; and that the 
woman, sitting upon the tortoise, paddled with 
her hands in the water, and raked up the earth, 
whence it finally happened that tlie earth became 
liigher than the water.^ 

But I forbear to quote a number more of 
these ancient and outlandish philosophers, whose 
deplorable ignorance, in despite of all their erudi- 
tion, compelled them to write in langutiges which 
but few of my readers can understand ; and I 
shall proceed briefly to notice a few more intel- 

1 Hohvell. Gent. Philosophy. 

2 Johannes Megapolensis, Jun. Account of Maquaas 01 
Mohawk Indians. 



56 BISTORT OF NEW YORK. 

ligible and fashionable theories of their moderr 
successors. 

And, first, I shall mention the great Buffon, 
who conjectures that this globe was originally a 
globe of liquid fire, scintillated from the body of 
the sun, by the percussion of a comet, as a sparh 
is generated by the collision of fimt and steel. 
That at first it was surrounded by gross vapors, 
which, cooling and condensing in process of time, 
constituted, according to their densities, earth, 
water, and air ; which gradually arranged them- 
selves, according to their respective gravities, 
round the burning or vitrified mass that formed 
their centre. 

Hutton, on the contrary, supposes that tlie 
waters at first were universally paramount ; and 
he terrifies himself with the idea that the earth 
must be eventually washed away by the force of 
rain, rivers, and mountain torrents, until it is 
confounded Avith the ocean, or, in other words 
absolutely dissolves into itself Sublime idea I 
far surpassing that of the tender-hearted damsel 
of antiquity, who wept herself into a fountain ; 
or the good dame of Xarbomie in France, who, 
for a volubility of tongue unusual in her sex, 
was doomed to peel five hundred thousand and 
thirty-nine ropes of onions, and actually run out 
at her eyes before half the hideous task was 
accomplished. 

Wliiston, the same ingenious philosopher who 
rivalled Ditton in his researches after the longi- 
tude (for which the mischief-loving S^^'ift dis- 
charged on their heads a most savory stanza). 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 57 

has distingiiislied himself by a very admirable 
theory respecting the earth. He conjectures that 
it was originally a chaotic comet, which being 
selected for the abode of man, Avas removed from 
its eccentric orbit, and whirled round the sun in 
its present regular motion; by which change of 
db'ection, order succeeded to confusion in the 
arrangement of its component parts. The phi- 
losopher adds, that the deluge was produced by 
an uncourteous salute from the Avatery tail of 
another comet ; doubtless through sheer envy of 
its improved condition ; thus furnishing a mel- 
ancholy proof that jealousy may prevail, even 
among the heavenly bodies, and discord interrupt 
that celestial harmony of the spheres, so melodi- 
ously sung by the poets. 

But 1 pass over a variety of excellent theories, 
among which are those of Burnet, and Wood- 
ward, and Whitehurst; regretting extremely 
that my time will not suffer me to give them 
the notice they deserve, — and shall conclude 
Avith that of the renoAvned Dr. DarAvin. Tliis 
learned Theban, Avho is as much distmguished 
for rhyme as reason, and for good-natured credu- 
lity as serious research, and Avho has recom- 
mended himself AvonderfuUy to the good graces 
of the ladies, by letting them into all the gal- 
lantries, amours, debaucheries, and other topics 
of scandal of the court of Flora, has fallen upon 
a theory AA^orthy of his combustible imagination. 
According to his opinion, nieTmge^mais^o^ 
took a sudden occasion to explode, like a barrel 
ti gunpoAvder, and in that act exploded the sun^ 



58 HISTORY OF IsJ^W YORK. 

— which in its flight, by a simihir convulsion^ 
exploded the eartli, which in like guise exploded 
the moon, — and thus by a concatenation of ex- 
plosions, the whole solar system was produced, 
and set most systematically in motion!^ 

By the great variety of theories here alluded 
N^ to, every one of which, if thoroughly examined, 
^ will be found surprisingly consistent in all its 

parts, my unlearned readers will perhaps be led 
to conclude, that the creation of a world is not 
so difficult a task as they at fii'st imagined. I 
have shown at least a score of ingenious methods 
in which a world could be constructed ; and I 
have no doubt, that, had any of the philosophers 
above quoted the use of a good manageable 
comet, and the iihilosophical Avarehouse chaos at 
his command, he would engage to manufacture a 
planet as good, or, if you would take his word 
for it, better than this we inhabit. 

And here I camiot help noticing the kindness 
of Providence, in creating comets for the great 
relief of bewildered philosophers. By their as- 
sistance more sudden evolutions and transitions 
are effected in the system of nature than are 
wrought in a pantomimic exliibition by the won- 
der-working sword of Harlequin. Should c^ie'' 
of our modern sa"res, in his theoretical fliorhts 
among the stars, ever find himself lost m the 
clouds, and m danger of tumbling into the abyss 
of nonsense and absurdity, he has but to seize 
a comet by the beard, mount astride of his tail, 
and away he gallops in triumph, like an eu- 
1 Darw. Bot. Garden, Part I. Cant. i. 1. 105. 



\ 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 59 

clianter on liis liyppogriff, or a Connecticut Avitch J(-- 
on her broomstick, " to sweep tlie cobwebs out 
of the sky." 

It is an old and vulgar saying about it " beg- 
gar on horseback," which I would not for the 
world have applied to these reverend philoso- 
phers ; but I must confess that some of them,, 
when they are mounted on one of those fiery 
steeds, are as wild in their curvetings as was 
Phaeton of yore, when he aspired to manage 
the chariot of Phoibus. One drives his comet 
at full speed agamst the sun, and knocks the 
world out of him with the mighty concussion ; 
another, more moderate, makes his comet a kind 
of beast of bm'den, carrying the sun a regular 
supply of food and fagots ; a third, of more 
combustible disposition, threatens to throw his 
comet, like a bomb-shell, into the world, and 
blow it up like a powder-magazine ; while a 
fourth, with no great delicacy to this planet and 
its inliabitants, msumates that some day or other 
his comet — my modest pen blushes while I 
write it — shall absolutely turn tail upon our 
world, and deluge it with water ! Surely, as I 
have already observed, comets were bountifully 
provided by Providence for the benefit of philos- 
ophers, to assist them m manufacturmg theories. 

And now, havuig adduced several of the most 
promineilt theories that occur to my recollection, 
I leave my judicious readers at full liberty to 
choose among them. They are all serious spec 
Illations of learned men, — all differ essentially 
from each other, — and all have the same title to 



60 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

belief. It has ever been the task of one race of 
philosophers to demolish the works of then* pre- 
decessors, and elevate more splendid fantasies in 
their stead, which in their turn are demolished 
and replaced by the aii'-castles of a succeeding 
generation. Thus it would seem that knowledge 
and genius, of which we make such great parade, 
V/ consist but in detecting the errors and absurdities 
of those Avho ha^^e gone before, and devising new 
errors and absurdities, to be detected by those 
who are to come after us. Theories are the 
mighty soap-bubbles with which the groA\Ti-up 
children of science amuse themselves, — while 
the honest vulgar stand gazing in stupid admi- 
ration, and dignify these learned vagaries with 
the name of wisdom ! Surely, Socrates waa 
right in his opinion, that philosophers are but 
a soberer sort of madmen, busying themselves 
V in things totally incomprehensible, or wliich, if 
they could be comprehended, would be fomid not 
worthy the trouble of discovery. 

For my own part, imtil the learned have come 
to an agreement among themselves, I shall con- 
tent myself with the account handed do^^^l to us 
by Moses ; in wliich I do but follow the example 
of our mgenious neighbors of Connecticut; who 
at their first settlement proclaimed, that the col- 
ony should be governed by the laws of God — 
until they had time to make better. 

One thing, however, appears certain, — fron.' 
the unanimous authority of the before-quoted 
pliilosophers, supported by the evidence of our 
own senses, (Avhich, though very apt to deceive 



/ 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 61 

US, may be cautiously admitted as additional tes- 
timony,) — it appears, I say, and I make the asser- 
tion deliberately, without fear of contradiction, 
that this globe really ivas created, and that it is 
composed of land and ivater. It farther appears 
that it is curiously divided and parcelled out into 
continents and islands, among which I boldly 
declare the renowned Island of New York 
will be found by any one who seeks for it in its 
proper place. 



6z. HISTORY OF NEW YORK 



CHAPTER m. 



BOW THAT FAMOUS NAVIGATOR, NOAH, WAS SHAMEFULLY NICKNAMED 
AND HOW HE COMMITTED AN UNPARDONABLE OVERSIGHT IN NOl 
HAVING FOUR SONS : WITH THE GREAT TROUBLE OF PHILOSOPHERS 
CAUSED THEREBY, AND THE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA. 



m 




^7'TS ah, who is the first seafaring man we 
read of, begat three sons : Shem, Ham, 
and Japhet. Authors, it is true, are 
not wanting, who affirm that the patriarch had a 
number of other children. Thus, Berosus makes 
him father of the gigantic Titans ; Methodius 
gives him a son called Jonithus, or Jonicus ; 
and others have mentioned a son, named Thu- 
iscon, from whom descended the Teutons or 
Teutonic, or in other words, the Dutch nation. 
I regret exceedingly that the nature of my 
plan will not permit me to gratify the laudable 
curiosity of my readers, by investigating mi- 
nutely the history of the great Noah. Indeed, 
such an undertaking would be attended with 
more trouble than many people would imagine ; 
for the good old patriarch seems to have been 
a great traveller in his day, and to have passed 
under a different name in every country that he 
visited. Tlie Chaldeans, for instance, give us 
his story, merely altering his name into Xisu- 
thrus, — a trivial alteration, which, to an histo- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 63 

rian, skilled in etymologies, will appear wholly 
imimportant. It appears, likewise, that he had 
exchanged his tarpaulin and quadrant among the 
Chaldeans for the gorgeous insignia of royalty, 
and appears as a monarch in their annals. The 
Egyptians celebrate him under the name of 
Osiris ; the Indians as Menu ; the Greek and 
Roman writers confound him with Ogyges, and 
the Theban Avith Deucalion and Saturn. But 
the Chinese, who deservedly rank among the 
most extensive and authentic historians, inas- 
much as they have kno^Ani the world much lon- 
ger than any one else, declare that Noah was no 
other than Folii ; and what gives this assertion 
some air of credibility is, that it is a fact, admit- 
ted by the most enlightened literati, that Noah 
travelled into China, at the time of the building 
of the tower of Babel (probably to improve him- 
self in the study of languages), and the learned 
Dr. Shackford gives us the additional information, 
that the ark rested on a mountain on the frontiers 
of China. 

From this mass of rational conjectures and 
sage h;)^otheses, many satisfactory deductions 
might be drawn ; but I shall content myself with 
the simple fact stated in the Bible, viz : that 
Noah begat three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japhet. 
It is astonishing on what remote and obscure con- 
tingencies the great affairs of this world depend, 
and how events the most distant, and to the com-- 
mon observer unconnected, are inevitably conse- 
quent the one to the other. It remains to the 
philosopher to discover these mysterious affinities. 



64 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

and it is the proudest triumph of his skill, to 
detect and drag forth some latent chain of causa- 
tion which at fii'st siglit appears a paradox to the 
Lnexperienced observer. Thus many of my read- 
ers will doubtless wonder wdiat comiection the 
family of Noah can possibly have with this his- 
tory, — and many will stare when informed, that 
the whole history of this quarter of the world has 
taken its character and course from the simple 
cu'cumstance of the patriarch's having but three 
sons. But to explain : 

Noah, we are told by sundry very credible 
liistorians, becoming sole sm'viving heir and pro- 
prietor of the earth, m fee-simple, after the del- 
uge, like a good father, portioned out his estate 
among his children. To Shem he gave Asia ; tc 
Ham, Africa ; and to Japhet, Europe. Now it 
is a thousand times to be lamented that he had 
but three sons, for had there been a fourth, he 
would doubtless have inherited America ; Avhich, 
of course, would have been dragged forth from 
its obscurity on the occasion; and thus many a 
hard - working historian and philosopher would 
have been spared a prodigious mass of weary 
conjecture respecting the first discovery and popu- 
lation of this country. Noah, how^ever, having 
provided for his three sons, looked in all prob- 
ability upon our country as a mere wild unset- 
tled land, and said nothing about it ; and to this 
unpardonable taciturnity of the patriarch may 
we ascribe the misfortune that America did 
not come into the world as early as the other 
quarters of the globe. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 05 

It is true, some wi*iters have vindicated him 
from this misconduct towards posterity, and as- 
serted that he really did discover America. Thus 
it was the opinion of Mark Lescarbot, a French 
writer, possessed of that ponderosity of thought, 
and profouhcTness of reflection, so peculiar to his 
nation, Tliaf~the immediate descendants of Noah 
peopled this quarter of the globe, and that the 
old patriarch himself, who still retained a passion 
for the seafaring life, superintended the trans- 
migration. The pious and enlightened father, 
Charlevoix, a French Jesuit, remarkable for his 
aversion to the marvellous, common to all great 
travellers, is conclusively of the same opinion ; 
nay, he goes still farther, and decides upon the 
manner in which the discovery was effected, 
which was by sea, and under the immediate direc- 
tion of the great Noah. " I have already ob- 
served," exclaims the good father, in a tone of 
becoming indignation, " that it is an arbitrary 
supposition that the grandchildren of Noah were 
not able to penetrate into the new world, or that 
they never thought of it. In effect, I can see no 
reason that can justify such a notion. Wlio can 
seriously believe that Noah and his immediate 
descendants knew less than we do, and that tlie 
builder and pilot of the greatest shfp that ever 
was, — a ship which was formed to traverse an 
unbounded ocean, and had so many shoals and 
quicksands to guard against, — should be ignorant 
of, or should not have communicated to his de- 
scendants the art of sailing on the ocean ? '* 
Therefore, they did sail on the ocean ; therefore, 



00 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

they sailed to America ; therefore, America was 
discovered by Noah ! 

Now all this exquisite chain of reasomiig, 
which is so strikingly characteristic of the good 
father, being addressed to the faith, rather than 
the understanding, is flatly opposed by Hans de 
Laet, Avho declares it a real and most ridiculous 
paradox to suppose that Noah ever entertained 
the thought of discovering America; and as 
Hans is a Dutch writer, I am inclined to believe 
he must have been much better acquainted with 
the worthy crew of the ark than his competitors, 
and of course possessed of more accurate sources 
of information. It is astonishing how intimate 
historians do daily become with the patriarchs 
and other great men of antiquity. As intimacy 
improves with time, and as the learned are par- 
ticularly inquisitive and familiar in their ac- 
quaintance with the ancients, I should not be sur- 
prised if some future A^^iters should gravely give 
us a picture of men and manners as they existed 
before the flood, far more copious and accurate 
than the Bible; and that, in the course of an- 
other century, the log-book of the good Noah 
should be as current among historians as the 
voyages of Captain Cook, or the renowned history 
of Robinson Crusoe. 

I shall not occupy my time by discussing the 
huge mass of additional suppositions, conjectures, 
and probabilities respecting the first discovery of 
this country, with which unhappy historians over- 
load themselves, in their endeavors to satisfy the 
doubts of an incredulous world. It is painful to 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 67 

gee these laborious wights panting, and toiling, 
and sweating, under an enormous burden, at the 
very outset of their works, which, on being 
opened, turns out to be nothing but a mighty 
bundle of straw. As, however, by unwearied 
assiduity, they seem to have established the fact, 
to the satisfaction of all the world, that this 
country has been discovered, I shall avail myself 
of their useful labors to be extremely brief upon 
this point. 

I shall not, therefore, stop to inquire, whether 
America was first discovered by a wandering 
vessel of that celebrated Phoenician .fleet, which, 
accordin<? to Herodotus, circumnavigated Africa; 
or by that Carthaginian expedition, which Pliny, 
the naturalist, informs us, discovered the Canary 
Islands ; or wliether it was settled by a tempo- 
rary colony from Tyre, as hinted by Aristotle 
and Seneca. I shall neither inquire whether it 
was first discovered by the Chinese, as Vossius 
with great shrewdness advances ; nor by the 
Norwegians in 1002, under Biorn ; nor by Be- 
hem, the German navigator, as Mr. Otto has en- 
deavored to prove to the savans of the learned 
city of Philadelphia. 

Nor shall I investigate the more modem 
claims of the Welsh, founded on the voyage 
of Prince Madoc in the eleventh century, who 
having never returned, it has since been wisely 
concluded that he must have gone to America, 
and that for a plain reason, — if he did not go 
there, where else could he have gone ? — a ques- 
tion which most socratically shuts out all farther 
dispute. 



68 EISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Laying aside, therefore, all the conjectures 
above mentioned, with a multitude of others, 
equally satisfactory, I shall take for granted the 
vulgar opinion, that America was discovered on 
the" 12th of October, 1492, by Christoval Colon, 
a Genoese, who has been clumsily nicknamed 
Columbus, but for what reason I cannot discern. 
Of the voyages and adventures of this Colon, I 
shall say nothing, seeing that they are already 
sufficiently known. Nor shall I undertake to 
prove that this country should have been called 
Colonia, after his name, that being notoriously 
self-evident. 

Having thus happily got my readers on this 
side of the Atlantic, I picture them to myself 
all impatience to enter upon the enjoyment of 
the land of promise, and in full expectation that 
I will immediately deliver it into their possession. 
But if I do may I ever forfeit the reputation of 
a regular-bred historian ! No — no, — most curi- 
ous and thrice learned readers, (for tlu'ice learned 
ye are if ye have read all that has gone before, 
and nine times learned shall ye be if ye read 
that which comes after,) we have yet a world 
of work before us. Think you tlie first discov- 
erers of this fair quarter of the globe had noth- 
ing to do but go on shore and find a country 
ready laid out and cultivated like a garden, 
wherein they might revel at their ease ? No 
such thing : they had forests to cut down, un- 
derwood to grub up, marshes to drain, and sav- 
ages to exterminate. 

In like manner, I have sundry doubts to clear 



BTSTORY OF NEW YORK. 69 

away, questions to resolve, and paradoxes to ex- 
plain, before I permit you to range at random ; 
but these difficulties once overcome, we shall be 
enabled to jog on right merrily through the rest 
of )ur history. Thus my work shall, in a man- 
ner, echo the nature of the subject, in the same 
maimer as the sound of poetry has been found 
by certain shrewd critics to echo the sense, — ■ 
this being an improvement in history which T 
3laim the merit of having invented. 



70 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER IV. 



IHOWIXa THE GREAT DIFFICULTY PHILOSOPHERS HAVE HAD IN PEOPUNG 
AMERICA ; AND HOW TH.S ABORIGINES CAME TO BE BEGOTTEN BY 
ACCIDENT — TO THE GREAT RELIEF AND SATISFACTION OF THE AU- 
THOR. 




.M,t3i 






HE next iiiquiiy at which we arrive in 
the regular course of our history is to 
ascertain, if possible, how this country 
was originally peopled, — a point fruitful of in- 
credible embarrassments ; for unless we prove 
that the Aborigines did absolutely come from 
somewhere, it will be immediately asserted, in 
tliis age of skepticism, that they did not come 
at all ; and if they did not come at all, then 
was this country never populated, — a conclu- 
sion perfectly agreeable to the rules of logic, 
but wholly irreconcilable to every feeling of 
humanity, inasmuch as it must syllogistically 
prove fatal to the imiumerable Aborigines of 
this populous region. 

To avert so dire a sophism, and to rescue 
from logical annihilation so many millions of 
fellow-creatures, how many wmgs of geese have 
been plundered ! what oceans of uik have been 
benevolently dramed! and how many capacious 
lieads of learned historians have been addled, 
and forever confounded ! I pause Avith rever- 
ential awe, when I contemplate the ponderous 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 71 

tomes, in different languages, with which they 
have endeavored to solve this question, so im- 
portant to the happiness of society, but so in- 
volved in clouds of impenetrable obscurity. 

Historian after historian has engaged in the 
endless circle of hypothetical argument, and 
after leading us a weary chase through octa- 
vos, quartos, and folios, has let us out at the 
end of his w^ork just as wise as we were at 
the beginning. It was doubtless some philo- 
sophical wild-goose chase of the kind that made 
the old poet Macrobius rail in such a passion at 
curiosity, which he anathematizes most heartily ^ 
as " an irksome agonizing care, a superstitious^ 
industry about unprofitable things, an itclimg^ 
humor to see what is not to be seen, and to be^ 
doing what signifies nothing when it is done.") 
But to proceed. 

Of the claims of the children of Noah to the 
original population of this country I shall say 
nothing, as they have already been touched upon 
in my last chapter. The claimants next in ce- 
lebrity are the descendants of Abraham. Thus, 
Christoval Colon (vulgarly called Columbus) 
when he first discovered the gold mines of Ilis- 
paniola, immediately concluded, with a shrewd- 
ness that would have done honor to a philoso- 
pher, that he had found the ancient Ophir, from 
whence Solomon procured the gold for embellish- 
ing the temple at Jerusalem ; nay. Colon even 
niiagined that he saw the remains of furnaces of 
veritable Hebraic construction, employed in refin- 
ing the precious ore. 



72 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

So golden a conjecture, tinctured with such 
fascinating extravagance, was too tempting not 
to be immediately snapped at by the gudgeons 
of learning ; and, accordingly, there were divers 
profound writers ready to swear to its correct- 
ness, and to bring in their usual load of author- 
ities, and Avise surmises, wherewithal to prop it 
up. Vetablus and Robertus Stephens declared 
nothing could be more clear ; Arius ]Montanus, 
without the least hesitation, asserts that Mexico 
was the true Ophir, and the Jews the early set- 
tlers of the country; while Possevin, Becau, 
and several other sagacious writers, lug in a 
supposed prophecy of the fourth book of Esdras, 
which being inserted in the mighty hypothesis, 
like the key-stone of an arch, gives it, in their 
opinion, perpetual durability. 

Scarce, however, have they completed their 
goodly superstructure, than in trudges a pha- 
lanx of opposite authors, with Hans do Laet, 
the great Dutchman, at their head, and at one 
blow tumbles the whole fabric about their ears. 
Hans, in fact, contradicts outright all the Israel- 
itish claims to the first settlement of this coun- 
try, attributing all those equivocal symptoms, and 
traces of Christianity and. Judaism, which have 
been said to be found in divers provinces of the 
new world, to the Devil, who has always af- 
fected to counterfeit the worship of the true Dei 
ty. " A remark," says the knowing old Padre 
d'Acosta, " made by all good authors who have 
spoken of the religion of nations newly dis- 
covered, and founded besides on the authority 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 73 

of tlie fathers of the church.'^ Some writers 
again, among whom it is with mnch regret I 
am compelled to mention Lopez de Gomara, 
and Juan de Leri, insinuate that the Canaan- 
ites, being driven from the land of promise by 
the Jews, were seized with such a panic that 
they fled without looking behind them, until 
stopping to take breath, they found themselves 
safe in America. As they brought neither their 
national language, manners, nor features ^vith 
them, it is supposed they left them behind m 
the hurry of their flight ; — I cannot give my 
faith to this opinion. 

I pass over the supposition of the learned 
Grotius, — who being both an ambassador and a 
Dutchman to boot, is entitled to great respect, — • 
that North America was peopled by a strolling 
company of Norwegians, and that Peru was 
founded by a colony from China, — Manco, or 
Mango Capac, the fii-st Incas, being himself a 
Chmese. Nor shall I more than barely men- 
tion, that father Kircher ascribes the settle- 
ment of America to the Egyptians, Rudbeck 
to the Scandinavians, Charron to the Gauls, 
JufFredus Petri to a skating party from Fries- 
land, Milius to the Celtee, Marinocus the Sicil- 
ian to the Romans, Le Compte to the Phoeni- 
cians, Postel to the Moors, Martyn d'Angleria 
to the Abyssinians, together Avith the sage sm*- 
mise of De Laet, that England, Ireland, and 
the Orcades may contend for that honor. 

Nor will I bestow any more attention or 



74 HISTORY OF NEW YORK 

credit to the idea that America is the fairj* 
region of Zipaiigri, described by that dream- 
ing traveller, Marco Polo, the Venetian ; or 
that it comprises the visionary island of At- 
lantis, described by Plato. Neither will I stop 
to investigate the heathenish assertion of Para- 
celsus, that each hemisphere of the globe was 
originally furnished with an Adam and Eve ; 
or the more flattering opinion of Dr. Romayne, 
supported by many nameless authorities, that 
Adam was of the Indian race ; or the start- 
ling conjecture of Buffon, Helvetius, and Dar- 
win, so highly honorable to mankind, that the 
whole human species is accidentally descended 
from a remarkable family of monkeys ! 

This last conjecture, I must own, came upon 
me very suddenly and very ungraciously. I 
have often beheld the clown in a pantomime, 
while gazing in stupid wonder at the extrav- 
agant gambols of a harlequin, all at once electri- 
fied by a sudden stroke of the wooden sword 
across his shoulders. Little did I think, at such 
times, that it would ever fall to my lot to be 
treated with equal discourtesy, and tliat, while I 
was quietly beholding these grave philosophers, 
emulating the eccentric transformations of the 
hero of pantomime, they Avould on a sudden 
turn upon me and my readers, and with one hy- 
pothetical flourish metamorphose us into beasts ! 
I determined from that moment not to burn my 
fingers with any more of their theories, but con- 
lent myself with detailing the different methods 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 75 

by "vvliich they transported the descendants of 
these ancient and respectable monkeys to this 
great field of theoretical warfare. 

This was done either by migrations by land 
or transmigi'ations by water. Thus Padre Jo- 
seph d'Acosta enumerates three passages by land : 
first, by the north of Europe ; secondly, by the 
north of Asia ; and thirdly, by regions southward 
of the Straits of Magellan. The learned Gro- 
tins marches his Norwegians by a pleasant route 
across frozen rivers and arms of the sea, through 
Iceland, Greenland, Estotiland, and Naremberga; 
and various writers, among whom are Angleria, 
De Hornn, and Buffon, anxious for the accom- 
modation of these travellers, have fastened the 
two continents together by a strong chain of 
deductions, — by which means they could pass 
over dry-shod. But should even this fail, Pink- 
erton, that industrious old gentleman, who com- 
piles books, and manufactures Geographies, has 
constructed a natural bridge of ice, from conti- 
nent to continent, at the distance of four or five 
miles from Behring's Straits, — for which he is 
entitled to the grateful thanks of all the wan- 
dering Aborigines who ever did or ever will pass 
over it. 

It is an evil much to be lamented, that none 
of the worthy wi'iters above quoted could ever 
commence his work without immediately de- 
claring hostilities against every writer who had 
treated of the same subject. In this particular, 
authors may be compared to a certain saga- 
cious bird, which in building its nest is sure 



76 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

to pull to pieces tlie nests of all the birds In 
its neighborhood. Tliis unhappy propensity tends* 
grievously to impede the progress of soun(i 
knowledge. Theories are at best but brittle 
productions, and Avhen once committed to the 
stream, they sliould take care that, like the not- 
able pots which were fellow-voyagers, they do 
not crack each other. 

My chief surprise is, that among the many 
writers I have noticed, no one has attempted 
to prove that this country was peopled from 
the moon, — or that the first inhabitants floated 
hither on islands of ice, as white bears cruise 
about the northern oceans, — or that they were 
conveyed hither by balloons, as modern aero- 
nauts pass from Dover to Calais, — or by Avitch- 
craft, as Simon Magus posted among the stars, 
— or after the manner of the renowned Scyth- 
ian Abarls, who, like the New England Avitches 
on full-blooded broomsticks, made most unheard- 
of journeys on the back of a golden arrow, given 
him by the Hyperborean Apollo. 

But there is still one mode left by which tliis 
country could have been peopled, which I have 
reserved for the last, because I consider it worth 
all the rest : It Is — hy accident ! Spealdng of 
the islands of Solomon, New Guinea, and New 
Holland, the profound father Charlevoix observes, 
" in fine, all these countries are peopled, and it is 
possible some have been so hy accident. Now 
if it could have happened in that manner, why 
might it not have been at the same time, and 
by the same means, Avith tJie other parts of the 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 77 

globe ? " This ingenious mode of deducing cer- 
tain conclusions from possible premises is ac 
improvement in syllogistic skill, and proves the 
good father superior even to Archimedes, foi 
he can turn the world without anything to resi 
his lever upon. It is only surpassed by the dex- 
terity with which the sturdy old Jesuit, in an- 
other place, cuts the gordian knot : — " Nothing," 
says he, "is more easy. The inhabitants of 
both hemispheres are certainly the descendants 
of the same father. The common father of 
mankind received an express order from Heaven 
to people the Avorld, and accordingly it has been 
peopled. To bring this about, it was necessary 
to overcome all difficulties in the way, and they 
have also been overcome I " Pious logician ! Hoav 
does he put all the herd of laborious theorists 
to the blush, by explaining, in five words, what 
it has cost them volumes to prove they knew 
nothing about ! 

From all the authorities here quoted, and a 
variety of others which I have consulted, but 
which are omitted through fear of fatiguing the 
unlearned reader, I can only draw the following 
conclusions, which luckily, however, are sufficient 
for my purpose. First, that this part of the 
world has actually heen peopled., (Q. E. D.) to 
support which we have living proofs in the nu- 
merous tribes of Indians that inhabit it. Sec- 
ondly, that it has been peopled in five hundred 
different ways, as proved by a cloud of authore 
who, from the positiveness of their assertions, 
?eem to have been eye-witnesses to the fact. 



78 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Thirdly, that the people of this country had 
a variety of fathers, which, as it may not be 
thought much to their credit by the common 
run of readers, the less we say on the subject 
the better. The question, therefore, I trust, is 
forever at rest. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 79 




CHAPTER V. 

IN VraiCH THE AUTHOR PUTS A MIGHTY QUESTION TO THE ROUT, B? 
THE ASSISTANCE OF THE MAN IN THE MOON, — WHICH NOT ONLT DE- 
LIVERS THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE FROM GREAT EMBARRASSMENT, BUT 
LIKEWISE CONCLUDES THIS INTRODUCTORY BOOK. 

HE writer of a history may, in some 
respects, be likened unto an adventu- 
rous knight, who, having undertaken a 
perilous enterprise by way of establishing his 
fame, feels bound, in honor and chivalry, to turn 
back for no difficulty nor hardship, and never to 
sin-ink or quail, whatever enemy he may encoun- 
ter. Under this impression, I resolutely draw 
my pen, and fall to, with might and main, at 
those doughty questions and subtle paradoxes, 
which, like fiery dragons and bloody giants, beset 
the entrance to my history, and would fain re- 
pulse me from the very threshold. And at this 
moment a gigantic question has started up, which 
I must needs take by the beard and utterly sub- 
due, before I can advance another step in my his- 
toric undertaking ; but I trust this will be the 
last adversary I shall have to contend with, and 
that in the next book I shall be enabled to con- 
duct my readers in triumph into the body of my 
work. 

The question which has thus suddenly arisen, 



80 HISTORY OF NEW YGRK. 

•x/ is, What right had the first discoverers of America 
to land and take possession of a country, with- 
out first gaining the consent of its inhabitants, or 
yielding them an adequate compensation for their 
territory ? — a question which has withstood 
many fierce assaults, and has given much dis- 
tress of mind to multitudes of kind-hearted folk. 
And indeed, until it be totally vanquished, and 
put to rest, the worthy people of America can by 
no means enjoy the soil they inhabit, with clear 
right and title, and quiet, unsullied consciences. 
^ The first source of right, by which pioperty 
^^ is acquu^ed in a country, is discovery. For as 
all mankind have an equal right to anything 
which has never before been appropriated, so any 
nation that discovers an uninhabited country, and 
takes possession thereof, is considered as enjoying 
full property, and absolute, unquestionable empire 
therein.^ 

This prop*\=-ition being admitted, it follows 
clearly, that the Europeans Avho first visited 
America were the real discoverers of the same ; 
nothing being necessary to the establishment of 
this fact, but simply to prove that it was totally 
uninhabited by man. This would at first appear 
to be a point of some difficulty, for it is well 
known that this quarter of the world abounded 
with certain animals, that walked erect on two 
feet, had something of the human countenance, 
uttered certain unintelligible somids, very much 
hke language ; in short, had a marvellous resem- 
blance to human beings. But the zealous and 
1 Grotius. PuffendorfF, b. v. c. 4. Vattel, b. i. c. 18, &c. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 81 

enliglitened fathers, who accompanied the disco v- 
ei-ers, for the purpose of promotmg the kingdom 
of heaven by establishing fat monasteries and 
bishoprics on earth, soon cleared up this point, 
greatly to the satisfaction of his holiness the pope, 
and of all Christian voyagers and discoverers. 

They plainly proved, and as there were no In- 
dian writers arose on the other side, the fact was 
considered as fully admitted and established, that 
the two-legged race of animals before mentioned 
were mere cannibals, detestable "monsters, and 
many of them giants, — which last description of 
vagrants have, since the times of Gog, Magog, 
and Goliath, been considered as outlaws, and have 
received no quarter in either history, chivalry, or 
song. Indeed, even the philosophic Bacon de- 
clared the Americans to be people proscribed by 
the la\\'s of nature, inasmuch as they had a bar- 
barous custom of sacrificing men, and feeding 
upon man's tlesh. 

Nor are these all the proofs of their utter bar- 
barism : among many other writers of discern- 
ment, UUoa tells us " their imbecility is so visible, 
that one can hardly form an idea of them differ- 
ent from what one has of the brutes. Nothing 
disturbs the tranquillity of their souls, equally 
insensible to disasters and to prosperity. Though 
half naked, they are as contented as a monarch 
in his most splendid array. Fear makes no im- 
pression on them, and respect as little." All tliis 
is furthermore supported by the authority of M. 
Bouguer. " It is not easy," says he, " to describe 
the degi'ee of their indifference for wealth and all 
6 



X- 



82 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

its advantages. One does not well know what 
motives to projDose to them when one would per- 
suade them to any service. It is vain to offer 
them money ; they answer they are not hungry." 
And Vanegas confirms the whole, assuring us 
that " ambition they have none, and are more de- 
sirous of being thought strong than valiant. The 
objects of ambition with us — honor, fame, reputa- 
tion, riclies, posts, and distinctions — are unkno'svii 
among them. So that this powerful sprmg of 
action, the cause of so much seeming good and 
real evil in the world, has no power over them. 
In a word, these unhappy mortals may be com- 
pared to children in whom the development of 
reason is not completed." 

Now all these peculiarities, although in the 
most unenlightened states of Greece they Avould 
have entitled their possessors to immortal honor, 
as havmg reduced to practice those rigid and 
abstemious maxims, the mere talking about 
which acquired certain old Greeks the reputa- 
tion of sages and philosophers, — yet, were 
they clearly proved in the present instance to 
betoken a most abject and brutified natm-e, 
totally beneath the human character. But the 
benevolent fathers, who had undertaken to turn 
these unhappy savages into dumb beasts, by dint 
of argument, advanced still stronger proofs ; for, 
as certain divines of the sixteenth century, 
and among the rest Lullus, affii-m, — the Ameri- 
cans go naked, and have no beards ! " They 
have nothing," says Lullus, "of the reasonable 
animal, except the mask." And even that mask 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 83 

was allowed to avail them but little, for it was 
Boon found that they were of a hideous copper 
complexion : and being of a copper complexion, 
it was all the same as if they were negroes : and 
negroes are black, — " and black," said the pious 
fathers, devoutly crossing themselves, '' is the 
color of the Devil ! " Therefore, so far from 
being able to own property, they had no right 
even to personal freedom ; for liberty is too radi- 
ant a deity to inhabit such gloomy temples. All 
which circumstances plainly convinced the right- 
eous followers of Cortes and Pizarro, that these 
miscreants had no title to the soil that they in- 
fested, — that they were a perverse, illiterate, 
dumb, beardless, black-seed, — mere wild beasts 
of the forests, and like them should either be 
subdued or exterminated. 

From the foregoing arguments, therefore, and 
a variety of others equally conclusive, A^diich I 
forbear to enumerate, it is clearly evident that 
this fair quarter of the globe, when first visited 
by Europeans, Avas a hoAvling wilderness, inhab- 
ited by nothing but wild beasts ; and that the 
transatlantic visitors acquired an mcontrovertible 
property therein by the right of discovery. 

This right being fully established, we now 
come to the next, which is the right acquired by 
cultivation. " The cultivation of the soil," we 
are told, "is an obligation imposed by nature 
on mankind. The whole world is appointed for 
the nourishment of its inhabitants ; but it would 
be incapable of doing it, was it uncultivated. 
Eveiy nation is then obliged by the law of na- 



84 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

¥ fnre to cultivate the ground that has fallen to its 
share. Tliose people, like the ancient Germans 
and modern Tartars, Avho, having fertile coun- 
tries, disdain to cultivate the earth, and choose to 
live by rapine, are wanting to themselves, and 
deserve to be exterminated as savage and perni- 
cious heasts^^ 

Now it is notorious that the savages knew 
nothing of agriculture, when first discovered by 
the Europeans, but lived a most vagabond, disor- 
derly, unrighteous life, — rambling from place to 
place, and prodigally rioting upon the sponta- 
neous luxuries of nature, without tasking her 
generosity to yield them anything more : whereas 
it has been most unquestionably shown, that 
Heaven intended the earth should be ploughed 
and sown, and manured, and laid out into cities, 
and towns, and farms, and country-seats, and 
pleasure-grounds, and public gardens ; all which 
the Indians knew notliing about : therefore, they 
did not improve the talents Providence had be- 
stowed on them : therefore, they were careless 
stewards : therefore, they had no riglit to the 
soil: therefore, they deserved to be extermi- 
nated. 

It is true, the savages might plead that they 
drew all the benefits from tlie land ^^dlich their 
simple wants required, — they found plenty of 
game to hunt, Avhich, together with the roots and 
uncultivated fruits of the eartli, furnished a suffi- 
cient variety for then- frugal repasts, — and that, 
as Heaven merely designed the earth to form 
i Vattel, b. i. cli. 17. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Sb 

the abode, and satisfy the wants of man, so -i^ 
long as those purposes were answered, the will 
of Heaven was accomplished. But this only 
proves how undeserving they were of the bless- 
ings around them : they were so much the more 
savages, for not having more wants ; for knowl- 
edge is in spme degree an increase of desires ; and 
it is this superiority both in the number and mag- 
nitude of his desires, that distinguishes the man 
from the beast. Therefore the Indians, in not 
ha\'ing more wants, Avere very unreasonable ani- 
mals ; and it was but just that they should make 
way for the Europeans, who had a thousand 
wants to then' one, and, therefore, would turn the 
eai'th to more account, and by cultivating it, more 
tidily fulfil the will of Heaven. Besides — Gro- 
tius, and Lauterbach, and Puffendorff, and Titius, 
and many wise men beside, who have considered 
the matter properly, have determined that the 
property of a country cannot be acquired by 
hunting, cutting wood, or draAving Avater in it — 
nothing but precise demarcation of limits, and the 
intention of cultivation, can establish the posses- 
sion. Now, as the Siivages (probably from never 
liaving read the authors above quoted) had never 
complied Avith any of these necessary forms, it 
plainly folloAvs that they had no right to the soil, 
but that it Avas completely at the disposal of the 
first comers, Avho had more knoAvledge, more 
wants, and more elegant, that is to say artificial 
desires than themselves. 

In entering upon a ncAvly discovered, unculti- 
rated countiy, therefore, the ncAV comers were 



B6 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

\L but taking possession of wliat, according to the 
aforesaid doctrine, was their o^ai property ; — 
therefore, in opposing them, the savages were 
invading their just rights, infringing the immu- 
table h\ws of nature, and counteracting the will 
of heaven: -therefore, they were guilty of impi- 
ety, burglary, and trespass on the case : there- 
fore, they Avere hardened offenders against God 
and man : therefore, they ought to be exter- 
minated. 

But a more irresistible right than either that 
I have mentioned, and one which will be the 
most readily admitted by my reader, provided he 
be blessed with bowels of charity and philan- 
thropy, is the right acquired by civilization. All 
the world laiows the lamentable state in which 
these poor savages were fomid. Not only de- 
ficient in the comforts of life, but what is still 
worse, most piteously and unfortunately bhnd to 
the miseries of their situation. But no sooner 
did the benevolent inhabitants of Europe behold 
their sad condition, than they immediately went 
to work to ameliorate and improve it. They in- 
troduced among them rum, gin, brandy, and 
the other comforts of life, — and it is astonishing 
to read how soon the poor savages learned to 
estimate those blessings ; they likewise made 
knoA\'n to them a thousand remedies, by wdiich 
the most inveterate diseases are alleviated and 
healed ; and that they might comprehend the 
benefits and enjoy the comforts of these medi- 
cines, they previously introduced among theiu 
the diseases which they were calculated to cure. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 87 

By tliese and a variety of other methods was >^ 
the condition of these poor savages wonderfully 
improved ; they acquired a thousand wants, of 
which they had before been ignorant ; and as he 
has most sources of happuiess wlio has most 
svants to be gratified, they were doubtlessly ren- 
;le) ed a much happier race of beings. 

But the most important branch of civilization, 
and which has most strenuously been extolled ])y 
the zealous and pious fathers of the Romish 
Church, is the introduction of the Christian faith. 
It was truly a sight that might well inspire hor- 
ror, to behold these savages tumbling among the 
dark mountains of paganism, and guilty of the 
most horrible ignorance of religion. It is true, 
they neither stole nor defrauded ; they were so- 
ber, frugal, continent, and faithful to their word ; 
but though they acted right habitually, it was all 
in vain, unless they acted so from precept. The 
new comers, therefore, used every method to 
induce them to embrace and practise the true 
religion, — except indeed that of setting them the 
example. 

But notwithstanding all these complicated 
labors for their good, such was the unparalleled 
obstinacy of these stubborn wretches, that they 
ungratefully refused to acknowledge the strangers 
as their benefactors, and persisted in disbelieving 
the doctrines they endeavored to inculcate ; most 
insolently alleging, that, from their conduct, the 
advocates of Christianity did not seem to believe 
■ji it themselves. Was not this too much for 
human patience ? — would not one suppose that 



88 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

yf- the benign visitants from Europe, provoked at 
their incredulity, and discouraged bv tlieir stiff- 
necked obstinacy, would forever have abandoned 
their shores, and consigned them to their origi- 
nal ignorance and misery ? But no : so zealous 
were they to effect the temporal comfort and eter- 
nal salvation of these pagan infidels, that they 
even proceeded from the milder means of persua- 
sion to the more painful and troublesome one of 
persecution, — let loose among them whole troops 
of fiery monks and furious bloodhounds, — purified 
them by fire and sword, by stake and fagot ; in 
consequence of which indefatigable measures the 
cause of Chi-istian love and charity was so rapidly 
advanced, that in a few years not one fifth of the 
number of unbelievers existed in South America 
that were found there at the time of its discovery. 
What stronger right need the European set- 
tlers advance to the country than this ? Have 
not whole nations of uninformed savages been 
made acquainted with a thousand imperious 
wants and indispensable comforts, of which they 
were before wholly ignorant ? Have they not 
been literally hunted and smoked out of the dens 
and lurking-places of ignorance and infidelity, 
and absolutely scourged into the right path ? 
Have not the temporal things, the vaui baubles 
and filthy lucre of this world, which were too apt 
to engage their worldly and selfish thoughts, been 
benevolently taken from them ; and have they 
not, instead thereof, been taught to set their 
affections on things above ? And, finally, to 
use tlie words of a reverend Spanish father, in a 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 89 

letter to liis superior in Spain, " Can any one ^ 
have the presumption to say that these savage 
Pagans have yielded anything more than an 
inconsiderable recompense to their benefactors, 
in surrendering to them a little pitiful tract of 
this dirty sublunary planet in exchange for a 
glorious inheritance in the kingdom of heaven ? " 
Here, then, are three complete and undeniable 
sources of right established, any one of which 
was more than ample to establish a property in 
the newly-discovered regions of America. Now, 
so it has happened in certain parts of this de- 
lightful quarter of the globe, that the right of 
discovery has been so strenuously asserted, the 
mfluence of cultivation so industriously extended, 
and the progress of salvation and civilization so 
zealously prosecuted, that, what with their attend- 
ant wars, persecutions, oppressions, diseases, and 
other partial evils that often hang on the skirts 
of great benefits, the savage aborigines have, 
somehow or another, been utterly annihilated ; — 
and this all at once brings me to a fourth right, 
which is worth all the others put together. 
For the original claimants to the soil being all 
dead and buried, and no one remaining to inherit 
or dispute the soil, the Spaniards, as the next 
immediate occupants, entered upon the possession 
as clearly as the hangman succeeds to the clothes 
^f the malefactor ; and as they have Blackstone,^ 
and all the learned expounders of the law od 
iheir side, they may set all actions of ejectment 
at defiance ; — and this last right may be entitled 
1 Bl. Com. b. ii. c. 1. 



DO HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

"^ the RIGHT BY EXTERMINATION, OF, ill other words, 

the RIGHT BY GUNP0A7DER. 

But lest any scruples of conscience should 
remain on this head, and to settle the question of 
right forever, his holiness Pope Alexander VI. 
issued a bull, by which he generously granted the 
newly-discovered quarter of the globe to the 
Spaniards and Portuguese ; who, thus having 
law and gospel on their side, and beuig inflamed 
with great spiritual zeal, showed the Pagan sav- 
ages neither favor nor affection, but prosecuted 
the work of discovery^ colonization, civilization, 
and extermination with ten times more fury than 
ever. 

Thus ^vere the European worthies who fii'St 
discovered America clearly entitled to the soil ; 
and not only entitled to the soil, but likewise to 
the eternal thanks of these infidel savages, for 
having come so far, endured so many perils by 
sea and land, and taken such unwearied pains, 
for no other purpose but to improve their forlorn, 
uncivilized, and heathenish condition, — for hav- 
ing made them acquainted with the comforts of 
life, — for havino; introduced amono; them the 
light of religion, — and, finally, for having hurried 
them out of the world, to enjoy its reward ! 

But as argument is never so well understood 
by us selfish mortals as when it comes home to 
ourselves, and as I am particularly anxious that 
this question should be put to rest forever, I will 
suppose a parallel case, by way of arousing the 
candid attention of my readers. 

Let us suppose, then, that the inliabitants of 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 91 

the moon, by astonishing advancement in science, yJ^r 
and by profound insight into that hmar philoso- 
phy, the mere flickerings of which have of late 
years dazzled the feeble optics, and addled the 
shallow brains of the good people of our globe, — 
let us suppose, I say, that the inhabitants of the 
moon, by these means, had arrived at such a com- 
mand of their energies, such an enviable state of 
perfectihiUty, as to control the elements, and navi- 
gate the boundless regions of space. Let us 
suppose a roving crew of these soaring philoso- 
phers, in the course of an aerial voyage of dis- 
covery among the stars, should chance to alight 
upon this outlandish planet. 

And here I beg my readers will not have 
the uncharitableness to smile, as is too frequently 
the fault of volatile readers, when perusing the 
grave speculations of philosophers. I am far from 
indulging in any sportive vein at present ; nor is 
the supposition I have been making so wild as 
many may deem it. It has long been a very 
serious and anxious question with me, and many 
a time and oft, in the course of my overwhelm- 
ing cares and contrivances for the welfare and 
protection of this my native planet, have I laiii 
awake whole nights debating in my mind, whether 
it were most probable we should first discover 
and civilize the moon, or the moon discover and 
civilize our globe. Neither would the prodigy 
of sailing in the air and cruising among the stars 
oe a whit more astonishing and incomprehensible 
to us than was the European mystery of navi- 
gating floating castles, through the world of 



32 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 

-^ waters, to the simple natives. We have abead^ 
discovered the art of coasting along the aerial 
shores of our planet, by means of balloons, as the 
savages had of venturing along their sea-coasts in 
canoes ; and the disparity between the former 
and the aerial vehicles of the philosophers from 
the moon might not be greater than that be- 
tween the bark canoes of the savages and the 
mighty ships of their discoverers. I might here 
pursue an endless chain of similar speculations ; 
but as they would be unimportant to my sub- 
ject, I abandon them to my reader, particularly 
if he be a philosopher, as matters well worthy 
of his attentive consideration. 

To return, then, to my supposition ; — let us 
suppose that' the aerial visitants I have men- 
tioned, possessed of vastly superior knowledge to 
ovu'selves; that is to say, possessed of superior 
knowledge in the art of extermination, — riding 
on hyppogrifFs, — defended with impenetrable ar- 
mor, — armed with concentrated sunbeams, and 
provided with vast engines, to hurl enormous 
moon-stones : in short, let us suppose them, if 
our vanity will permit the supposition, as superior 
to us in knowledge, and consequently in power, 
as the Europeans were to the Indians, Avhen they 
first discovered them. All this is very possible ; 
it is only our self-sufficiency that makes us think 
otherwise; and I warrant the poor savages, be- 
fore they had any knowledge of the white men, 
armed in all the terrors of glittering steel and tre 
mendous gunpowder, were as perfectly convinced 
t^at they themselves were the wisest, the most 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 93 

virtuous, powerful, and perfect of created beings, ^V 
as are, at this pi-esent moment, the lordly inhab- 
itants of old P^ngland, the volatile populace of 
France, or even the self-satistied citizens of this 
most enlightened republic. 

Let us suppose, moreover, that the aerial voy- 
agers, finding this planet to be nothing but a 
howling wilderness, inhabited by us, poor sav- 
ages and wild beasts, shall take formal posses- 
sion of it, in the name of his most gracious and 
philosophic excellency, the man in the moon. 
Finding, however, that their numbers are in- 
competent to hold it in complete subjection, on 
account of the ferocious barbarity of its inhabi- 
tants, they shall take our worthy President, the 
King of England, the Emperor of Hayti, the 
mighty Bonaparte, and the great King of Ban- 
tam, and returning to their native planet, shall 
carry them to court, as were the Indian chiefs 
led about as spectacles in the courts of Europe. 

Then making such obeisance as the etiquette 
of the court requires, they shall address the puis- 
sant man in the moon, in, as near as I can con- 
jecture, the following terms : — 

" Most serene and mighty Potentate, whose 
dominions extend as far as eye can reach, who 
rideth on the Great Bear, useth the sun as a 
looking-glass, and maintaineth unrivalled con- 
trol over tides, madmen, and sea - crabs. We, 
thy liege subj'^cts, have just returned from a 
voyage of discovery, in the course of which we 
have landed and taken possession of that ob- 
scure little dirty planet, which thou beholdest 



C4 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

?P rolling at a distance. The five tincoutli monsters^ 
which we have brought into this* august pres- 
ence, were once very important chiefs among 
their fellow-savages, who are a race of beings 
totally destitute of the common attributes of hu- 
manity ; and differing in every thing from the in- 
habitants of the moon, inasmuch as they carry 
their heads upon their shoulders, instead of un- 
der their arms, — have two eyes instead of one, 
— are utterly destitute of tails, and of a variety 
of miseemly complexions, particularly of horrible 
whiteness, instead of pea-green. 

" We have moreover found these miserable 
savaoes sunk into a state of the utmost ioiio- 

o o 

ranee and depravity, every man shamelessly 
living with his own wife, and rearing his o^vn 
children, instead of indulging in that commu- 
nity of \\'ives enjoined by the law of nature, as 
expounded by the philosophers of the moon. 
In a word, they have scarcely a gleam of true 
philosophy among them, but are, in fact, utter 
heretics, ignoramuses, and barbarians. Taking 
compassion, therefore, on the sad condition of 
these sublunary wretches, Ave have endeavored, 
while we remained on their planet, to introduce 
among them the light of reason, and the com- 
forts of the moon. We have treated them to 
mouthfuls of moonshine, and draughts of nitrous 
oxide, which they swallowed with incredible vo- 
racity, particularly the females; and we have 
likewise endeavored to instil into them the pre- 
cepts of lunar philosophy. We have insiste,d 
upon their renouncing the contemptible shackles 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 95 

of religion and common sense, and adoring the ^ 

profomid, omnipotent, and all -perfect energy, 
and llie ecstatic, immutable, immovable perfec- 
tion. But sucli was the unparalleled obstinacy 
of these wretched savages, that they persisted 
in cleaving to their wives, and adheiing to 
their religion, and absolutely set at naught the 
sublime doctrines of the moon, — nay, among 
other abominable heresies, they even went so 
far as blasphemously to declare, that this inef- 
fable planet was made of nothing more nor less 
than green cheese ! " 

At these words, the great man in the moon 
(being a very profound philosopher) shall fall 
into a terrible passion, and possessing equal au- 
thority over things that do not belong to him, 
as did whilom his holiness the Pope, shall forth- 
with issue a formidable bull, specifying, " That, 
whereas a certain crew of Lunatics have lately 
discovered, and taken possession of a newly-dis- 
covered planet called the earth; and that, where- 
as it is inhabited by none but a race of two- 
legged animals that carry their heads on their 
shoulders instead of under their arms, cannot 
talk the lunatic language, have two eyes instead 
of one, are destitute of tails, and of a ■ horrible 
whiteness, instead of pea-green : — therefore, and 
for a variety of other excellent reasons, they are 
considered incapable of possessing any property 
in the planet they infest, and the right and title 
to it are confirmed to its original discoverers. 
And furthermore, the colonists who are now 
about to depart to the aforesaid planet are au- 



96 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

M/ thorized and commanded to use every means to 
convert these infidel savages from the darkness 
of Christianity, and make tliem tliorough and 
absolute lunatics." 

In consequence of this benevolent bull, our 
philosophic benefactors go to work with hearty- 
zeal. They seize upon our fertile territories, 
scourge us from our rightful possessions, relieve us 
from our wives ; and when we are unreasonable 
enough to complain, they will turn upon us and 
say : Miserable barbarians ! ungrateful wretches ! 
have we not come thousands of miles to improve 
yom- worthless planet ; have we not fed you with 
moonshine ; have we not intoxicated you with 
nitrous oxide ; does not our moon give you light 
every night ; and have you the baseness to mur- 
mur Avlien we claim a pitiful return for all these 
benefits ? But finding that we not only persist in 
absolute contempt of their reasoning and disbe- 
lief in their philosophy, but even go so far as 
daringly to defend our property, their patience 
shall be exhausted, and they shall resort to their 
superior powers of argument : hunt us with hyp- 
pogriffs, transfix us Avith concentrated sunbeams, 
demolish our cities with moon-stones ; until hav- 
ing, by main force, converted us to the true faith, 
they shall graciously permit us to exist in the 
torrid deserts of Arabia, or the frozen regions of 
Lapland, there to enjoy the blessings of civiHza- 
tion and the charms of lunar philosophy, in 
imich the same mamier as the reformed and en- 
lightened savages of this country are kindly 
Buffered to inhabit the inhospitable forests of the 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 97 

north, or tbe impenetrable wildernesses of South )^ 
America. 

Thus, I hope, I have clearly proved, and strik- 
ingly illustrated, the right of the early colonists 
(o tlie possession of this country ; and thus is 
(his gigantic question completely vanquished: so, 
having manfully surmounted all obstacles, and 
subdued all opposition, what remains but that I 
should forthwith conduct my readers into the 
city which we have been so long in a maimer 
besieging ? But hold ; before I proceed another 
step, I must pause to take breath, and recover 
from the excessive fatigue I have undergone, in 
preparing to begin this most accurate of histo- 
ries. And in this I do but imitate tlie example 
of a renowned Dutch tumbler of antiquity, who 
took a start of three miles for the purpose of 
jumping over a hill, but having run liimself out 
of breath by the time he reached the foot, sat 
himself quietly do^vn for a few moments to blow, 
and then walked over it at liis leisure. 




BOOK 11. 

TREATING OP THE FIRST SETTLEMENT OF THE PROVINCE 
OF NIEUW-NEDERLANDTS. 



CHAPTER I. 




IN WHICH ARE COXTAIXED DIVERS REASONS WHY A MAX SHOULD NOT 
WRITE IX A HURRY ; ALSO, OF MASTER HEXDRICK HUDSON, HIS DIS- 
COVERY OF A STRAXGE COUXTRY, — AXD HOW HE WAS MAGXIFICENTLT 
REWARDED BY THE MUXIFICENCE OF THEIR HIGH MIGHTINESSES. 

,Y great-graiidfatlier, by the mother's 
side, Hermanus Van Clattercop, when 
employed to build the large stone 
church at Rotterdam, which stands about three 
hundred yards to your left after you turn off 
from the Boomkeys, and which is so conven- 
iently constructed, that all the zealous Chris- 
tians of Rotterdam prefer sleeping through a 
sermon there to any other church in the city, 
— my great-grandfather, I say, when employed 
to build that famous church, did in the first 
place send to Delft for a box of long pipes; 
then having purchased a new spitting-box and 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 99 

a hundred-weight of the best Virgmia, he sat 
himself down, and did nothir.g for the space 
of three months but smoke most kboriously. 
Then did he spend full three months more In 
trudging on foot, and voyaging hi trekschuit, 
from Rotterdam to Amsterdam — to Delft — to 
Ilaerlem — to Leyden — to the Hague, knockmg 
his head and breaking his pipe against every 
church hi his road. Then did he advance grad- 
ually nearer and nearer to Rotterdam, until he 
came in full sight of the identical spot whereon 
the church A\'as to be built. Then did he spend 
three months longer in walking round it and 
round it, contemplating it, first from one point 
of view, and then from anothei-, — now would 
he be paddled by it on the canal, — now would 
he peep at it through a telescope from the other 
side of the Meuse, and now would he take a 
bu'd's-eye glance at it from the top of one of 
those gigantic windmills which protect the gates 
of the city. The good folks of the place were 
on the tiptoe of expectation and impatience ; — 
notwithstanding all the turmoil of my great- 
grandfather, not a symptom of the church was 
yet to be seen ; they even began to fear it would 
never be brought into the world, but that its 
great projector would lie down and die in labor 
of the mighty plan he had conceived. At length, 
having occupied twelve good months in puffing 
and paddling, and talking and walking, — hav- 
ing travelled over all Holland, and even taken 
a peep into France and Germany, — having 
smoked five hundred and ninety-nine pipes, and 



L.ofC. 



100 BISTORT OF NEW YORK. 

three liundrecl-welglit of the best Yirgiaia to- 
bacco, — my great-graudfiitlier gathered together 
all tliat knowing and industrious class of citi- 
zens who prefer attending to anybody's business 
sooner than their own, and having pulled oflF his 
coat and five pair of breeches, he advanced stur- 
dily up and laid the corner-stone of the church, 
in presence of the whole multitude — just at the 
commencement of the thirteenth month. 

In a similar mamier, and with the example of 
my wortliy ancestor full before my eyes, have I 
proceeded in writing this most authentic history. 
Tlie honest Rotterdamers no doubt thought my 
great-grandfi\ther was doing nothing at all to the 
purpose, while he Avas making such a world of 
prefatory bustle about the building of his chm'ch, 
•^ — and many of the ingenious inhabitants of this 
fair city will unquestionably suppose that all the 
preliminary chapters, with the discovery, popu- 
lation, and final settlement of America, were to- 
tally irrelevant and superfluous, — and that the 
main business, the history of New York, is not 
a jot more advanced than if I had never taken 
up my pen. Never were wise people more mis- 
taken in their conjectures : in consequence of 
going to work slowly and deliberately, the church 
came out of my grandfather's hands one of the 
most sumptuous, goodly, and glorious edifices in 
the known world, — excepting that, like our mag- 
nificent capitol, at Washington, it was begun on 
so grand a scale that the good folks could not 
afFoid to finish more than the wing of it. So, 
likewise, I trust, if ever I am able to finish this 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 101 

work on the plan I have commenced, (of which, 
ui simple truth, I sometimes have my doubts,) 
it will be found that I have pursued the latest 
rules of my art, as exemplified m the writings 
of all the great American historians, and A\'rought 
a very large history out of a small subject, — ■ 
which, nowadays, is considered one of the great 
triumphs of historic skill. To proceed, then, with 
the thread of my story. 

In the ever-memorable year of our Lord, 1609, 
on a Saturday morning, the five-and-twentieth 
day of March, old style, did that " worthy and 
irrecoverable discoverer, (as he has justly been 
called,) Master Henry Hudson," set sail from 
Holland in a stout vessel called the Half-Moon, 
being employed by the Dutch East India Com- 
pany, to seek a northwest passage to China. 

Henry (or, as the Dutch historians call him, 
Hendrick) Hudson was a seafaring man of re- 
nown, who had learned to smoke tobacco under 
Sir Walter Raleigh, and is said to have been the 
first to introduce it into Holland, which gained 
him much popularity in that country, and caused 
him to find great favor in the eyes of their High 
Mightinesses, the Lords States General, and also 
of the honorable West India Company. He was 
a short, square, brawny old gentleman, with a 
Rouble chin, a mastiff mouth, and a broad copper 
nose, which was supposed in those days to have 
acquired its fiery hue from the constant neighbor- 
hood of his tobacco-pipe. 

He wore a true Andrea Ferrara, tucked in 
H, leathern belt, and a commodore's cocked hat 



102 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

on one side of his head. He was remarkable 
for always jerking up his breeches Avhen he 
gave out his orders, and his voice sounded not 
unlike the brattling of a tin trumpet, — owing to 
tlie number of hard northwesters wliich he had 
swallowed in the course of his seafaring. 

Such was Hendrick Hudson, of whom we 
liave heard so much, and know so little ; and 
I have been thus particular in his description 
for the benefit of modern painters and statua- 
ries, that they may represent him as he was, — 
and not, according to their common custom with 
modern heroes, make him look like Caesar, or 
Marcus Aurelius, or the Apollo of Belvidere. 

As chief mate and favorite companion, the 
wmmodore chose master Robert Juet, of Lime- 
house, in England. By some his name has been 
spelled Cheioit, and ascribed to the circumstances 
of his having been the first man that ever 
chewed tobacco ; but this I believe to be a mere 
flippancy ; more especially as certain of his pro- 
geny are living at this day, Avho write their 
names Juet. He was an old comrade and early 
schoolmate of the great Hudson, Avith Avhom he 
had often played truant and sailed chip boats in 
a neighboring pond, when they were little boys : 
from whence it is said that the commodore first 
derived his bias towards a seafaring life. Certain 
it is, that the old people about Limehouse declared 
Robert Juet to be an unlucky urchin, prone to 
mischief, that would one day or other come to the 
gallows. 

He grew up, as boys of that kind often grow 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 103 

up, a rambling, heedless varlet, tossed about in 
all quarters of the world, — meeting with more 
perils and wonders than did Sinbad the Sailor, 
without growing a whit more wise, prudent, or 
ill-natured. Under every misfortune, he com- 
forted himself with a quid of tobacco, and the 
truly philosophic maxim, that " it will be all the 
same thing a hundred years hence." He was 
skilled in the art of carving anchors and true 
lover's knots on the bulk-heads and quarter-rail- 
ings, and was considered a gi-eat mt on board 
sliip, in consequence of his playmg pranks on 
everybody around, and now and then even mak- 
ing a wry face at old Hendrick, when his back 
was turned. 

To this universal genius are we indebted for 
many particulars concerning this voyage ; of 
which he wrote a history, at the request of the 
commodore, who had an imconquerable aversion 
to Avriting himself, from having received so many 
floggings about it when at school. To supply 
the deficiencies of master Juet's journal, which 
is wTitten with true log-book brevity, I have 
availed myself of divers family traditions, handed 
down from my great-great-gi*andfather, who ac- 
companied the expedition in the capacity of cabin- 
boy. 

From all that I can learn, few mcidents worthy 
of remark happened in the voyage ; and it mor- 
tifies me exceedingly that I have to admit so 
noted an expedition into my work, Avithout mak- 
ing any more of it. 

Suffice it to say, the voyage was prosperous 



104 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

and tranquil ; the crew, being a patient people, 
much given to slumber and vacuity, and but lit- 
tle troubled ^^ni\\ the disease__ofjhinking, — a 
malady of the mind, which is~thesurebr^der of 
discontent. Hudson had laid in abundance of 
gin and sourkrout, and every man was allowed 
to sleep quietly at his post unless the wind blew. 
True it is, some slight disaffection was shown on 
two or three occasions, at certain unreasonable 
conduct of Commodore Hudson. Thus, for in- 
stance, he forbore to shorten sail when the wind 
was light, and the weather serene, which was 
considered among the most experienced Dutch 
seamen as certain iveather - breeders, or prognos- 
tics that the weather would change for the worse. 
- He acted, moreover, in direct conti-adiction to 
that ancient and sage rule of the Dutch naviga- 
tors, who always took in sail at night, put the 
helm a-port, and turned in, — by which precau- 
tion they had a good night's rest, were sure of 
knowing where they were the next morning, and 
stood but little chance of running down a conti- 
nent in the dark. He like^vise prohibited the 
seamen from wearing more than five jackets and 
six pair of breeches, under pretence of rendering 
them more alert ; and no man was permitted to 
go aloft ami hand in sails with a pipe in his 
mouth, as is the mvariable Dutch custom at the 
present day. All these grievances, though they 
might ruffle for a moment the constitutional tran- 
quillity of the honest Dutch tars, made but tran- 
sient impression; — they ate hugely, drank pro- 
^sely, and slept immeasurably ; and being under 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 105 

the especial guidance of Pro\ddence, the ship was 
Bafely conducted to the coast of America ; where, 
after sundry unimportant touchings and standings 
off and on, she at length, on the fourth day of 
September, entered that majestic bay which at 
this day expands its ample bosom before the 
city of New York, and wliich had never before 
been visited by any European.^ 

It has been traditionary in our family, that 
when the great navigator was first blessed with 

1 True it is — and I am not ignorant of the fact — that in a 
certain apocryphal book of voyages, compiled by one Hak- 
hiyt, is to be found a letter written to Francis the First, by 
one Giovanne, or John Verazzani, on which some writers are 
inclined to found a belief that this delightful bay had been 
visited nearly a century previous to the voyage of the enter- 
prising Hudson. Now this (albeit it has met with the counte- 
nance of certain very judicious and learned men) I hold in 
utter disbelief, and that for various good and substantial 
reasons : First, Because on strict examination it will be 
found, that the description given by this Verazzani applies 
about as well to the baj' of New York as it does to ni}' night- 
cap. Secondly, Because that this John Verazzani, for whom 
1 already begin to feel a most bitter enmity, is a native of 
Florence' : and ever^'bod}' knows the craft}'- Aviles of these 
losel Florentines, by which they tilched aAvay the laurels from 
the brows of the inunortal Colon, (vulgarly called Columbus,) 
and bestowed them on their officious townsman, Amerigo 
Vespucci; and 1 make no doubt they are. equally ready to 
rob the illustrious Hudson of the credit of discovering this 
beautiful island, adorned by the city of New York, and pla- 
cing it beside their usurped discoveiy of South America. 
Ancl, thinlhj, I award m}' decision in favor of the pretension.s 
of Hendrir'k Hudson, inasmuch as his expedition sailed from 
Holland, being truly and absolutely a Dutch enterprise; — 
and though all the proofs in the world were introduced on 
the other side, 1 would set them at naught, as undeserving 
my attention. If these three reasons be not sufficient to sat- 
isfy every burgher of this ancient city, all I can say is, they 
are degenei-ate descendants from their venerable Dutch ances- 
tors, and totally unworthy the trouble of convincing. Thus, 

herefore, the title of Hendrick Hudson to his renowned die- 

coverv is fullv vindicated. 



106 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

R view of this enchanting island, he was ob- 
served, for the first and only time in his life, to 
exhibit strong symptoms of astonishment and 
admiration. He is said to have tmnied to mas- 
ter Juet, and uttered these remarkable words, 
while he pointed towards this paradise of the 
new world, — " See ! there ! " — and thereupon, as 
was always his way when he was uncommonly 
pleased, he did puff out such clouds of dense 
tobacco-smoke, that in one mmute the vessel 
was out of sight of land, and master Juet was 
fain to wait until the winds dispersed tliis im- 
penetrable fog. 

It was indeed, — as my great-grandfather used 
to say, — though m truth I never heard him, for 
he died, as might be expected, before I was bom. 
— " It was indeed a spot on which the eye might 
have revelled forever, in ever new and never-end- 
ing beauties." The island of Mannahata spread 
wide before them, like some sweet vision of 
fancy, or some fair creation of industrious magic 
Its hills of smiling gi'een swelled gently one 
above another, crowned Avith lofty trees of 
luxuriant growth ; some pointing their tapering 
foliage towards the clouds, which were glori- 
ously transparent ; and others loaded Avath a ver- 
dant burden of clamberino; vines, bo^^dno: theu' 
branches to the earth, that was covered with 
flowers. On the gentle declivities of the hills 
were scattered in gay profusion, the dog-wood, 
the sumach, and the wild brier, whose scarlet 
berries and white blossoms glowed brightly 
among the deep green of the surrounding foli- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK 107 

Eige ; and here and there a curling column of 
smoke, rising from the little glens that opened 
along the sliore, seemed to promise the weary 
voyagers a welcome at the hands of their fel- 
low-creatures. As they stood gazing with en- 
tranced attention on the scene before them, a 
red man, crowned with feathers, issued from 
one of these glens, and after contemplating ui 
wonder the gallant ship, as she sat like a stately 
swan swimming on a silver lake, sounded the 
warwhoop, and bounded into the woods like a 
wild deer, to the utter astonishment of the 
phlegmatic Dutchmen, who had never heai'd 
audi a noise, or witnessed such a caper in their 
whole lives. 

Of the transactions of our adventurers "with 
the savages, and how the latter smoked copper 
pipes, and ate dried currants ; how they brought 
great store of tobacco and oysters ; how they 
shot one of the ship's crew, and how he was 
buried, I shall say nothing ; being that I con- 
sider them unimportant to my history. After 
tarrying a few days in the bay, in order to re- 
fresh themselves after their seafaring, om* voy- 
agers weighed anchor, to explore a mighty river 
which emptied into the bay. This river, it is 
said, was known among the savages by the name 
of the Shatemuck ; though we are assured in an 
excellent little history published in 1674, by 
John Jossel}ni, Gent., that it was called the 
Mohegan} and master Richard Bloome, who 

1 This river is lil^ewise laid doAvn in Ogilvy's map as Man- 
hattan — Noordt Montaigne and Manritius river. 



108 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

wrote some time afterwards, asserts the same, 
— so that I very much inclme in favor of the 
opinion of these two honest gentlemen. Be this 
as it may, up this river did the adventurous 
Hendrick proceed, little doubting but it would 
turn out to be the much looked-for passage to 
China ! 

The journal goes on to make mention of 
divers interviews between the crew and the 
natives, in the voyage up the river; but as 
they would be impertinent to my history, I shall 
pass over them in silence, except the following 
dry joke, played off by the old commodore and 
his school-fellow, Robert Juet, which does such 
vast credit to their experimental philosophy, that 
I cannot refrain from inserting it. " Our master 
and his mate determined to try some of the 
chiefe men of the countrey, whether they had 
any treacherie in them. So they tooke them 
downe into the cabin, and gave them so much 
mne and aqua vit^e, that they Avere all merrie ; 
and one of them had his Avife with him, which 
sate so modestly, as any of our countrey women 
would do in a strange place. In the end, one of 
them was drunke, which had been aborde of our 
ship all the time that we had been there, and 
that was strange to them, for they could not tell 
how to take it." ^ 

Having satisfied himself by this ingenious ex- 
periment, tliat the natives were an honest, so- 
cial race of jolly roysters, who had no objection 
to a drinl^ing-bout and were very merry in their 
1 Juet's Journ. Purch. Pil. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 109 

cups, tlie old commodore chuckled hugely to him- 
self, and thrusting a double quid of tobacco in 
his cheek, directed master Juet to have it care- 
fully recorded, for the satisfaction of all the nat- 
ural philosophers of the university of Leyden, — • 
wliich done, he proceeded on his voyage, with 
great self-complacency. After sailing, however 
above an hundred miles up the river, he foimd 
the Avatery world around him began to grow 
more shallow and confined, the current more 
rapid, and perfectly fresh, — phenomena not un- 
common in the ascent of rivers, but wliich puz- 
zled the honest Dutchmen prodigiously. A 
consultation was therefore called, and having 
deliberated full six hours, they were brought to 
a determination by the ship's running agromid, 
— whereupon they unanimously concluded, that 
there was but little chance of getting to Cliina 
in this direction. A boat, however, was de- 
spatched to explore higher up the river, which, on 
its return, confirmed the opinion ; upon this the 
ship was warped off and put about, with great 
difficulty, being, like most of her sex, exceed- 
ingly hard to govern ; and the adventurous Hud- 
son, according to the account of my great-great- 
grandfather, returned doAvn the river — with a 
prodigious flea in his ear ! 

Being satisfied that there was little likelihood 
of getting to China, unless, like the blind man, 
he returned from whence he set out, and took a 
fresh start, he forthwith re crossed the sea to Hol- 
vand, where he was received with great welcome 
by the honorable East India Company, who were 



110 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

very much rejoiced to see him come bacik safe — 
with their ship ; and at a large and respectable 
meeting of the first merchants and burgomasters 
of Amsterdam, it was unanimously determined, 
that, as a munificent reward for the eminent 
services he had performed, and the important 
discovery he had made, the great river Moliegan 
should be called after his name ! — and it con- 
tinues to be called Hudson river unto this very 
day. 



EISTOKY 01' NEW YORK HI 




CHAPTER n. 



:0STAINI5a AN ACCOUNT OF A jnGHTT ARK TTHICH FLOATED, UNDSB 
THE PROTECTION OF ST. NICHOLAS, FROM HOLLAND TO GEBBET IS- 
LAND.— THE DESCENT OP THE STRANGE ANIMALS THEREFROM, — A 
GREAT VICTORY, AND A DESCRIPTION OF THE ANCIENT VILLAGE OP 
COMMUXIPAW. 



'HE delectable accounts given by the great 
Hudson, and master Juet, of the coun- 
try they had discovered, excited not a 
little talk and speculation among the good people 
of Holland. Letters - patent were granted by 
government to an association of merchants, called 
the West India Company, for the exclusive trade 
on Hudson river, on which they erected a trad- 
ing-house, called Fort Aurania, or Orange, from 
whence did spring the great city of Albany. But 
I forbear to dwell on the various commercial and 
colonizing enterprises which took place, — among 
Avhich was that of Mynheer Adrian Block, who 
discovered and gave a name to Block Island, 
since famous for its cheese, — and shall barely 
confine myself to that which gave birth to this 
renowned city. 

It was some three or four years after the re- 
tm'n of the immortal Hendrick, that a crew of 
honest, Low-Dutch colonists set sail from the 
city of Amsterdam for the shores of America. 
It is an irreparable loss to history, and a great 



U2 niSTORY OF NEW 1 OEK. 

proof of the darkness of the age, and the lamen- 
table neglect of the noble art of book-making, 
since so industriously cultivated by knowing sea- 
captains, and learned supercargoes, that an expe- 
dition so interesting and important in its results 
should be passed over in utter silence. To my 
great-great-grandfather am I again indebted for 
tlie few facts I am enabled to give concerning it, 
— he having once more embarked for this coun- 
try, with a fidl determination, as he said, of end- 
mg his days here, and of begetting a race of 
Knickerbockers that should rise to be great men 
in the land. 

The ship in which these illustrious adventur- 
ers set sail was called the Goede Vroiiw, or good 
woman, in compliment to the wife of the Presi- 
dent of the West Lidia Company, who was al- 
lowed by everybody (except her husband) to be 
a sweet-tempered lady — when- not ui liquor. It 
was in truth a most gallant vessel, of the most 
approved Dutch construction, and made by the 
ablest ship-carpenters of Amsterdam, who, it is 
well known, always model their ships after the 
fair forms of then- countrywomen. Accordingly, 
it had one hundred feet in the beam, one hundred 
feet in the keel, and one hundred feet from the 
bottom of the stern-post to the tafiferel. Like 
the beauteous model, who was declared to be the 
greatest belle in Amsterdam, it was full in the 
bows, wdth a pair of enormous cat-heads, a cop- 
per bottom, and withal a most prodigious poop ! 

The architect, who was somewhat of a relig- 
ious man, fir from decorating the ship T^^th pa- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 113 

gan idols, such as Jupiter, Neptune, or Hercules, 
(which heathenish abominations, I have no doubt, 
occasion the misfortunes and ship^^Teck of many 
a noble vessel,) — he, I say on the contrary, did 
laudably erect for a head, a goodly image of St. 
Nicholas, equipped with a low, broad-biimmed 
lat, a huge pair of Flemish trunk-hose, and a 
pipe that reached to the end of the bowsprit. 
Thus gallantly furnished, the stanch ship floated 
sideways, like a majestic goose, out of the harbor 
of the great city of Amsterdam, and all the bells, 
that were not otherwise engaged, rang a triple 
bobmajor on the joyful occtision. 

My great-great-grandfather remarks, that the 
voyage Avas unconmionly prosperous, for, being 
under the especial care of the ever-revered St. 
Nicholas, the Goede Yrouw seemed to be endowed 
with qualities unknown to common vessels. Thus 
she made as much leeway as headway, could get 
along very nearly as fast Avith the wind ahead 
as when it was a-poop, — and was particularly 
great in a calm ; in consequence of which smgu- 
lar advantages she made out to accomplish her 
voyage in a very few months, and came to an- 
chor at the mouth of the Hudson, a little to the 
east of Gibbet Island. 

Here, lifting up their eyes, they beheld, on 
what is at present called the Jersey shore, a 
small Indian village, pleasantly embowered in a 
groA'e of spreading elms, and the natives aU col- 
lected on the beach, gazing in stupid admiration 
at the Goede Vrouw. A boat was immediately 
despatched to enter into a treaty with them, and 



114 11!^ TORY OF NEW YORK. 

approaching the shore, hailed them through a 
triunpet, in the most friendly terms ; but so hor- 
ribly confounded were these poor savages at the 
tremendous and uncouth sound of the Low-Dutch 
language, that they one and all took to their 
heels, and scampered over the Bergen hills ; nor 
did they stop until they had buried themselves, 
head and ears, in the marshes on the other side, 
where they all miserably perished to a man ; — 
and their bones, being collected and decently 
covered by the Tammany Society of that day, 
formed that suigular mound called Rattlesnake 
Hill, which rises out of the centre of the salt 
marshes a little to the east of the Newark 
Causeway. 

Anunated by this unlooked-for victory, our 
valiant heroes sprang ashore in triumph, took 
possession of the soil as conquerors, in the name 
of theu^ High Mightinesses the Lords States Gen- 
eral ; and, marchmg fearlessly forward, carried 
the village of Communipaw by storm, notwith- 
standmg that it Avas vigorously defended by some 
half a score of old squaws and pappooses. On 
lookmg about them they were so transported 
mth the excellencies of the place, that they had 
very little doubt the blessed St. Nicholas had 
guided them thither, as the very spot whereon 
to settle then- colony. The softness of the soil 
was wonderfully adapted to the drivmg of piles 
the swamps and marshes around them afforded 
ample opportunities for the constructing of dykes 
and dams ; the shalloA\Tiess of the shore was pe- 
culiarly favorable to the building of docks ; — in a 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 115 

word, this spot abounded 'v\'itli all the requisites 
for the foundation of a great Dutch city. On 
makuig a faithful report, therefore, to the crew 
of the Goede Vrouw, they one and all deter- 
mined that this was the destined end of their 
voyage. Accordingly they descended from the 
Goede Vrouw, men, women, and children, in 
goodly groups, as did the animals of yore from 
the ark, and formed themselves into a thriving 
settlement, which they called by the Indian name 

COMMUNIPAW. 

As all the world is doubtless perfectly ac- 
quainted with Communipaw, it may seem some- 
what superfluous to treat of it in the present 
work ; but my readers will please to recollect, 
notwithstanding it is my chief desire to satisfy 
the present age, yet I write likewise for posterity, 
and have to consult the understanding and curi- 
osity of some half a score of centuries yet to 
come, by which time, perhaps, were it not for 
this invaluable history, the great Communipaw, 
like Babylon, Carthage, Nineveh, and other great 
cities, might be perfectly extinct, — sunk and for- 
gotten in its own mud, — its inhabitants turned 
into oysters,^ and even its situation a fertile sub- 
ject of learned controversy and hard-headed in- 
vestigation among mdefatigable historians. Let 
me then piously rescue from oblivion the humble 
relics of a place, which was the egg from whence 
was hatched the mighty city of New York ! 

Communipaw is at present but a small village, 
pb^asantly situated, among rural scenery, on that 

1 Men by inaction degenerate into oj'-sters. — Kaimes^ 



116 HISTORY OF NEW YORK 

beauteous part of the Jersey shore which waa 
known in ancient legends by the name of Pa- 
\'onia,^ and commands a grand prospect of the su- 
perb bay of New York. It is withm but half an 
hour's sail of the latter place, provided you have 
a fair wind, and may be distinctly seen from the 
city. Nay, it is a well-known fact, which I can 
testify from my own experience, that on a clear, 
still summer evening, you may hear, from the 
Battery of New York, the obstreperous peals of 
broad-mouthed laus^hter of the Dutch neo^roes at 
Communipaw, who, like most other negroes, are 
famous for their risible powers. This is pecu- 
liarly the case on Sunday evenings, when, it is 
remarked by an ingenious and observant philos- 
opher, who has made great discoveries in the 
neighborhood of this city, that they always laugh 
loudest, which he attributes to the circumstance 
of their having their holiday clothes on. 

These negroes, in fact, like the monks of the 
dark ages, engross all the knowledge of the place, 
and beuig infinitely more adventurous and more 
knowing than their masters, carry on all the for- 
eign trade ; making frequent voyages to toAAni in 
canoes loaded with oysters, buttermilk, and cab- 
bages. They are great astrologers, predictuig 
the different changes of weather almost as accu- 
rately as an almanac ; they are moreover exqui- 
site performers on three-stringed fiddles ; in whist- 
ling they almost boast the far-famed powers of 
Orplieus's lyre, for not a horse or an ox in the 

^ Pavonia, in the ancient maps, is given to a tract of coun- 
ty extending from about Hoboken to Amboy. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 117 

place, wlien at the plough or before the wagoii, 
will budge a foot until he hears the Avell-known 
whistle of his black driver and companion. — 
And from their amazing skill at casting up ac- 
counts upon their fingers, they are regarded with 
as much veneration as were the disciples of Py- 
thagoras of yore, -svhen initiated into the sacr<:<l 
quaternary of numbers. 

As to the honest burghers of Communipaw, like 
wise men and sound philosopliers, they never look 
beyond their pipes, nor trouble their heads about 
any affairs out of their immediate neigliborhood ; 
so that they live in profound and enviable igno- 
rance of all the troubles, anxieties, and revolu- 
tions of this distracted planet. I am even told 
that many among them do verily believe that 
Holland, of which they have heard so much from 
tradition, is situated somewhere on Long Island, 
— that Spildng-devil and the Narrows are the 
two ends of the world, — that the country is 
still under the dominion of their High Mighti- 
nesses, — and that the city of New York still goes 
by the name of Nieuw Amsterdam. They meet 
every Saturday afternoon at the only tavern in 
the place, which bears as a sign a square-headed 
likeness of the Prince of Orange, Avhere they 
smoke a silent pipe, by Avay of promoting social 
conviviality, and invariably drink a mug of cider 
to the success of Admiral Van Tromp, who they 
imagine is still sweeping the British channel, 
with a broom at liis mast-head. 

Communipaw, in short, is one of the numerous 
little villages in the vicinity of this most beauti- 



118 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

ful of ciiies, which are so many strongholds and 
fastnesses, whither the primitive manners of our 
Dutch forefathers have retreated, and where they 
are cherished with devout and scrupulous strict- 
ness. The dress of the original settlers is handed 
down inviolate, from father to son : tlie identical 
broad-brimmed hat, broad-skirted coat, and broad- 
bottomed breeches, continue from generation te 
generation ; and several gigantic knee-buckles of 
massy silver are still in wear, that made gallant 
display in the days of the patriarchs of Com- 
munipaw. The language like^vise continues un- 
adultei-ated by barbarous innovations ; and so 
critically connect is the village schoolmaster in his 
dialect, that his reading of a Low-Dutch psalm 
has much the same effect on the nerves as the 
filina: of a handsaw. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 119 




CHAPTER m. 

IN WHICH IS SET FORTH THE TRUE ART OF MAKING A BARGAIN — TO- 
GETHER WITH THE MIRACULOUS ESCAPE OF A GREAT METROPOLIS IN A 
»0G — AND THE BIOGRAPHY OF CERTAIN HEROES OF COMMUNIPAW. 

AVING, in the trifling digression wliich 
1^ concluded the last chapter, discharged 
the filial duty which the city of New 
York owed to Communipaw, as being the mother 
settlement, and having given a faithful picture 
of it as it stands at present, I return with a 
soothing sentiment of self-approbation, to dwell 
upon its early history. The crew of the Goede 
Vrouw being soon reinforced by fresh importa- 
tions from Holland, the settlement Avent jollily 
on, increasing in magnitude and prosperity. The 
neighborinoj Indians in a short time became ac- 
customed to the uncouth sound of the Dutch 
language, and an intercourse gradually took place 
between them and the new comers. The Indians 
were much given to long talks, and the Dutch 
to long silence ; — in this particular, therefore, 
they accommodated each other completely. The 
cliiefs would make long speeches about the big 
bull, the Wabash, and the Great Spirit, to which 
the others would listen very attentively, smoke 
their pipes, and grunt yah, myyi-lier, — whereat 
the poor savages were wondrously delighted. 



120 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

They instructed the new settlers iii the best art 
of curing and smoking tobacco, while the latter 
in return, made them drunk with true Hollands 
— and then taught them the art of making bar- 
gains. 

A brisk trade for furs was soon opened ; the 
Dutch traders were scrupulously honest in their 
dealings, and purchased by weight, establishing it 
as an invariable table of avoirdupois, that the 
hand of a Dutchman weighed one pound, and his 
foot two pounds. It is true, the simple Indians 
were often puzzled by the great disproportion be- 
tween bulk and weight, for let them place a bun- 
dle of furs, never so large, in one scale, and a 
Dutchman put his hand or foot in the other, the 
bundle was sure to kick the beam ; — never was 
a package of furs known to weigh more than 
two pounds in the market of Communipaw ! 

This is a singular fact, — but I have it direct 
from my great-great-grandfather, who had risen 
to considerable importance in the colony, being 
promoted to the office of weigh-master, on ac- 
count of the uncommon heaviness of his foot. 

The Dutch possessions in this part of the 
globe began now to assume a very thriving ap- 
pearance, and were comprehended under the gen- 
eral title of Nieuw Nederlandts, on account, as 
the sage Yander Donck observes, of their great 
i-esemblance to the Dutch Netherlands, — which 
indeed was truly remarkable, excepting that the 
former were rugged and mountainous, and the 
latter level and marshy. About this time the 
tranquillity of the Dutch colonists was doomed 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 121 

to suffer a temporcary interruption. In 1614, 
Captain Sir Samuel Ai^gal, sailing under a com- 
mission from Dale, governor of Vii'ginia, visited 
the Dutch settlements on Hudson River, and 
demanded their submission to the English crown 
and Virginian dominion. To this arrogant de- 
mand, as they were in no condition to resist it, 
they submitted for the time, like discreet and 
reasonable men. 

It does not appear that the valiant Argal 
molested the settlement of Communipaw ; on the 
contrary, I am told that when his vessel first 
hove in sight, the w^orthy burghers were seized 
with such a panic, that they fell to smoking their 
pipes Avith astonishing vehemence ; insomuch that 
they quickly raised a cloud, which, combining 
Avith the surrounding woods and marshes, com- 
pletely enveloped and concealed their beloved vil- 
lage, and overhung the fair regions of Pavonia, 
— so that the terrible Captain Argal passed on, 
totally unsuspicious that a sturdy little Dutch set- 
tlement lay snugly couched in the mud, under 
cover of all this pestilent vapor. In commemo- 
ration of this fortunate escape, the worthy inhab- 
itants have continued to smoke, almost without 
intermission, unto this very day ; which is said 
to be the cause of the remarkable fog which 
often hangs over Communipaw of a clear after- 
noon. 

Upon the departure of the enemy, om' worthy 
ancestors took ftill six months to recover their 
»vind and get over the consternation into wliich 
^hey had been thro^vn. They then called a coun- 



122 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

cil of safety to smoke over the state of the prov- 
ince. At this council presided one Oloffe Van 
Kortlandt, a personage who was held in great 
reverence among the sages of Commmiipaw for 
the variety and darkness of his knowledge. He 
had originally been one of a set of peripatetic 
philosophers Avho passed much of then- time 
sunning themselves on the side of the great 
canal of Amsterdam m Holland ; enjoymg, like 
Diogenes, a free and unencumbered estate in sun- 
shine. His name Kortlandt (Shortland or Lack- 
land) was supposed, like that of the illustrious 
Jean Sansterre, to indicate that he had no land; 
but he insisted, on the contrary, that he had 
great landed estates somewhere in Terra Licog- 
nita ; and he had come out to the new world to 
look after them. He was the first great land- 
speculator that we read of in these parts. 

Like all land-speculators, he was much given 
to dreaming. Never did anything extraordinary 
happen at Communipaw but he declared that he 
had previously dreamt it, being one of those 
infallible prophets who predict events after they 
have come to pass. This supernatural gift was 
as highly valued among the burghers of Pavonia 
as among the enlightened nations of antiquity. 
The wise Ulysses was more indebted to his sleep- 
ing than his waking moments for his most subtle 
achievements, and seldom undertook any great ex- 
ploit without first soundly sleeping upon it ; and 
the same may be said of OlofFe Yan Kortlandt, 
who was thence aptly denominated Oloffe the 
Dreamer. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 123 

As yet his dreams and speculations had turned 
to little personal profit ; and he Avas as much a 
lack-land as ever. Still he carried a liigh head 
in the community; if his sugar-loaf hat was 
rather the worse for wear, he set it off with a 
taller cock's-tail ; if his shirt was none of the 
cleanest, he puffed it out the more at the bosom ; 
and if the tail of it pepped out of a hole in his 
breeches, it at least proved that it really had a 
tail and was not mere ruffle. 

The worthy Van Kortlandt, in the council in 
question, urged the policy of emerging from the 
swamps of Communipaw and seeking some more 
eligible site for the seat of empu-e. Such, he 
said, was the advice of the good St. Nicholas, who 
had appeared to him in a dream the night before ; 
and whom he had Iviiown by his broad hat, his 
long pipe, and the resemblance which he bore 
to the figure on the bow of the Goede Vrouw. 

Many have thought this dream was a mere 
invention of Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who, it is said, 
had ever regarded Communipaw with an evil eye 
because he had arrived there after all the land 
had been shared out, and who was anxious to 
change the seat of empire to some new place, 
where he might be present at the distribution 
of " town lots." But we must not give heed to 
such insinuations, which are too apt to be ad- 
vanced against those worthy gentlemen engaged 
in laying out towns, and in other land-specula- 
tions. For my own part, I am disposed to place 
the same implicit faith in the vision of Oloffe the 
Dreamer that was manifested by the honest burgh- 



124 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

ers of Commimipavr, who one and all agreed 
that an expedition should be forthwith fitted out 
to go on a voyage of discovery in quest of a ncAV 
seat of empire. 

This perilous enterprise was to be conducted 
by Oloffe himself; who chose as lieutenants or 
coadjutors Mynheers Abraham Hardenbroeck, 
Jacobus Van Zandt, and Winant Ten Broeck, — 
three indubitably great men, but of wliose his- 
tory, although I have made diligent inquiry, I 
can learn but little j^i'cvious to their leaving 
Holland. Nor need this occasion much surprise ; 
for adventurers, like prophets, though they make 
great noise abroad, have seldom much celebrity 
in their own countries ; but this much is cer- 
tain, that the overflowings and oifscourings of 
a country are invariably composed of the rich- 
est parts of the soil. And here I cannot help 
remarking how convenient it would be to many 
of our great men and great families of doubt- 
ful origin, could they have the privilege of the 
heroes of yore, who, whenever their origin was 
involved in obscurity, modestly announced them- 
selves descended from a god, — and who never 
visited a foreign country but what they told some 
cock-and-bull stories about their being kings and 
princes at home. This venal trespass on the truth, 
though it has been occasionally played off by 
some pseudo-marquis, baronet, and other illus- 
trious foreigner, in our land of good-natured cre- 
dulity, has been completely discountenanced iu 
this skeptical, matter-of-fact age ; and I even 
question whether any tender virgin, who was 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 125 

accidentally and unaccountably enriched with ? 
bantling, would save her character at parlor fire- 
sides and evening tea-parties by ascribing the 
plienomenon to a swan, a shower of gold, or a 
river god. 

Had I the benefit of mythology and classic 
fable above alluded to, I should have furnished 
the fii-st of the trio Avith a pedigree equal to that 
of the proudest hero of antiquity. His name, 
Van Zandt, that is to S£ij,frofn the sand, or, in 
common parlance, from the dirt, gave reason to 
suppose that, like Triptolemus, Themes, the Cy- 
clops, and the Titans, lie had sprmig from Dame 
Terra, or the earth ! This supposition is strongly 
corroborated by his size, for it is well known that 
all the progeny of mother earth were of a gigan- 
tic stature ; and Van Zandt, we are told, was a 
tall, ra^v-boned man, above six feet high, with 
an astonishingly hard head. Nor is this origin 
of the illustrious Van Zandt a whit more improb- 
able or repugnant to belief than what is related 
and universally admitted of certain of our great- 
est, or rather richest men ; who, we are told with 
the utmost gravity, did originally spring from a 
dunghill ! 

Of the second of the trio but faint accounts 
have reached to this time, Avhich mention that he- 
was a sturdy, obstinate, worrying, bustling little 
man ; and, from being usually equipped in an old 
pair of buckskins, was familiai-ly dubbed Harden 
Broeck : that is to say, Hard in the Breech, or, 
fts it was generally rendered. Tough Breeches. 

Ten Broeck completed this junto of adventur- 



126 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

ers. It Is a singular but ludicrous fact, — which, 
were I not scrupulous in recording the whole 
truth, I should almost be tempted to pass over in 
silence as incompatible with the gravity and dig- 
nity of history, — that this worthy gentleman 
should likewise have been nicknamed from what 
in modern times is considered the most ignoble 
part of the dress. But in truth the small-clothes 
seems to have been a very dignified garment in 
the eyes of our venerated ancestors, in all prob- 
ability from its coverhig that part of the body 
which has been pronounced " the seat of honor." 
The name of Ten Broeck, or, as it was some- 
times spelled, Tin Broeck, has been indifferently 
translated uito Ten Breeches and Tin Breeches. 
Certain elegant and ingenious writers on the sub- 
ject declare in favor of Ti7i, or rather Thiii 
Breeches ; whence they infer that the original 
bearer of it was a poor but merry rogue, whose 
galligaskins were none of the soundest, and ^Adio, 
peradventure, may have been the author of that 
truly philosophical stanza : — 

" Then why should we quarrel for I'iches, 
Or an}' such glittering toys ; 
A liglit heart and ihinjxiir of breeches^ 

Will go through the world, my brave boys ! " 

The more accurate commentators, however, de- 
clare in favor of the other reading, and aihrm that 
the worthy in question was a burly, bulbous man, 
who, in sheer ostentation of his venerable pro- 
genitors, was the first to introduce into the settle- 
ment the ancient Dutch fashion of ten pair of 
breeches. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 127 

Such was the trio of coadjutors chosen by 
OlofFe the Dreamer to accompany him in this 
voyage into unknown realms ; as to the names 
of his crews, they have not been handed down 
by history. 

Having, as I before observed, passed much of 
his life in the open air, among the peripatetic 
philosophers of Amsterdam, OlofFe had become 
familiar with the aspect of the heavens, and 
could as accurately determine when a storm was 
brewing or a squall rising, as a dutiful husband 
can foresee, from the brow of his spouse, when a 
tempest is gathering about his ears. Having 
pitched upon a time for his voyage when the 
skies appeared propitious, he exhorted all his 
crews to take a good night's rest, wind up their 
family affairs, and make their wills ; precautions 
taken by our forefathers even in after-times when 
they became more adventurous, and voyaged to 
Haverstraw, or Kaatskill, or Groodt Esopus, or 
any other far country, beyond the great waters 
of the Tappaan Zee. ^ 



128 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 



CHAPTER IV. 

now THE HEROES OP COMMTJNIPAW VOYAGED TO HELL-GATE, AND HOW 
THET WERE RECEIVED THERE. 

^^||ND now the rosy blush of morn began 
^^^& to mantle in the east, and soon the ris- 
^i^^M hig sun, emerging from amidst golden 
and purple clouds, shed his blithesome rays on 
the tin weathercocks of Communipaw. It was 
that delicious season of the year, when natm-e, 
breaking from the chilling thraldom of old win- 
ter, like a blooming damsel from the tyranny of 
a sordid old father, threw herself, blushing with 
ten thousand charms, into the arms of youthful 
spring. Every tufted copse and blooming grove 
resounded with the notes of hymeneal love. The 
vei;y insects, as they sipped the dew that gemmed 
the tender grass of the meadows, joined in the 
joyous epithalamium, — the virgin bud timidly 
put forth its blushes, " the voice of the turtle was 
heard in the land," and the heart of man dis- 
solved away in tenderness. Oh! sweet Theoc- 
ritus ! had I thine oaten reed, wherewith thou erst 
did charm the gay Sicilian plains ; — or, oh ! gen- 
tle Bion! thy pastoral pipe, wherein the happy 
swains of the Lesbian isle so much delighted, 
then might I attempt to sing, in soft Bucolic or 
negligent Idyllium, the rural beauties of the 



HI STORY OF NEW YORK. 129 

scene ; — but having nothing, save this jaded 
goosequill, wherewith to wing my flight, 1 must 
fain resign all poetic disportings of the fancy, 
and pursue my narrative in humble prose ; com- 
forting myself with the hope, that, though it may 
not steal so sweetly upon the imagination of my 
reader, yet it may commend itself witli virgin 
modesty to his better judgment, clothed in the 
chaste and simple garb of truth. 

No sooner did the first rays of cheerful Phce- 
bu3 dart into the Avindows of Communipaw, than 
the little settlement was all in motion. Forth 
issued from his castle the sage Van Kortlandt, 
and seiziiig a conch shell, blew a far resounding 
blast, that soon summoned all his lusty followers. 
Then did they trudge resolutely down to the 
water-side, escorted by a multitude of relatives 
and friends, who all went down, as the common 
phrase expresses it, " to see them oif." And this 
shows the antiquity of those long family proces- 
sions, often seen in our city, composed of all ages, 
sizes, and sexes, laden with bundles and bai^- 
boxes, escorting some bevy of country cousins, 
about to depart for home in a market-boat. 

The good Oloffe bestowed his forces in a 
squadron of three canoes, and hoisted his flag 
on board a little round Dutch boat, shaped 
not unlike a tub, which had formerly been the 
jolly-boat of the Goede Vrouw. And now, all 
being embarked, they bade farewell to the gaz- 
ing throng upon the beach, who continued shout- 
ing after them, even wdien out of hearing, wish- 
ing them a happy voyage, advising them to take 



130 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

good care of themselves ' not to get dl•o^^^led, — 
with an abundance other of those sage and inval- 
uable cautions, generally given by landsmen to 
Buch as go down to the sea in ships, and adven- 
ture upon the deep waters. In the meanwhile 
the voyagers cheerily urged their course acros.s 
(he crystal bosom of the bay, and soon left be- 
hind them the green shores of ancient Pavonia. 

And first they touched at tv.-o small islands 
which lay nearly opposite Communipaw, and 
which are said to have been brought into exist- 
ence about tlie time of the great irruption of the 
Hudson, when it broke througli the Highlands 
and made its way to the ocean.^ For in this 
tremendous uproar of the waters, Ave are told 
that many huge fragments of rock and land 
were rent from the mountains and swept down 
by this runaway river, for sixty or seventy miles ; 
where some of them ran aground on the shoals 
just opposite Communipaw, and formed the iden- 
tical islands in question, while others drifted out 
to sea, and were never heard of more ! A suffi- 
cSnt proof of the fact is, that the rock which 
forms the bases of these islands is exactly sim- 

1 It is a matter long since established b}' certain of our 
philosophers, — that is to say, having been often advanced, and 
never contradicted, it has grown to be pretty nigh equal to a 
settled fact, — that the Hudson was originally a lake dammed 
up by the mountains of the Highlands, hi process of timo, 
however, becoming very mighty and obstreperous, and tlie 
mountains waxing pursy, dropsical, and weak in the back, by 
reason of their extreme' old age, it suddenh' rose upon them, 
and after a violent struggle etfected its escape. Tliis is said 
to have come to pass in very remote time, probably before 
that rivers had lost the art of running uphill. The foregoing 
is a theory in which 1 do not pretend to be skilled, notwith- 
Btanding "that I do fullv give it mv belief. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 13i 

ilar to that of the Plio-hlands, and, moreover, one 
Df our philosophers, Avho has diligently compared 
the agreement of their respective surfaces, has 
even gone so far as to assure me, in confidence, 
that Gibbet Island was originally nothing more 
nor less than a wart on Anthony's nose.^ 

Leaving these wonderful little isles, they next 
coasted by Governor's Island, since terrible from 
its frowning fortress and grinning batteries. 
Tliey would by no means, however, land upon 
this island, since they doubted much it might be 
the abode of demons and spirits, which in those 
days did greatly abound throughout this savage 
and pagan country. 

Just at tliis time a shoal of jolly porpoises 
came rolling and tumbling by, turning up their 
sleek sides to the sun, and spouting up the briny 
element in sparkling showers. No sooner did 
the sage Oloffe mark this than he Avas greatly re- 
joiced. " This," exclaimed he, " if I mistake 
not, augurs well : the porpoise is a ftit, well- 
conditioned fish, — a burgomaster among fishes, — • 
his looks betoken ease, plenty, and prosperity ; I 
greatly admire this round fat fish, and doubt not 
but this is a happy omen of the success of our 
undertaking." So saying, he dii^ected liis squad- 
ron to steer in the track of these aldemian fishes. 

Turning, therefore, directly to the left, they 
swept up the strait vulgarly called the East 
Ri\'er. And here the rapid tide which courses 
through this strait, seizing on the gallant tub in 
which Commodore Van Kortlandt had embarked 

'^ A promontory in the Highlands. 



132 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

hmTiecl it forward with a velocity unparalleled in 
a Dutch boat, navigated by Dutchmen ; insomuch 
that the good commodore, who had all his life- 
long been accustomed only to the drowsy naviga- 
tion of canals, was more than ever convuiced that 
they were in the hands of some supernatural 
power, and that the jolly porpoises were to"\\nng 
them to some fair haven that was to fulfil all 
their wishes and expectations. 

Thus borne away by the resistless current, 
they doubled that boisterous point of land smce 
called Corlear's Hook,^ and leaving to the right 
the rich winding cove of the "VYallabout, they 
drifted into a magnificent expanse of water, sui'- 
rounded by pleasant shores, whose verdure was 
exceedingly refreshing to the eye. While the 
vova2:ers were lookino; around them, on what 
they conceived to be a serene and sunny lake, 
they beheld at a distance a crew of painted sav- 
ages, busily employed in fishmg, who seemed 
more like the genii of this romantic region, — 
their slender canoe lightly balanced like a feather 
on the undulating surface of the bay. 

At sight of these the heai'ts of the heroes of 
Communipaw were not a little troubled. But as 
jXOod-fortime would have it, at the bow of the 
commodore's boat was stationed a very valiant 
man, named Hendrick Kip (wliich, being inter- 
preted, means chichen, a name given him in 
token of his courage). No sooner did he behold 
these varlet heathens than he trembled with ex- 
cessive valor, and although a good half-mile dis* 
1 Properly ppelt hoech (i. e. a point of land). 



HISTORY OF NEW Y OEK. 133 

tant, be seized a musket oon that lay at hand, and 
turning away his head, fired it most intrepidly 
in the face of the blessed sun. The blundering 
weapon recoiled and gave the vahant Kip an 
ignommious kick, which laid him prostrate with 
uplifted heels in the bottom of the boat. But 
such was the effect of this tremendous fire, that 
the mid men of the woods, struck ^vith conster- 
nation, seized hastily upon theii' paddles, and shot 
away into one of the deep hilets of the Long 
Island shore. 

This signal victory gave new spirits to the 
voyagers ; and in honor of the achievement they 
gave the name of the valiant Kip to the sur- 
rounding bay, and it has continued to be called 
Kip's Bay from that time to the present. The 
heart of the good Van Kortlandt — who, having 
no land of his own, was a great admirer of other 
people's — expanded to the full size of a pepper- 
corn at the sumptuous prospect of rich unsettled 
country around him, and fiillmg into a delicious 
revery, he straightway began to riot in the pos- 
session of vast meadows of salt marsh and inter- 
minable patches of cabbages. From this delec- 
table vision he was all at once awakened by the 
sudden turning of the tide, which would soon 
have hurried him from this land of promise, had 
not the discreet navigator given signal to steer 
for shore ; where they accordingly landed hard 
by the rocky heights of Bellevue, — that happy 
retreat, where om^ jo^J aldermen eat for the 
good of the city, and fatten the turtle that ai*e 
sacrificed on civic solemnities. 



134 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Here, seated on the greensward, by the side of 
a small stream that ran sparkling among the 
grass, they refreshed themselves after the toils of 
the seas, by feasting lustily on the ample stores 
which they had provided for this perilous voy- 
age. Thus having well fortified their delibera- 
tive powers, they fell into an earnest consultation, 
what was farther to be done. This was the first 
council-dinner ever eaten at Bellevue by Chris- 
tian burghers ; and here, as tradition relates, did 
originate the great family feud between the Har- 
denbroecks and the Tenbroecks, which after- 
wards had a singular influence on the building 
of the city. The sturdy Hardenbroeck, M'hose 
eyes had been wondrously delighted with the 
salt marshes which spread their reeking bosoms 
along the coast, at the bottom of Kip's Bay, coun- 
selled by all means to return thither, and found 
the intended city. This was strenuously opposed 
by the unbending Ten Broeck, and many testy 
arguments passed between them. The particu- 
lars of this controversy have not reached us, 
which is ever to be lamented ; this much is cer- 
tain, that the sage OlofFe put an end to the 
dispute by determining to explore still farther 
in the route which the mj^sterious porpoises had 
so clearly pointed out ; — whereupon the sturdy 
Tough Breeches abandoned the expedition, took 
possession of a neighboring hill, and in a fit of 
great wrath peopled all that tract of country, 
which has continued to be inhabited by the Ilar- 
denbroecks unto this very day. 

By this time the jolly Phoebus, like some wan- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 135 

ton urclilii sporting on the side of a green liill, 
begun to roll down the declivity of the heavens ; 
and now, the tide having once more turned in 
their favor, the Pavonians again committed them 
selves to its discretion, and coasting along the 
western shores, were borne towards the straits 
of Blackwell's Island. 

And here the capricious wanderings of the 
current occasioned not a little marvel and per- 
plexity to these illustrious mariners. Now 
would they be caught by the wanton eddies, and, 
sweepmg round a jutting point, would wind deep 
into some romantic little cove, that indented the 
fair island of Manna hatta ; now were they hur- 
ried narrowly by the very bases of impending 
rocks, mantled with the flaunting grape-vine, and 
crowned with groves which threw a broad 
shade on the waves beneath ; and anon they 
were borne away into the mid-channel and 
wafted along with a rapidity that very much 
discomposed the sage Van Kortlandt, who, as 
he saw the land swiftly receding on either side, 
began exceedingly to doubt that terra Jirma was 
giving them the slip. 

Wherever the voyagers turned their eyes, a 
new creation seemed to bloom around. No signs 
of human thrift appeared to check the delicious 
wildness of nature, who here revelled in all her 
luxuriant variety. Those hills, now bristled, like 
the fretful porcupine, with rows of poplars, (vain 
upstart plants ! minions of wealth and fashion !) 
were then adorned with the vigorous natives of 
'lie soil : the lordly oak, the generous chestnut, 



136 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

the graceful elm, — wliile here and there the 
tuh"p-tree reared its majestic head, the giant of 
the forest. Where now are seen the gay re- 
treats of kixury, — villas half buried in twilight 
bowers, whence the amorous flute oft ])reathes 
the sighings of some city swain, — there the fish- 
hawk built his solitary nest on some diy tree 
that overlooked his watery domain. The timid 
deer fed undisturbed along those shores now 
hallowed by the lovers' moonlight walk, and 
printed by the slender foot of beauty; and a 
savage solitude extended over those happy re- 
gions, where now are reared the stately towers 
of the Joneses, the Schermerhornes, and the 
Rhinelanders. 

Thus fflidinc; in silent wonder throusrh these 
new and unknown scenes, the gallant squadron 
of Pavonia swept by the foot of a promontory, 
which strutted forth boldly into the waves, and 
seemed to fro^A^i upon them as they brawled 
against its base. This is the bluff well known 
to modern mariners by the name of Grade's 
Point, from the fair castle which, like an elephant, 
it carries upon its back. And here broke upon 
their view a wild and varied prospect, Avhere land 
and water were beauteously intermingled, as 
though they had combined to heighten and set 
off each other's charms. To the right lay the 
sedgy point of Blackwell's Island, drest in the 
fresh garniture of living green, — beyond it 
stretclied tlie pleasant coast of Sundswick, and 
the small harbor well kno"\\Ti by the name of 
Hallet's Cove, — a place infamous in latter days, 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 137 

bj reason of its being the haunt of pirates who 
infest these seas, robbing orchards and water- 
melon patches, and insulting gentlemen naviga- 
tors, when voyaging m their pleasure-boats. To 
the left a deep bay, or rather creek, gracefully 
receded between shores fringed with forests, and 
forming a kind of vista, through which were be- 
held the silvan regions of Haerlem, Morrisania, 
and East Chester. Here the eye reposed with 
delight on a richly wooded comitry, diversified 
by tufted loiolls, shadowy intervals, and waving 
hues of upland, swellmg above each other, while 
over the whole the pm*ple mists of spring dif- 
fused a hue of soft voluptuousness. 

Just before them the grand course of the 
stream, making a sudden bend, wound among 
embowered promontories and shores of emerald 
verdure, that seemed to melt into the wave. A 
character of gentleness and mild fertility pre- 
vailed around. The sun had just descended, and 
the thin haze of twilight, like a transparent veil 
drawn over the bosom of virgin beauty, height- 
ened the charms which it half concealed. 

Ah ! witching scenes of foul delusion. All ! 
hapless voyagers, gazing with simple wonder on 
these Circean shores ! Such, alas ! are they, 
poor easy souls, who listen to the seductions of a 
wicked world, — treacherous are its smiles ! fatal 
its caresses. He who yields to its enticements 
lamiches upon a whelming tide, and trusts his 
feeble bark among the dimpling eddies of a 
whirlpool ! And thus it fared with the worthies 
of Pavonia, who, little mistrusting the guileful 



138 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

scene before them, drifted qiilcitly on, until they 
were aroused by an uncommon tossing and agita- 
tion of their vessels. For now the late dimpling 
current began to brawl around them, and the 
waves to boil and foam Avith horrific fury. 
Awakened as if fi-om a dream, the astonished 
Oloffe bawled aloud to put about, but his words 
were lost amid the roaring of the waters. And 
now ensued a scene of direful consternation. At 
one time they were borne with di-eadful velocity 
among tumultuous breakers ; at another, hurried 
down boisterous rapids. Now they were nearly 
dashed upon the Hen and Chickens ; (infamous 
rocks ! — more voracious than Scylla and her 
whelps ;) and anon tliey seemed sinking into 
/awning gulfs, that threatened to entomb them 
beneath the waves. All the elements combined 
to produce a hideous confusion. The waters 
raged, the winds howled ; and as they were 
hurried alon^. , several of the astonished mariners 
beheld the rocks and trees of the neighboring 
shores driving through the air ! 

At length the mighty tub of Commodore Van 
Kortlandt was drawn into the vortex of that tre- 
mendous wliirlpool called the Pot, where it was 
whirled about in giddy mazes, until the senses of 
the good commander and his crew were over- 
powered by the horror of the scene, and the 
etrangeness of the revolution. 

How the gallant squadron of Pavonia was 
snatched from the jaws of this modern Chary b- 
lis, has never been truly made known, for so 
Qany survived to tell the tale, and, what is stili 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 139 

more wonderful, told it in so many d/fferent ways, 
that there has ever prevailed a great variety of 
opinions on the subject. 

As to the commodore and liis crew, when they 
came to their senses, they found themselves 
stranded on the Long Island shore. The worthy 
commodore, indeed, used to relate many and 
■wonderful stories of liis adventures in this time 
of peril : how that he saw spectres flying in the 
air, and heard the yelling of hobgoblins, and put 
his hand into the pot when they were whirled 
round, and found the water scalding hot, and be- 
held several uncouth-looldno' beings seated on 
rocks and skimming it with huge ladles ; but 
particularly he declared with great exultation, 
that he saw the losel porpoises, which had be- 
trayed them into this peril, some broiling on the 
Gridiron, and others hissing on the Frying-pan ! 

These, however, were considered by many as 
mere fantasies of the commodore, while he lay in 
a trance ; especially as he was known to be 
given to dreaming; and the truth of them has 
never been clearly ascertained. It is certain, 
however, that to the accounts of OlofFe and his 
followers may be traced the various traditions 
handed down of this marvellous strait : as how 
the devil has been seen there, sitting astride of 
the Hog's Back and playing on the fiddle, — 
how he broils fish there before a storm ; and 
many other stories in Avhicli we must be cau- 
tious of putting too much faith. Li consequence 
of all these terrific circumstances, the Pavonian 
sonunander gave this pass the name of Helle-gat 



140 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

or, as it has been interpreted, Hell- Gate ;^ wLicli 
it continues to bear at the present day. 

1 This is a narrow strait in the Sound, at the distance of six 
miles above New Vuriv. it is dangerous to shipping;-, unless 
under the care of skilful pilots, by reason of numerous rocks, 
shelves, and whirlpools. These have received sundry appel- 
lations, such as the Gridiron, Frying-pan, Hog's Back, Pot, e^c, 
and are very violent and turbulent at certain times of tide. 
Certain mealy-mouthed men, of squeamish consciences, who 
are loth to give the Devil his due, have softened the above 
characteristic name into Harl-g-die. forsooth ! Let those take 
care how they venture into the Gate, or they may be hurled 
into the Pot before they are aware of it. The name of this 
strait, as given by our author, is supported by the map in 
Yander Donck's iiistorv, published in 1G56, — by Ogilvie's 
History of America, 1071, — as also by a journal still extant, 
written in thelGth century, and to be found in Hazard's State 
Papers. And an old IMS. written in French, speaking of va- 
rious alterations in naaies about this city, observes, " De JlelU- 
^a% trou d'Enfer, lis out fait Uell-yate, Porte d'Enfer." 




Dickerbooker, [) HO. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. \i\ 



CHAPTER V. 



aOW THE HEROES OP COMMUNIPAW RETURNED SOMEWHAT WISER TRAM 
THEY WENT — AND HOW THE SAGE OLOFFE DREAMED A DREAM — 
AND THE DREAM THAT HE DREAMED- 



^HE darkness of night had closed upon 
this disiistrous day, and a doleful night 
was it to the shipwrecked Pavonians, 
whose ears were incessantly assailed with the 
raging of the elements, and the howlLng of the 
hobgoblins that infested this perfidious strait. 
But when the morning dawned, the horrors of 
the preceding evening had passed away ; rapids, 
breakers, and wliirlpools had disappeared ; the 
stream agam ran smooth and dimpling, and 
having changed its tide, rolled gently back, to- 
wards the quarter where lay their nuich-regi'et- 
ted home. 

The woe-begone heroes of Communipaw eyed 
each other \n.i\\ meful countenances ; their squad- 
ron had been totally dispersed by the late disas- 
ter. Some were cast upon the western shore, 
where, headed by one PulefF Hopper, they took 
possession of all the country lying about the six- 
mile stone; Avhich is held by the Hoppers at 
this present writing. 

The Waldrons were driven by stress of 
weather to a distant coast, where, having with 



] 12 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

them a jug of genuine Hollands, they were 
enabled to conciliate the savages, setting up a 
kind of tavern ; Avhence, it is said, did sprhig the 
fair town of Haerlem, in which their descendants 
have ever since continued to be reputable publi- 
cans. As to the Suydams, they were thrown 
upon the Long Island coast, and may still be 
found in those parts. But the most singular 
luck Dttended the great Ten Broeck, who, falling 
overboard, was miraculously preserved from sink- 
ing by the multitude of his nether garments. 
Thus buoyed up, he floated on the waves like 
a merman, or like an angler's dobber, until he 
landed safely on a rock, where he was found the 
next morning, busily drying his many breeches in 
the sunshine. 

I forbear to treat of the long consultation of 
OlofFe with his remaining followers, in which 
they determined that it Avould never do to found 
a city in so diabolical a neighborhood. Suffice 
it in simple brevity to say, that they once more 
committed themselves, with fear and trembling, 
to the briny elements, and steered their course 
back again through the scenes of their yester- 
day's voyage, determined no longer to roam in 
search of distant sites, but to settle themselves 
do"\vn in the marshy regions of Pavonia. 

Scarce, however, had they gained a distant 
view of Communipaw, when they were encoun- 
tered by an obstinate eddy, which opposed their 
homeward voyage. Weary and dispirited as they 
were, they yet tugged a feeble oar against the 
stream ; until, as if to settle the strife, '^nlf i. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 143 

score of potent billows rolled the tub of Com- 
modore Van Kortlandt high and dry on the long 
point of an island which divided the bosom of 
the bay. 

Some pretend that these billows were sent by 
old Neptnne to strand the expedition on a spot 
whereon was to be founded his stronghold in 
this western world ; others, more pious, attribute 
everything to the guardianship of the good St. 
Nicholas ; and after-events will be found to cor- 
roborate this opinion. Oloffe Van Kortlandt Avas 
a devout trencherman. Every repast Avas a kind 
of religious rite with him ; and his first thought 
on finduig him once more on dry ground, was, 
hoAV he should contrive to celebrate his wonderful 
escape from Hell-gate and all its horrors by a 
solemn banquet. The stores which had been 
provided for the voyage by the good housewives 
of Communipaw were nearly exhausted, but, in 
casting his eyes about, the commodore beheld 
that the shore abounded mth oysters. A great 
store of these was instantly collected ; a fire was 
made at the foot of a tree ; all hands fell to 
I'oasting and broiling and stewing and frying, 
and a sumptuous repast was soon set fbrth. This 
is thought to be the origin of those civic feasts 
with which, to the present day, all our public 
affairs are celebrated, and in which the oyster is 
ever sure to play an important part. 

On the present occasion, the worthy Van 
Kortlandt was observed to be particularly ze;d- 
Dus in his devotions to the trencher ; for having 
the cares of the expedition especially committed 



144 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

to his care, lie deemed it incumbent on him to 
eat profoundly for the public good. In propor- 
tion as he filled himself to the very brim with 
the damty viands before him, did the heart of 
this excellent burgher rise up towards his throat, 
until he seemed crammed and almost choked 
with good eating and good-nature. And at such 
times it is, when a man's heart is in his tlu'oat, 
that he may more truly be said to speak from it, 
and his speeches abound with kindness and good 
fellowship. Thus having swallowed the last pos- 
sible morsel, and washed it down with a fervent 
potation, Oloffe felt his heart yearning, and his 
whole frame in a mamier dilating with unbounded 
benevolence. Everything around him seemed 
excellent and delightful ; and laying his hands 
on each side of his capacious periphery, and roll- 
ing his half-closed eyes around on the beautiful 
diversity of land and water before him, he ex- 
claimed, in a fat half-smothered voice, " What a 
charming prospect ! " The words died away in his 
throat, — he seemed to ponder on the fair scene 
for a moment, — his eyelids heavily closed over 
their orbs, — his head drooped upon his bosom, — 
he slowly sank upon the green tui'f, and a deep 
sleep stole gradually over him. 

And the sage Oloffe dreamed a dream, — and 
lo, the good St. Nicholas came ridmg over the 
tops of the trees, in that self-same wagon wherein 
he brings his yearly presents to children, and he 
descended hard by where the heroes of Commu- 
nipaw had made their late repast. And he lit 
his pipe by the fire, and sat himself down and 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 145 

smoked ; and as lie smoked, the smoke from his 
pipe ascended into the ah* and spread like a cloud 
overhead. Aiid Oloffe bethought him, and he 
hastened and climbed up to the top of one of 
the tallest trees, and saw that the smoke spread 
over a great extent of country ; and as he con- 
sidered it more attentively, he fancied that the 
great volume of smoke assumed a variety of 
marvellous forms, where in dim obscurity he saw 
shadowed out palaces and domes and lofty spires, 
all of which lasted but a moment, and then faded 
away, until the whole rolled off, and nothing but 
the green woods were left. And when St. Nich- 
olas had smoked his pipe, he twisted it hi his hat- 
band, and laying his finger beside his nose, gave 
the astonished Van Kortlandt a very significant 
look ; then, mounting his wagon, he returned over 
the tree-tops and disappeared. 

And Van Kortlandt awoke from his sleep 
gi'eatly uistructed ; and he aroused his companions, 
and related to them his dream, and interpreted 
it, that it Avas the will of St. Nicholas that they 
should settle doAvii and build the city here ; and 
that the smoke of the pipe was a type how vast 
would be the extent of the city, inasmuch as 
the volumes of its smoke would spi-ead over a 
wide extent of country. And they all with one 
voice assented to this interpretation, exceptmg 
Mynheer Ten Broeck, who declared the meaning 
to be that it would be a city wherein a little fire 
would occasion a great smoke, or, in other words, 
a very vaporing little city ; — both which inter- 
pretations have strangely come to pass ! 
10 



146 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

The great object of their perilous expedition, 
therefore, being thus happily accomplished, the 
voyagers returned merrily to Communipaw, — 
where they were received with great rejoicings. 
And here, calling a general meeting of all the 
wise men and the dignitaries of Pavonia, they 
related the whole history of their voyage, and of 
the dream of Oloffe Van Kortlandt. And the 
people lifted up their voices and blessed the good 
St. Nicholas ; and from that time forth the sage 
Van Kortlandt was held in more honor th^m 
ever, for his great talent at dreaming, and was 
pronounced a most useful citizen and a right good 
man — when he was asleep. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 147 




CHAPTER VT. 

30NTA1NTNG AN ATTEJfPT AT ETYMOLOGr — AXD OF THE FODNDINO OP 
THE GREAT CITY OF NEW AMSTERDAM. 

?^^^^?HE original name of the island, where- 
on the squadron of Communipaw was 
thus propitiously thrown, is a matter of 
some dispute, and has already undergone consid- 
erable vitiation, — a melancholy proof of the in- 
stability of all sublunary things, and the vanity 
of all our hopes of lasting fame ; for who can 
expect his name will live to posterity, when even 
the names of mighty islands are thus soon lost 
in contradiction and uncertainty ! 

The name most current at the present day, 
and which is likewise countenanced by the great 
historian Vander Donck, is Manhattan ; which 
is said to have originated in a custom among 
the squaws, in the early settlement, of wearing 
men's hats, as is still done among many tribes. 
" Hence," as we are told by an old governor who 
was somewhat of a wag, and flourished almost a 
century since, and had paid a visit to the wits of 
Philadelphia, — "hence arose the appellation of 
man-hat-on, first given to the Indians, and after- 
^vards to the island," — a stupid joke ! but well 
enough for a governor. 



148 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Among tlie more venerable sources of infor- 
mation on this subject is tliat vahiable history 
of the American possessioiLS, written by Master 
Richard Blome, in 1687, wherem it is called 
Manhadaes and Manahanent ; nor must I forget 
the excellent little book, full of precious matter 
of that authentic historian John Josselyn, Gent., 
who expressly calls it Manadaes. 

Another etymology, still more ancient, and 
sanctioned by the countenance of our ever-to-be- 
lamented Dutch ancestors, is that found m certain 
letters still extant,^ wliich passed between the 
early governors and their neighboring powers, 
wherein it is called indifferently Monhattoes, 
Munhatos, and Manliattoes, wliich are evidently 
unimportant variations of the same name ; for 
our wise forefathers set little store by those nice- 
ties either in orthography or orthoepy, which 
form the sole study and ambition of many 
learned men and women of this hypercritical age. 
This last name is said to be derived from the 
great Indian spirit Manetho, Avho was supposed 
to make this island his favorite abode, on account 
of its uncommon delights. For the Indian tra- 
ditions affirm that the bay was once a translucid 
lake, filled with silver and golden fish, in the 
midst of which lay this beautiful island, covered 
with every variety of fruits and flowers ; but 
that the sudden irruption of the Hudson laid 
waste these blissful scenes, and Manetho took his 
(light beyond the great waters of Ontario. 

These, however, are very fabulous legends, to 
1 Vide Hazard's Col. Stat. Pap. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 119 

which very cautious credence must be given ; 
and though I am willing to admit the last-quoted 
orthography of the name as very fit for prose, 
yet is tliere another which I peculiarly delight 
in, as at once poetical, melodious, and significant, 
and Avhich we have on the authority of mastei 
Juet ; who, in his account of the voyage of the 
great Hudson, calls this Manna-hata, that is 
to say, the island of manna, or, in other words, 
a land flowing with milk and honey. 

Still, my deference to the learned obliges me 
to notice the opinion of the worthy Dominie 
Heckwelder, which ascribes the name to a great 
drunken bout held on the island by the Dutch 
discoverers, whereat they made certain of the 
natives most ecstatically drunk for the first time 
in their lives ; who, being delighted with their 
jovial entertainment, gave the place the name of 
Mannahattanink, that is to say. The Island of 
Jolly Topers : a name which it continues to merit 
to the present day.^ 

1 MSS. of the Rev. John Heckwelder, in the archives of the 
N'ew York Historical Society. 



ibO HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER Vn. 



aOW THE PEOPLE OP PAVOXIA MIGRATED FROM COMMUNIPAW TO THK 
ISLAND OF MANNA-HATA — AND HOW OLOFFE THE DREAMER PROVED 
HIMSELF A GREAT LAND-SPECULATOR. 



^^""j^^T having been solemnly resolved that the 
yM N4 seat of empu-e should be removed from 
<?yrt4 the green shores of Pavonia to the 
j)leasant island of Mamia-hata, everybody was 
anxious to embark under the standard of OlofFe 
the Dreamer, and to be among the first sharers 
of the promised land. A day was appointed for 
the grand migration, and on that day little Com- 
munipaw was in a buzz and a bustle like a hive 
in swarming-time. Houses were turned inside 
out and stripped of the venerable furniture which 
had come from Holland ; all the community, 
great and small, black and white, man, woman, 
and child, was in commotion, forming lines from 
the houses to the water-side, like lines of ants 
from an ant-hill ; everybody laden with some ar- 
ticle of household furniture ; while busy liouse- 
>\'ives plied backwards and forwards along the 
lines, helping everything forward by the nimble- 
uess of their tongues. 

By degrees a fleet of boats and canoes were 
piled up mth all kinds of household articles : 
ponderous tables ; chests of drawers resplendent 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 151 

^th brass ornaments ; quaint corner-cupboards ; 
beds and bedsteads ; with any quantity of pots, 
kettles, frying-pans, and Dutch ovens. In each 
boat embarked a whole family, from the robus- 
tious burgher down to the cats and dogs and 
little negroes. In this way they set off across 
the mouth of the Hudson, under the guidance of 
Oloffe the Dreamer, who hoisted his standard 
on the leading boat. 

This memorable migration took place on the 
first of May, and was long cited in tradition 
as the grand moving. The anniversary of it 
was piously observed among the " sons of the 
pilgrims of Communipaw," by turning their 
houses topsy-turvy and carrying idl the furniture 
through the streets, in emblem of the swarming 
of the parent-hive ; and this is the real origin of 
the universal agitation and " moving " by which 
this most restless of cities is litendly turned out 
of doors on every May-day. 

As the little squadron from Communipaw 
drew near to the shores of Manna-hata, a 
sachem, at the head of a band of warriors, ap- 
peared to oppose their landing. Some of the 
most zealous of the pilgrims were for chastising 
this insolence with powder and ball, according to 
the approved mode of discoverers ; but the sage 
Oloffe gave them the significant sign of St. 
Nicholas, laying his finger beside his nose and 
winking hard with one eye ; whereupon his fol- 
lowers perceived that there was something saga- 
cious in the wind. He now addressed the In- 
dians in the blandest terms ; and made such 



152 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

tempting display of beads, hawks'-bells, and red 
blankets, that he was soon permitted to land 
and a great land-speculation ensued. And here 
let me give the true story of the original pur- 
chase of the site of this reno^^^led city, abouJ 
which so much has been said and ^vritten 
Some affirm that the first cost was but sixty 
guilders. The learned Dominie Heckwelder 
records a tradition^ that the Dutch discoverers 
bargained for only so much land as tlie hide of 
a bullock would cover ; but that they cut the 
hide in strips no thicker than a child's finger, so 
as to take in a large portion of land, and to take 
in the Indians into the bargain. This, however, 
is an old fable which the worthy Dominie may 
have borrowed from antiquity. The true ver- 
sion is, that OlofFe Van Kortlandt bargained for 
just so much land as a man could cover with his 
nether garments. Tlie terms being concluded, 
he produced his friend Mynheer Ten Broeck as 
the man vdiose breeches were to be used in 
measurement. The simple savages, whose ideas 
of a man's nether garments had never expanded 
beyond the dimensions of a breech-clout, stared 
with astonishment and dismay as they beheld this 
bulbous-bottomed burgher peeled like an onion, 
and breeches after breeches spread forth over the 
land until they covered the actual site of this 
venerable city. 

This is the true history of the adroit bargain 
by which the island of Manhattan was bought 

1 MSS. of the Rev. John Heckwelder; New York Histori- 
cal Societr. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 153 

for sixty guilders ; and in corroboration of it I 
will add, that Mynheer Ten Breeches, for his 
services on this memorable occasion, was elevated 
to the office of land-measurer; which he ever 
afterwards exercised in the colony. 



154 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 




K 



CHAPTER Vm. 

if THE FOUNDING AND NAMING OF THE NEW CITY ; OF THE CITY ARMS , 
AND OF THE DIREFUL FEUD BETWEEN TEN BREECHES AND TOUGH 
BREECHES. 

^-^^HE land being thus foirly purchased of 
the Indians, a circumstance very un- 
usual in the history of colonization, and 
strongly illustrative of the honesty of our Dutch 
progenitors, a stockade fort and trading - house 
were forthwith erected on an eminence in front 
of the place where the good St. Nicholas had ap- 
peared in a vision to OlofFe the Dreamer, and 
which, as has already been observed, was the 
identical place at present known as the Bowling 
Green. 

Around this fort a progeny of little Dutch- 
built houses, mth tiled roofs and weathercocks, 
soon sprang up, nestling themselves under its 
walls for protection, as a brood of half-fledged 
chickens nestle under the wings of the mother 
hen. The whole was surrounded by an enclosure 
of strong palisadoes, to guard against any sudden 
irruption of the savages. Outside of these ex- 
tended the cornfields and cabbage - gardens of 
the community, with here and there an attempt 
at a tobacco-plantation ; all covering those tracts 
of country at present called Broadway, Wall 
Street, William Street, and Pearl Street. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 155 

I must not omit to mention, that, in portion- 
vng out the land, a goodly " bowerie," or farm, 
was allotted to the sage Oloffe in consideration 
of the service he had rendered to the public by 
his talent at dreaming ; and the site of his " bow- 
erie " is known by the name of Kortlandt ^or 
Cortlandt) Street to the present day. 

And now the infant settlement having nd- 
vanced in age and stature, it was thought high 
time it should receive an honest Christian name. 
Hitherto it had gone by the original Indian name 
Manna-hata, or, as some will have it, " The Man- 
hattoes " ; but this was now decried as savage 
and heathenish, and as tending to keep up the 
memory of the pagan brood that originally pos- 
sessed it. INIany were the consultations held 
upon the subject, without coming to a conclu- 
sion, for though everybody condemned the old 
name, nobody could invent a new one. At 
length, when the council was almost in despair, 
a burgher, remarkable for the size and squareness 
of his head, proposed that they should call it 
New Amsterdam. The proposition took every- 
body by sui-prise ; it was so striking, so apposite, 
so ingenious. The name was adopted by accla- 
mation, and New Amsterdam the metropolis was 
thenceforth called. Still, however, the eaily 
authors of the province continued to call it by 
the general appellation of " The Manhattoes," 
and the poets fondly clung to the eup]ioniou3 
name of Manna-hata ; but those are a kind of 
folk whose tastes and notions should go for noth 
m^ in matters of this kind. 



156 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Having thus provided the embryo city with a 
name, the next was to give it an armorial bear- 
mg or device, as some cities have a rampant 
lion, others a soaring eagle, — emblematical, no 
douljt, of the valiant and high-flying qualities of 
the inhabitants ; so, after mature deliberation, a 
sleek beaver was emblazoned on the city stand- 
ard, as indicative of the amphibious origin, and 
patient, persevering habits of the New Amster- 
dammers. 

The thriving state of the settlement and the 
rapid increase of houses soon made it necessary 
to arrange some plan upon which the city should 
be built ; but at the very first consultation held 
on the subject, a violent discussion arose ; and I 
mention it with much sorrowing as being the 
first altercation on record in the councils of New 
Amsterdam. It Avas, in fact, a breaking forth of 
the grudge and heart-burning that had existed 
between those two eminent burghers. Mynheers 
Tenbroeck and Hardenbroeck, ever since their 
unhappy dispute on the coast of Bellevue. The 
great Hardenbroeck had waxed very wealthy and 
powerful, from his domains, which embraced the 
whole chain of Apulean mountains that stretched 
along the gulf of Kip's Bay, and from part of 
which his descendants have been expelled in lat- 
ter ages by the powerful clans of the Joneses and 
the Schermerhornes. 

An ingenious plan for the city Avas offered by 
Mynheer Hardenbroeck, who proposed that it 
should be cut up and intersected by canals, after 
the manner of the most admired cities in Holland 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 157 

To tills INIynhecr Tenbroeck was diametrically 
opposed, suggesting, in place thereof, that they 
should run out docks and wharves, by means of 
piles driven into the bottom of the river, on 
which the town should be built. " By these 
means," said he, triumphantly, " shall we rescue 
a considerable space of territory from these im- 
mense rivers, and build a city that shall rival 
Amsterdam, Venice, or any amphibious city in 
Europe." To this proposition, Hardenbroeck (or 
Tough Breeches) replied, with a look of as much 
scorn as he could possibly assume. He cast the 
utmost censure upon the plan of his antagonist, 
as being preposterous and against the very order 
of things, as he would leave to every true Hol- 
lander. " For what," said he, " is a town with- 
out canals ? — it is like a body without veins and 
arteries, and must perish for want of a free ch'- 
culation of the vital fluid." Ten Breeches, on 
the contrary, retorted with a sarcasm upon his 
antagonist, who was somewhat of an arid, dry- 
boned habit : he remarked, that as to the circu- 
lation of the blood being necessary to existence. 
Mynheer Tough Breeches was a living contradic- 
tion to his own assertion ; for everybody knew 
there had not a drop of blood circulated through 
his wind-dried carcase for good ten years, and yet 
there was not a greater busybody in the whole 
colony. Personalities have seldom much effect in 
making converts in argument; nor have I ever- 
seen a man convinced of error by being convicted 
of deformity. At least, such was not the case 
at present. If Ten Breeches was very happy in 



158 HISTORY OF SEW YORK. 

sarcasm, Tough Breeches, who was a sturdy little 
man, and never gave up the last word, rejomed 
with increasing spirit ; Ten Breeches had the 
advantage of the greatest volubility, but Tough 
Breeches had that invaluable coat of mail in 
argument, called obstinacy ; Ten Breeches had, 
therefore, the most mettle, but Tough Breeches 
the best bottom ; so that, though Ten Breeches 
made a dreadful clattering about liis ears, and 
battered and belabored hini with hard words 
and sound arguments, yet Tough Breeches hung 
on most resolutely to the last. They parted, 
therefore, as is usual in all arguments where both 
parties are in the right, witliout coming to any 
conclusion ; — but they hated each other most 
heartily forever after, and a similar breach with 
that between the houses of Capulet and Mon- 
tague did ensue between the families of Ten 
Breeches and Tough Breeches. 

I would not fatigue my reader with these dull 
matters of fact, but that my duty as a faithful 
historian requires that I should be particular ; 
and in truth, as I am now treathig of the critical 
period when our city, like a young twig, first 
received the twists and turns which have since 
contributed to give it its present picturesfiue 
irregularity, I cannot be too minute in detailing 
their first causes. 

After the unhappy altercation I have jusi 
mentioned, I do not find that anytliing farthei 
was said on the subject worthy of being recorded 
The council, consisting of the largest and oldest 
heads in the community, met regularly once a 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 159 

week, to ponder on this momentous subject ; but, 
either they were deterred by the war of words 
they had mtnessed, or they were naturally 
averse to the exercise of the tongue, and the 
consequent exercise of the brams, — certain it is, 
the most profound silence was maintained, — the 
question as usual lay on the table, — the mem- 
bers quietly smoked their pipes, makhig but few 
laws, without ever enforcmg any, — and in the 
mean time the affairs of the settlement went on 
— as it pleased God. 

As most of the council were but little skilled 
in the mystery of combining pot-hooks and hang- 
ers, they determined most judiciously not to puz- 
zle either themselves or posterity with voluminous 
records. The secretary, however, kept the mui- 
utes of the council, with tolerable precision, in a 
large vellum folio, fastened with massy brass 
clasps ; the journal of each meeting consisted but 
of two lines, stating in Dutch, that " the council 
sat this day, and smoked twelve pipes, on the 
affairs of the colony." By which it appears that 
the first settlers did not regulate their time by 
hours, but pipes, in the same manner as they 
measure distances in Holland at this very time : 
an admirably exact measurement, as a pipe in the 
mouth of a true-born Dutchman is never liable 
to those accidents and irregularities that ai'e 
continually puttuig our clocks out of order. 

In this manner did the profound council of 
New Amsterdam smoke, and doze, and ponder, 
from week to week, month to month, and year to 
year, iii what mamier they should construct their 



160 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

infant settlement ; — meanwliile, the towni took 
cai'e of itself, and like a stui'dy brat which is 
suffered to run about wild, unshackled by clouts 
and bandages, and other abominations by which 
your notable nurses and sage old women cripple 
and disfigui'e the children of men, mcreased so 
rapidly m strength and magnitude, that before 
the honest bm^gomasters had determined upon 
a plan, it was too late to put it in execution, — 
whereupon they wisely abaadoned the subject 
altogether. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 161 




CHAPTER IX. 

BOW THE CITT OF NEW AMSTERDAM WAXED GREAT UNDER THE PRO 
TECTION OF ST. NICHOLAS AND THE ABSENCE OF LAWS AND STAT- 
UTES — now OLOFFE THE DREAMER BEGAN TO DREAM OF AN EXTEN- 
SION OF EMPIRE, AND OF THE EFFECT OF HIS DREAMS. 

^HERE is sometliing exceedingly delusive 
in thus looking back through the long vista 
of departed years, and catching a glimpse 
of the fairy realms of antiquity. Like a land- 
scape melting mto distance, they receive a thou- 
sand charms from their very obscurity, and the 
fancy delights to fill up their outlines with graces 
and excellences of its own creation. Thus loom 
on my imagination those happier days of our 
city, when as yet New Amsterdam was a mere 
pastoral town, shrouded in groves of sycamores 
and willows, and surrounded by trackless forests 
and wide-spreading waters, that seemed to shut 
out all the cares and vanities of a wicked world. 
In those days did this embryo city present the 
rare and noble spectacle of a community gov- 
erned without laws ; and thus being left to its 
own course, and the fostering care of Providence, 
increased as rapidly as though it had been bur- 
dened mth a dozen panniers full of those sage laws 
usually heaped on the backs of young cities — 
in order to make them grow. And in this par- 
ticular I greatly admire the wisdom and sound 
11 



162 HISTORY OF XEW YORK. 

knowledge of human nature, displayed hy the 
Bapre Oloffe the Dreamer and his fellow-lejris- 
lators. For my part, I have not so bad an 
opinion of mankind as many of my brother 
philosophers. I do not think poor human nature 
so sorry a piece of workmanship as they would 
make it out to be ; and as far as I have ob- 
served, I am fully satisfied that man, if left to 
himself, would about as readily go right as wrong. 

-It is only this eternally sounding in his ears that 

Vj it is his duty to go right, whicli makes him go 

the very reverse. The noble independence of 

I his nature i-evolts at this intolerable tyranny 
of law, and the perpetual interference of offi- 
cious morality, which are ever besetting his path 
with finger - posts and directions to " keep to 
the right, as the law directs " ; and like a spir- 
ited urchin, he turns directly contrary, and gal- 
lops through mud and mire, over hedges and 
ditches, merely to show that he is a lad of spirit, 
I and out of his leading-strings. And these opin- 
ions are amply substantiated by what I have 
above said of our worthy ancestors ; who never 
being be-preached and be-lectured, and guided 
and governed by statutes and laws and by-laws, 
as are their more enlightened descendants, did 
one and all demean themselves honestly and 
peaceably, out of pure ignorance, or, in other 
words, because they knew no better. 

Nor must I omit to record one of the earliest 
measures of this hifant settlement, inasmuch as 
it shows the piety of our forefathers, and that, 
like good Christians, they were always ready 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 163 

to serve God, after they had first served them- 
Belves. Thus, having quietly settled themselves 
down, and provided for their ovn\ comfort, they 
bethought themselves of testifying their grati- 
tude to the great and good St. Nicholas, for 
his pi'otecting care, in guiding them to this do- 
led able abode. To this end they built a fair 
and goodly chapel within the fort, which they 
consecrated to his name ; whereupon he immedi- 
ately took the town of New Amsterdam under 
his peculiar patronage, and he has ever since 
been, and I devoutly hope will ever be, the tute- 
lar saint of this excellent city. 

At this early period was instituted that pious 
ceremony, still religiously observed in all our an- 
cient families of the right breed, of hanging up 
a stocking in the chimney on St. Nicholas eve ; 
which stocking is always found in the morning 
miraculously filled ; for the good St. Nicholas 
has ever been a great giver of gifts, particularly 
to children. 

I am moreover told that there is a little leg- 
endary book, somewhere extant, written in Low 
Dutch, w^hich says, that the image of this re- 
nowned saint, which whilom graced the bowsprit 
of the Goede Vrouw, was elevated in front of 
this chapel, in the centre of what in modern 
days is called the Bowling Green, — on the very 
spot, in fact, where he appeared in vision to 
Oloffe the Dreamer. And the legend further 
tr(^.ats of divers miracles wrought by the mighty 
pipe which the saint held in his mouth, a whiff 
t)f which was a sovereign cure for indigestion,— 



164 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

an invaluable relic in this colony of brave trench« 
er-men. As, however, in spite of the most dili- 
gent search, I cannot lay ray hands upon this 
little book, I must confess that I entertain con- 
siderable doubt on the subject. 

Thus benignly fostered by the good St. Nicho- 
las, the infant city thrived apace. Hordes of 
painted savages, it is true, still lurked about tht 
unsettled parts of the island. The hunter still 
pitched his bower of skins and bark beside the 
rdls that ran through the cool and shady glens, 
while here and there might be seen, on some 
sunny knoll, a group of Indian wigwams, whose 
smoke arose above the neighboring trees, and 
floated m the transparent atmosphere. A mu- 
tual good-will, however, existed between these 
wandering beuigs and the burghers of New Am- 
sterdam. Our benevolent forefathers endeavored 
as much as possible to ameliorate their situation, 
by giving them gin, rum, and glass beads, in ex- 
change for their peltries ; for it seems the kind- 
hearted Dutchmen had conceived a great friend- 
ship for then* savage neighbors, on account of 
their being pleasant men to trade with, and little 
skilled in the art of making? a baro;ain. 

Now and then a crew of these half-human 
sons of the forest Avould make their appearance 
in the streets of New Amsterdam, fantastically 
painted and decorated with beads and flaunting 
feathers, sauntering about with an aii- of listless 
indifference, — sometimes in the market-place, in- 
structing the little Dutch boys in the use of the 
lx>w and arrow, — {it other times, inflamed with 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 165 

liquor, swaggering and whooping and yelling 
about the town like so many fiends, to the great 
dismay of all the good Avives, Avho would liuny 
Iheir children into tlie house, fasten the doors, 
and throw Avater upon the enemy from the gar- 
ret wmdows. It is worthy of mention here, that 
our forefathei^ were x^ivy particular in holding 
up these wild men as excellent domestic exam- 
ples — and for reasons that may be gathered 
from the history of master Ogilby, who tells 
us, that " for the least offence the bridegroom 
soundly beats his wife and turns her out of 
dooi-s, and marries another, insomuch that some 
of them have every year a new wife." Whether 
tliis awful example had any influence or not, his- 
tory does not mention ; but it is certain that 
our grandmothers were miracles of fidelity imd 
obedience. 

True it is, that the good understanding be- 
tween our ancestors and their savage neighboi-s 
was liable to occasional interruptions, and I have 
heard my grandmother, who was a very wise old 
woman, and well versed in the history of thcst, 
parts, tell a long story of a Avinter's evening, 
about a battle betAveen the Ncav Ariistxirdammers 
and the Indians, Avliich AA'as known by the name 
of the Peach War, and Avhich took place near Ji 
peach orchard, in a dark glen, Avhich for a lon^ 
vdiile Avent by the name of Murderer's Valley 

The legend of this sylvim Avar Avas long cur- 
rent among the nurses, old aa^vcs, and othei* an 
cient clu-oniclers of the place ; but time and 
improvement have almost obliterated both the 



166 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

tradition and the scene of battle ; for what was 
once the blood-stained valley is now in the centre 
of this populous city, and known by the name of 
Dey Street. 

I know not whether it was to this "' Peach 
war," and the acquisitions of Indian land which 
ma}^ have grown out of it, that we may ascribe 
the first seeds of the spirit of " annexation " 
wliich now began to manifest themsehes. Hith- 
erto the ambition of the worthy burghers had 
been confined to the lovely island of ]Manna-liata ; 
and Spiten Devil on the Hudson, and Hell-gate 
on the Sound, Avcre to them the pillars of Her- 
cules, the 7ie plus ultra of human enterprise. 
Shortly after the Peach war, however, a restless 
spirit was observed among the Xew Amsterdam- 
luers, who began to cast wistful looks upon the 
wild lands of then- Lidian neighbors ; for, some- 
how or other, wild Indian land always looks 
greener in the eyes of settlers than the land- 
they occupy. It is liinted that Oloffe the 
Dreamer encouraged these notions ; having, as 
has been shown, the inherent spirit of a land- 
speculator, which had been wonderfully quick- 
ened and expanded since he had become a land- 
holder. Many of the common people, who had 
never before owned a foot of land, now began to be 
discontented with the town lots which had fallen 
to their shares ; others, who had snug farms and 
tobacco- plantations, found they had not sufiicient 
elbow-room, and began to question the rights of 
the Lidians to the vast regions they pretended to 
hold, — Avhile the good Oloffe indulged in mag- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 167 

nificent dreams of foreign conquest and great 
patroonsliips in the wilderness. 

The result of these dreams were certain explor- 
ing expeditions, sent forth in various directions, 
to " sow the seeds of empire," as it was said. 
The earliest of these were conducted by Hans 
Reinier Oothout, an old navigator, famous for the 
sharpness of his vision, who could see land when 
it was quite out of sight to ordinary mortals, and 
who had a spy-glass covered Avith a bit of tar- 
pauluig, with wliich he could spy up the crook- 
edest river quite to its head -waters. He was 
accompanied by Mynheer Ten Breeches, as land- 
measurer, in case of any dispute with the In- 
dians. 

What was the consequence of these exploring 
expeditions ? In a little wliile we find a frontier 
post or trading-house called Fort Nassau, estab- 
lished far to the south on Delaware River; an- 
other, called Fort Goed Hoep (or Good Hope), 
on the Varsche, or Fresh, or Connecticut River, 
and another, called Fort Aurania (now Albany), 
away up the Hudson River ; while the bounda- 
ries of the province kept extenduig on every 
side, nobody knew wliither, far into the regions 
of Terra Incognita. 

Of the boundary feuds and troubles which the 
ambitious little province brought upon itself by 
these indefinite expansions of its territory, ^^'e 
shall treat at large in the after-pages of this 
eventful history ; sufficient for the present is it 
to say that the swelling importance of the Xew 
Netherlands awakened the attention of the 



168 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

mother-country, who, findmg it likely to jield 
mnch revenue and no trouble, began to take that 
interest in its welfare which knowing people 
evince for rich relations. 

But as this opens a new era in the fortunes of 
New Amsterdam, I will here put an end to this 
second book of my history, and Avill treat of the 
maternal policy of the mother-country in my 
next. 




BOOK m. 



IN WHICH IS RECORDED THE GOLDEN REIGN OF WOUTER 
VAN TWILLER. 



CHAPTER I. 



OF THE REXOWNED WOUTER VAN TWILLER, HIS UNPARALLELED VIRTUES 
— AS LIKEWISE HIS UNUTTERABLE WISDOM IN THE LAW-CASE OF WAN- 
DLE SCHOONHOVEN AND BAREXT BLEECKER — AND THE GREAT ADMI- 
RATION OF THE PUBLIC THEREAT. 



^RIEVOUS and very much to be com- 




miserated is the task of the feeling his- 
torian, who writes the history of liis 
native land. If it fall to his lot to be the re- 
corder of calamity or crime, the mournful page is 
watered with his tears ; nor can he recall the 
most prosperous and blissful era, without a melan- 
choly sigh at the reflection that it has passed away 
forever ! I know not whether it be owing to an 
immoderate love for the simplicity of former 
times, or to that certain tenderness of heart inci- 
dent to all sentimental historians ; but I candidly 
confess that I cannot look back on the happier 



170 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

days of our city, which I now describe, without 
great dejection of spirit. With faltering hand do 
I withdraw the curtain of obUvion, that veils the 
modest merit of our venerable ancestors, ^md as 
their figures rise to my mental vision, humble 
myself before their mighty shades. 

Such are my feelings when 1 revisit the fam- 
ily mansion of the Knickerbockers, and spend a 
lonely hour in the chamber where hang the por- 
traits of my forefathers, shrouded hi dust, like 
the forms they represent. With pious reverence 
do I gaze on the countenances of those reno^^^led 
burghers, who have preceded me in the steady 
march of existence, — whose sober and temperate 
blood now meanders tlirough my veins, flowing 
slower and slower in its feeble conduits, until its 
current shall soon be stopped forever ! 

These, I say to myself, are but frail memorials 
of the mighty men who flourished in the days of 
i-he patriarchs ; but who, alas, have long since 
mouldered in that tomb towards which my steps 
are insensibly and irresistibly hastenmg ! As I 
pace the darkened chamber and lose myself in 
melancholy musings, the shadowy images around 
me almost seem to steal once more into existence, 
— their countenances to assume the animation of 
life, — then' eyes to pursue me in every move- 
ment ! Carried away by the delusions of fancy, 
I {dmost imaguie myself surrounded by the shades 
of the departed, and holding sweet converse with 
the worthies of antiquity I All, hapless Diedrich ! 
born in a degenerate age, abandoned to the buffet- 
ings of fortune, — a stranger and a weary pilgrim 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 171 

in thy native land, — blest with no weeping wife, 
nor family of helpless children, but doomed to 
wander neglected tliroiigh those crowded streets, 
and elbowed by foreign upstarts from those fair 
abodes where once thine ancestors held sovereign 
empire ! 

Let me not, however, lose the historian in the 
man, nor suffer the doting recollections of age to 
overcome me, while dwelling with fond garruKty 
on the virtuous days of the patriarchs, — on those 
sweet days' of simplicity and ease, which never 
more will dawn on the lovely island of Mamia- 
hata. 

These melancholy reflections have been forced 
from me by the growing wealth and importance 
of New Amsterdam, which, I plahily perceive, 
are to involve it in all kinds of perils and disas- 
ters. Already, as I observed at the close of my 
last book, they had awakened the attentions of 
the mother-country. The usual mark of protec- 
tion shown by mother-countries to wealthy colo- 
nies was forthwith manifested ; a governor being 
sent out to rule over the province, and squeeze 
out of it as much revenue as possible. The ar- 
rival of a governor of course put an end to the 
protectorate of Oloffe the Dreamer. He appears, 
however, to have dreamt to some purpose during 
liis sway, as we find him afterwards living as a 
patroon on a great landed estate on the banks of 
the Hudson ; having virtually forfeited all right 
\o his ancient appellation of Kortlandt or Lack- 
land. 

It was in the vear of our Lord 1629 that 



1/2 HISTORY OF NEW J ORK. 

Mynheer Wouter Van Twiller was appointed 
governor of the province of Nieuw Nederlandts, 
under the commission and control of their High 
Mightinesses the Lords States Genei-al of the 
United Netherhmds, and the privileged Weet 
India Company. 

This renowned old gentleman arrived at New 
Amsterdam in the merry month of June, the 
sweetest month in all the year ; when dan Apollo 
seems to dance up the transparent firmament, 
— when the robin, the thrush, and a thousand 
other wanton songsters, make the woods to re- 
sound with amorous ditties, and the luxurious 
little boblincon revels among the clover -blos- 
soms of the meadows, — all which happy coinci- 
dence persuaded the old dames of New Amster- 
dam, who were skilled iii the art of foretellins: 
events, that this was to be a happy and prosper- 
ous administration. 

The renowned Wouter (or Walter) Van Twil- 
ler was descended from a long line of Dutch 
burgomasters, who had successively dozed away 
their lives, and grown fat upon the bench of 
magistracy in Rotterdam ; and who had com- 
ported themselves with such singular wisdom 
and propriety, that they were never either heard 
or talked of — which, next to being universally 
applauded, should be the object of amljition of 
ill magistrates and rulers. There ai-e two oppo- 
site ways by which some men make a figure in 
the world : one, by talking faster than they think, 
and the other, by holding their tongues and not 
thinking at all. By the first, many a smatterer 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 173 

acquires the reputation of a man of quick parts ; 
by the other, many a dunderpate, like the owl, 
the stupidest of birds, comes to be considered 
the very type of wisdom. This, by the way, is 
a casual remark, which I would not, for the uni- 
verse, have it thought I apply to Governor Van 
Twiller. It is true he was a man shut up mtliin 
himself, like an oyster, and rarely spoke, except 
hi monosyllables ; but then it was allowed he 
seldom said a foolish tliuig. So invmcible was his 
gravity that he was never Iviiown to laugh or 
even to smile through the Avhole course of a long 
and prosperous life. Nay, if a joke were uttered 
m his presence, that set light-minded hearers in 
a roai^, it was observed to throw him into a state 
of perplexity. Sometimes he would deign to in- 
quire into tlie matter, and when, after much ex- 
planation, the joke was made as plain as a pike- 
staff, he would continue to smoke his pipe in 
silence, and at length, knocking out the ashes, 
would exclaim, " Well ! I see nothing in all 
that to laugh about." 

With all his reflective habits, he never made 
up his mind on a subject. His adherents ac- 
counted for this by the astonishmg magnitude of 
his ideas. He conceived every subject on so 
grand a scale that he had not room in his head 
to turn it over and examine both sides of it. 
Certain it is, that, if any matter were propounded 
to him on which ordinary mortals would rashly 
determine at first glance, he would put on a 
vague, mysterious look, shake his capacious 
head, smoke some time in profound silence, and 



17 i HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 

at length observe, that " he had his doubts aboul 
the matter " ; which gained him the reputation 
of a man slow of belief and not easily imposed 
upon. What is more, it gained him a lasting 
lame ; for to this habit of the mind has been 
attributed his surname of Twiller ; which is said 
tc be a corruption of the original Twijfler, or, 
i: plain English, Doubter. 

The p(3rson of this illustrious old gentleman 
was formed and proportioned, as though it had 
been moulded by the hands of some cunning Dutch 
statuary, as a model of majesty and lordly gran- 
deur. He was exactly five feet six inches in 
height, and six feet five inches in circumference. 
His head was a perfect sphere, and of such stu- 
pendous dimensions, that dame Nature, -with all 
her sex's ingenuity, would liave been puzzled to 
construct a neck capable of supporting it ; where- 
fore she wasely declined the attempt, and settled it 
firmly on the top of his backbone, just between 
the shoulders. His body was oblong and particu- 
larly capacious at bottom ; which was wisely or- 
dered by Providence, seeing that he was a man of 
sedentary habits, and very averse to the idle labor 
of walking. His legs were short, but sturdy in 
proportion to the weight they had to sustain ; so 
that when erect he had not a little the appear- 
ance of a beer-barrel on skids. His face, that 
infallible index of the mind, presented a vast 
expanse, unfurrowed by any of those luies and 
angles which disfigure the human countenance 
with what is termed expression. Two small 
gray eyes twinkled feebly in the midst, like two 



UI STORY OF NEW YORK. 175 

stars of lesser magnitude in a hazy firnuiment ; 
and his full-fed cheeks, which seemed to have 
taken toll of everything that went into his mouth, 
were curiously mottled and streaked vnih du=ky 
red, like a spitzenberg apple. 

His habits were as regular as his person. lie 
daily took -his four stated meals, appropriating 
exactly an hour to each; he smoked and doubted 
eight hoiu'S, and he slept the remaining twelve 
of the four-and-twenty. Such was the renowned 
Wouter Van Twiller, — a true philosopher, for 
his mind was either elevated above, or tranquilly 
settled below, the cares and perplexities of thin 
world. He had lived in it for years, Avithout 
feelmg the least curiosity to know whether the 
sun revolved round it, or it round the sun ; and 
he had watched, for at least half a century, the 
smoke curling from his pipe to the ceiling, with- 
out once troubling his head with any of those 
numerous theories by which a philosopher Avould 
have perplexed his brain, in accounting for its 
rising above the surrounding atmosphere. 

In his council he presided ^."'h great state 
and solemnity. He sat in a huge chair of solid 
oak, hewn in the celebrated forest of the Hague, 
fal)ricated by an experienced timmerman of Am- 
sterdam, and curiously carved about the arms 
and feet, into exact imitations of gigantic eagle's 
claws. Instead of a sceptre, he swayed a long 
Turkish pipe, wrought with jasmin and amber, 
which had been presented to a stadtholder of 
Holland at the conclusion of a treaty with one 
of the petty Barbary poAvers. In this stately 



PIS TORY OF XEW YORK. 175 

Btars of lesser magnitude in a hazy fimiament ; 
and his full-fed cheeks, which seemed to have 
taken toll of everything that went into his mouth, 
were curiously mottled and streaked mth du?ky 
red, like a spitzenberg apple. 

His habits were as regular as his person. lie 
daily took -his four stated meals, appropriating 
exactly an hour to each ; he smoked and doubted 
eight hoiu'S, and he slept the remaining twelve 
of the four-and-tAventy. Such Avas the renowned 
Wouter Van Twiller, — a true philosopher, for 
his mind was either elevated above, or tranquilly 
settled below, the cares and perplexities of thin 
world. He had lived in it for years, without 
feelmg the least curiosity to knoAV whether the 
sun revolved round it, or it round the sun ; and 
he had watched, for at least half a century, the 
smoke curling from his pipe to the ceiling, with- 
out once troubling his head with any of those 
numerous theories by which a philosopher would 
have perplexed his brain, in accounting for its 
rising above the surrounding atmosphere. 

In his council he presided ■.'h great state 
and solemnity. He sat in a huge chair of solid 
oak, hewn in the celebrated forest of the Hague, 
fabricated by an experienced timmerman of Am- 
sterdam, and curiously carved about the arms 
and feet, into exact imitations of gigantic eagle'si 
claws. Instead of a sceptre, he swayed a long 
Turkish pipe, v/rought with jasmm and amber, 
which had been presented to a stadtholder of 
Holland at the conclusion of a treaty with one 
of the petty Barbary powers. In this stately 



1 



176 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

chair would he sit, and this magnificent pipe 
would he smoke, shaking his right knee Avith a 
constant motion, and fixing his eye for hours to- 
gether upon a little print of Amsterdam, wliich 
hung in a black fnmie against the opposite wall of 
the council-chamber. Nay, it has even been said, 
that when any deliberation of extraordinary length 
and intricacy was on the carpet, the renowned 
Wouter would shut his eyes for full two hours at 
a time, that he might not be disturbed by exter- 
nal objects ; and at such times the internal com- 
motion of his mind was e\nnced by certain regular 
guttural sounds, which his admirers declared were 
merely the noise of conflict, made by liis contend- 
ing doubts and opinions. 

It is with infinite difficulty I have been enabled 
to collect these biograpliical anecdotes of the great 
man under consideration. The facts respecting 
him were so scattered and vague, and divers of 
them so questionable in point of authenticity, that 
I have had to give up the search after many, 
and decUne the admission of still more, which 
would have tended to heighten the coloring of 
his portrait. 

I have been the more anxious to delin?ate 
fully the person and habits of Wouter Van TvA\- 
ler, from the consideration that he was not only 
the first, but also the best governor that ever pre- 
sided over this ancient and respectable pro^dnce ; 
and so tranquil and benevolent was his reign, that 
T do not find throughout the whole of it a single 
instance of any offender being brought to punish- 
ment, — a most indubitable sign of a merciful gov- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Ill 

eruor, and a case unparalleled, excepting in the 
reign of the illustrious King Log, from whom, it 
is hinted, the renowned Van Twiller was a Uneal 
descendant. 

The very outset of the career of this excellent 
magistrate was distinguished by an example of 
!jgal acumen, that gave flattering presage of a 
wise and equitable administration. The morning 
after he had been installed in office, and at the 
moment that he was making his breakfast from a 
prodigious earthen dish, filled with milk and In- 
dian pudding, he was interrupted by the appear- 
ance of Wandle Schoonhoven, a very important 
old burgher of New Amsterdam, who complained 
bitterly of one Bai'ent Bleecker, inasmuch as he 
refused to come to a settlement of accounts, see- 
ing that there was a heavy balance in favor of 
the said Wandle. Governor Van Twiller, as I 
have already observed, was a man of few words ; 
he was likewise a mortal enemy to multiplying 
writings — or being disturbed at his breakfast. 
Having listened attentively to the statement of 
Wandle Schoonhoven, giving an occasional grunt, 
as he shovelled a spoonful of Indian pudding 
into his mouth, — either as a sign that he rel- 
ished the dish, or comprehended the story, — he 
called unto him his constable, and pulling out of 
his breeches-pocket a huge jack-knife, dispatched 
iL after the defendant as a summons, accompanied 
by his tobacco-box as a warrant. 

This summary process was as effectual in those 
simple days as was the seal-ring of the great Ha- 
roun Alraschid among the true believers. Thti 
12 



)t 



178 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

two parties being confi'onted before him, each 
produced a book of accounts, ^^^*itten in a lan- 
guage and character that would have puzzled any 
but a Higli-Dutch commentator, or a learned deci- 
pherer of Egyptian obelisks. The sage Wouter 
took them one after the other, and having poised 
them in his hands, and attentively counted over 
the number of leaves, fell straightAvay into a very 
great doubt, and smoked for half an hour without 
raying a word ; at length, laying his finger beside 
Lis nose, and shutting his eyes for a moment, 
with the air of a man who has just caught a 
subtle idea by the tail, he slowly took his pipe 
from his mouth, puffed forth a column of tobacco- 
smoke, and ^\\i\\ marvellous gravity and solem- 
nity pronounced, that, having carefully counted 
over the leaves and weighed the books, it was 
found, that one was just as thick and as heavy 
as the other : therefore, it was the final opinion 
of the court that the accounts were equally bal- 
anced : therefore, Wandle should give Barent 
a receipt, and Barent should give Wandle a 
receipt, and the constable should pay the costs. 
This decision, being straightway made kno^vn, 
diffused general joy throughout New Amsterdam, 
for the people immediately perceived that they 
had a very wise and equitable magistrate to inile 
over them. But its liappiest effect was, that not 
anotlier laAVSuit took place throughout the whole 
of his administration ; and the office of constable 
fell into such decay, that there was not one of 
tliose losel scouts known in the province for many 
years. T am the more particular in dwelling 



' HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 179 

on this transaction, not only because I deem it 
one of the most sage and righteous judgments on 
record, and well worthy the attention of mod- 
ern magistrates, but because it was a miracu- 
lous event in the history of the reno^vned "Wouter, 
— being the only tune he Avas ever known to 
oome to a decision in the whole course of his life. 



180 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER n. 

JONTAINING SOME ACCOUNT OP THE GRAND COUNCIL OF NEW AMSTKB- 
DAM, AS ALSO DIVERS ESPECIAL GOOD PHILOSOPHICAL REASONS WHl 
AN ALDERMAN SHOULD BE FAT — WITH OTHER PARTICULARS TOUCH- 
ING THE STATE OF THE PROVINCE. 

^^N treating of the early governors of the 
v7/ke pi'o^'ii^ce, I must caution my readers 
against confounding them, in point of 
dignity and power, with those worthy gentlemen 
who are whimsically denominated governors in 
this enlightened republic, — a set of unhappy 
victims of popularity, who are, in fact, the most 
dependent, hen-pecked beings in the community ; 
doomed to bear the secret goadings and correc- 
tions of their own party, and the sneers and re- 
vilings of the whole world beside ; set up, like 
geese at Christmas holidays, to be pelted and 
shot at by every whipster and vagabond in the 
land. On the contrary, the Dutch governors en- 
joyed that uncontrolled authority vested in all 
commanders of distant colonies or territories. 
They were, in a manner, absolute despots in 
their little domains, lording it, if so disposed, 
over both law and gospel, and accountable Xo 
none but the mother-country ; which it is well 
kno-wTi is astonishingly deaf to all complaints 
against its governors, provided they discharge the 
raain duty of their station — - squeezing out a good 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 181 

revenue. This hint will be of importance, to pre- 
vent my readers from being seized with doubt 
ajid incredulity, whenever, in the course of this 
authentic history, they encounter the uncommon 
circumstance of a governor acting with indepen- 
dence, and in opposition to the opinions of tlie 
multitude. 

To assist the doubtful Wouter in the arduous 
business of legislation, a board of magistrates 
was appointed, Avhich presided immediately over 
tlie police. This potent body consisted of a 
schout or bailiff, with powers between those of 
the present mayor and sheriff; five burgermees- 
ters, who were equivalent to aldermen ; and five 
schepens, who officiated as scrubs, subdevils, or 
bottle-holders to the burgermeesters, in the same 
manner as do assistant aldermen to their princi- 
pals at the present day, — it being their duty to 
fill the pipes of the lordly burgermeesters, hunt 
the markets for delicacies for corpoi'ation din- 
ners, and to discharge such other little offices of 
kindness as were occasionally required. It was, 
moreover, tacitly understood, though not specifi- 
cally enjoined, that they should consider them- 
selves as butts for the blunt vnts of the burger- 
meesters, and should laugh most heartily at all 
their jokes ; but this last was a duty as rarely 
called in action in those days as it is at pres- 
ent, and was shortly remitted, in consequence of 
the tragical death of a fi^t little schepen, who 
actually died of suffocation in an unsuccessful 
effort to force a laugh at one of burgermeester 
Van Zandt's best jokes. 



182 • HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

In return for these humble services, they were 
permitted to say yes and no at the council-board, 
and to have that enviable privilege, the run of 
the public kitchen, — being graciously permitted 
to eat, and drink, and smoke, at all those snug 
junketings and public gormandizings for which 
the ancient magistrates were equally famous with 
llieir modern successors. The post of schepen, 
therefore, like that of assistant alderman, was 
eagerly coveted by all your burghers of a certain 
description, who have a huge relish for good 
feeding, and an humble ambition to be great men 
in a small way, — who thirst after a little brief 
authority, that shall render them the terror of the 
alms-house and the bridewell, — that shall enable 
tliem to lord it over obsequious poverty, vagrant 
vice, outcast prostitution, and hunger-driven dis- 
honesty, — that shall give to their beck a hound- 
like pack of catchpolls and bumbailiffs — tenfold 
greater rogues than the culprits they hunt down ! 
My readers will excuse this sudden warmth, which 
I confess is unbecoming of a grave historian, — 
but I have a mortal antipathy to catchpolls, bum- 
bailiffs, and little-great men. 

The ancient magistrates of this city corre- 
sponded with those of the present time no less in 
form, magnitude, and intellect, than in preroga- 
tive and privilege. The burgomasters, like our 
aldermen, were generally chosen by weight, — 
and not only the weight of the body, but like- 
wise the Aveight of the head. It is a maxim 
practically observed in all honest, plain-thinking, 
regular cities, that an alderman should be fat, — 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 183 

aiid the wisdom of this can be proved to a cer- 
tainty. That the body is in some measure an 
image of the mind, or rather that the mind is 
moulded to the body, like melted lead to the clay 
in which it is cast, lias been insisted on by many 
[)hilosophers, who have made human nature their 
peculiar study ; for, as a learned gentleman of 
01 n' own city observes, " there is a constant re- 
lation between the moral character of all intelli- 
gent creatures and their physical constitution, 
between their habits and the structure of their 
bodies." Thus we see that a lean, spare, dimin- 
utive body is generally accompanied by a petu- 
lant, restless, meddling mind : either the mind 
wears down tlie body, by its continual motion, 
or else the body, not affording the mind sufficient 
house-room, keeps it continually in a state of 
fretfulness, tossing and worrymg about from the 
uneasiness of its situation. Wliereas your I'ound, 
sleek, fat, unwieldy periphery is ever attended by 
a mind like itself, tranquil, torpid, and at ease ; 
and we may always observe, that your well-fed, 
robustious burghers are in general very tenacious 
of their ease and comfort, being great enemies 
to noise, discord, and disturbance, — and surely 
none are more likely to study the public tranquil- 
lity than those who are so careful of their oAvn. 
Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or 
herdinof too;ether in turbulent mobs ? — no — no : 
*t is your lean, hungry men who are continu- 
ally worrying society, and setting the whole com- 
munity by the ears. 

The divine Plato, whose doctrines are not suf- 



184 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

ficiently attended to by philosophers of the pres- 
ent age, allows to every man three souls : one, 
immortal and rational, seated in the brain, that it 
may overlook and i-egulate the body ; a second, 
consisting of the surly and irascible passions 
which, like belligerent powers, lie encamped 
;vround the heart ; a third, mortal and sensual, 
destitute of reason, gross and brutal in its pro- 
pensities, and enchained in the belly, that it may 
not disturb the divine soul by its ravenous bowl- 
ings. Now, according to this excellent theory, 
what can be more clear than that your fat alder- 
man is most likely to have the most regular and 
well-conditioned mind. His head is like a huge 
spherical chamber, containing a prodigious mass 
of soft brains, whereon the rational soul lies 
softly and snugly couched, as on a feather-bed ; 
and the eyes, which are the windoAvs of the bed- 
chamber, are usually half closed, that its slum- 
berings may not be disturbed by external objects. 
A mind thus comfortably lodged, and protected 
from disturbance, is manifestly most likely to 
perform its functions with regularity and ease. 
Bv dint of jj-ood feedinor, moreover, the mortal and 
malignant soul, which is confined in the belly, and 
which, by its raging and roaring, puts the irritable 
soul in the neighborhood of the heart in an intol- 
erable passion, and thus renders men crusty anfl 
quarrelsome when hungry, is completely pacified, 
silenced, and put to rest, — whereupon a host of 
honest, good -fellow qualities and kind-hearted 
affections, which had lain perdue, slyly peeping 
ftut of the loop-holes of the heart, finding thw 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 185 

cerbenis casleep, do pluck up their spirits, turn 
out one and all in their holiday suits, and gambol 
up and do^^ni the diaphragm, — disposing their 
possessor to laughter, good-humor, and a thou- 
sand friendly offices towards his fellow-mortals. 
As a board of magistrates, formed on this prin- 
ciple, think but very little, they are the less 
likely to differ and wrangle about favorite opin- 
ions ; and as they generally transact business 
upon a hearty dinner, they are naturally disposed 
to be lenient and indulgent in the administration 
of their duties. Charlemagne Avas conscious of 
this, and therefore ordered in his cartularies, that 
no judge should hold a court of justice, except in. 
the morning, on an empty stomach. — A pitiful 
rule, which I can never forgive, and which I 
warrant bore hard upon all the poor culprits in 
the kingdom. The more enlightened and humane 
generation of the present day have taken an 
opposite course, and have so managed that the 
aldermen are the best-fed men in the community ; 
feasting lustily on the fat things of the land, and 
gorging so heartily on oysters and turtles, that in 
process of time they acquire the activity of the 
one, and the form, the waddle, and the green fat 
of the other. The consequence is, as I have just 
said, these luxurious feastings do produce such a 
dulcet equanimity and repose of the soul, rational 
and irrational, that their transactions are prover- 
bial for unvarying monotony ; and the profound 
laws which they enact in their dozing moments, 
amid the labors of digestion, are quietly suffered 
to remain as dead letters, and never enforced, 



188 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 

Dtic tavern of Martliiig echo with the wranglinga 
of the mob. 

Li these good times did a true and enviable 
equality of rank and property prevail, equally 
removed from the arrogance of wealth, and the 
servility and heart-burnings of repining poverty ; 
and, Avhat in my mind is still more conducive 
to tranquillity and harmony among friends, a 
happy equality of hitellect was likewise to be 
seen. The minds of the good burghers of New 
Amsterdam seemed all to liave been cast in one 
mould, and to be tliose honest, blunt minds, which, 
like certain manufactures, are made by the gross, 
and considered as exceedingly good for common 
use. 

Thus it happens that your true dull minds are 
generally preferred for public employ, and espe- 
cially promoted to city honors ; your keen intel- 
lects, like razors, being considered too sharp for 
common service. I know that it is common to rail 
at the unequal distribution of riches, as tlie great 
source of jealousies, broils, and heart-breakings ; 
whereas, for my part, I verily believe it is the sad 
inequality of intellect that prevails, that embroils 
communities more than anything else ; and I 
have remarked that your knowing people, who 
are so much wiser than anybody else, are eter- 
nally keeping society in a ferment. Happily for 
New Amsterdam, nothing of the kmd was known 
within its walls ; the very words of learning, ed- 
ucation, taste, and talents were unheard of; a 
brio;ht fjrenius was an animal unknown, and a blue- 
stocking lady would have been regarded with as 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 189 

much wonder as a horned frog or a fiery dragon. 
No man, in fact, seemed to know more than his 
neiglibor, nor any man to know more than an 
honest man ought to know, who has nobody's 
business to mind but his own ; the parson ;ifid 
the council clerk were the only men that a)uld 
read in the community, and the sage Van 1 wilier 
always signed his name with a cross. 

Thrice happy and ever to be envied little 
Burgh ! existing in all the security of harmless 
insignificance, — unnoticed and unenvied by the 
world, without ambition, without vamglory, with- 
out riches, without learning, and all their train of 
carking cares ; — and as of yore, in the better 
da,ys of man, the deities were wont to visit 
him on earth and bless his rm-al habitations, so, 
we are told, in the sylvan days of New Amster- 
dam, the good St. Nicholas v/ould often make liis 
appearance in his beloved city, of a holiday after- 
noon, riding jollily among the tree-tops, or over 
the roofs of the houses, now and then drawing forth 
magnificent presents from his breeches-pockets, 
and dropping them down the chimneys of his 
favorites. Wliereas, in these degenerate days of 
iron and brass, he never shows us the light of his 
countenance, nor ever visits us, save one night in 
the year, when he rattles down the chimneys of 
the descendants of patriarchs, confining his pres- 
ents merely to the children, in token of the de- 
generacy of the parents. 

Such are the comfortable and thriving effects 
of a fat government. The province of the New 
Netherlands, destitute of wealth, possessed a 



190 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Bweet tranquillity that wealth could never pur- 
chase. There were neither public commotions, 
nor private quarrels ; neither parties, nor sects, 
nor schisms ; neither pei-secutions, nor trials, nor 
punishments ; nor were there counsellors, attor- 
neys, catchpolls, or hangmen. Every man at- 
tended to what little bushiess he was lucky enough 
to have, or neglected it if he pleased, without 
asking the opinion of his neighbor. In those 
days nobody meddled with concerns above his 
comprehension ; nor thrust his nose into other 
people's affairs ; nor neglected to correct his own 
conduct, and reform his own character, in his 
zeal to pull to pieces the characters of others ; — 
but, in a word, every respectable citizen ate 
when he was not hungry, drank when he was not 
thirsty, and went regularly to bed when the sun 
set and the fowls went to roost, whether he was 
sleepy or not ; all which tended so remarkably to 
the population of the settlement, that I am told 
every dutiful w\^q throughout New Amsterdam 
made a point of enriching her husband with at 
least one child a year, and very often a brace, — 
this superabundance of good things clearly consti- 
tuting the true luxury of life, according to the 
favorite Dutch maxim, that " more than enough 
constitutes a feast." Everything, therefore, went 
on exactly as it should do, and in the usual words 
employed by historians to expi-ess the welfare of 
a country, " the profoundest tranquillity anH repose 
reigned throughout the province." 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 191 




CHAPTER m. 

low THE TOWX OF NEW AMSTERDAM AROSE OUT OF MOD, AND CAUI 
TO BE MARVELLOUSLY POLISHED AND POLITE — TOGETHER WITH A 
PICTURE 01 THE MANNERS OP OUR OREAT-GREAT-GRAiNDFATHEBS 

^ANIFOLD are the tastes and disposi- 
tions of the enlightened literati, who 
turn over the pages of history. Some 
here be whose hearts are brimful of the yeast 
of courage, and whose bosoms do work, and 
swell, and foam, with untried valor, hke a barrel 
of new cider, or a train-band captain, fresh from 
under the hands of his tailor. This doughty 
class of readers can be satisfied with nothing but 
bloody battles, and horrible encounters ; they 
must be continually storming forts, sacking cities, 
springing mines, marching up to the muzzles of 
cannon, charging bayonet through every page, 
and revelling in gunpowder and carnage. Others, 
who are of a less martial, but equally ardent 
imagination, and who, withal, are a little given 
to the marvellous, Avill dwell with wondrous 
satisfaction on descriptions of prodigies, unheard- 
of events, hair-breadth escapes, hardy adventures, 
and all those astonishing narrations which just 
amble along the boundary-line of possibility. A 
third class, who, not to speak slightly of them, 
are of a lighter turn, and skim over the records 



192 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

of past times, as they do over tlie edifying pages 
of a novel, merely for relaxation and iimocent 
amusement, do singularly delight in treasons, 
executions. Sabine rapes, Tarquin outrages, con- 
flagrations, murders, and all the other catalogue 
of hideous crimes, wliich, like cayenne in cookeiy, 
do give a pungency and flavor to the dull detail 
of history. While a fourth class, of more philo- 
sophic habits, do diligently pore over the musty 
chronicles of time, to investigate the operations 
of the human kind, and watch the gradual 
changes in men and manners, effected by the 
progress of knowledge, the vicissitudes of events, 
or the influence of situation. 

If the three first classes find but little where- 
withal to solace themselves in the tranquil reign 
of Wouter Van Twiller, I entreat them to exert 
their patience for a while, and bear with the 
tedious picture of happiness, prosperity, and 
peace, which my duty as a faithful historian 
obliges me to draw ; and I promise them, that, 
as soon as I can possibly alight on anything 
horrible, uncommon, or impossible, it shall go 
hard, but I will make it afford them entertain- 
ment. This bemg premised, I turn with great 
complacency to the fourth class of my readers, 
who are men, or, if possible, women after my 
own heart; grave, philosophical, and investigat- 
ing ; fond of analyzing characters, of taking a 
start from first causes, and so hunting a nation 
do^\ai, through all the mazes of imiovation and 
improvement. Such will naturally be anxious 
to witness the first development of the newly- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 103 

hatched colony, and the primitive manners and 
customs prevalent among its inhabitants, during 
the halcyon reign of Van Twiller, or the Doubter. 
I will not grieve their patience, however, by 
describing minutely the increase and improve- 
ment of New Amsterdam. Their own imagina- 
tions will doubtless present to them the good 
burghers, like so many painstaking and persever- 
ing beavers, slowly and surely pursuing their 
labors : they will behold the prosperous trans- 
formation from the rude log hut to the stately 
Dutch mansion, -with brick front, glazed windows, 
and tiled roof; from the tangled thicket to the 
luxuriant cabbasre-srarden ; and from the skulk- 
ing Indian to the ponderous burgomaster. In a 
word, they wiil picture to themselves the steady, 
silent, and undeviating march of prosperity inci- 
dent to a city destitute of pride or ambition, 
cherished by a fat government, and whose citizens 
do nothing in a hurry. 

The sage council, as has been mentioned in a 
preceding chapter, not being able to determine 
upon any plan for the building of their city, — 
the cows, in a laudable fit of patriotism, took it 
under their peculiar charge, and, as they went to 
and from pasture, established paths through the 
bushes, on each side of which the good folks 
built their houses, — wliich is one cause of the 
rambling and picturesque turns and labyrinths 
which distinguish certain streets of New York 
at this very day. 

The houses of the liigher class were generally 
constructed of wood, excepting the gable end 
13 



194 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

which was of small, black and yellow Dutch bricks, 
and always faced on the street, as our ancestors, 
like their descendants, were very much given to 
outward show, and were noted for putting the 
best leg foremost. The house -was always fur- 
nished with abundance of large doors aixl small 
mndows on every floor, the date of its erection 
was curiously designated by iron figures on the 
front, and on the top of the roof was perched a 
fierce little weathercock, to let the family into 
the important secret which way the wind blew. 

These, like the weathercocks on the tops of 
our steeples, pointed so many different ways, 
that every man could have a wind to his mind ; 
— the most stanch and loyal citizens, however, 
always went according to the weathercock on 
the top of the governor's house, which was cer- 
tainly the most correct, as he had a trusty ser- 
vant employed every morning to chmb up and 
set it to the right quarter. 

In those good days of simplicity and sunshine, 
a passion for cleanliness was the leading principle 
in domestic economy, and the universal test of 
an able housewife, — a character which formed 
the utmost ambition of our unenlightened grand- 
mothers. The front -door was never opened, 
except on marriages, funerals, New -Year's days, 
the festival of St. Nicholas, or some such great 
occasion. It was ornamented with a gorgeous 
brass knocker, curiously 's\Tought, sometimes in 
the device of a dog, and sometimes of a lion's 
head, and was daily burnished with such relig- 
ious zeal, that it was oft times worn out by the 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 195 

very precautions taken for its preservation. The 
svliole house Avas constantly in a state of inunda- 
tion, under the discipline of mops and brooms 
and scrubbing-brushes; and the good housewives 
of those days were a kind of amphibious animal, 
delighting exceedingly to be dabbling in water, — ■ 
insomuch that an historian of the day gravely 
tells us, that many of his townswomen grew to 
have webbed fingers like unto a duck ; and some 
of them, he had little doubt, could the matter be 
examined into, would be found to have the tails 
of mermaids, — but this I look upon to be a mere 
sport of fancy, or, what is worse, a wilful misrep- 
resentation. 

The grand parlor was the sanctum sanctorum, 
where the passion for cleaning was indulged 
without control. In this sacred apartment no 
one was permitted to enter, excepting the mis- 
tress and her confidential maid, who visited it 
once a week, for the purpose of giving it a thor- 
ough cleaning, and putting things to rights, — 
always taking the precaution of leaving their shoes 
at the door, and entering devoutly on their stock- 
ing-feet. After scrubbing the floor, sprinkling it 
with fine white sand, which was curiously stroked 
into angles and curves and rhomboids with a 
broom, — after washing the Avindows, rubbing 
and polishing the furniture, and putting a ncAV 
bunch of evergreens in the fireplace, — the win- 
doAV-shutters Avere again closed to keep out the 
flics, and the room carefully locked up until the 
revolution of time brought round the weekly 
eleaning-day. 



1.96 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

As to the family, they always entered in at 
the gate, and most generally lived in the kitclien. 
To have seen a numerous household assem- 
bled round the fire, one would have imagined 
lliat he was transported back to those happy 
(lays of primeval simplicity, which float before 
our ima<]juiations like golden visions. The fire- 
phices were of a truly patriarchal magnitude, 
fvhere the whole family, old and young, master 
and servant, black and white, nay, even tlie very 
cat and dog, enjoyed a connnunity of privilege, 
and had each a right to a corner. Here the old 
burgher would sit in perfect silence, pufl^ng his 
pipe, looking in the fire with half-shut eyes, 
and thinking of nothing for hours together ; the 
goede vrouw, on the opposite side, would employ 
herself dihgently in spuming yarn, or knitting 
stockings. The young folks ^^'ould crowd aroimd 
the hearth, listening with breathless attention tc 
some old crone of a negro, who was the oracle 
of the family, and who, perched like a raven in 
a corner of the chimney, \\'ould croak forth for 
a long winter afternoon a string of incredible 
stories about New -England witches, — grisly 
ghosts, horses without heads, — and hair-breadtl' 
escapes, and bloody encounters among the In- 
dians. 

In those happy days a Avell-regulated family 
always rose with the dawn, dined at eleven, and 
went to bed at sunset. Dinner was invariably a 
private meal, and the fat old burghers showed hi- 
contestible signs of disapprobation and uneasiness 
at being surprised by a visit from a neighbor on 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK 107 

such occasions. But though our Avorthy ances- 
tors Avere thus singularly averse to giving din- 
ners, yet they kept up the social bands of inti- 
macy by occasional banquetings, called tea-par- 
ties. 

These fashionable parties were generally con- 
fined to the higher classes, or noblesse, that is to 
say, such as kept their own cows, and drove their 
own wagons. The company commonly assembled 
at three o'clock, and went away about six, unless 
it was in winter-time, when the fashionable hours 
were a little earlier, that the ladies might get 
homo before dark. The tea-table was crowned 
with a huge earthen dish, well stored with slices 
of fat pork, fried brown, cut up into morsels, and 
swimming in gravy. The company being setitod 
round the genial board, and each furnished with 
a fork, evinced their dexterity in launching at 
the fattest pieces in this mighty dish, — in much 
the same manner as sailoi-s harpoon porpoises 
at sea, or our Indians spear salmon in the lakes. 
Sometimes the table was graced with immense 
apple-pies, or saucers full of preserved peaches 
and pears ; but it was always sure to boast an 
enormous dish of balls of sweetened dough, fi i« J 
in hog's fat, and called doughnuts, or olykoek.s- 
a delicious kind of cake, at present scarce knO'V: 
in this city, except in genuine Dutch families. 

The tea was served out of a majestic Delft 
.ea-pot, ornamented with paintings of fat little 
Dutch shepherds and shepherdesses tending pigs 
with, boats sailing in the air, and houses built in 
the clouds, and sundry other ingenious Dutch 



198 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

fantasies. The beaux cll.stiuguislied themselves 
by their adroitness in replenishing this pot from 
a huge copper tea-kettle, which would have made 
the pigmy macaronies of these degenerate days 
sweat merely to look at it. To sweeten the bev- 
erage, a lump of sugar was laid beside each cup, 
and the company alternately nibbled and sij»peJ 
with great decorum, until an improvement was 
introduced by a shrewd and economic old lady^ 
which was to suspend a large lump directly over 
the tea-table, by a string from the ceiling, so that 
it could be swung from mouth to mouth, — an in- 
genious expedient, which is still kept up by some 
families in Albany, but which prevails without 
exception in Communipaw, Bergen, Flatbush, 
and all our uncontaminated Dutch villages. 

At these primitive tea-parties the utmost pro- 
priety and dignity of deportment prevailed. No 
flirting nor coquetting, — no gambling of old la- 
dies, nor hoyden chattering and romping of young 
ones, — no self-satisfied struttings of wealthy gen- 
tlemen, witli their brains in their pockets, nor 
amusing conceits and monkey divertisements of 
smart young gentlemen, with no brains at all. On 
the contrary, the young ladies seated themselves 
demurely in their rush-bottomed chairs, and knit 
their own woollen stockings ; nor ever opened 
tlieir lipsexcep ting to say yah Mynheer^ or, yah 
ya Vrouw, to any question that was asked them ; 
behaving in all things like decent, well-educated 
damsels. As to the gentlemen, each of them 
tranquilly smoked his pipe, and seemed lost in 
coutcmplalion of the blue and white tiles with 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 199 

«vliicli the fireplaces Avere decorated ; wherein sun- 
dry passages of Scripture were piously portrayed : 
Tobit and his dooj fiojured to orreat advantage ; 
Haman swung conspicuously on his gibbet ; and 
Jonah appeared most manfully bouncing out of 
the whale, like Haideqtdn tlu'ough a barrel of 
fire. 

The parties broke up without noise and with- 
out confusion. They were carried home by their 
own carriages, that is to say, by the vehicles nature 
had provided them, excepting such of the wealthy 
as could afford to keep a wagon. The gentlemen 
gallantly attended their fair ones to their respec- 
tive abodes, and took leave of them with a hearty 
Bmack at the door : which, as it was an estab- 
lished piece of etiquette, done in perfect simplici- 
ty and honesty of heart, occasioned no scandal at 
that time, nor should it at the present ; — if our 
great-grandfathers approved of the custom, it 
would argue a great want of deference in their 
descendants to say a word against it. 



200 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER IV. 




rOKTAIMXa FORTHER PARTICULARS OP THE GOLDEN AGE, AND WHAT 
OOXSTITUTED A FINE LADT AND GENTLEMAN IN THE DATS OF WAL- 
TER THE DOUBTER. 



•N this dulcet period of my history, when 
>\^i^ the beauteous ishind of Mamia-hata pre- 
liS^S sented a scene, the very counterpart of 
those glowing pictures draMii of the golden reign 
of Saturn, there was, as I have before observed, 
a happy ignorance, an honest simplicity prevalent 
among its inhabitants, which, were I even able to 
depict, would be but little understood by the de- 
generate age for which I am doomed to Avrite. 
Even the female sex, those arch innovators upon 
the tranquillity, the honesty, and gray -beard cus- 
toms of society, seemed for a while to conduct 
themselves with incredible sobriety and comeli- 
ness. 

Their hair, untortured by the abominations of 
art, was scrupulously pomatumed back from their 
foreheads with a candle, and covered with a little 
cap of quilted calico, which fitted exactly to 
their heads. Their petticoats of Imsey-woolsey 
were striped with a variety of gorgeous dyes, — 
though I must confess these gallant garments 
were rather short, scarce reaching below the 



BISTORT OF NEW YORK. 201 

knee ; but then they made up in the number, 
which generally equalled that of the gentleman's 
small-clothes ; and what is still more praisewor- 
thy, they were all of their own manufacture, — • 
of which circumstance, as may well be supposed, 
they were not a little vain. 

These were the honest days in Avhich every 
woman staid at home, read the Bible, and wore 
pockets, — ay, and that too of a goodly size, fash- 
ioned ^\'ith patchwork into many curious devices, 
and ostentatiously worn on the outside. These, 
in fact, were convenient receptacles, where all 
good housev/ives carefully stored away such 
things as they wished to have at hand ; by which 
means they often came to be incredibly crammed ; 
and I remember there was a story current, when 
I was a boy, that the lady of Wouter Van Tmller 
once had occasion to empty her right pocket in 
search of a wooden ladle, when the contents filled 
a couple of corn-baskets, and the utensil was dis- 
covered lying among some rubbish in one corner; 
• — but Ave must not give too much faith to all 
these stories, the anecdotes of those remote peri- 
ods being very subject to exaggeration. 

Besides these notable pockets, they likewise 
wore scissors and pin-cushions suspended from 
their girdles by red ribands, or, among the more 
opulent and showy classes, by brass, and even sil- 
ver chains, — indubitable tokens of thrifty house- 
wives and industrious spinsters. I cannot say 
much in vindication of the shortness of the petti- 
coats ; it doubtless was introduced for the purpose 
of giving the stockings a chance to be seen, which 



202 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

were generally of blue worsted, vdx^a magnificent 
red clocks, — or, perhaps, to display a well-turned 
ankle, and a neat, though serviceable foot, set off 
by a high-heeled leathern shoe, with a large and 
splendid silver buckle. Thus we find that the 
gentle sex in all ages have shown the same dis- 
position to infringe a little upon the laws of deco- 
rum, in order to betray a lurking beauty, or grat- 
iiy an innocent love of finery. 

From the sketch here given, it will be seen 
that our good grandmothers differed considerably 
in their ideas of a fine figure from their scantily 
dressed descendants of the present day. A fine 
lady, in those times, waddled under more clothes, 
even on a fair summer's day, than woidd have 
clad the whole bevy of a modern ball-room. 
Nor were they the less admii-ed by the gentle- 
men in consequence thereof On the contrary, 
the greatness of a lover's passion seemed to in- 
crease in proportion to the magnitude of its 
object, — and a voluminous damsel, arrayed in a 
dozen of petticoats, was declared by a Low-Dutch 
sonneteer of the province to be radiant as a sun- 
flower, and luxuriant as a full-blo^vai cabbage. 
Certain it is, that in those days the heart of a 
lover could not contain more than one lady at a 
time ; whereas the heart of a modern gallant has 
often room enough to accommodate half a dozen. 
The reason of which I conclude to be, that either 
the hearts of the gentlemen have grown larger, 
or the persons of the ladies smaller : this, how- 
ever, is a question for physiologists to determine. 

But there was a secret charm in these petti- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 203 

coats, which, no doubt, entered into the consider- 
ation of the prudent galhints. The wardrobe of 
lady was in those days her only fortune ; and 
she who had a good stock of petticoats and stock- 
mgs was as absolutely an heiress as is a Kam- 
tchatka damsel with a store of bear-skins, or a 
Lapland belle with a plenty of reindeer. The 
ladies, therefore, were very anxious to display 
these powerful attractions to the greatest advan- 
tage ; and the best rooms in the house, instead 
of being adorned with caricatures of dame Na- 
ture, in water - colors and needle - work, Avere 
always hung round with abundance of homespmi 
garments, the manufacture and the property of 
the females, — a piece of laudable ostentation 
that still prevails among the heiresses of our 
Dutch villages. 

The gentlemen, in fact, who figured in the cir- 
cles of the gay world m these ancient times, cor- 
responded, in most particulars, with the beauteous 
damsels whose smiles they were ambitious to 
deserve. True it is, their merits would make 
but a very inconsiderable impression upon the 
heart of a modern fair : they neither drove th(iir 
cmTicles, nor sported their tandems, for as yet 
those gaudy vehicles were not even dreamt of; 
neither did they distinguish themselves by their 
brilliancy at the table, and their consequent ren- 
contres with watchmen, for our forefathers were 
of too pacific a disposition to need those guardians 
of the night, every soul throughout the town 
being sound asleep before nine o'clock. Neither 
did they establish their claims to gentility at the 



20d HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

expense of their tailors, for as yet those ofTendei-s 
against tlie pockets of society, and the tranquiUity 
of all aspiring young gentlemen, were unknown 
in New Amsterdam ; every good housewife made 
the clotlies of her luisband and family, and even 
the goede vrouv*^ of Van Twiller himself thought 
it no disparagement to cut out her husband's 
linsey-woolsey galligaskins. 

Not but what there were some two or three 
youngsters who manifested the first daA\niing of 
what is called fire and spirit ; who held all labor 
in contempt ; skulked about docks and market- 
places ; loitered in the sunshine ; squandered 
what little money they could procure at hustle- 
cap and chuck -fartliing ; swore, boxed, fought 
cocks, and raced their neighbors' horses ; in 
short, who promised to be the wonder, the talk, 
and abomination of the town, had not their stylish 
career been unfortunately cut short by an affair 
of honor with a whipping-post. 

Far other, however, was the truly fashionable 
gentleman of those days : his dress, which served 
for both morning and evening, street and draw- 
ing-room, Avas a linsey-woolsey coat, made, pei'- 
haps, by the fair hands of the mistress of liis af- 
fections, and gallantly bedecked witli al)unda]ice 
of large brass buttons ; half a score of bieeches 
heightened the proportions of his figure ; his sliocs 
were decorated by enormous copper buckles ; a 
low-crowned broad-rimmed hat overshadowed his 
burly visage ; and his hair dangled down his 
back in a prodigious queue of eel-skin. 

Thus equipped, he would manfully sally forth, 




Knickerbocker, p. 205. 



HISTORY OF NEW JOL.r 205 

with pipe in mouth, to besiege some fair damsel's 
obdurate heart, — not such a pipe, good reader, 
as that which Acis did sweetly tune in praise of 
his Galatea, but one of true Delft manufacture, 
and furnished Avitli a cliarge of fragrant tobacco. 
With this would he resolutely set himself do\\Ti 
before the fortress, and rarely failed, in the pro- 
cess of time, to smoke tlie fair enemy into a sur- 
render, upon honorable terms. 

Such Avas the happy reign of Wouter Van 
Twiller, celebrated in many a long-forgotten song 
as the real golden age, the rest being nothing but 
counterfeit copper-washed coin. In that delight- 
ful period, a sweet and holy calm reigned over 
the whole province. The burgomaster smoked 
his pipe in peace ; the substantial solace of his 
domestic cares, after her daily toils were done, 
sat soberly at the door, with her arms crossed 
over her apron of snowy white, Avithout being 
insulted with ribald street- walkers or vagabond 
boys, — those unlucky urchins who do so infest 1/ 
our streets, displaying, under the roses of youth, 
the thorns and briers of iniquity. Tlien it was 
that the lover with ten breeches, and the damsel 
with petticoats of half a score, indulged in all the 
innocent endearments of virtuous love, without 
fear and without reproach ; for what had that 
virtue to fear, which was defended by a shield of 
good linsey-woolseys, equal at least to the seven 
bull-hides of the invincible Ajax ? 

Ah, blissful and never to be forgotten age ! 
when everything was better than it has ever been 
^ince, or ever will be again, — when Buttermilk 



206 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Channel was quite dry at low water, — when the 
shad in the Hudson were ail salmon, — and when 
the moon shone with a pure and resplendent 
whiteness, instead of that melancholy yellow light 
which is the consequence of her sickening at the 
abominations she every night witnesses in this 
degenerate city ! 

Happy would it have been for New Amster- 
dam could it always have existed in this state of 
blissful ignorance and lowly simplicity ; but, alas ! 
the days of childhood are too sweet to last ! Cit- 
ies, like men, grow out of them in time, and are 
doomed alike to grow into the bustle, the cares, 
and miseries of the world. Let no man congrat- 
ulate himself, when he beholds the child of his 
bosom or the city of his birth increasing in mag- 
nitude and importance, — let the history of his 
own life teach him the dangers of the one, and 
this excellent little history of Manna-hata con- 
vince him of the calamities of the other. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 207 




CHAPTER V. 

DP THE FOUNDING OP FORT AURANIA — OP THE MTSTERIES OP THE flnL- 
SON — OF THE ARRIVAL OF THE PATROON KILLIAN VAN REXSELIAER j 
HIS LORDLY DESCENT UPON THE EARTH, AND HIS INTRODUCTION OP 
CLUB-LAW. 

|T has already been mentioned, that, in 
the early times of OlofFe the. Dreamer, 
a frontier-post, or trading-house, called 
Fort Aurania, had been established on the nppei 
waters of the Hudson, precisely on the site of 
the present venerable city of Albany ; wliich 
was at that time considered at the very end of 
the habitable world. It was, indeed, a remote 
possession, with which, for a long time. New 
Amsterdam held but little intercourse. Now 
and then the " Company's Yacht," as it was 
called, was sent to the fort with supplies, and to 
bring away the peltries which had been pur- 
chased of the Indians. It was like an expedition 
to the Indias, or the North Pole, and always 
made great talk in the settlement. Sometimes 
an adventurous burgher would accompany the 
expedition, to the great uneasiness of Iiis friends ; 
but, on his return, had so many stories to tell of 
storms and tempests on the Tappan Zee, of hob- 
goblins in the Highlands and at the Devil's Dans 
Kammer, and of all the other wonders and perils 
with which the river abounded in those early 



208 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

days, that he deterred the less adventurous in 
habitants from following his example. 

Matters were in this state, when, one day, as 
Walter the Doubter and liis burgermeesters were 
smoking and pondering over the affairs of the 
province, they were roused by the report of a 
cannon. Sallying forth, they beheld a strange 
vessel at anchor in the bay. It was unquestion- 
ably of Dutch build, broad-bottomed and higli- 
pooped, and bore the flag of then* High Might- 
inesses at the mast-head. 

After a while, a boat put off for land, and a 
stranger stepped on shore, — a lofty, lordly kind 
of man, tall, and dry, with a meagre face, fur- 
nished with huge moustaches. He was clad in 
Flemish doublet and hose, and an insufferably 
tall hat, with a cocktail feather. Such was the 
patroon Killian Van Rensellaer, who had come 
out from Holland to fomid a colony or patroon- 
ship on a great tract of wild land, gi-anted to 
him by their High Mightinesses the Lords States 
General, in the upper regions of tlie Hudson. 

Killian Van Rensellaer was a nine days' won- 
der in New Amsterdam ; for he carried a high 
head, looked down upon the portly, short-legged 
burgomasters, and owned no allegiance to the 
governor himself; boasting that he held his pa- 
troonship directly from tlie Lords States General. 

He tarried but a short time in New Amster- 
dam, merely to beat up recruits for his colony. 
Few, however, ventured to enlist for those re- 
mote and savage regions ; and when they em- 
barked, their friends took leave of them as if 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 209 

they should never see them more, and stood gaz- 
ing with tearful eye as the stout, round-sterned 
little vessel ploughed and splashed its way up 
the Hudson, with great noise and little progress, 
taking nearly a day to get out of sight of the city. 

And now, from time to time, floated down 
tidings to the Manhattoes of the growing impor- 
tance of this new colony. Every account repre- 
sented KilHan Van Rensellaer as rising in impor- 
tance and becoming a mighty patroon in the land. 
He had received more recruits from Holland. 
His patroonship of Rensellaerwick lay imme- 
diately below Fort Aurania, and extended for 
several miles on each side of the Hudson, beside 
embraciniT the mountainous region of the Held- 
erberg. Over all this he claimed to hold sepa- 
rate jurisdiction, independent of the colonial au- 
thorities of New Amsterdam. 

All these assumptions of authority were duly 
reported to Governor Van Twiller and his coun- 
cil, by dispatches from Fort Aurania ; at each 
new report the governor and his counsellors look- 
ed at each other, raised their eyebrows, gave an 
extra puff or two of smoke, and then relapsed 
into their usual tranquillity. 

At length tidings came that the patroon of 
Rensellaerwick had extended his usurpations 
along the river, beyond the limits granted him 
by theii* High INIightinesses ; and that he had 
even seized upon a rocky island in the Hudson, 
commonly known by the name of Beam or Bear's 
Island, where he was erecting a fortress, to be 
called by tlie lordly name of Rensellaerstein. 
14 



210 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Wouter Van Twiller was roused by this Intel* 
ligenee. After consulting with his burgomasters, 
he dispatched a letter to the. patroon of Rensel- 
laerwick, demanding by what right he had seized 
upon this island, which lay beyond the bounds 
of his patroonship. The answer of Killian Van 
Rensellaer was in his own lordly style, ^^By 
wapen recht 1 " — that is to say, by the right of 
arms, or, in common parlance, by club-law. This 
answer plunged the worthy Wouter in one of 
the deepest doubts he had in the whole course 
of his administration ; in the mean time, while 
Wouter doubted, the lordly Killian went on to 
finish his fortress of Rensellaerstein, about which 
I foresee I shall have something to record m a 
fiiture chapter of this most eventful history. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 211 




CHAPTER VI. 



D) WniCH THE READER IS BEGUILED INTO A DELECTABLE WALK, WniCH 
ENDS VERY DIFFERENTLY FROM WHAT IT COMMENCED. 



^§ N the year of our Lord one thousand 
eight hundred and foiu*, on a fine after- 
noon in the glowing month of Septem- 
ber, I took my customary walk upon the Battery, 
which is at once the pride and bulwark of this 
ancient and impregnable city of New York. 
The ground on which I trod was hallowed by 
recollections of the past ; and as I slowly wan- 
dered through the long alley of poplars, which, 
like so many birch brooms standing on end, dif- 
fused a melancholy and lugubrious shade, my 
imagination drew a contrast between the sur- 
rounding scenery and what it was in the classic 
days of our forefathers. Where the government 
house by name, but the custom-house by occupa- 
tion, proudly reai'ed its brick walls and wooden 
pillars, there whilom stood the low, but substan- 
tial, red-tiled mansion of the renoAvned Wouter 
Van Twiller. Around it the mighty bulwarks 
of Fort Amsterdam frowned defiance to every 
absent foe ; but, like many a whiskered warrior 
and gallant militia captain, confined their martial 
deeds to frowns alone. The mud breastwork* 



212 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

had long been levelled with the earth, and their 
site converted into the green lawns and leafy 
alleys of the Battery ; where the gay apprentice 
sported his Sunday coat, and the laborious me- 
chiuiic, relieved from the dirt and drudgery of the 
week, poured his weekly tale of love into the half 
averted ear of the sentimental chambermaid. The 
capacious bay still presented the same expansive 
slieet of water, studded with islands, sprinkled 
with fishing-boats, and bounded by shores of pic- 
turesque beauty. But the dark forests Avhich 
once clothed those shores had been violated by 
the savage hand of cultivation, and their tangled 
mazes, and impenetrable thickets, had degener- 
ated into teemin": orchards and wavinii; fields of 
grain. Even Governor's Island, once a smiling 
garden, appertainmg to the sovereigns of tlie 
province, was now covered with fortifications, in- 
closing a tremendous block-house, — so that this 
once peaceful island resembled a fierce little war- 
rioa- in a big cocked hat, breathing ginipowder 
and defiance to the world ! 

For some time did I indulge in a pensive 
train of thought ; .contrasting, hi sober sadness, 
the present day with the hallowed years behind 
the mountains ; lamenting the melancholy prog- 
ress of improvement, and praising the zeal with 
which our worthy burghers endeavored to pre- 
serve the wrecks of venerable customs, preju- 
dices, and errors from the overwhelming tide 
of modern innovation, — when, by degrees, my 
ideas took a different turn, and I insensibly awak- 
ened to an enjoyment of the beauties around me 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK 213 

It was one of those rich autumnal days which 
heaven particularly bestows upon the beauteous 
island of Manna-hata and its vicinity, — not a 
floating cloud obscured the azure firmament, — 
tlie sun, rolling in glorious splendor through his 
ethereal course, seemed to expand his hoi: est 
Dutch countenance into an miusual expression of 
benevolence, as he smiled his evening salutation 
upon a city which he delights to visit with his 
most bounteous beams, — tlie very winds seemed 
to hold in their breaths in mute attention, lest 
they should ruffle the tranquillity of the hour, — 
and the waveless bosom of the bay presented a 
polished mirror, in which nature beheld herself 
and smiled. The standard of our city, reserved, 
like a choice handkerchief, for days of gala, hung 
motionless on the flag-staff, which forms the han- 
dle of a gigantic churn ; and even the tremulous 
leaves of the poplar and the aspen ceased to 
vibrate to the breath of heaven. Everything 
seemed to acquiesce in the profound repose of 
nature. The formidable eighteen-pounders sle})t 
in the embrazures of the wooden batteries, seem- 
ingly gathering fresh strength to fight the battles 
of their comitry on the next fourth of July ; the 
solitary drum on Governor's Island forgot to ctdl 
the garrison to their shovels ; the evening gun 
had not yet sounded its signal for all the regular 
well-meaning poultry throughout the country to 
go to roost ; and the fleet of canoes, at anch(5'r 
between Gibbet Island and Communipaw, slum- 
bered on their rakes, and suffered the mnocent 
oysters to lie for a while unmolested in the soft 



214 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

mud of their native bcanks ! My own feelings sym- 
pathized with the contagious tranquillity, and I 
should infallibly have dozed upon one of those 
fragments of benches, which our benevolent mag- 
istrates have provided for the benefit of convales- 
cent loungers, had not the extraordinary inconven- 
ience of the couch set all repose at defiance. 

In the midst of this slumber of the soul, my 
attention was attracted to a black speck, peering 
above the western horizon, just in the rear of 
Bergen steeple : gradually it augments and over- 
hangs the would-be cities of Jersey, Harsimus, 
and Hoboken, which, like three jockeys, are start- 
ing on the course of existence, and jostling each 
other at the commencement of the race. Now 
it skirts the long shore of ancient Pavonia, 
spreading its wide shadows from the high settle- 
ments of Weehawk quite to the lazaretto and 
quarantme erected by the sagacity of our police, 
for the embarrassment of commerce ; now it 
climbs the serene vault of heaven, cloud rolling 
over cloud, shrouding the orb of day, darkening 
the vast expanse, and bearing thunder and hail 
and tempest in its bosom. The earth seems agi- 
tated at the confusion of the heavens ; the late 
waveless mirror is lashed into furious waves that 
roll in hollow murmurs to the shore ; the oyster- 
boats that erst sported in the placid vicinity of 
Gibbet Island, now hurry affrighted to the land ; 
the poplar writhes and twists and whistles in the 
Ijlast ; torrents of drenching rain and sounding 
hail deluge the Battery walks ; the gates are 
thronged by apprentices, servant-maids, and little 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 215 

Frenchmen, ^\^tll pocket-liandkerchieft over their 
hats, scamj^ering from tlie storm ; the late beau- 
teous prospect presents one scene of anarchy ami 
wild uproar, as though old Chaos had resumed 
his reign, and was hurling back into one vast tur- 
moil the conflicting elements of nature. 

Whetlier I fled from the fury of the storm, or 
remained boldly at my post, as our gallant train- 
band captains who march their soldiers through 
the rain without flinching, are points which I 
leave to the conjecture of the reader. It is pos- 
sible he may be a little perplexed also to know 
the reason why I introduced this tremendous 
tempest to disturb the serenity of my work. On 
this latter point I will gratuitously instruct his 
ignorance. The panorama view of the Battery 
was given merely to gratify the reader with a 
correct description of that celebrated place and 
the parts adjacent; secondly, the storm was 
played off, partly to give a little bustle and life 
to this tranquil part of my work, and to keep my 
drowsy readers from falling asleep, and partly to 
serve as an overture to the tempestuous times 
which are about to assail the pacific province of 
Nieuw . Nederlandts, and which overhang the 
slumbrous admuiistration of the renowned Wou- 
ter Van Twiller. It is thus the experienced 
playwright puts all the fiddles, the French-horns, 
the kettle-drums, and trumpets of his orchestra in 
requisition, to usher in one of those horrible and 
brimstone uproars called Melodrames, — and it is 
thus he discharges his thunder, his lightning, hia 
rosin, and saltpetre, preparatory to the rismg of 



216 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

a ghost or the murdering of a hero. We ^^^ll 
now proceed with our history. 

Whatever may be advanced by philosophers to 
the contrary, I am of opinion, that, as to na- 
tions, the old maxim, that " honesty is the best 
Y policy," is a sheer and ruinous mistake. It 
might have answered well enough in the honest 
times when it was made ; but in these degenerate 
days, if a nation pretends to rely merely upon 
the justice of its dealings, it will fare something 
like the honest man who fell among thieves, and 
found his honesty a poor protection against bad 
company. Such, at least, was the case Avith the 
guileless government of the New Netherlands ; 
which, like a worthy unsuspicious old burgher, 
quietly settled itself down in the city of New 
Amsterdam, as into a snug elbow-chair, and fell 
into a comfortable nap, while, in the mean time, 
its cunning neighbors stepped in and picked its 
pockets. In a word, we may ascribe the com- 
mencement of all the woes of this great province, 
and its magnificent metropolis, to the tranquil 
security, or, to speak more accurately, to the 
unfortunate honesty of its government. But as 
I dislike to begin an important part of my histoiy 
towards the end of a chapter, and as my readers, 
like myself, must doubtless be exceedingly fa- 
tigued with the long walk we have taken, and 
the tempest we have sustained, I hold it meet we 
Bliut up the book, smoke a pipe, and, having thus 
refreshed our spirits, take a fair start in a new 
chapter. 



mti'IORY OF NEW J QUA. 211 



CHAPTER Vn. 




rAITUFin.LT DESCRIBING THE IXGEXIOUS PEOPLE OF CONNECTICUT ANT) 
THEREABOUTS — SHOWING, MOREOVER, THE TRUE MEANING OF LIBERTY 
OF CONSCIENCE, AND A CURIOUS DEVICE AMONG THESE STURDY BAR- 
BARIANS TO KEEP UP A HARMONY OF INTERCOURSE, AND PROMOTE 
POPULATION. 



HAT my readei-s may the more fully 
comprehend the extent of the calamity, 
at this very moment impending over 
the honest, unsuspecting province of Nieuw Ned- 
erlandts, and its dubious governor, it is necessary 
that I should give some account of a horde of 
strange barbarians, bordermg upon the eastern 
frontier. 

Now so it came to pass, that, many years pre- 
vious to the time of which we are treating, the 
sage cabinet of England had adopted a certain 
national creed, a kind of public walk of faith, or 
rather a religious turnpike, in which every loyal 
subject was directed to travel to Zion, — taking 
care to pay the toll-gatherers by the way. 

Albeit a certain shrewd race of men, being 
very much given to indulge their own opinions 
on all manner of subjects, (a propensity exceed- 
ingly oifensive to your free governments of Eu- 
rope,) did most presumptuously dare to think for 
themselves in matters of religion, exercising what 
they considered a natural and unextinguishable 
right — the liberty of conscience. 



218 HISTORY OF NEW 1 OltK. 

As, however, they possessed that mgeimou8 
habit of mind which always thuiks aloud, Avliich 
rides cock-a-hoop on the tongue, and is forever 
galloping into other people's ears, it naturally 
followed that their liberty of conscience likewise 
implied liberty of speech, which being freely 
indulged, soon put the country in a hubbub, and 
aroused the pious indignation of the vigilant 
fathers of the church. 

The usual methods were adopted to reclaim 
them, which in those days were considered effica- 
cious in bringing back stray sheep to the fold; 
that is to say, they were coaxed, they were 
admonished, they were menaced, they were buf- 
feted, — line upon line, precept upon precept, lash 
upon lash, here a little and there a great deal, 
were exhorted mthout mercy and without suc- 
cess, — until the worthy pastors of the church, 
wearied out by their unparalleled stubbornness, 
were driven, in the excess of their tender mercy, 
to adopt the Scripture text, and literally to " heap 
live embers on their heads." 

Nothing, however, could subdue that indepen- 
dence of the tono-ue which has ever distin<?uished 
this singular race, so that, rather than subject 
that heroic member to further tyi'anny, they one 
and all embarked for the wilderness of America, 
to enjoy, unmolested, the inestimable right of 
talking. And, in fact, no sooner did they land 
upon the shore of this free-spoken country, than 
they all lifted up their voices, and made such a 
clamor of tongues, that we are told they fright- 
ened every bu-d and beast out of the neighbor* 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 2l9 

hood, and struck such mute terror into certain 
fish, that they have been called dumh-Jish evei* 
since. 

This may appear mm'vellous, but it is never- 
theless true ; in proof of which I would observe, 
that the dumb-fish has ever since become an 
object of superstitious reverence, and forms the 
Saturday's dinner of every true Yankee. 

The simple aborigines of the land for a while 
contemplated these strange folk in utter astonish- 
ment ; but discovering that they Avielded harm- 
less though noisy weapons, and Avere a lively, 
ingenious, good-humored race of men, they be- 
came very friendly and sociable, and gave them 
the name of Yanokies, which in the Mais-Tchu- 
saeg (or Massachusett) language signifies silent 
men, — a waggish appellation, since shortened uito 
the familiar epithet of Yankees, which they 
retam unto the present day. 

True it is, and my fidelity as an historian will 
not allow" me to pass over the fact, that, having 
served a regular apprenticeship in the school of 
persecution, these ingenious people soon showed 
that they had become masters of the art. The 
great majority were of one particular mode of 
thinking in matters of religion ; but, to their 
great surprise and indignation, they found that 
divers papists, quakers, and anabaptists ^v^ere 
springing up among them, and all claiming to use 
the liberty of speech. This was at once pronounced 
a daring abuse of the liberty of conscience, which 
they now insisted was nothing more than the 
liberty to think as one pleased in matters of 



220 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

religion — provided one thoiiglit right ; for other- 
wise it would be giving a latitude to damnable 
heresies. Now as they, the majority, were con- 
vinced that they alone thought right, it conse- 
quently followed, that whoever thought different 
from them thought wrong, — and whoever thought 
wrong, and obstinately persisted in not being 
convinced and converted, was a flagrant violator 
of the inestimable liberty of conscience, and a 
corrupt and infectious member of the body poli- 
tic, and deserved to be lopped off and cast into 
the fire. The consequence of all Avhich was a 
fiery persecution of divers sects, and especially 
of quakers. 

Now I '11 warrant there are hosts of my read- 
ers, ready at once to lift up their hands and eyes, 
with that virtuous indignation with which we 
contemplate the faults and errors of our neigh- 
bors, and to exclaim at the preposterous idea of 
convincing the mind by tormenting the body, 
and establishing the doctrine of charity and for- 
bearance by intolerant persecution. But in sim- 
ple truth, what are we doing at this very day, 
and in this very enlightened nation, but acting 
upon the very same principle in our political con- 
troversies ? Have we not within but a few years 
released ourselves from the shackles of a govern- 
ment which cruelly denied us the privilege of 
governing ourselves, and using in full latitude 
that invahiable member, the tongue ? and are we 
not at this very moment striving our best to 
tyrannize over the opinions, tie up the tongues, 
and ruin the fortunes of one another ? AYhat 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 221 

are our great political societies, but mere political 
inquisitions, — our pot-house committees, but lit- 
tle tribunals of denunciation, — our newspapers, 
but mere whipping-posts and pillories, where 
unfortunate individuals are pelted with rotten 
eggs, — and our council of appointment, but a 
grand auto da fe, where culprits are annually 
sacrificed for their political heresies? 

Where, then, is the difference in principle 
between our measures and those you are so 
ready to condemn among the people I am treat- 
ing of ? There is none ; the difference is merely 
circumstantial. Thus we denounce, instead of 
banishmg, — we Uhel, instead of scourging, — we 
*urn out of ojfflce, instead of hanging, — and 
where they burnt an offender in proper person, 
we either tar and feather, or hum Mm in effigy, 

— this political persecution being, somehow or 
other, the grand palladium of our liberties, and 
an incontrovertible proof that this is a free 
country ! 

But notwithstanding the fervent zeal with 
which this holy war was prosecuted agamst the 
whole race of unbelievers, we do not find that 
the population of this new colony was in any 
wise hindered thereby ; on the contrary, they 
multiplied to a degree which would be incredible 
to any man unacquainted with the marvellous 
fecundity of this growing country. 

This amazing increase may, indeed, be partly 
ascribed to a singular custom prevalent among 
them, commonly known by the name of bundling, 

— a superstitious rite observed by the yomig 



222 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

people of both sexes, with which they usually 
terminated their festivities, and which was kept 
up with religious strictness by the more bigoted 
part of the community. Tliis ceremony was 
likewise, in those primitive times, considered as 
an indispensable preliminary to matrimony, their 
courtships commencing where ours usually finish, 
— by which means they acquired that intimate 
acquaintance with each other's good qualities 
before marriage, Avhich has been pronounced by 
philosophers the sure basis of a happy union. 
Thus early did this cunning and ingenious people 
display a slu-ewdness of making a bargain, which 
has ever since distinguished them, — and a strict 
adherence to the good old vulgar maxim about 
" buying a pig in a poke." 

To this sagacious custom, therefore, do I chiefly 
attribute the unparalleled increase of the Yanokie 
or Yankee race ; for it is a certain fact, well 
authenticated by court records and parish regis- 
ters, that, wherever the practice of bundling pre- 
vailed, there was an amazing number of sturdy 
brats annually born unto the State, Avithout the 
license of the law, or the benefit of clergy. Nei- 
ther did the irregularity of their bii'th operate in 
the least to their disparagement. On the contrary, 
they grew up a long-sided, raw-boned, hai'dy race 
of whoreson whalers, wood - cutters, fisliermen, 
and peddlers, and strapping corn-fed wenches, — ■ 
who by their united efforts tended marvellously 
towards peopling those notable tracts of country 
called Nantucket, Piscataway, and Cape Cod. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 223 



CHAPTER yni. 

BOW THESE SINGULAR BARBARIANS TURNED OUT TO BE NOTORIOUI 
SQITATTERS — HOW THEY BUILT AIR-CASTLES, AND ATTEMPTED TO 
INITIATE THE NEDERLANDERS INTO THE MYSTERY OF BONDLINQ, 

l^p N the last chapter I have given a faith- 
ful and unprejudiced account of the 
origin of that singular race of people 
inhabiting the country eastward of the Nieuw 
Nederlandts ; but I have yet to mention certain 
peculiar habits which rendered them exceedingly 
annoyuig to our ever-honored Dutch ancestors. 

The most prominent of tliese was a certain 
rambling propensity, with which, like the sons 
of Ishmael, they seem to have been gifted by 
heaven, and which continually goads them on to 
shift their residence from place to place, so that 
a Yankee farmer is in a constant state of migi-a- 
tion, tarrying occasionally here and there, clear- 
ing lands for other people to enjoy, building 
houses for others to inhabit, and in a manner 
may be considered the wandering Ai'ab of Amei'- 
ica. 

His first thought, on coming to years of man 
hood, is to settle himself in the world, — which 
means nothing more nor less than to begin his 
rambles. To this end he takes unto himself 
for a wife some buxom country heiress, passing 



224 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

rich, in red ribbons, glass beads, and mock tor- 
toise-shell combs, ^^dtll a white gown and morocco 
shoes for Sunday, and deeply skilled in the mys- 
tery of making apple-sweetmeats, long sauce, and 
pumpkm-pie. 

Having thus provided liimself, like a peddler 
witli a heavy knapsack, Avherewith to regale his 
shoulders through the journey of life, he literally 
sets out on the peregrination. His whole fam- 
ily, household-furniture, and farming-utensils are 
hoisted into a covered cart, his o^vn and liis wife's 
wardrobe packed up in a firkin, — which done, 
he shoulders his axe, takes staff in hand, whistles 
" Yankee doodle," and trudges off to the woods, 
as confident of the protection of Providence, and 
relying as cheerfully upon his own resources, 
as ever did a patriarch of yore when he jour- 
neyed into a strange country of the Gentiles. 
Having buried himself in the wilderness, he 
builds himself a log hut, clears away a cornfield 
and potato-patch, and. Providence smiling upon 
his labors, is soon surrounded by a snug farm 
and some half a score of flaxen-headed urchins, 
A^'ho, by theii' size, seem to have sprung all at 
Qjice out of the earth, like a crop of toadstools. 

But it is not the nature of this most indefati- 
gable of speculators to rest contented with any 
state of sublunary enjoyment : improvement is 
his darling passion ; and having thus improved 
liis lands, the next care is to provide a mansion 
worthy the residence of a landholder. A huge 
palace of pine boards immediately springs up 
hi the midst of the mlderness, large enough for 



HISTOli^Y OF NEW YORK. 225 

a parish cliiircli, and furinshed with windows ol 
all dimensions, but so rickety and flimsy withal, 
that every blast gives it a fit of the ague. 

By the time the outside of this mighty ail*- 
castle is completed, either the funds or the zeal 
of our adventurer is exhausted, so that he barely 
manages to furnish one room within, where the 
whole family burrow together, — wliile the rest 
of the house is devoted to the curing of pump- 
kins, or storing of carrots and potatoes, and is 
decorated with fanciful festoons of dried apples 
and peaches. The outside, remaining unpainted, 
grows venerably black with time ; the family 
wardrobe is laid imder contribution for old hats, 
petticoats, and breeches, to stuff into the broken 
windows, while the four winds of heaven keep 
up a whistling and howling about this aerial pal- 
ace, and play as many unruly gambols as they 
did of yore in the cave of old ^^olus. 

The humble log hut, which whilom nestled 
this improving family snugly within its narrow 
but comfortable Avails, stands hard by, in igno- 
minious contrast, degraded into a cow-house or 
pig-sty ; and the whole scene reminds one forci 
bly of a fable, which I am surprised hjis never 
been recorded, of an aspiring snail, who aban- 
doned his humble habitation, which he had long 
filled with great respect^ibility, to crawl mto the 
empty shell of a lobster, — where he would no 
doubt have resided with great style and splen- 
dor, the envy and the hate of all the pauistaking 
snails in the neighborhood, had he not perished 
with cold in one corner of his stupendous mansion. 
15 



226 n I STORY OF NEW YORK. 

Being thus completely settled, and, to use his 
Dwn words, " to rights," one would imagine that 
he would begin to enjoy the comforts of his sit- 
uation, — to read newspapers, talk politics, neg- 
lect his own business, and attend to the affairs 
of the nation, like a useful and patriotic citizeu ; 
but now it is that his wayward disposition begins 
again to operate. He soon grows tired of a spot 
where there is no longer any room for improve- 
ment, — sells his farm, air-castle, petticoat win- 
dows and all, reloads his cart, shoulders his axe, 
puts himself at the head of his family, and 
wanders away in search of new lands, — again 
to fell tree^^ — again to clear cornfields, — agam 
to build a shingle palace, and again to sell off 
and wander. Such were the people of Connect- 
icut, who bordered upon the eastern frontier of 
New Netherlands ; and my readers may easily 
imagine what uncomfortable neighbors this light- 
hearted but I'estless tribe must have been to our 
tranquil progenitors. If they cannot, I would 
ask them if they have ever known one of our 
regular, well-organized Dutch families, whom it 
hath pleased heaven to afflict with the neighbor- 
hood of a French boarding-house ? The honest 
old burgher cannot take his afternoon's pipe on 
the bench before his door, but he is persecuted 
with the scraping of fiddles, the chatterino; of 
women, and tlie squalling of children ; he cannot 
sleep at night for the horrible melodies or some 
amateur, who chooses to serenade the moon, and 
display his terrible proficiency in execntioit. on 
the clarionet, hautboy, or some other soft-toned 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 227 

instrument ; nor can he leave the street-door 
open, but his house is defiled by the unsavory 
visits of a troop of pup -dogs, who even some- 
times cany their loathsome ravages into the 
mnctiim sanctorum, the parlor ! 

If my readers have ever witnessed the suffer- 
uigs of such a family, so situated, they may form 
some idea how our worthy ancestors were dis- 
tressed by their mercurial neighbors of Connecti- 
cut. 

Gangs of these marauders, we are told, pene- 
trated into the New Netherland settlements, and 
threw whole villages into consternation by their 
unparalleled volubility and their intolerable in- 
quisitiveness, — two evil habits hitherto unknown 
in those parts, or only known to be abhorred ; 
for our ancestors were noted as being men of 
truly Spartan taciturnity, and who neither knew 
nor cared aught about anybody's concerns but 
their own. Many enormities were committed on 
the highways, where several unoffending bur- 
ghers were brought to a stand, and tortured with 
questions and guesses, — which outrages occa- 
sioned as much vexation and heart-burning as 
does the modern right of search on the high seas. 

Great jealousy did they likewise stir up, by 
tlieir intermeddling and successes among tlie 
ilivuie sex ; for, being a race of brisk, likely, 
pleasant-tongued varlets, they soon seduced the 
light affections of the simple damsels from their 
ponderous Dutch gallants. Among other hideous 
customs, they attempted to introduce among them 
that of himdling, which the Dutch lasses of the 
Nederlandts, with that eager passion for novelty 



228 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

and foreign fashions natural to their sex, seemed 
very well mclined to follow, but that their moth- 
ers, being more experienced in the world, and 
better acquainted with men and things, strenu- 
Dusly discountenanced all such outlandish inno- 
vations. 

But what chiefly operated to embroil our an- 
cestors with these strange folk, was an unwar- 
rantable liberty which they occasionally took of 
entering in hordes into the territories of the New 
Netherlands, and settling themselves down, with- 
out leave or license, to improve the land, in the 
manner I have before noticed. This unceremo- 
nious mode of taking possession of new land was 
technically termed squatting, and hence is derived 
the appellation of squattei^s, — a name odious in 
the ears of all great landholders, and which is 
given to those enterprising wortliies who seize 
upon land first, and take their chance to make 
good their title to it afterwards. 

All these grievances, and many others which 
were constantly accumulating, tended to form 
that dark and portentous cloud, which, as I ob- 
served in a former chapter, was slowly gathering 
over the tranquil province of New Netherlands. 
The pacific cabinet of Van Twiller, however, as 
will be perceived in the sequel, bore them all 
with a magnanimity that redounds to their immor- 
tal credit, becoming by passive endurance inured 
to this increasing mass of wrongs, — like that 
mighty man of old, vyho, by dint of carrying 
about a calf from the time it was born, continued 
to carry it without difficulty when it had grown 
'jo be an ox. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 229 



CHAPTER IX. 




HOW THE FORT GOED HOOP WAS FEARFULLY BELEAGUERED -- HOW ma 
RENOWNED WOUTER FELL INTO A PROFOUND DOUBT, AND HOW HE 
FINALLY EVAPORATED. 



Y this time my readers must fully per- 
ceive what an arduous task I have 
undertaken, — exploring a little kind of 
Herculaneum of history, which had lain nearly 
tor ages buried under the rubbish of years, and 
almost totally forgotten, — raking up the Hmbs 
and fragments of disjointed facts, and endeav- 
oring to put them scrupulously together, so as to 
restore them to their original form and coimec- 
tion, — how lugging forth the character of an 
almost forgotten hero, like a mutilated statue, 
now deciphering a half-defaced inscription, and 
now lighting upon a mouldering manuscript, 
which, after painful study, scarce repays the 
trouble of perusal. 

In such case, how much has the reader to 
depend upon the honor and probity of his author, 
lest, like a cunning antiquarian, he either impose 
upon him some spurious fabrication of his oavd 
for a precious relic of antiquity, or else dress up 
the dismembered fragment with such false trap- 
pings, that it is scarcely possible to distinguish 
the truth from the fiction with which it is envel- 
Dped. This is a gi-ievance which I have more 



200 HI ST OK I OF NEW YORK. 

than once bad to lament, in the course of my 
wearisome researches among the works of my 
felloAv-liistorians, who have strangely disguised 
and distorted the facts respecting this country ; 
and particularly respecting the great province of 
New Netherlands ; as will be percei\'ed by any 
who will take the trouble to compare their ro- 
mantic effusions, tricked out in the meretricious 
gauds of fable, with this authentic history. 

I have had more vexations of the kind to en- 
counter, in those parts of my history which treat 
of the transactions on the eastern border, than m 
any other, in consequence of the troops of histo- 
rians who have infested these quarters, and have 
shown the honest people of Nieuw Nederlandts 
no mercy in their works. Among the rest, Mr. 
Benjamin Trumbull arrogantly declares, that 
" the Dutch were always mere intruders." Now, 
to this I shall make no other reply than to pro- 
ceed in the steady narration of my history, which 
will contahi not only proofs that the Dutch had 
clear title and possession in the fair valleys of 
the Connecticut, and that they were wrongfully 
dispossessed thereof, but likcAvise, that they have 
been scandalously maltreated ever since by the 
misrepresentations of the crafty historians of 
New England. And m this I shall be guided 
by a spirit of truth and impartiality, and a regard 
to immortal fame ; for I would not wittingly dis- 
honor my work by a smgle falsehood, misrepre- 
sentation, or prejudice, though it should gain our 
forefathers the whole country of New England. 

I have already noticed, in a former chapter of 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 231 

my history, that the territories of the Nieuw 
Nederlaiidts extended on the east, quite to the 
Varsche or fresh, or Connecticut river. Here, 
at an early period, had been established a frontier 
post on the bank of the river, and called Fort 
Goed Hoop, not far from the site of the present 
fair city of Hartford. It was placed under the 
command of Jacobus Van Curlet, or Curlis, as 
some historians will have it, — a doughty soldier, 
of that stomachful class famous for eating all they 
k\\\. He was long in the body and short in the 
limb, as though a tall man's body had been mount- 
ed on a little man's legs. He made up for this 
tm-nspit construction by striding to such an ex 
tent, that you would have sworn he had on the 
seven-leagued boots of Jack the Giant-killer; and 
so high did he tread on parade, that his soldiers 
were sometimes alarmed lest he should trample 
himself under foot. 

But notwithstanding the erection of this fort 
and the appointment of this ugly little man of 
war as commander, the Yankees continued the 
interlopings hinted at in my last chapter, and at 
length had the audacity to squat themselves down 
within the jurisdiction of Fort Goed Hoop. 

The long-bodied Van Curlet protested with 
great spirit against these unwarrantable encroach- 
ments, couching his protest in Low Dutch, by 
way of inspiring more terror, and forthwith dis- 
patched a copy of the protest to the governoi- at 
New Amsterdam, together with a long and bitter 
nccount of the aggressions of the enemy. This 
done, he ordered his men, one and all, to be of 



232 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

good cheer, shut the gate of the fort, smoked three 
pijDes, went to bed, and awaited the result with a 
resolute and intrepid tranquillity, that greatly ani- 
mated his adherents, and no doubt struck sore 
dismay and affright into the hearts of the enemy. 
Now it came to pass, tliat about this time the 
renowned Wouter Van Twiller, full of years and 
honors, and council - dinners, had reached thai 
period of life and faculty which, according to the 
great Gulliver, entitles a man to admission into 
the ancient order of Struldbruggs. He em- 
ployed his time in smoking his Turkish pipe, 
amid an assemblage of sages, equally enlightened 
and nearly as venerable as himself, and who, 
for their silence, their gravity, their wisdom, 
and their cautious averseness to coming to any 
conclusion in business, are only to be equalled 
by certain profoimd corporations which I have 
known in my time. . Upon reading the protest 
of the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet, therefore, 
his excellency fell straightway into one of the 
deepest doubts that ever he was known to en- 
counter ; his capacious head gradually drooped 
on liis chest, he closed his eyes, and inclined his 
ear to one side, as if listeninni: with jjreat atten- 
tion to the discussion that was ^1^01112^ on in his 
belly, — and which all who knew him declared 
to be the huge court-house or council-chamber of 
his thoughts, forming to his head what the house 
of representatives does to the Senate. An inar- 
ticulate sound, very much resembling a snore, oc- 
casionally escaped him ; but the nature of this 
internal cogitation was never known, as he never 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 238 

opened his lips on the subject to man, woman, or 
child. In the mean time, the protest of Van 
Curlet lay quietly on the table, where it served 
to light the pipes of the venerable sages assem- 
bled in council ; and in the great smoke which 
they raised, the gallant Jacobus, liis protest, and 
his mighty Fort Goed Hoop were soon as com- 
pletely beclouded and forgotten as is a question 
of emergency swallowed up in the speeches and 
resolutions of a modern session of Congress. 

There are certain emergencies when your pro- 
found legislators and sage deliberative councils 
are miglitily in the way of a nation, and when 
an ounce of hare-brained decision is worth a 
pound of sage doubt and cautious discussion. 
Such, at least, was the case at present ; for, while 
the i-enowned Wouter Van Twiller was daily 
battling with his doubts, and his resolution grow- 
ing weaker and weaker in the contest, the enemy 
pushed farther and farther into his territories, and 
assumed a most formidable appearance in the 
neighborhood of Fort Goed Hoop. Here they 
founded the mighty town of Pyquag, or, as it has 
since been called, Weatkersfield, a place Avhich, if 
we may credit the assertions of that worthy his- 
torian, John Josselyn, Gent., " hath been infa- 
mous by reason of the witches therein." And so 
daring did these men of Pyquag become, that 
they extended those plantations of onions, for 
H^hich their town is illustrious, under the very 
Doses of the garrison of Fort Goed Hoop, inso- 
much that the honest Dutchmen could not look 
toward that quarter without tears in their eyes. 



234 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

This crying injustice was regarded with proper 
indignation by the gallant Jacobus Van Ciu'let. 
He absolutely trembled with the violence of his 
choler and the exacerbations of his valor, which 
were the more turbulent in their workings from 
the length of the body in which they were agi- 
tated. He forthwith proceeded to strengthen his 
redoubts, heighten his breastworks, deepen his 
fosse, and fortify his position with a double row 
of abatis ; after which he dispatched a fresh 
courier with accounts of his perilous situation. 

The courier chosen to bear the dispatches was 
a fat, oily, little man, as being less liable to be 
worn out, or to lose leather on the journey ; and 
to insure his speed, he was mounted on the fleet- 
est wagon-horse in the garrison, remarkable for 
length of limb, largeness of bone, and hardness 
of trot, and so tall, that the little messenger was 
obliged to climb on his back by means of his tail 
and crupper. Such extraordinary speed did he 
make, that he arrived at Fort Amsterdam in a 
little less than a month, though the distance was 
full two hundred pipes, or about one hundred and 
twenty miles. 

With an appearance of great hurry and busi- 
ness, and smoking a short travelling-pipe, he pro- 
ceeded on a long swing-trot through the muddy 
lanes of the metropolis, demolishing whole batches 
of dirt-pies, which the little Dutch children were 
makmg in the road ; and for which kind of pastry 
the children of this city have ever been famous. 
On arrivmg at the governor's house, he cHmbed 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 235 

dovvii from his steed, roused the gray-headed door- 
keeper, old Skaats, who, like his lineal descend- 
ant and faithful representative, the venerable 
crier of our court, was nodding at his post, rat- 
tled at the door of the council-chamber, and 
startled the members as they were dozing over a 
plan for establishing a public market. 

At that very moment a gentle grunt, or rather 
a deep-drawn snore, was heard from the chair of 
the governor ; a whifF of smoke was at the same 
instant observed to escape from his lips, and a 
Hght cloud to ascend from the bowl of his pipe. 
The council, of course, supposed him engaged in 
deep sleep for the good of the commmiity, and, 
according to custom in all such cases established, 
every man bawled out silence, when, of a sudden, 
the door flew open, and the little courier strad- 
dled into the apartment, cased to the middle in a 
pair of Hessian boots, which he had got into for 
the sake of expedition. In his right hand he 
held forth the ominous dispatches, and Avith his 
left he grasped firmly the waistband of his galli- 
gaskins, which had unfortunately given way in 
the exertion of descending from his horse. He 
stumped resolutely up to the governor, and with 
more hurry than perspicuity delivered his mes- 
sage. But fortunately his ill tidings came too 
lat(3 to ruffle the tranquillity of this most tranquil 
of rulers. His venerable excellency had just 
breathed and smoked his last, — his lungs and 
his pipe having been exhausted together, and his 
peaceful soul having escaped m the last whiff 



236 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

that curled from his tobacco-pipe. In a word, 
the renowned Walter the Doubter, who had so 
often slumbered with liis contemporaries, now 
Blept ^^^th his fathers, and Wilhelraus Kieft gov* 
eraed in his stead. 




BOOK IV. 

CONTAINING THE CHRONICLES OF THE REIGN OF WILLIAM 
THE TESTY. 



CHAPTER I. 




SnOWING TnE NATURE OF HISTORY IN GENERAL ; CONTAINING FARTHER- 
MORE THE UNIVERSAL ACQUIREMENTS OP WILLIAM THE TESTY, AND 
HOW A MAN MAY LEARN SO MUCH AS TO RENDER HIMSELF GOOD FOR 
NOTHING. 

HEN the lofty Thucydides is about to 
enter upon his description of the plague 
that desolated Athens, one of his modern 
commentators assures the reader, that the history 
is now going to be exceeding solemn, serious, and 
})athetic, and hints, with that air of chuckling 
gratulation witli Avhich a good dame draws forth 
a choice morsel from a cupboard to regale a 
favorite, that this plague will give his history a 
most agreeable variety. 

In like manner did my heart leap within me, 
when I came to the dolorous dilemma of Fort 
Goed Hoop, which I at once perceived to be the 



238 HISTORY Of NEW YORK. 

forerunner of a series of great events and enter- 
taining disasters. Such are the true subjects for 
the historic pen. For what is history, in foot, 
but a kind of Newgate calendar, a register of 
the crimes and miseries that man has inflicted on 
his fellow-man ? It is a huge libel on human 
nature, to which we industriously add page after 
page, volume after volume, as if we were build- 
ing up a monument to the honor, rather than the 
infamy of our species. If we turn over the 
pages of these chronicles that man has written 
of himself, what are the characters dignified by 
the appellation of great, and held up to the 
admiration of posterity? Tyrants, robbers, con- 
querors, renowned only for the magnitude of 
their misdeeds, and the stupendous wrongs and 
miseries they have inflicted on mankind, — war- 
riors, who have hired themselves to the trade of 
blood, not from motives of virtuous patriotism, or 
to protect the injured and defenceless, but merely 
to gain the vaunted glory of being adroit and 
successful in massacrinoj their fellow - beings ! 
What are the great events that constitute a glo- 
rious era ? — The fall of empires ; the desolation 
of happy countries ; splendid cities smoking in 
their ruins ; the proudest works of art tumbled 
in the dust ; the shrieks and groans of whole 
nations ascending unto heaven ! 

It is thus the historian may be said to tlirive 
on the miseries of mankind, like birds of prey 
which hover over the field of battle to fatten on 
the mighty dead. It was observed by a great 
projector of inland lock -navigation, that rivers, 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 239 

lakes, and oceans were only formed to feed canals. 
In like manner I am tempted to believe that 
plots, conspiracies, wars, victories, and massacres 
are ordained by Providence only as food for the 
historian. 

It is a source of great delight to the philos- 
opher, in studying the wonderful economy of na- 
ture, to trace the nnitual dependencies of things, 
how they are created reciprocally for each other, 
and how the most noxious and apparently unne- 
cessary animal has its uses. Thus those swarms 
of flies, which are so often execrated as useless 
vermin, are created for the sustenance of spiders ; 
and spiders, on the other hand, are evidently 
made to devour flies. So those heroes, who have 
been such scourges to the Avorld, were bounte- 
ously provided as themes for the poet and histo- 
rian, while the poet and the historian were des- 
tined to record the achievements of heroes ! 

These, and many similar reflections, naturally 
arose in my mind as I took up my pen to com- 
mence the reign of AVilliam Kieft : for now the 
stream of our history, which hitherto has rolled 
in a tranquil current, is about to depart forever 
from its peaceful haunts, and brawl through many 

I turbulent and rugged scene. 

As some sleek ox, sunk in the rich repose of 

II clover-field, dozing and chewing the cud, will 
bear repeated blows before it raises itself, so the 
province of Nieuw Nederlandts, having waxed fat 
under the drowsy reign of the Doubter, needed 
cuflTs and kicks to rouse it into action. The 
reader will now witness the manner in which a 



240 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

peaceful community advances towards a state of 
war ; which is apt to be like the approach of a 
horse to a drum, with much prancing and little 
progress, and too often with the wrong end 
foremost. 

Wilhelmus Kieft, wiio in 1G34 ascended the 
gubernatorial chair, (to borrow a favorite though 
clumsy appellation of modern phraseologists,) 
was of a lofty descent, his father being inspector 
of wind-mills in the ancient town of Saardam ; 
and our hero, we are told, when a boy, made 
very curious investigations into the nature and 
operation of these machines, Avhich was one rea- 
son why he afterwards came to be so mgenious a 
governor. His name, according to the most au- 
thentic etymologists, was a corruption of Kyver, 
that is to say, a wrangler or scolder, and expressed 
the characteristic of his family, which, for nearly 
two centuries, had kept the windy town of Saar- 
dam in hot water, and produced more tartars and 
brimstones than any ten families in the place ; 
and so truly did he inherit this family peculiarity, 
that he had not been a year in the government 
of the province, before he was universally de- 
nominated William the Testy. His appearance 
answered to his name. He was a brisk, wiry, 
waspish little old gentleman ; such a one as may 
now and then be seen stumping about our city in 
a broad-skirted coat with huge buttons, a cocked 
hat stuck on the back of liis head, and a cane as 
high as his chin. His face was broad, but his 
features were sharp ; his cheeks were scorched 
into a dusky red by two fiery little gray eyes ; 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 241 

his nose turned up, and the comers of his mouth 
turned down, pretty much like the muzzle of an 
ii-ritable pug-dog. 

I have heard it observed by a profound adept 
in human physiology, that if a woman waxes fat 
with the progress of years, her tenure of life is 
somewhat precarious, but if haply she withers 
as she grows old, she lives forever. Such prom- 
ised to be the case with William the Testy, who 
grew tough in proportion as he dried. He had 
withered, in fact, not through the process of 
years, but through the tropical fervor of his soul, 
which burnt like a vehement rush-light in his 
bosom, inciting him to incessant broils and bick- 
erings. Ancient traditions speak much of his 
learning, and of the gallant inroads he had made 
into the dead languages, In which he had made 
captive a host of Greek nouns and Latin verbs, 
and brought off rich booty in ancient saws and 
apothegms, which he was wont to parade in his 
public harangues, as a triumphant general of 
yore his sjJoUa opima. Of metaphysics he knew 
enough to confound all hearers and himself into 
the bargain. In logic, he knew the whole family 
of syllogisms and dilemmas, and was so proud of 
Ills skill that he never suffered even a self-evident 
(iict to pass unargued. It was observed, how- 
(jver, that he seldom got into an argument with- 
out getting into a perplexity, and then into a 
passion with his adversary for not being con- 
vinced gratis. 

He had, moreover, skirmished smartly on the 
fi'ontiers of several of the sciences, was fond of 
16 



242 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

experimental philosophy, and prided himself upon 
inventions of all kinds. His abode, which he 
had fixed at a Bowerie or country-seat at a 
short distance from the city, just at what is now 
called Dutch Street, soon abounded with proofs 
of his ingenuity: patent smoke-jacks that re- 
quired a horse to work them ; Dutch ovens that 
roasted meat without fire ; carts that went before 
the horses ; weather-cocks that turned against 
the wind ; and other wrong-headed contrivances 
that astonished and confounded all beholders. 
The house, too, was beset with paralj^tic cats and 
dogs, the subjects of his experimental philosophy ; 
and the yelling and yelping of the latter unhappy 
victims of science, while aiding in the pursuit of 
knowledge, soon gained for the place the name 
of " Dog's Misery," by which it continues to be 
known even at the present day. 

It is in knowledcfc as in swimmins; : he who 
flounders and splashes on the surface makes more 
noise, and attracts more attention, than the pearl- 
diver who quietly dives in quest of treasures to 
the bottom. The vast acquirements of the new 
governor were the theme of marvel among the 
simple burghers of New Amsterdam ; he figured 
about the place as learned a man as a Bonze at 
Pekin, who has mastered one half of the Chinese 
alphabet, and was unanimously pronounced a 
" universal genius ! " 

I have known in my time many a genius of 
this stamp ; but, to speak my mind freely, I 
never knew one who, for the ordinary purposes 
of life, was worth his weight in straw. In this 




Kniitkcrbookor, |». 24;'>. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 243 

respect, a little sound judgment and plain com- 
mon sense is worth all the sparkling genius that 
ever wrote poetry or invented theories. Let us 
Bee how the universal acquirements of William 
the Testy aided him in the affairs of govern- 
ment. 



244 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 

\ 



CHAPTER n. 




gOW WILLIAM THE TESTY UNDERTOOK TO CONQUER BY PROCLAMATIOS 
— HOW HE WAS A GREAT MAN ABROAD, BUT A LITTLE MAN IN HIS 
OWN HOUSE. 



lO sooner had this bustling little potentate 
been blown by a whifF of fortune into 
the seat of government than he called 
his council together to make them a speech on 
the state of affairs. 

Caius Gracchus, it is said, when he harangued 
the Roman populace, modulated his tone by an 
oratorical flute or pitch-pipe ; Wilhelmus Kieft, 
not having such an instrument at hand, availed 
liimself of that musical organ or trump which 
nature has implanted in the midst of a man's 
face : m other words, he preluded his address by 
a sonorous blast of the nose, — a preliminary 
flourish much m vogue among public orators. 

He then commenced by expressing his humble 
sense of his utter miworthiness of the high post 
to wliich he had been appointed ; which made 
some of the simple burghers wonder why he un- 
dertook it, not knowuig that it is a point of eti- 
quette with a public orator never to enter upon 
ofiice without declaring himself unworthy to cross 
the thi'eshold. He then proceeded in a manner 
bighly classic and erudite to speak of government 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 245 

generally, and of the governments of ancient 
Greece in particular, together with the wars of 
Rome and Carthage, and the rise and fall of sun- 
dry outlandish empires which the Avorthy burgh- 
ers had never read nor heard of. Having thus, 
after the manner of your learned orator, treated 
of things in general, he came, by a natural, round- 
about transition, to the matter in hand, namely, 
the daring aggressions of the Yankees. 

As my readers are well aware of the advan- 
tage a potentate has of handling his enemies as 
he pleases in his speeches and bulletins, where 
he has the talk all on his own side, they may 
rest assured that "William the Testy did not let 
such an opportunity escape of giving the Yan- 
kees what is called " a taste of his quality." In 
speaking of their inroads into the territories of 
their High Mightinesses, he compared them to 
the Gauls who desolated Rome, the Goths and 
Vandals who overran the fairest plains of Eu- 
rope ; but when he came to speak of the unpar- 
alleled audacity with which they of Weathers- 
field had advanced their patches up to the very 
walls of Fort Goed Hoop, and 'threatened to 
smother the garrison in onions, tears of rage 
started into his eyes, as though he nosed the very 
offence in question. 

Havuig thus wrought up his tale to a climax, 
he assumed a most belligerent look, and assured 
the council that he had devised an instrument, 
Dotent in its effects, and which he trusted would 
Boon drive the Yankees from the land. So say- 
ing, he thrust his hand into one of the deep pock- 
ets of his broad-skirted coat and drew forth, not 



246 EISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

an infernal machine, but an instrument in writ« 
ing, which he laid with gi-eat emphasis upon the 
table. 

The burghers gazed at it for a time in silent 
awe, as a wary houseA\dfe does at a gun, feai-ful 
it may go off half-cocked. The document in 
question had a sinister look, it is true ; it was 
crabbed in text, and from a broad red ribbon 
dangled the great seal of the province, about the 
size of a buckwheat pancake. Still, after all, it 
was but an instrument in Avriting. Herein, how- 
ever, existed the wonder of the invention. The 
document in question was a Proclamation, 
ordering the Yankees to depart instantly from 
the territories of their High Mightinesses, under 
pain of suffering all the forfeitures and punish- 
ments in such case made and provided. It was 
on the moral effect of this formidable instrument 
that Wilhelmus Kieft calculated, pledging his 
valor as a governor that, once fulminated agauist 
the Yankees, it would, in less than two months, 
drive every mother's son of them across the bor- 
ders. 

The council broke up in perfect wonder ; and 
nothing was talked of for some time among the 
old men and women of New Amsterdam but the 
vast genius of the governor, and his new and 
cheap mode of fighting by proclamation. 

As to Wilhelmus Kieft, having dispatched his 
proclamation to the frontiers, he put on his cocked 
hat and corduroy small-clothes, and mounting a 
tall raw-boned charger, trotted out to his rural 
retreat of Dog's Misery. Here, like the good 
Numa, he reposed from the toils of state, taking 



liffill, 




HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 247 

lessons in government, not from the nymph Ege- 
I'ia, but from the honored wife of his bosom ; 
who was one of that class of females sent ujDon 
the earth a little after the flood, as a punishment 
for the sins of mankind, and commonly known by 
(he appellation of hiowing women. In fact, my 
duty as an historian obliges me to make knov,*n a 
circumstance Avliich was a great secret at the 
time, and consequently was not a subject of scan- 
dal at more than half the tea-tables in New Am- 
sterdam, but which, like many other great secrets, 
has leaked out in the lapse of years, — and this 
was, that Willielmus the Testy, though one of 
the most potent little men that ever breathed, yet 
submitted at home to a species of government, 
neither laid down in Aristotle nor Plato, in short, 
it partook of the nature of a pure, unmixed tyr- 
anny, and is familiarly denominated petticoat gov- 
ernment ; — an absolute sway, which, although 
exceedingly common in these modern days, was 
very rare among the ancients, if we may judge 
from the rout made about the domestic economy 
of honest Socrates ; which is the only ancient 
case on record. 

The great Kiefl, however, warded off all the 
sneers and sarcasms of his particular friends, who 
are ever ready to joke with a man on sore points 
of tlie kind, by alleging that it was a government 
of his own election, to which he submitted through 
choice, adding at the same time a profound maxim 
which he had found in an ancient author, that 
" he who would aspire to govern, should first 
learn to ohey'^ 



248 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER in. 



IN WHICH ARE RECORDED THE SAGE PROJECTS OF A RULER OF CMVEB- 
SAL GENIUS — THE ART OF FIGHTING BY PROCLAMATION — AND HO'W 
THAT THE VALIANT JACOBUS VAX CURLET CAME TO BE FOULLY DIS- 
HONORED AT FORT GOED HOOP. 



IS 



^^.^^1 



I EVER was a more comprehensive, a 
more expeditious, or, what is still better, 
a more economical measure devised, 
than this of defeating the Yankees by procla- 
mation, — an expedient, likewise, so gentle and 
humane, there were ten chances to one in favor 
of its succeeding ; but then there was one chance 
to ten that it would not succeed, — as the ill- 
natured fotes would have it, that single chance 
carried the day ! The proclamation was perfect 
in all its parts, well constructed, well written, 
well sealed, and well published ; all that was 
wanting to insure its effect was, that the Yan- 
kees should stand in awe of it ; but, provoking 
to relate, they treated it with the most absolute 
contempt, applied it to an unseemly purpose ; 
and thus did the first warlike proclamation come 
to a shameful end, — a fate which I am credibly 
informed has befallen but too many of its suc- 
cessors. 

So far from abandoning the country, those 
Varlets continued their encroachments, squatting 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 249 

along the green banks of tlie Varsclie river, and 
founding Hartford, Stamford, New Haven, and 
other border-towns. I have ah-eady shown how 
the onion patches of Pyquag were an eye-sore to 
Jacobus Van Curlet and his garrison ; but now 
these moss-troopers increased in their atrocities, 
kidnapping hogs, impounding horses, and some- 
times grievously rib-roasting their owners. Our 
worthy forefathers could scarcely stir abroad 
without danger of being out-jockeyed in horse- 
flesh, or taken in in bargaining ; while, in their 
absence, some daring Yankee peddler would pen- 
etrate to their household, and nearly ruin the 
good housewives with tin ware and wooden 
bowls.^ 

I am well aware of the perils which environ 
me in this part of my history. AVhile raking 
with curious hand but pious heart, among the 

1 The following cases in point appear in Hazard's Collection 
of State Papers. 

" In tiie meantime, they of Hartford have not onely usurped 
and taken in the lands of Connecticott, although unright- 
eously and against the lawes of nations but have hindered 
our nation in sowing theire own pm-chased broken up lands, 
but have also sowed them with corne in the nigiit, which the 
Nederlanders had broken up and intended to sowe : and 
have beaten the servants of the high and mighty the hon- 
ored companie, which were laboring upon theire master's 
lands, from theire lands, with sticks and plow staves in hostile 
manner laming, and among the rest, struck Ever Duckings 
("Evert Duyckink] a liole in his head, with a stick, so that 
the bloode ran duwne very strongly downe upon his body." 

" Those of Hartford sold a hogg, that belonged to the hon- 
ored companie, under pretence that it had eaten of theire 
grounde grass, Avhen they had not any foot of inheritance. 
They proffered the hogg for 5s. if the commissioners would 
have given 5s. for damage ; which the commissioners denied, 
Decause noe nuxn's own hogg (as men used to say) can tres- 
pass upon his owne master's grounde.'' 



250 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

mouldering remains of former days, anxious to 
draw therefrom the honey of wisdom, I may fare 
somewhat like that valiant worthy, Samson, who, 
in meddling with the carcass of a dead lion, drew 
a swarm of bees about his ears. Thus, while 
narrating the many misdeeds of the Yanokie or 
Yankee race, it is ten chances to one but I offend 
the morbid sensibilities of certain of their mu*ea- 
sonable descendants, who may fly out and raise 
such a buzzing about this unkicky head of mine, 
that I shall need the tough hide of an Achilles, 
or an Orlando Furioso, to protect me from their 
stings. 

Should such be the case, I should deeply and 
sincerely lament, — not my misfortune in giving 
offence, but the wrong-headed perverseness of 
an ill-natured generation, in taking offence at 
anything I say. That their ancestors did use 
my ancestors ill is true, and I am very sorry for 
it. I would, with all my heart, the fact were 
otherwise ; but as I am recording the sacred 
events of history, I 'd not bate one nail's breadth 
of the honest truth, though I were sure the 
whole edition of my work would be bought up 
and burnt by the common hangman of Connecti- 
cut. And in sooth, now that these testy gentle- 
men have drawn me out, I will make bold to go 
farther, and observe that this is one of the 
grand purposes for which we impartial historians 
are sent into tlie world, — to redress wrongs and 
render justice on the heads of the guilty. So 
that, though a powerful nation may wrong its 
neighbors with temporary impunity, yet sooner 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 251 

or later an liistorlan springs up, who wreaks 
ample chastisement on it in return. 

Thus these moss-troopers of the east little 
thought, I '11 warrant it, Avhile they were harass- 
ing the inoffensive province of Nieuw Neder- 
landts, and driving its unhappy governor to his 
wit's end, that an historian would ever arise, and 
give them then' own, with interest. Since, then, 
I am but performing my bounden duty as an 
historian, in avenging the wrongs of our revered 
ancestors, I shall make no further apology ; and, 
indeed, Avhen it is considered that I have all 
these ancient borderers of the east in my power, 
and at the mercy of my pen, I trust that it Avill 
be admitted I conduct myself mth great human- 
ity and moderation. 

It was long before William the Testy could be 
persuaded that his much-vaunted war-measure 
was ineffectual ; on the contrary, he flew in a 
passion whenever it was doubted, swearing that, 
though slow in operating, yet when it once began 
to Avork, it would soon purge the land of these 
invaders. When convhiced, at length, of the 
truth, like a shrewd physician he attributed the 
failure to the quantity, not the quality of the 
medicine, and resolved to double the dose. He 
fulminated, therefore, a second proclamation, 
more vehement than the first, forbidding all 
uitercourse with these Yankee intruders, ordering 
the Dutch burghers on the frontiers to buy none 
of their pacing horses, measly pork, apple-sweet- 
meats, Weathersfield onions, or wooden bowls, 
vind to furnish them with no supplies of gin, gin- 
gerbread, or sourkrout. 



252 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Another interval elapsed, during which the 
last proclamation was as little regarded as the 
first ; and tlie non-intercourse was especially set 
at naught by the young folks of both sexes, if 
we may judge by the active bundling which took 
place along the borders. 

At length, one day the inhabitants of New 
Amsterdam were aroused by a furious barking 
of dogs, great and small, and belield, to their sur- 
prise, the whole garrison of Fort Goed Hoop 
straggling into town all tattered and wayworn, 
with Jacobus Van Curlet at their head, bringing 
the melancholy intelligence of the capture of 
Fort Goed Hoop by the Yankees. 

The fate of this important fortress is an im- 
pressive warning to all military commanders. It 
was neither carried by storm nor famine ; nor 
was it undermined ; nor bombarded ; nor set on 
fire by red-hot shot ; but was taken by a strata- 
gem no less singular than effectual, and which 
can never fail of success, whenever an opportu- 
nity occurs of putting it in practice. 

It seems that the Yankees had received intelli- 
gence that the garrison of Jacobus Van Curlet 
had been reduced nearly one eighth by the death 
of two of his most corpulent soldiers, who had 
overeaten themselves on fat salmon caught in the 
Varsche river. A secret expedition was imme- 
diately set on foot to surprise the fortress. The 
crafty enemy, knowing the habits of the garrison 
to sleep soundly after they had eaten their din- 
ners and smoked their pipes, stole upon them at 
the noontide of a sultry summer's day, and sur- 
prised them in the midst of their slumbers. 



HISTORY OF NEW YOKK. 253 

In an instant the flag of their High Mighti- 
nesses was lowered, and the Yankee standard 
elevated in its stead, being a dried codfish, by 
way of a spread eagle. A strong garrison was 
appointed, of long-sided, hard-fisted Yankees, with 
Weathersfield onions for cockades and feathers. 
As to Jacobus Van Curlet and his men, they 
were seized by the nape of the neck, conducted 
to the gate, and one by one dismissed with a kick 
in the crupper, as Charles XII. dismissed the 
heavy-bottomed Russians at the battle of Narva ; 
Jacobus Van Curlet receiving two kicks in con- 
sideration of his official dignity. 



254 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER IV. 




CONTAINING THE FEARFUX WRATH OF ■mLLIAM THE TESTT, AND THB 
ALARM OF NEW AMSTERDAM — HOW THE GOVERNOR DID STRONGLY FOR- 
TIFr THE CITY — OF THE RISE OF ANTONY THE TRUMPETER, AND THE 
•WINDY ADDITION TO THE ARMORIAL BEARINGS OF NEW AMSTERDAM. 



ANGUAGE cannot express the awful 
ire of William the Testy on hearing of 
the catastrophe at Fort Goed Hoop. 
For three good hours his rage was too great for 
words, or rather the words were too great for 
him, (being a very small man,) and he was nearly 
choked by the misshapen, nine - cornered Dutch 
oaths and epithets which crowded at once into 
his gullet. At length his words found vent, and 
for three days he kept up a constant discharge, 
anathematizing the Yankees, man, woman, and 
child, for a set of dieven, schobbejacken, deuge- 
nieten, twistzoekeren, blaes-kaken, loosen-schal- 
ken, kakken-bedden, and a thousand other names, 
of which, unfortunately for posterity, history does 
not make mention. Finally, he swore that he 
would have nothing more to do with such a squat- 
ting, bundling, guessing, questioning, swapping, 
pumpkin - eating, molasses - daubing, shingle - split- 
ting, cider-watering, horse-jockeying, notion-ped- 
dling crew ; that they might stay at Fort Goed 
Hoop and rot, before he would dirty his hands 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 255 

by attempting to drive them away : in proof of 
wliich he ordered the new-raised troops to be 
marched forthwith into wmter-quarters, aUhough 
it was not as yet quite midsummer. Great 
despondency now fell upon the city of New Am- 
sterdam. It was feared that the conquerors of 
Fort Goed Hoop, flushed with victory and apple- 
brandy, might march on to the capital, take it by 
storm, and amiex the whole province to Connect- 
icut. The name of Yankee became as terrible 
among the Nieuw Nederlanders as was that of 
Gaul among the ancient Romans ; insomuch that 
the good wives of the Manhattoes used it as a 
bugbear wherewith to frighten their um'uly cliil- 
dren. 

Everybody clamored around the governor, im- 
ploring him to put the city in a complete posture 
of defence ; and he listened to their clamors. 
Nobody could accuse William the Testy of being 
idle in time of danger, or at any other time. 
He was never idle, but then he was often busy 
to very little purpose. When a youngling, he 
had been impressed with the words of Solomon, 
" Go to the ant, thou sluggard, observe her ways 
and be Avise ; " in conformity to which he had 
ever been of a restless, ant-like turn, liuiTying 
hither and thither, nobody knew why or where- 
fore, busying himself about small matters with an 
air of great importance and anxiety, and toiling 
at a grain of mustard-seed in the full conviction 
that he was moving a mountain. In the present 
instance, he called in all his inventive powers to 
his aid, and was continually pondering over plans, 



256 niSTORY OF NEW YORK. 

making diagrams, and worrying about with a 
troop of workmen and projectors at his heels. 
At length, after a world of consultation and con- 
trivance, his plans of defence ended in rearing a 
gi'eat flag -staff in the centre of the fort, and 
perching a wind-miU on each bastion. 

These warlike preparations in some measure 
allayed the public alarm, especially after an addi- 
tional means of securing the safety of the city 
had been suggested by the governor's lady. It 
has already been hmted m this most authentic 
history, that in the domestic establishment of 
William the Testy " the gray mare was the bet- 
ter horse " ; in other words, that his wife " ruled 
the roast," and m governing the governor, gov- 
erned the province, which might thus be said to 
be under petticoat government. 

Now it came to pass, that about this time there 
lived in the Manliattoes a jolly, robustious trum- 
peter, named Antony Yan Corlear, famous for 
his long wind ; and Avho, as the story goes, could 
twang so potently upon his instrument, that the 
effect upon all within hearing was like that 
ascribed to the Scotch bagpipe when it sings right 
lustily i' the nose. 

This sounder of brass was moreover a lusty 
bachelor, with a pleasant, burly visage, a long 
nose, and huge whiskers. He had his little how- 
eric, or retreat, in the country, where lie led a 
roisterin"; life, j^ivin"; dances to the wives and 
daughters of the burghers of the Manhattoes, 
insomuch that he became a prodigious favorite 
with all the women, young and old. He is said 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 257 

to have been the first to collect that famous toll 
levied on the fliir sex at Kissmg Bridge, on the 
highway to Hellgate.-^ 

To this sturdy bachelor the eyes of all the 
women were turned in this time of darkness and 
peril, as the very man to second and carry out 
the plans of defence of the governor. A kind 
of petticoat council was forthwith held at the 
government house, at which the governor's lady 
presided ; and this lady, as has been hinted, being 
all potent with the governor, the result of these 
councils was the elevation of Antony the Trum- 
peter to the post of commandant of wind-mills 
and champion of New Amsterdam. 

The city being thus fortified and garrisoned, it 
would have done one's heart good to see the gov- 
ernor snapping his fingers and fidgeting with de- 
light, as the trumpeter strutted up and down the 
ramparts, twanging defiance to the whole Yankee 
race, as does a modern editor to all the principal- 
ities and powers on the other side of the Atlantic. 
In the hands of Antony Van Corlear this wmdy 
instrument appeared to him as potent as the horn 
of the paladin Astolpho, or even the more classic 
horn of Alecto ; nay, he had almost the temerity 
to compare it with the rams' horns celebrated in 
holy writ, at the very sound of which the walls 
of Jericho fell down. 

Be all tliis as it may, the apprehensions of hos- 

tihties from the east gradually died away. The 

1 The bridge here mentioned by Mr. Knickerbocker still 
exis(n; but it is said that the toll is seldom collected nowa- 
days, excepting; on sleicjhing-parties, by the descendants of the 
palnarclis, who still preserve the traditions of the city. 
17 



258 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Yankees made no further invasion ; nay, they de- 
clared they had only taken possession of Fort 
Goed Hoop as being erected within their territo- 
ries. So far from manifesting hostility, they con- 
tinued to throng to New Amsterdam with the 
most innocent comitenances imaginable, filling the 
market with their notions, being as ready to trade 
with the Nederlanders as ever, and not a whit 
more prone to get to the windward of them in a 
bargain. 

The old wives of the Manhattoes, who took 
tea with the governor's lady, attributed all this 
affected moderation to the awe inspired by the 
military preparations of the governor, and the 
windy prowess of Antony the Trumpeter. 

There were not wanthig illiberal minds, how- 
ever, who sneered at the governor for thinking to 
defend his city as he governed it, by mere mnd ; 
but William Kieft was not to be jeered out of 
his wind-mills : he had seen them perched upon 
the ramparts of his native city of Saardam, and 
was persuaded they were connected with the 
great science of defence ; nay, so much piqued 
was he by having them made a matter of ridicule, 
that he introduced them into the arms of the city, 
where tliey remain to this day, quartered with 
the ancient beaver of the Manliattoes, an emblem 
and memento of his policy. 

I must not omit to mention that certain wise 
old burghers of the Manhattoes, skilful in ex- 
pomiding signs and mysteries, after events have 
come to pass, consider this early intrusion of tho 
mnd-mill into the escutcheon of our city, which 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 259 

before had been wholly occupied by the beaver, 
ns portentous of its after fortune, when the quiet 
Dutchman would be elbowed aside by the enter- 
prising Yankee, and patient industry overtopped 
by windy speculation. 



2fiO HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER V. 



OP THE JPRISPRUDENCE OP WILLIAM THE TESTY, AND HIS ADMIRABIH 
EXPEDIENTS FOR THE SUPPRESSION OF POTERTT. 



i,;/ tMOXG the ^^Tecks and fran-ments of ex- 
S^^S '"^^ted ^^^3dom, wliich have floated down 
£i^M the stream of time from venerable an- 
tiquity, and been picked up by those humble but 
/industrious wights who ply along the shores of 
/ literature, we find a shrewd ordinance of Charon- 
) das the Locrian legislator. Anxious to preserve 
the judicial code of the State from the additions 
and amendments of country members and seek- 
/ ers of popularity, he ordained that, whoever pro- 
\ posed a new law should do it with a halter about 
\ liis neck ; whereby, in case his proposition were 
rejected, they just hung him up — and there the 
matter ended. 

The effect wa^s, that for more than two hundred 
years there was but one trifling alteration in the 
judicial code ; and legal matters were so clear 
and simple that the whole race of lawyers starved 
to death for want of employment. The Locri- 
ans, too, being freed from all incitement to litiga- 
tion, lived very lovingly together, and Avere so 
liappy a people that they make scarce any figure in 
history ; it being only your litigious, quarrelsomCj 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 261 

rantipole nations wlio make 'much noise in the 
world. 

I have been reminded of these historical facts 
in coming to treat of the internal policy of Wil- 
liam the Testy. Well would it have been for 
liim had he in the course of his universal acquire- 
ments stumbled upon the precaution of the good 
Charondas, or had he looked nearer home at the 
protectorate of OlofFe the Dreamer, when the 
community was governed without laws. Such 
legislation, however, was not suited to the busy, 
meddling mind of William the Testy. On the 
contrary, he conceived that the true wisdom of 
legislation consisted in the multiplicity of laws. 
He accordingly had great punishments for great 
crimes, and little punishments for little offences. 
By degrees the Avhole surface of society was cut 
up by ditches and fences, and quickset hedges of 
the law, and even the sequestered paths of pri- 
vate hfe so beset by petty rules and ordinances, 
too numerous to be remembered, that one could 
scarce walk at large mthout the risk of letting 
off a spring-gun or falling into a man-trap. 

In a little while the blessings of mnumerable 
laws became apparent ; a class of men arose to 
expound and confound them. Petty courts were 
instituted to take cognizance of petty offences, 
pettifoggers began to abound ; and the commu- 
nity was soon set together by the ears. 

''Let me not be thought as intending anythmg 
derogatory to the profession of the law, or to the 
distinguished members of that illustrious order. 
Well am I aware that we have in this ancient 



262 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

city innumerable worthy gentlemen, the knights- 
errant of modern days, who go about redressing 
^vl•onJ2;s and defendins; the defenceless, not for the 
love of filthy lucre, nor the selfish cravings of 
renoA^ai, but merely for the pleasure of doing 
good. Sooner would I throw this trusty pen into 
the flames, and cork up my ink-bottle forever, 
than infringe even for a nail's breadth upon the 
dignity of these truly benevolent champions of 
the distressed. On the contrary, 1 allude merely 
to those caitiff scouts who, m these latter days of 
evil, infest the sldrts of the profession, as did the 
recreant Cornish knights of yore the honorable 
order of chivalry, — who, under its auspices, com- 
mit flagrant wrongs, — who thrive by quibbles, by 
qairks and chicanery, and Hke vermin increase the 
corruption in which they are engendered. 

Nothmg so soon awakens the malevolent pas- 
sions as the facility of gratification. The courts 
of law would never be so crowded with petty, 
vexatious, and disgraceful suits, were it not for 
the herds of pettifoggers. These tamper with the 
passions of the poorer and more ignorant classes, 
who, LIS if poverty were not a sufficient misery in 
itself, are ever ready to imbitter it by litigation. 
These, like quacks in medicine, excite the malady 
to profit by the cure, and retard the cure to aug- 
ment the fees. As the quack exhausts the con- 
stitution, the pettifogger exhausts the purse ; and 
as he who has once been under the hands of a 
quack is forever after prone to dabble in drugs, 
and poison liimself with infallible prescriptions, 
fio the client of the pettifogger is ever after prone 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 263 

to embroil himself with his neighbors, and im- 
poverish himself with successful lawsuits. My 
readers will excuse this digression into which I 
have been unwarily betrayed ; but I could not 
avoid giving a cool and unprejudiced account of 
an abomination too prevalent in this excellent 
city, and with the effects of which I am ruefully 
acquaijited : having been nearly ruined by a law- 
suit which was decided against me ; and my ruin 
having been completed by another, which was 
decided in my favor. 

To return to our theme. There was nothing 
in the whole range of moral offences agauist 
which the jurisprudence of William the Testy 
was more strenuously directed than the crying 
sin of poverty. He pronounced it the root of 
all evil, and determmed to cut it up, root and 
branch, and extirpate it from the land. He had 
been struck, in the course of his travels in the 
old countries of Europe, with the wisdom of 
those notices posted up in country towns, that 
" any vagrant found begging there would be put 
in the stocks," and he had observed that no beggars 
were to be seen in these neighborhoods ; having 
doubtless thrown off their rag and their poverty, 
and become rich under the terror of the law. 
He determined to improve upon this hint. In a 
little while a new machine, of his own invention, 
was erected hard by Dog's Misery. This was 
nothing more nor less than a gibbet, of a very 
strange, uncouth, and unmatchable construction, 
%r more efficacious, as he boasted, than the 
Btocks. for the punishment of poverty. It was 



264 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

for altitude not a whit inferior to that of Haman 
BO renowned in Bible history ; but the marvel of 
the contrivance was, that the culprit, instead of 
being suspended by the neck, according to vener- 
able custom, was hoisted by the waistband, and 
kept dangling and sprawling between heaven and 
earth for an hour or two at a time — to the 
infinite entertainment and edification of the re- 
spectable citizens who usually attend exhibitions 
of the kind. 

It is incredible how the little governor chuckled 
at beholding caitiff vagrants and sturdy beggars 
thus swinguig by the crupper, and cutting antic 
gambols in the air. He had a thousand pleas- 
antries and mirthful conceits to utter upon these 
occasions. He called them his dandle-Hons — his 
■\vild-fowl — his high-fliers — his spread-eagles — 
his goshawks — his scare-crows — and finally, his 
galloivs-hirds ; which ingenious appellation, though 
originally confined to worthies who had taken the 
air in this strange manner, has since grown to be 
a cant name driven to all candidates for le";al ele- 
vation. Tiiis punishment, moreover, if we may 
credit the assertions of certain grave etymologists, 
gave the first hint for a kind of harnessing, or 
strapping, by which our forefathers braced up 
their multifarious breeches, and which has of late 
years been revived, and continues to be worn at 
the present day. 

Such was the punishment of all petty delin- 
quents, vagrants and beggars and others detected 
in being guilty of poverty in a small way ; as to 
those who had offended on a sfreat scale, who 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK ^^5 

had been guilty of flagrant misfortunes and enor- 
mous backslldings of the purse, and who stood 
convicted of large debts, which they were unable 
to pay, William Kieft had them straightway 
inclosed mthin the stone walls of a prison, there 
to remain until they should reform and grow 
rich. This notable expedient, however, does not 
appear to have been more efficacious under Wil- 
liam the Testy than in more modern days : it 
being found that the longer a poor devil was 
kept in prison the poorer he grew. 



266 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 




CHAPTER VI. 

PROJECTS OP WILLIAM THE TESTY FOR IXCREASIXO THE CURRENCY -> 
HE IS OUTWITTED BY TUB YANKEES — THE GREAT OYSTER WAR. 

I EXT to his projects for the suppression 
of poverty may be classed those of Wil- 
liam the Testy, for increasing the wealth 
of New Amsterdam. Solomon, of whose char- 
acter for wisdom the little governor was some- 
what emulous, had made gold and silver as 
plenty as the stones in the streets of Jerusalem. 
William Kieft could not pretend to vie with him 
as to the precious metals, but he determined, as 
an equivalent, to flood the streets of New Amster- 
dam with Indian money. This was nothing more 
nor less than strings of beads wrought of clams, 
periwinkles, and other shell-fish, and called sea- 
want or wampum. These had formed a native 
currency among the simple savages, who were 
content to take them of the Dutchmen in ex- 
change for peltries. Li an unlucky moment, 
William the Testy, seeing this money of easy 
production, conceived the project of making it 
the current com of the province. It is true it 
had an intrinsic value among the Indians, who 
used it to ornament their robes and moccasons, 
but among the honest burghers it had no more 
intrinsic value than those ra^fs which form tht 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 267 

paper currency of modern days. This consider- 
ation, however, had no weight with William 
Kieft. He began by paying all the servants of 
the company, and all the debts of government, in 
strings of Avampum. He sent emissaries to 
sweep the shores of Long Island, which was the 
Ophir of this modern Solomon, and abounded 
in shell-fish. These were transported in loads 
to New Amsterdam, coined into Indian money, 
and launched into circulation. 

And now, for a time, affairs went on swim- 
mingly ; money became as plentiful as in the 
modern days of paper currency, and, to use the 
popular phrase, " a wonderful impulse was given 
to public prosperity." Yankee traders poured 
into the province, buying everything they could 
lay their hands on, and paying the worthy Dutch- 
men their own price — in Indian money. If the 
latter, however, attempted to pay the Yankees in 
the same coin for their tin ware and wooden bowls, 
the case was altered ; nothing would do but 
Dutch guilders and such like " metallic currency." 
What was worse, the Yankees introduced an in- 
ferior kind of wampum made of oyster-shells, 
with which they deluged the province, carrying 
off in exchange all the silver and gold, the Dutch 
beri'ings, and Dutch cheeses : thus early did the 
knowing men of the east manifest their skill in 
bargaining the New Amsterdammers out of the 
oyster, and leaving them the shell.^ 

1 In a manuscript record of the province, dated 1659, Li- 
nrary of the Xew York Historical Society, is the following 
mention of Indian money: 

" Stawani alias ■vvampum. Beads niauufactured from the 



268 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

It was a long time before TVilliain the Testy 
was made sensible how completely his grand pro- 
ject of finance was turned against him by his 
eastern neighbors ; nor would he probably have 
ever found it out, had not tidings been brought 
him that the Yankees had made a descent upon 
Long Island, and had established a kind of mint 
at Oyster Bay, Avhere they were coining up all 
the oyster-banks. 

Now tliis was making a vital attack upon the 
province in a double sense, financial and gastro- 
nomical. Ever since the council-dinner of Oloffe 
the Dreamer at the founding of New Amsterdam, 
at which banquet the oyster figured so conspic- 
uously, this divine shell-fish has been held in a 
kind of superstitious reverence at the Manhat- 
toes ; as witness the temples erected to its cult 
in every street and lane and alley. In fact, it is 
the standard luxury of the place, as is the terra- 
pin at Philadelphia, the soft crab at Baltimore, or 
the canvas-back at Washington. 

The seizure of Oyster Bay, therefore, was an 
outrage not merely on the pockets, but the lard- 

Quahang or ivilk : a shell-fish formerly abounding on our 
coasts, but lately of more rare occurrence, of two colors, black 
and white; the former twice the value of the latter. Six 
beads of the white and three of the black for an English 
penny. The seawant depreciates from time to time. The 
New-England people make use of it as a means of barter, not 
only to carrv away the best cargoes which we send thither, 
but to accumulate a large quantity of beavers and other furs; 
by which the company is defrauded of her revenues, and the 
merchants disappointed in making returns with that speed 
with which they might wish to meet their engagements; 
while their commissioners and the inhabitants remain over- 
etocked with seawant, — a sort of currency of no value except 
with the New Netherland savages, &c." 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 269 

ers of tlie New Amsterdammers ; the whole com- 
munity was aroused, and an oyster crusade was 
immediately set on foot against the Yankees. 
Every stout trencherman hastened to the stand- 
ard ; nay, some of the most corpulent Burgomas- 
ters and Schepens joined the expedition as a corps 
de reserve, only to be called mto action when the 
sacking commenced. 

The conduct of the expedition was intrusted to 
a valiant Dutchman, who for size and weight 
might have matched with Colbrand the Danish 
champion, slain by Guy of Warwick. He was 
famous throughout the province for strength of 
arm and skill at quarter-staff, and hence was 
named Stoffel Brinkerhoff, or rather, Brinker- 
hoofd, that is to say, Stoffel the head-breaker. 

This sturdy commander, who was a man of 
few words but vigorous deeds, led his troops reso- 
lutely on through Nineveh, and Babylon, and 
Jericho, and Patch-hog, and other Long Island 
towns, without encountering any difRculty of 
note ; though it is said that some of the burgo- 
masters gave out at Hardscramble Hill and Hun- 
gry Hollow, and that others lost heart and turned 
back at Puss-panick. With the rest he made 
good his march until he arrived in the neighbcr- 
hood of Oyster Bay. 

Here he "was encountered by a host of Yan- 
kee warriors, headed by Preserved Fish, and 
Habakkuk Nutter, and Return Strong, and Ze- 
rubbabel Fisk, and Determined Cock ! at the 
sound of whose names Stoffel Brinkerhoff verily 
believed the whole parliament of Praise-God 



270 HISTORY OF NEW YCP.K. 

Barebones had been let loose upon him. He 
Boon found, however, that they were merely the 
" selectmen " of the settlement, armed with no 
weapon but the tongue, and disposed only to 
meet him on the field of argument. Stoffel had 
but one mode of arguing, that was, witli the cud- 
gel ; but he used it with such effect that he rout- 
ed his antagonists, broke up the settlement, and 
would have driven the iidiabitants into the sea if 
they had not managed to escape across the Sound 
to the mainland by the Devil's stepping-stones, 
which remain to tliis day monuments of this 
great Dutch victory over the Yankees. 

Stoffel Brmkerhoff made great spoil of oysters 
and clams, coined and uncoined, and then set out 
on his return to the Manhattoes. A grand tri- 
umph, after the mamier of the ancients, was pre- 
pared for him by William the Testy. He en- 
tered Xew Amsterdam as a conqueror, mounted 
on a Xarraganset pacer. Five dried codfish on 
poles, standards taken from the enemy, were 
borne before him, and an immense store of oysters 
and clams, Weathersfield onions, and Yankee 
" notions " formed the spolia opima ; while sev- 
eral comers of oyster-shells were led captive to 
gi-ace the hero's triumph. 

The procession was accompanied by a full 
band of boys and negroes, performing on tlie pop- 
ular instruments of rattle-bones and clam-shells, 
while Antony Van Corlear sounded his trumpet 
from the ramparts. 

A great banquet was served up in the stadt- 
house from the clams and oysters taken from the 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 21^ 

enemy ; while the governor sent the shells pri 
vately to the mint, and had them coined into In 
dian money, w^th which he paid his troops. 

It is moreover said that the <2:overnor, callins: 
to mind the practice among the ancients to honor 
their victorious general with public statues, passed 
a magnanimous decree, by which every tavern- 
keeper was permitted to paint the head of StofFel 
BrinkerhofF upon his sign ! 



272 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER Vn. 




JBOWINQ DISCONTENTS OP NEW AMSTERDAM UNDER THE aOVEBNMEITT 
OF WILLIAM THE TESTY. ' 



T has been remarked by the observant 
writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, 
that under the administration of William 
Kieft the disposition of the mhabitants of New 
Amsterdam experienced an essential change, so 
that they became very meddlesome and factious. 
The uufortmiate propensity of the little governor 
to experiment and innovation, and the frequent 
exacerbations of his temper, kept his council m a 
continual worry ; and the council being to the 
people at large what yeast or leaven is to a batch, 
they threw the whole community in a ferment ; 
and the people at large being to tlie city what 
the mind is to the body, the unhappy commotions 
they underwent , oj^erated most disastrously upon 
New Amsterdam, — insomuch that, in certain of 
their paroxysms of consternation and perplexity, 
they begat several of the most crooked, distorted, 
and abominable streets, lanes, and alleys, mth 
which this metropolis is disfigured. 

The fact was, that about this time the commu- 
nity, like Balaam's ass, began to grow more 
enlightened than its rider, and to show a disposi- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 273 

tion for what is called " self-government." This 
restive propensity was first evinced in certain 
popular meetings, m which the burghers of New 
Amsterdam met to talk and smoke over the com- 
plicated aiFairs of the province, gradually obfus- 
cating themselves with politics and tobacco-smoke. 
Hither resorted those idlers and squires of low 
degree who hang loose on society and are blown 
about by every wind of doctrine. Cobblers aban- 
doned their stalls to give lessons on political econ- 
omy ; blacksmiths suffered their fires to go out 
while they stirred up the fires of faction ; and 
even tailors, though said to be the ninth parts of 
humanity, neglected their own measures to criti- 
cize tlie measures of government. 

Strange ! that the science of government, 
which seems to be so generally understood, should 
invariably be denied to the only one called upon 
to exercise it. Not one of the politicians in 
question, but, take his word for it, could have ad- 
ministered affairs ten times better than William 
the Testy. 

Under the instructions of these political ora- 
cles the good people of New Amsterdam soon 
became exceedingly enlightened, and, as a matter 
of course, exceedingly discontented. They grad- 
ually found out the fearful error in which they 
had indulged, of thinking themselves the happi- 
est people in creation, and were convinced that, 
all circumstances to the contrary notwithstanding, 
they were a very unhappy, deluded, and conse 
quently ruined people ! 

We are naturally prone to discontent, and 
18 



274 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

avaricious after imaginary causes of lamentation. 
Like lubberly monks we belabor our oa\'ti shoul- 
ders, and take a vast satisfaction in the music of 
our own groans. Nor is tliis said by way of 
paradox ; daily experience shows the truth of 
these observations. It is almost impossible to 
elevate the spirits of a man gi*oaning under ideal 
calamities ; but nothing is easier than to render 
him wretched, though on the pinnacle of felicity ; 
as it would be an Herculean task to hoist a man 
to the top of a steeple, though the merest child 
could topple him off thence. 

I must not omit to mention that these popular 
meetings were generally held at some noted tav- 
ern, these public edifices possessing what in mod- 
ern times are thought the true fountains of polit- 
ical inspiration. The ancient Greeks deliberated 
upon a matter when drunk, and reconsidered it 
when sober. Mob - politicians in modern times 
dislike to have two minds upon a subject, so they 
both deliberate and act when drmik ; by this 
means a world of delay is spared ; and as it is 
universally allowed that a man when drunk sees 
double, it follows conclusively that "he sees twice 
as well as his sober neighbors. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 275 



CHAPTER Vm. 



Of THE EDICT OP WILLIAM THE TESTY AGAINST TOBACCO — OP THE 
PIPE-PLOT, AND THE RISE OP FEUDS AND PARTIES. 

r^pILIIELMUS KIEFT, as has already 




Vli^U, been observed, was a great legislator 
on a small scale, and had a microscopic 
eye in public affairs. He had been greatly an- 
noyed by the factious meeting of the good people 
of New Amsterdam, but, observing that on these 
occasions the pipe was ever in their mouth, he be- 
gan to think that the pipe was at the bottom of 
the affair, and that there was some mysterious 
affinity between politics and tobacco-smoke. De- 
termined to strike at the root of the evil, he 
began forthwith to rail at tobacco, as a noxious, 
nauseous weed, filthy in all its uses ; and as to 
smoldng, he denomiced it as a heavy tax upon 
the public pocket, — a vast consumer of time, a 
great encourager of idleness, and a deadly bane 
to the prosperity and morals of the people. 
Finally he issued an edict, prohibiting the smok- 
ing of tobacco throughout the New Netherlands. 
Ill-fated Kieft ! Had he lived in the present age 
and attempted to check the unbounded license of 
the press, he could not have struck more sorely 
upon the sensibilities of the million. The pipe, 



276 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

m fact, was the great organ of reflection and 
deliberation of the New Netherlander. It was 
his constant companion and solace : was he gay, 
he smoked ; was he sad, he smoked ; his pipe 
was never out of his mouth ; it was a part of his 
pliysiognonij ; without it liis best friends would 
not know him. Take away his pipe ? You 
might as well take away his nose ! 

The immediate effect of the edict of "SVilliam 
(he Testy Avas a popular commotion. A vast 
multitude, armed with pipes and tobacco-boxes, 
and an immense supply of anununition, sat them- 
selves down before the governor's house, and fell 
to smoking with tremendous violence. The 
testy William issued forth like a wrathful spider, 
demanding the reason of this lawless fumigation. 
The sturdy rioters replied by lolling back in their 
seats, and puffing away with redoubled fury, rais- 
ing such a murky cloud that the governor was 
fain to take refuge in the interior of his castle. 

A lono; nesrotiation ensued throucrh the medium 
of Antony the Trumpeter. The governor was at 
first wrathful and unyielding, but was gradually 
smoked into terms. He concluded by permitting 
the smoking of tobacco, but he abolished the fair 
long pijDCS used in the days of AYouter Van Twil- 
ler, denoting ease, tranquillity, and sobriety of 
deportment ; these he condemned as incompatible 
with the despatch of business, in place whereof 
he substituted little captious short pipes, two 
inches in length, which, he observed, could be 
Btuck in one corner of the mouth, or twisted in 
the hat-band, and would never be in the way. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 211 

Thus ended tliis alarming insurrection, which was 
long known by the name of The Pipe-Plot, and 
which, it has been somewhat quaintly observed, 
did end, like most plots and seditions, in mere 
smoke. 

But mark, oh, reader! the deplorable e-vila 
which did afterwards result. The smoke of 
these villanous little pipes, continually ascending 
in a cloud about the nose, penetrated into and 
befogged the cerebellum, dried up all the kindly 
moisture of the brain, and rendered the people 
who use them as vaporish and testy as the gov- 
ernor himself. Nay, what is worse, from being 
goodly, burly, sleek - conditioned men, they be- 
came, like our Dutch yeomanry who smoke 
short pipes, a lantern-jawed, smoke-dried, leath- 
ern-hided race. 

Nor was this all. From tliis fatal schism in 
tobacco-pipes we may date the rise of parties in 
the Nieuw Nederlands. The rich and self-im- 
portant burghers who had made their fortmies, 
and could afford to be lazy, adhered to the 
ancient fashion, and formed a kind of aristocracy 
kno^\^l as the Long Pipes ; while the lower 
order, adopting the i-eform of WiUiam Kieft as 
more convenient in their handicraft employments, 
were branded with the plebeian name of Short 
Pipes. 

A thu'd party sprang up, headed by the de- 
scendants of Robert Chewit, the companion of the 
gi*eat Hudson. These discarded pipes altogether 
and took to chewing tobacco ; hence they were 
called Quids, — an appellation suice given to those 



278 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

political mongrels, wliich sometimes spring up 
between two great parties, as a mule is produced 
between a horse and an ass. 

And here I would note the great benefit of 
party distinctions in saving the people at large 
the trouble of thinking. Hesiod divides man- 
kind into three classes, — those who think for 
themselves, those who think as others tliink, and 
those who do not think at all. The second class 
comprises the great mass of society ; for most 
people require a set creed and a file-leader. 
Hence the origin of party : which means a large 
body of people, some few of whom think, and 
all the rest talk. The former take the lead and 
discipline the latter ; prescribing what they must 
say, what they must approve, what they must 
hoot at, whom they must support, but, above all, 
whom tliey must hate ; for no one can be a right 
good partisan, who is not a thorough-going hater. 

Tlie enlightened inhabitants of tiie Manhat- 
toes, therefore, being divided into parties, were 
enabled to hate each other with great accuracy. 
And now the great business of politics went 
bravely on, the long pipes and short pipes assem- 
bluig in separate beer-houses, and smoking at 
each other with implacable vehemence, to the 
great support of the State and profit of the tav- 
ern-keepers. Some, indeed, went so far iis to 
bespatter their adversaries with those odoriferous 
little words which smell so strong in the Dutch 
language, believing, like true politicians, that 
they served their party, and glorified themselves 
ill proportion as they bewrayed their neighbors. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 279 

But, however they might differ among them- 
Belves, all parties agreed in abusing the governor, 
seeing that he was not a governor of their 
choice, but appomted by others to rule over 
them. 

Unhappy William Kieft ! exclaims the sage 
writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, doomed to 
contend with enemies too knowing to be en- 
trapped, and to reign over a people too wise to 
be governed. All his foreign expeditions were 
baffled and set at naught by the all-pervading 
Yankees ; all his home measures were canvassed 
and condemned by "numerous and respectable 
meetings " of pot-house politicians. 

In the multitude of counsellors, we are told, 
there is safety ; but the multitude of counsellors 
was a continual source of perplexity to William 
Kieft. With a temperament as hot as an old 
radish, and a mind subject to perpetual whirl- 
winds and tornadoes, he never failed to get into 
a passion with every one who undertook to 
advise him. I have observed, however, that 
your passionate little men, like small boats with 
large sails, are easily upset or blown out of their 
30urse ; so was it with William the Testy, who 
was prone to be carried away by the last piece 
)f advice blown into his ear. The consequence 
was, that, though a projector of the first class, 
yet by continually changing his projects he gave 
aone a fair trial ; and by endeavoring to do 
everything, he in sober truth did nothing. 

In the mean time, the sovereign people got 
into the saddle, showed themselves, as usual, 



280 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

unmerciful riders ; spurring on the little govern- 
or with harangues and petitions, and thwarting 
him with memorials and reproaches, in much the 
same way as holiday apprentices manage an 
unlucky devil of a hack-horse, — so that Wilhel- 
mus Kieft was kept at a worry or a gallop 
throughout the whole of his administration. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK 281 



CHAPTER IX. 




>P THE FOLLY OF BEING HAPPT IN TIJIE OP PROSPERITY — OP TRODBIES 
TO THE SOUTH BROUGHT OX BY ANNEXATION — OF THE SECRET EXPE- 
DITION OF JAN JANSEN ALPENDAM, AND HIS MAGNIFICENT REWARD. 



^^F we could but get a peep at the tally 
\U'h of dame Fortune, where like a vigilant 
landlady she chalks up the debtor and 
creditor accounts of thoughtless mortals, we 
should find that every good is checked off by an 
evil, and that, however we may apparently revel 
scot-free for a season, the tin?e will come when 
we must ruefully pay off the reckoning. For- 
tune in fict is a pestilent shrew, pnd withal an 
inexorable creditor ; and though for a time she 
may be all smiles and courtesies al^d indulge 
us in long credits, yet sooner or la^ei* she brings 
up her arrears with a vengeance, and wa?h/^s out 
her scores with our tears. " Since," says £-ood 
old Boetius, " no man can retain her at his plea'i- 
ure ; what are her favors but sure prognostica- 
tions of approaching trouble and calamity ? " 

This is the fundamental maxim of that sage 
school of philosophers, the croakers, who esteem 
it true wisdom to doubt and despond when other 
men rejoice, well knowing that happiness is at 
best but transient, — that, the higher one is ele- 



2o2 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

vated on the seesaw balance of fortune, the 
lower must be his subsequent depression, — that 
he who is on the uppermost round of a ladder has 
most to suffer from a fall, while lie who is at the 
bottom runs very little risk of bi'eaking his neck 
by tumbling to tlie top. 

Philosophical readei'S of this stamp must have 
doubtless indulged in dismal forebodings all 
through the tranquil reign of Walter the Doubt- 
er, and considered it what Dutch seamen call a 
weather-breeder. They will not be surprised, 
therefore, that the foul weather which gathered 
during his days should now be rattlirjg from all 
quarters on the head of William the Testy. 

The origin of some of these troubles may be 
traced quite back to the discoveries and annexa- 
tions of Hans Reinier Oothout, the explorer, and 
Wynant Ten Breeches, the land-measuier, made 
ill the twilight days of Oloffe the Dreamer ; by 
which the territories of the Xieuw Nederlanda 
were carried fl\r to the south, to Delaware river 
and parts beyond. The consequence was, many 
disputes and brawls with the Indians, which now 
and then reached the drowsy ears of Walter the 
Doubter and his council, like the nuittering of 
distant thunder from behind the mountains, with- 
out, however, disturbing their repose. Tt was 
not till the time of William the Testy that the 
thunderbolt reached the Manhattocs. While the 
little governor was diligently protecting his east- 
ern boundaries from tlie Yankees, woixl was 
brought him of the irruption of a vagrant colony 
Df Swedes in the south, who had landed on the 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 283 

banks of the Delaware and displayed the banner 
of that redoubtable virago Queen Christina, and 
taken possession of the country in her name. 
These had been guided in their expedition by 
one Peter Minuits, or Minnewits, a renegadq 
Dutchman, formerly in the service of their High 
Mightinesses, but who now declared liimself gov- 
ernor of all the surrounding country, to which 
was given the name of the provuice of New 
Sweden. 

It is an old saying that " a little pot is soon 
hot," which was the case with William the Testy. 
Bemg a little man, he was soon in a passion, 
and once in a passion, he soon boiled over. Sum- 
moning his council on the receipt of this news, he 
belabored the Swedes in the longest speech that 
had been heard in the colony since the wordy 
warfare of Ten Breeches and Tough Breeches. 
Having thus taken off the fire-edge of his valor, 
he resorted to his favorite measure of proclama- 
tion, and despatched a document of the Idnd, or- 
dering the renegade Minnewits and his gang of 
Swedish vagabonds to leave the country imme- 
diately, under pain of the vengeance of their 
High Mightinesses the Lords States General, 
and of the potentates of the Manhattoes. 

This strong measure was not a whit more 
effectual than its predecessors, which had been 
thundered against the Yankees ; and "William 
Kieft w^as preparing to follow it up with some- 
thing still more formidable, when he received iii 
telligence of other invaders on his southern fron- 
tier, who had taken possession of the banks of 



284 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

the Schuylkill, and built a fort there. They were 
represented as a gigantic, gunpowder race of 
men, exceedingly expert at boxing, biting, goug- 
ing, and other branches of the rough-and-tumble 
mode of warfare, wliich they had learned from 
their prototypes and cousins-german, the Virgin- 
ians, to whom tliey have ever borne considerable 
resemblance. Like them, too, they were great 
roisters, much given to revel on hoe-cake and 
bacon, mint-julep and apple-toddy ; whence their 
newly formed colony had already acquired the 
name of Merryland, which, with a slight modifi- 
cation, it retains to the present day. 

In fact, the Merrylanders and their cousins, 
the Virginians, were represented to William Kieft 
as offsets from the same original stock as his bit- 
ter enemies the Yanolde, or Yankee tribes of the 
east, having both come over to this country for 
the liberty of conscience, or, in other words, to 
live as they pleased : the Yankees taking to pray- 
ing and money-making, and converting quakers ; 
and the Southerners to horse-racing and cock- 
fighting, and breeding negroes. 

Against these new invaders Wilhelmus Kieft 
immediately despatched a naval armament of two 
sloops and thirty men, under Jan Jansen Alpen- 
dam, who was armed to the very teeth with one 
of the little governor's most powerful speeches, 
written in vigorous Low Dutch. 

Admiral Alpendam arrived without accident in 
the Sclmylkill, and came upon the enemy just as 
they were engaged in a great " barbecue," a kind 
of festivity or carouse much practised in ]N[erry- 



niSTORY OF NEW YORK. 2So 

land. Opening upon them with the speech of 
William the Testy, he denounced them as a pack 
of lazy, canting, julep -tippling, cock-fighting, 
hoi-se-racing, slave-trading, tavern-hmiting, Sab- 
bath-breaking, mulatto-breeding upstarts, and con- 
cluded by ordering them to evacuate the country 
immediately : to which they laconically replied in 
plain English, " they'd see him d — d first ! " 

Now, this was a reply on which neither Jan 
Jansen Alpendam nor Wilhelmus Kieft had 
made any calculation. Fuiding himself, there- 
fore, totally unprepared to answer so terrible a 
rebuff with suitable hostility, tlie admiral con- 
cluded his wisest course would be to return home 
and report progress. He accordingly steered his 
course back to New Amsterdam, where he ar 
rived safe, having accomplished this hazardous 
enterprise at small expense of treasure and no 
loss of life. His saving policy gained him the 
universal appellation of the Saviour of his Coun- 
try ; and his services were suitably rewarded by 
a shingle monument, erected by subscription on the 
top of Flattenbarrack Hill, where it immortalized 
his name for three whole years, when it fell to 
pieces and was burnt for firewood. 



286 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER X. 



TROUBLOUS TIMES ON THE HUDSON — HOW KILLIAN VAN REXSELLAKB 
ERECTED A FEUDAL CASTLE, AND HOW IJE INTRODUCED CLUB-LAW INTO 
THE PROVINCE. 



^j:^"\ BOUT this time the testy little irovernor 
^/^^^ of the New Netherlands appears to 
(^^S^ have had his hands full, and with one 
annoyance and the other io have been kept con- 
tinually on the bounce. He Avas on the very 
point of following up the expedition of Jan Jan- 
sen Alpendam by some belligerent measures 
against the marauders of Merryland, when his 
attention was suddenly called away by belligerent 
troubles springing up in another quarter, the 
seeds of which had been soA\ni in the tranquil 
days of Walter the Doubter. 

The reader will recollect the deep doubt into 
which that most pacific governor was throA\ai on 
Killian Van Rensellaer's taking possession of 
Beam Island by wapen recJit. While the gov- 
ernor doubted and did nothing, the lordly Killian 
went on to complete his sturdy little castellum of 
Rensellaerstein, and to garrison it with a number 
of his tenants from the Helderb(3rg, a mountain 
region famous for the hardest heads and hardest 
fists in the province. Nicholas Koorn, a faithful 
Bquire of the patroon, accustomed to strut at his 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 287 

heels, wear his cast-ofF clothes, and imitate his 
lofty bearing, was established in this post as 
wacht-meester. His duty it was to keep an eye 
on the river, and oblige every vessel that passed, 
unless on the service of their High Mightinesses, 
to strike its flag, lower its peak, and pay toll to 
the lord of Rensellaerstein. 

Tliis assumption of sovereign authority within 
the territories of the Lords States General, how- 
ever it might have been tolerated by Walter the 
Doubter, had been sharply contested by William 
the Testy on coming into office ; and many wYit- 
ten remonstrances had been addressed by him to 
Killian Van Rensellaer, to which the latter never 
deigned a reply. Thus, by degrees, a sore place, 
or, ui Hibernian parlance, a raw, had been estab- 
lished in the irritable soul of the little governor, 
insomuch that he winced at the very name of 
Kensellaerstein. 

Now it came to pass, that, on a fine sunny day, 
the Company's yacht, the Half-]Moon, having 
been on one of its stated visits to Fort Aurania, 
was quietly tiding it down the Hudson. The 
commander, Govert Lockerman, a veteran Dutch 
skipper of few words but great bottom, was 
seated on the high poop, quietly smoking his pipe 
under the shadow of the proud flag of Orange, 
when, on arriving abreast of Beam Island, he 
was saluted by a stentorian voice from the shcre, 
" Lower thy flag, and be d — d to thee ! " 

Govert Lockerman, without taking his pipe 
out of his mouth, turned up his eye from under 
his broad-brimmed hat to see who hailed him 



288 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

thus discourteously. There, on the ramparts of 
the fort, stood Nicholas Koorn, armed to the 
teeth, flourishing a brass-hilted sword, while a 
steeple-crowned hat and cock's tail-feather, for- 
merly worn by Killian Van Rensellaer himself, 
gave an inexpressible loftiness to his demeanor. 

Govert Lockerman eyed the warrior from top 
to toe, but was not to be dismayed. Taking the 
pipe slowly out of his mouth, " To whom should 
I lower my flag ? " demanded he. " To the high 
and mighty Killian Van Rensellaer, tlie lord of 
Rensellaerstein ! " was the reply. 

" I lower it to none but the Prince of Orange 
and my masters the Lords States General." So 
saying, he resumed his pipe and smoked with an 
air of dopjo-ed determination. 

Bang ! ^^'ent a gun from the fortress ; the ball 
cut both sail and rigging. Govert Lockerman 
said nothing, but smoked the more doggedly. 

Bang! went another gun; the shot whistled 
close astern. 

" Fire, and be d — d," cried Govert Locker- 
man, cramming a new charge of tobacco into his 
pipe, and smoking with still increasing vehe- 
mence. 

Bang ! went a tliii'd gun. The shot passed 
over his head, tearing a hole in the " prmcely 
flag of Orange." 

Tliis was the hardest trial of all for the pride 
and patience of Govert Lockerman. He main- 
tained a stubborn, though swelHng silence ; but 
his smothered rage might be perceived by the 
short vehement puffs of smoke emitted from his 



lUtlTORY OF NEW YORK. 2bU 

pipe, by which he might be tracked fur miles, as 
he slowly floated out of shot and out of sight of 
Beam Island. In fact he never gave vent to his 
passion until he got fairly among the highlands 
of the Hudson ; when he let fly whole volleys 
of Dutch oaths, which are said to linger to this 
very day among the echoes of the Dunderberg, 
and to give particular effect to the thunder-storms 
in that neighborhood. 

It was the sudden apparition of Govert Lock- 
erman at Dog's Misery, bearing in his hand the 
tattered flag of Orange, that arrested the attention 
of William the Testy, just as he was devising a 
new expedition against the marauders of Merry- 
land. I will not pretend to describe the passion 
of the little man when he heard of the outrage 
of Rensellaerstein. Suffice it to say, in the first 
transports of his fury, he turned Dog's Misery 
topsy-turvy ; kicked every cm' out of doors, and 
threw the cats out of the window ; after wliich, 
his spleen beino; in some measure relieved, he 
went into a council of war with Govert Locker- 
man, the skipper, assisted by Antony Van Cor- 
lear, the Trumpeter. 



'J no HISTORY OF NEiV I'OkK. 



CHAPTER XL 




)F THE DIPLOMATIC MISSION OP ANTONY THE TRUMPETER TO THE FOR 
TRESS OP RENSELLAERSTEIN — AND HOW HE WAS PUZZLED BY A CAB 
ALISTIC REPLY. 



fHE eyes of all New Amsterdam were 
turned to see what would be the 
end of this direful feud between Wil- 
liam tlie Testy and the patroon of Rensellaer- 
v/ick ; and some, observing the consultations of 
the governor with the skipper and the trumpeter, 
predicted warlike measures by sea and land. 
The wrath of William Kieft, however, though 
quick to rise, was quick to evaporate. He was 
a perfect brush-heap in a blaze, snapping and 
crackling for a time, and then ending in smoke. 
Like many other valiant potentates, his first 
thoughts were all for war, his sober second 
thoughts for diplomacy. 

Accordingly, Govert Lockerman was once 
more despatched up the river in the Company's 
yacht, the Goed Hoop, bearing Antony the 
Trumpeter as ambassador, to ^ro.at with the bellig- 
erent powers of Rcnsellaerstem. In the fulness 
of time the yacht arrived before Beam Island, 
and Antony the Trumpeter, mounting the poop, 
sounded a parley to the fortress. In a little while 
the steeple-crowned hat of Nicholas Koorn, the 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 291 

waclit-meester, rose above the battlements, fol- 
lowed by his iron visage, and ultimately lii^ 
whole person, armed, as before, to the very teeth ; 
while, one by one, a whole row of Helderbergers 
reared their round burly heads above tlie wall, 
and beside each pumpkin-head peered the end of 
a rusty musket. Nothing daunted by this formi- 
dable array, Antony Van Corlear drew forth and 
read with audible voice a missive from William 
the Testy, protesting against the usurpation of 
Beam Island, and ordering the garrison to quit 
the premises, bag and baggage, on pain of the 
vengeance of the potentate of the Manhattoes. 

Li reply, the wacht-meester applied the thumb 
of his right hand to the end of his nose, and the 
thumb of his left hand to the little finger of the 
right, and spreading each hand like a fan, made 
an aerial floin*ish with his fingers. Antony Van 
Corlear was sorely perplexed to understand this 
sign, which seemed to him something mysterious 
and masonic. Not liking to betray his ignorance, 
he again read with a loud voice the missive of 
William the Testy, and again Nicholas Koorn 
applied the thumb of his right hand to the end 
of his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to 
the little finger of the right, and repeated this 
kind of nasal weather-cock. Antony Van Cor- 
lear now persuaded himself that this was some 
short-hand sign or symbol, current in diplomacy, 
which, though imintelligible to a new diplomat, 
like himself, would speak volumes to the experi- 
enced intellect of William the Testy ; consider- 
ing his embassy tlierefore at an end, he sounded 



292 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

his trumpet with great complacency, and set sail 
on his return cloAvn the river, every no\v and 
then practising this mysterious sign of the Avacht- 
meester, to keep it accurately in muid. 

Arrived at New Amsterdam, he made a faith- 
ful report of his embassy to the governor, accom- 
panied by a manual exhibition of the response of 
Nicholas Koorn. The governor was equally per 
plexed with his embassy. He was deeply versed 
in the mysteries of freemasonry ; but they threw 
no light on the matter. He knew every variety 
of windmill and weather-cock, but was not a whit 
the wiser as to the aerial sign in question. He 
had even dabbled in Egyptian hieroglyphics and 
the mystic symbols of the obelisks, but none fur- 
nished a key to the reply of Nicholas Koorn. He 
called a meeting of his council. Antony Van 
Corlear stood forth in the midst, and putting the 
thumb of his right hand to his nose, and the 
thumb of his left hand to the finger of tlie right, 
he gave a faithful fac-simile of the portentous 
sign. Having a nose of unusual dimensions, it 
was as if the reply had been put in capitals ; 
but all in vain : the worthy burgomasters were 
equally perplexed with the governor. Each one 
put his thumb to the end of his nose, spread his 
fingers like a fan, imitated the motion of Antony 
Van Corlear, and then smoked in dubious silence. 
Several times was Antony obliged to stand forth 
like a fugleman and repeat the sign, and each 
time a circle of nasal weather-cocks might be 
fieen in the council-chamber. 

Perplexed in the extreme, William the Testy 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 293 

Bent for nil the soothsayers, and fortune-tellers, 
and wise men of the Manhattoes, but none could 
intei'pret t' (iijsterious reply of Nicholas Koorn. 
The council broke up in sore perplexity. The 
matter got abroad, and Antony Van Corlear was 
stopped at every corner to repeat the signal to a 
knot of anxious newsmongers, each of whom de- 
parted with his thumb to his nose and his fingers 
in the air, to carry the story home to his family. 
For several days, all business was neglected in 
New Amsterdam ; nothing was talked of but the 
diplomatic mission of Antony the Trumpeter, — 
nothing was to be seen but knots of politicians 
with their thumbs to their noses. In the mean 
time the fierce feud between William the Testy 
and Killian Van Rensellaer, which at first had 
menaced deadly warfare, gradually cooled off, like 
many other war-questions, in the prolonged delays 
of diplomacy. 

Still to this early affair of Rensellaerstein 
may be traced the remote origin of those windy 
wars in modern days which rage in the bowels 
of the Helderberg, and have wellnigh shaken 
the great patroonship of the Van Rensellaers to 
its foundation ; for we are told that the bully 
boys of the Helderberg, who served under Nich- 
olas Koorn the wacht-meester, carried back to 
their mountams the hieroglyphic sign which had 
so sorely puzzled Antony Van Corlear and the 
sages of the Manhattoes ; so that to the present 
day the thumb to the nose and the fingers in 
the air is apt to be the reply of the Helder- 
bergers whenever called upon for any long 
iirrears of i-ent. 



294 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 




CHAPTER Xn. 



£ )NrAiNiNa rns rise of the great amphictyomc couxcil op thi 

PILGRIMS, WITH THE DECLINE A>'D FINAL EXTINCTION OF WILLIAM 
THE TESTV. 



T was asserted by the wise men of an- 
cient times, who had a nearer oppor- 
tunity of ascertaining the fact, that at 
the gate of Jupiter's palace lay two huge tuns, 
one filled with blessings, the other with mis- 
fortunes ; and it would verily seem as if the 
latter had been completely overturned and left 
to deluge the unlucky province of Nieuw Neder- 
lands : for about this time, while harassed and 
annoyed from the south and .the north, incessant 
forays were made by the border-chivalry of Con- 
necticut upon the pig-sties and hen-roosts of the 
Nederlanders. Every day or two some broad- 
bottomed express-rider, covered with mud and 
mire, would come floundering into the gate of 
New Amsterdam, freighted with some new tale 
of aggression from the frontier ; whereupon An- 
tony Van Corlear, seizing his trumpet, the only 
substitute for a newspaper in those primitive 
days, -would sound the tidings from the ramparts 
with such doleful notes and disastrous cadence 
as to throw half the old women in the city into 
hysterics ; all which tended greatly to increase 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 295 

[lis popularity ; there being nothing for which the 
public are more grateful than being frequently 
treated to a panic, — a secret well known to the 
modern editors. 

But, oh ye powers ! into what a paroxysm of 
passion did each new outrage of the Yankees 
throw the choleric little governor ! Letter after 
letter, protest after protest, bad Latin, worse 
English, and hideous Low Dutch, were inces- 
santly fulminated upon them, and the four-and- 
fwenty letters of the alphabet, which formed his 
standing army, were worn out by constant cam- 
paigning. All, however, was ineffectual ; even 
the recent victory at Oyster Bay, which had shed 
such a gleam of sunshine between the clouds of 
his foul-weather reign, was soon followed by a 
more fearful gathering up of those clouds, and 
indications of more portentous tempest ; for the 
Yankee tribe on the banks of the Connecticut, 
finding on this memorable occasion their incom- 
petency to cope, in fair fight, with the sturdy 
chivalry of the Manhattoes, had called to their 
aid all the ten tribes of their brethren who in- 
habit the east country, which from them has 
derived the name of Yankee -land. This call 
was promptly responded to. The consequence 
was a great confederacy of the tribes of Massa- 
chusetts, Connecticut, New Plymouth, and New 
Haven, under the title of the "• United Colonies 
of New England " ; the pretended object of which 
was mutual defence aorainst the savagjes, but the 
-eal object the subjugation of the Nieuw Nedei- 
lands. 



296 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

For, to let the reader into one of the great 
secrets of history, the Xieuw Xederlands had lon^ 
been regarded by the Avliole Yankee race as the 
modern hmd of promise, and themselves as tlw 
chosen and pecnliar people destined, one day oi 
other, by hook or by crook, to get possession of 
it. In truth, they are a wonderful and all-prev- 
alent people, of that class who only require an 
inch to gain an ell, or a halter to g£iin a horse 
From the time they first gained a foothold on 
Plymouth Rock, they began to migrate, progress- 
ing and progressing from place to place, and land 
to land, making a little here and a little there, 
and controverthig the old proverb, that a rolling 
stone gathers no moss. Hence they have face- 
tiously received the nickname of The Pilgrims : 
that is to say, a people who are always seeking a 
better country than their own. 

The tidings of this great Yankee league struck 
William Kieft with dismay, and for once in his 
life he forgot to bounce on receiving a disagree- 
able piece of intelligence. In fact, on turning 
over in his mind all that he had read at the 
Hague about leagues and combinations, he found 
that this was a counterpart of the Amphictyonic 
league, by which the states of Greece attained 
<4iich power and supremacy; and the very idea 
made his heart quake for the safety of his empire 
at the Manhattoes. 

The affairs of the confederacy were managed 
by an annual council of delegates held at Boston, 
which Kieft denominated the Delphos of this 
truly classic league. The very first meeting gave 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 297 

evidence of hostility to the Nieiiw Nederlanders, 
who were charged, in their dealings with the In- 
dians, with carrying on a traffic in " guns, pow- 
ther and shott, — a trade damnable and injuri- 
ous to the colonists." It is true the Connecticut 
traders were fain to dabble a little in this dam- 
nable traffic ; but then they always dealt in wdiat 
^'ere termed Yankee guns, ingeniously calculated 
to burst in the pagan hands Avhich used them. 

The rise of this potent confederacy was a 
death-blow to the glory of William the Testy, 
for from that day forAvard he never held up his 
head, but appeared quite crestfallen. It is true, 
as the grand council augmented in power, and 
the league, rollijig onward, gathered about the 
red hills of New Haven, threatening to overwhelm 
the NieuAv Nederlands, he continued occasionally 
to fulminate proclamations and protests, as a 
shrewd sea-captain fires his guns into a water- 
spout ; but alas ! they had no more effect than 
so many blank cartridges. 

Thus end the authenticated chronicles of the 
reign of William the Testy ; for henceforth, in 
the troubles, perplexities, and confusion of the 
times, he seems to have been totally overlooked, 
and to have slipped forever through the fingers 
of scrupulous history. It is a matter of deep 
concern that such obscurity should hang over his 
latter days ; for he was in truth a mighty and 
great-little man, and worthy of being utterly re- 
Aowned, seeing that he Avas the first potentate 
that introduced into this land the art of fight- 
•ng by proclamation, and defending a country by 
trumpeters and wind-mills. 



298 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

It is true, that certain of the early provincial 
poets, of whom there were great numbers in tlie 
Nieuw Nechirlands, taking advantage of Ids mys- 
terious exit, have fabled, that, like Romulus, he 
was translated to the skies, and forms a very 
fiery little star, somewhere on the left claw of 
the Crab ; while others, equally fanciful, declare 
that he had experienced a fate similar to that 
of the good king Ai'thur, who, we are assured 
by ancient bards, was carried aAvay to the deli- 
cious abodes of fairy-land, where he still exists 
in pristine worth and vigor, and Avill one day or 
another return to restore the gallantry, the honor, 
and the immaculate probity, which prevailed in 
the glorious days of the Round Table. ^ 

All these, however, are but pleasing fantasies, 
the cobweb visions of those dreaming varlets, 
the poets, to which I would not have my judi- 
cious readers attach any credibility. Neither am 
I disposed to credit an ancient and rather apocry- 
phal historian, who asserts that the ingenious 
Wilhelmus was annihilated by the bloA\'ing down 
of one of his wind-mills ; nor a writer of latter 
times, who affirms that he fell a victim to an 
experiment in natural history, having the misfor- 
tune to break his neck from a garret-wuidow of 

^ The old "Welsh bards believed that king Arthur was not 
iead, but carried awaie by the fairies into some pleasant 
place, where lie sholde remaine for a time, and then returne 
againe and reigiie in as great authority as ever. — HoLLiNStncD. 

The Britons suppose that he shall come 3'et and conquere 
{ill Britaigne, for certes, this is the prophicye of Merlyn — He 
Bay'd that his deth shall be doubteous ;' and said 'soth, for 
jxien thereof yet have doubte and shnllen for ever m(»re — for 
men wyt not 'whether that he lyveth or is dede. — Du. Leew 
Chron. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 299 

the stadthouse in attempting to catch swallows by 
sprinkling salt upon their tails. Still less do I 
put mj faith in the tradition that he perished 
at sea in conveying home to Holland a treasure 
of golden ore, discovered somcAvhere among the 
haunted regions of the Catskill mountains.^. 

1 Diedrich Knickerbocker, in his scrupulous search after 
truth, is sometimes too fastidious in regard to facts which bor- 
der a little on the marvellous. The story of the golden ore 
rests on something better than mere tradition. The venerable 
Adrian Van der l3onck, Doctor of Laws, in his description of 
the New Netherlands, asserts it from his own observation as 
an eye-witness. He was present, he says, in 1645, at a treaty 
betAveen Governor Kieft and the Mohawk Indians, in Avhich 
one of the latter, in painting himself for the ceremony, used a 
pigment, the weight and shining appearance of which excited 
the curiosity of the governor and Mynheer \'an der Donck. 
They obtained a lump, and gave it to be proved by a skilful 
doctor of medicine, Johannes de la Montague, one of the coun- 
cillors of the New Netherlands, it Avas put into a crucible, 
and yielded two pieces of gold, worth about three guilders- 
All this, continues Adrian Van der Donck, was kept secret. As 
soon as peace was made with the ^lohawks, an othcer and a few 
pien wore sent to the mountain, (in the region of the Kaats- 
kill,) under the guidance of an Indian, to search for the pre- 
cious mineral. They brouglit back a bucket full of ore ; which, 
being submitted to the crucible, proved as productive as the 
first. William Kieft noAv thought the discovery certain. He 
sent a conlidential person, Arent Corsen, Avitli a bag full of the 
mineral, to New Haven, to take passage in an English ship 
for England, thence to proceed to Holland. The vessel sailed 
at Christmas, but never reached her port. All on board per- 
ished. 

!n the year 1647, Wilhelmus Kieft himself embarked on 
board the Princess, taking with him specimens of the sup- 
posed mineral. The ship Avas never heard of more! 

Some have supposed that the mineral in question Avas not 
gold, but pyrites; but we haA'e the assertion of Adrian Van der 
Donck, an eye-Avitness, and the experiment of Johannes de la 
iMontagne, a learned doctor of medicine, on the golden side 
of the question. Cornelius Van TienhooA'en, also, at that 
lime secretary of the Ncav Netherlands, declared in Holland 
that he had tested several specimens of the mineral, Avhich 
proved satisfactory.* 

* See Van der Donck's " Description of the Ncav Netherlands." 
Collect. New York Uist. Society, Vol. I. p. 161. 



300 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

The most probable account declares, that^ what 
with the constant troubles on his frontiers, the 
incessant scheniings and projects going on in his 
own pericranium, the memorials, petitions, remon- 
strances, and sage pieces of advice of respectable 
meetings of the sovereign people, and the refrac- 
tory disposition of his councillors, who were sure 
to differ from him on every point, and uniformly 
to be in the wrong, his mind was kept in a fur- 
nace-heat, until he became as completely burnt 
out as a Dutch family-pipe which has passed 
through three generations of hard smokers. In 
this manner did he undergo a kind of animal 
combustion, consuming away like a farthing rush- 
light : so that when grim death finally snuffed 
him out, there was scarce left enough of him to 
bury ! 

It would appear, however, that these golden ti'easures of 
the Kfiatskill always brouglit ill luck: as is evidenced in 
the fate of Arent Corsen and Wilhelinus Kieft,and the wreck 
of the ships in which thej' attempted to convey the treasure 
across the ocean. The golden mines have never since been 
explored, but remain among the mvsteries of the Kaatskill 
mountains, and under the protection of the goblins which 
haunt them. 




BOOK V. 

DONTATNING THE FIRST PART OP THE REIGN OF PETER 
STUYVESANT, AND HIS TROUBLES WITH THE AMPHIC- 
TYONIC COUNCIL. 



CHAPTER I. 



IN WHICH THE DEATH OF A GREAT MAN IS SHOWN TO BE NO VERY IN- 
CONSOLABLE MATTER OF' SORROW — AND HOW PETER ST0TVESANT 
ACQUIRED A GREAT NAME FROM THE UNCOMMON STRENGTH OF HIS 




O a profound philosopher like myself, 
who am apt to see clear through a sub- 
ject, where the penetration of ordinary 
people extends but half-way, there is no fact 
more simple and manifest than that the death of 
a great man is a matter of very little importance. 
Much as we may think of ourselves, and much 
as we may excite the empty plaudits of the mill- 
ion, it is certain that the greatest among us do 
actually fill but an exceeding small space in the 
world ; and it is equally certain, that even that 
small space is quickly supplied when we leave it 
vacant. " Of what consequence is it," said Pliny, 



302 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

" that individuals appear, or make their exit ? the 
world is a theatre whose scenes and actors are 
continually changing." Never did philosojiher 
speak more correctly ; and I only wonder that so 
wise a remark could have existed so many ages, 
and mankind not have laid it more to heart. 
Sage follows on in the footsteps of sage ; one 
hero just steps out of his triumphal car, to make 
way for the hero who comes after him ; and of 
the proudest monarch it is merely said, that " he 
slept with his fathers, and his successor reigned 
in his stead." 

The world, to tell the private truth, cares but 
little for their loss, and if left to itself would soon 
forget to grieve ; and :,hough a nation has often 
been figuratively drowned in tears on the death 
of a great man, yet it is ten to one if an individ- 
ual tear has been shed on the occasion, excepting 
from the forlorn pen of some hungry author. It 
is the historian, the biograplier, and the poet, 
who have the whole burden of grief to sustain, — 
who — kind souls! — like undertakers ia Eng- 
land, act the part of chief mourners, — who in- 
flate a nation with sighs it never heaved, and 
deluge it with tears it never dreamt of shedding. 
Thus, while the patriotic author is wee})ing and 
howling, in prose, in blank verse, and in rhyme, 
and collecting the drops of public sorrow into his 
volume, as into a lachrymal vase, it is more tliaii 
probable his fellow-citizens are eating and drink- 
ing, fiddling and dancing, as utterly ignorant of 
the bitter lamentations made in tlieir name as are 
those men of straw, John Doe and Richard Roe, 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 303 

of the plaintiffs for whom they are generously 
pleased to become sureties. 

The most glorious hero that ever desolated 
nations might have mouldered into oblivion 
among the rubbish of his own monument, did not 
some historian take him into favor, and benev- 
olently transmit his name to posterity ; and much 
as the valiant William Kieft worried, and bus- 
tled, and turmoiled, while he had the destinies of 
a whole colony in his hand, I question seriously 
whether he will not be obliged to this authentic 
history for all his future celebrity. 

His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city 
of New Amsterdam nor its vicinity : the earth 
trembled not, neither did any stars shoot from 
their spheres ; the heavens were not shrouded in 
black, as poets would fain persuade us they have 
been, on the death of a hero ; the rocks (hard- 
hearted varlets !) melted not into tears, nor did 
ihe trees hang their heads in silent sorrow ; and 
as to the sun, he lay abed the next night just as 
long, and showed as jolly a face when he rose as 
he Q,\Qv did on the same day of the month in any 
year, either before or since. The good people of 
New Amsterdam, one and all, declared that he 
had l^e>^,n a very busy, active, bustling little gov- 
feiiior : that h^ was " the father of his country " ; 
that he was '* the n'^blest work of God " ; that 
" he Avas a man, take hin^x for all in all, they ne'er 
should look upon his like agam"; together with 
sundry other civil and affectionate speechas reg- 
ularly said on the death of all great men : after 
which they smoked their pipes, thought no more 



304 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

about him, and Peter Stujvesant succeeded to 
his station. 

Peter Stuyvesant was the last, and, like the 
renowned Wouter Van Twiller, the best of our 
fUicient Dutch governors. Wouter having sur- 
passed all who preceded him, and Peter, or Pict, 
as he was sociably called by tlie old Dutch burgh- 
ers, who were ever prone to familiarize names, 
having never been equalled by any successor. 
He was in fact the very man fitted by nature to 
retrieve the desperate fortunes of her beloved 
provmce, had not the fates, those most potent 
and unrelenting of all ancient spinsters, destined 
them to inextricable confusion. 

To say merely that he was a hero, would be 
doing him great injustice : he was in truth a 
combination of heroes ; for he was of a sturdy, 
raw-boned make, like Ajax Telamon, with a pair 
of round shoulders that Hercules would have 
given his hide for (meaning his lion's hide) when 
he undertook to ease old Atlas of his load. He 
was, moreover, as Plutarch describes Coriolanus, 
not only terrible for the force of his arm, but 
likev/ise of his voice, which sounded as though 
it came out of a barrel ; and, like the self-same 
warrior, he possessed a sovereign contempt for 
the sovereign people, and an iron aspect, which 
was enough of itself to make the very bowels of 
his adversaries quake with terror and dismay. 
AM this martial excellency of appearance was 
inexpressibly heightened by an accidental advan- 
tage, with which I am surprised that neither 
Homer nor Virgil have graced any of their 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 305 

heroes. This was nothing less than a wooden 
leg, which was the only prize he had gained in 
bravely fighting the battles of his country, but of 
which he was so proud, that he was often heard 
to declare he valued it more than all his other 
limbs put together ; indeed so highly did he es- 
teem it, that he had it gallantly enchased and re- 
lieved with silver devices, which caused it to be 
related in divers liistories and legends that he 
Avore a silver leg.-^ 

Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was 
somewhat subject to extempore bursts of passion, 
wliicli were rather unpleasant to his ftivorites and 
attendants, wliose perceptions he was apt to 
quicken, after the manner of his illustrious imita- 
tor, Peter the Great, by anointing their shoulders 
with his walking-staff. 

Though I cannot find that he had read Plato, 
or Aristotle, or Hobbes, or Bacon, or Algernon 
Sydney, or Tom Paine, yet did he sometimes 
manifest a shrewdness and sagacity in his meas- 
ures, that one would hardly expect from a man 
Avho did not know Greek, and had never studied 
the ancients. True it is, and I confess it with 
sorrow, that he had an mii'easonable aversion to 
experiments, and was fond of governing his prov- 
ince after the simplest manner ; but then he con- 
trived to keep it in better order than did the eru- 
dite Kieft, though he had all the philosophers, 
ancient and modern, to assist and perplex him. 
I must likewise own that he made but very few 
laws ; but then, again, he took care that those 

1 See the liistories of iNIasters Josselvn aud Blome 

2U 



SOG HISTORY OF NEW YOUA. 

feAV were rigidly and impartially enforced ; and 1 
do not know but justice, on the whole, was as 
well administered as if there had been volumes 
of sage acts and statutes yearly made, and daily 
neglected and forgotten. 

lie was, in fact, the very reverse of his pred- 
ecessors, being neither tranquil and inert, like 
Walter the Doubter, nor restless and fidgeting, 
like William the Testy, — but a man, or rather a 
governor, of such uncommon activity and decis- 
ion of mind, that he never sought nor accepted 
the advice of others, — • depending bravely upon 
his single head, as would a hero of yore upon his 
single arm, to carry him through all difficulties 
and dangers. To tell the simple truth, he want- 
ed nothing more to complete him as a statesman 
than to think always right ; for no one can say 
but that he always acted as he thought. He 
was never a man to flinch when he found himself 
in a scrape, but to dash forward through thick 
and thin, trusting, by hook or by crook, to make all 
things straight in the end. In a word, he pos- 
sessed, in an eminent degree, that great quality 
in a statesman, called perseverance by the polite, 
but nicknamed obstinacy by the vulgar, — a won- 
, derful salve for official blunders, since he who 
perseveres in error without flinching gets the 
credit of boldness and consistency, while he who 
wavers in seeking to do what is right gets stig- 
matized as a trimmer. This much is (!ertain; 
and it is a maxim well worthy the attention of 
all legislators, great and small, Avho stand shak- 
ing in the wind, irresolute which way to steer 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 307 

tljat a ruler who follows his own will pleases 
himself, while he who seeks to satisfy the wishes 
and whims of others runs great risk of pleasing 
nobody. There is nothing, too, like putting down 
one's foot resolutely when in doubt, and letting 
things take their course. The clock that stands 
still points right twice in the four-and-twenty 
liours, while others may keep going continually 
and be continually going wrong. 

Nor did this magnanimous quality escape the 
discernment of the good people of Nieuw Neder- 
lands ; on the contrary, so much were they struck 
with the independent will and vigorous resolu- 
tion displayed on all occasions by their new gov- 
ernor, that they universally called him Hard-Kop- 
pig Piet, or Peter the Headstrong, — a great com- 
pliment to the strength of his understanding. 

If, from all that / 1 have said, thou dost not 
gather, worthy reader, that Peter Stuyvesant 
was a tough, sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten, met- 
tlesome, obstinate, leathern - sided, lion-hearted, 
generous-spirited old governor, either I have writ- 
ten to but little purpose, or thou art very dull at 
drawing conclusions. 

This most excellent governor commenced his 
administration on the 29tli of May, 1647, — a 
remarkably stormy day, distinguished in all the 
almanacs of the time which have come down to 
us by the name of Windy Friday. As he was 
very jealous of his personal and official dignity, 
he was inaugurated into office with great cere- 
mony, — the goodly oaken chair of the renowned 
Wouter Van Twiller being carefully preserved for 



308 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

such occasions, in like manner as the chau* and 
stone were reverentially preserved at Schone, in 
Scotland, for the coronation of the Caledonian 
monarchs. 

I must not omit to mention that the tempestu- 
ous state of the elements, together mth its being 
that unlucky day of the week termed " hanging- 
day," did not fail to excite much grave specula- 
tion and divers very reasonable apprehensions 
among the more ancient and enlightened inhab- 
itants ; and several of the sager sex, who were 
reputed to be not a little skilled in the mystery 
of astrology and fortune-telling, did declare out- 
right that they were omens of a disastrous ad- 
ministration ; — ■ an event that came to be lamenta- 
bly verified, and which proves beyond dispute the 
wisdom of attending to those preternatural inti- 
mations furnished by dreams and visions, the fly- 
ing of birds, falling of stones, and cackling of 
geese, on which the sages and rulers of ancient 
times placed such reliance ; or to those shooting 
of stars, eclipses of the moon, bowlings of dogs, 
and flarings of candles, carefully noted and inter- 
preted by the oracular sibyls of our day, — who, in 
my humble opinion, are the legitimate inheritors 
and preservers of the ancient science of divina- 
tion. This much is certain, that Governor Stuy- 
vesant succeeded to the chair of state at a turbu- 
lent period : when foes thronged and threatened 
from without ; when anarchy and stiff- necked 
opposition reigned rampant within; when the 
authority of their High Mightinesses the Lords 
States General, though supported by economy 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 309 

and defended by si^eeches, jDrotests, and iDrocla- 
mations, yet tottered to its very centre ; and when 
the great city of New Amsterdam, though forti- 
fied by flag -staffs, trumpeters, and wind -mills, 
seemed, like some fair lady of easy virtue, to lie 
open to attack, and ready to yield to the first 
invader. 



310 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 




CHAPTER n. 

iHO-WTN'a now peter the hea-dstroxg bestirred himself AMONa 

THE RATS AND COBWEES ON ENTERING INTO OFFICE— HIS INTERVIEW 
WITH ANTONY THE TRUMPETER, AND HIS PERaOUS MEDDLING WITH 
THE CURRENCY. 

^^-^^HE very first movements of the great 
Peter, on taking the reins of govern- 
ment, displayed his magnanimity, though 
they occasioned not a little marvel and uneasiness 
among the people of the Manhattoes. Finding 
liimself constantly interrupted by the opposition, 
and annoyed by the advice of his privy council, 
the members of which had acquired the unrea- 
sonable habit of thinking and speaking for them- 
selves during the preceding reign, he determined 
at once to put a stop to such grievous abomina- 
tions. Scarcely, therefore, had he entered upon 
his authority, than he turned out of office all 
the meddlesome spirits of the factious cabinet of 
William the Testy ; in place of whom he chose 
unto himself counsellors from those fat, somnif- 
erous, respectable burghers who had flourished 
and slumbered under the easy reign of Walter 
the Doubter. All these he caused to be fur- 
nished with abundance of fair long pipes, and 
to be regaled with frequent corporation dinners, 
admonishing them to smoke, and eat, and sleep 
for the good of the nation, while he took the 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 311 

burden of government upon his own shoulders, — 
an arrangement to which they all gave hearty 
acquiescence. 

Nor did he stop here, but made a hideous rout 
among the inventions and expedients of his 
learned predecessor, — rooting up his patent gal- 
loAvs, where caitiff vagabonds were suspended by 
the waistband, — demohshing his flag-staffs and 
wind -mills, which, like mighty giants, guarded 
the ramparts of New Amsterdam, — pitching to 
the duyvel whole batteries of quaker guns, — 
and, in a word, turnhig topsy-turvy the whole 
philosophic, economic, and wind -mill system of 
the immortal sage of Saardam. 

The honest folk of New Amsterdam began to 
quake now for the fate of their matchless cham- 
pion, Antony the Trumpeter, who had acquired 
prodigious favor in the eye-s of the women, by 
means of his whiskers and his trumpet. Him 
did Peter the Headstrong cause to be brought 
into his presence, and eying liim for a moment 
from head to foot, with a countenance that would 
have appalled anythuig else than a sounder of 
brass, — " Pr'ythee, who and what art thou ? " 
said he. " Sire," replied the other, in no wise 
dismayed, " for my name, it is Antony Van Cor- 
lear ; for my parentage, I am the son of my 
mother ; for my profession, I am champion and 
garrison of this great city of New Amsterdam." 
" I doubt me much," said Peter Stuyvesant, " that 
thou art some scurvy costard - monger knave. 
How didst thou acquire this paramount honor 
and dignity?" "Marry, sir," replied the other, 



312 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

"like many a great man before me, simply 5^ 
sounding my own trwnjjetr " Ay, is it so ? " quoth 
the governor ; " why, then let us have a relish 
of thy art." Whereupon the good Antony put 
his instrument to his lips, and sounded a charge 
with such a tremendous outset, such a delectable 
quaver, and such a triumphant cadence, that it 
was enough to make one's heart leap out of one's 
mouth only to be within a mile of it. Like as 
a war-worn charger, grazing in peaceful plains, 
starts at a strain of martial music, pricks up his 
ears, and snorts, and paws, and kindles at the 
noise, so did the heroic Peter joy to hear the 
clangor of the trumpet ; for of him might truly 
be said, what was recorded of the renowned St. 
George of England, " there was nothing in all 
the world that more rejoiced his heart than to 
hear the pleasant sound of war, and see the 
soldiers brandish forth their steeled weapons." 
Casting his eye more kindly, therefore, upon 
the sturdy Van Corlear, and finding him to be 
a jovial varlet, shrewd in his discourse, yet 
of great discretion and immeasurable wind, he 
straightway conceived a vast kindness for him, 
and discharging him from the troublesome duty 
of garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, 
ever after retained him about his person, as his 
chief favorite, confidential envoy, and trusty 
squire. Instead of disturbing the city with dis- 
astrous notes, he was instructed to play so as to 
delight the governor while at his repasts, as did 
the minstrels of yore in the days of glorious 
chivalry, — and on all public occasions to rejoice 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 313 

the ears of the people with warlike melody, — 
thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit. 

But the measure of the valiant Peter which 
produced the greatest agitation in the community, 
was his laying his hand upon the currency. He 
had old-fashioned notions ui favor of gokl and 
silver, which he considered the true standards 
of wealth and mediums of commerce ; and one 
of his first edicts was, that all duties to govern- 
ment should be paid in those precious metals, 
and that seawant, or wampum, should no longer 
be a legal tender. 

Here was a blow at public prosperity ! All 
those who speculated on the rise and fall of this 
fluctuating currency, found their calling at an 
end ; those, too, who had hoarded Indian money 
by barrels full, found their capital shrunk in 
amount ; but, above all, the Yankee traders, who . 
were accustomed to flood the market with newly 
coined oyster-shells, and to abstract Dutch mer- 
chandise in exchange, were loud-mouthed in de- 
crying this "tampering with the currency." It 
was clipping the wings of commerce ; it was 
checking the development of public prosperity; 
trade would be at an end ; goods would moulder 
on the shelves ; grain would rot in the granaries ; 
grass would grow in the market-place. In a 
\\'ord, no one who has not heard the outcries and 
howlmgs of a modern Tarshish, at any check 
upon " paper-money," can have any idea of the 
clamor against Peter the Headstrong, for check- 
ing the circulation of oyster-shells. 

In fact, trade did shrink into narrower chan- 



314 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

nels ; but then the stream was deep as it was 
broad ; the honest Dutchmen sold less goods ; 
but then they got the worth of them, either in 
silver and gold, or in codfish, tin ware, apple- 
brandy, Weathersfield onions, wooden bowls, and 
>ther articles of Yankee barter. The ingenious 
people of the east, however, indemnified them- 
lielves another way for having to abandon the 
coinage of oyster-shells ; for about this time we 
are told that wooden nutmegs made their first 
appearance in Ncav Amsterdam, to the great an- 
noyance of the Dutch housewives. 

NOTE. 

From a mamiscripi record of the province ; Lib. N. Y. Hist. 
Society. — We have been uimble to render your inhabitants 
wiser and prevent their beinj^ further imposed upon than to 
declare absolutely and peremptorily that henceforward sea- 
want shall be bullion, — not Ioniser 'admissible in trade, with- 
out any value, as it is indeed. So that every one may be upon 
his guard to barter no loniier away his wares and merchandises 
for these bubbles, — at least not to accept them at a higher rate, 
or in a hirger quantity, than as they may want them in their 
trade with the savMges. 

In this way your English [Yankee] neighbors shall no longer 
be enabled to draw the best wares and merchandises from 
our country for nothing, — tlie beavers and furs not excepted. 
This has indeed long since been insufferable, although it 
ought chiefly to be imputed to the imprudent penuriousnesa 
of our own merchants and iiihal)itants, who, it is to be hoped, 
shall through the abolition of this seawant become wiser and 
more prudent. 

21th January, 1662. 

Seawant falls i»ito disrepute ; duties to be paid in silver coin. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 315 



CHAPTER m. 

sow THE TAXKEE LEAGUE WAXED MORE AND MORE POTENT; AND HOTT 
IT OUTWITTED THE GOOD PETER IN TREATT-MAKING. 

Sv?11 ^^^ ^^ ^'"^"^^ ^^ ^^^^' ^^^^^' ^^^^^^^ ^QiQV 
^)^^S Stujvesant was busy regulating the in- 

^^^ ternal affairs of his domaui, the great 
Yankee league, which had caused such tribula- 
tion to William the Testy, continued to increase 
m extent and power. The grand Amphictyoiiic 
council of the league was held at Boston, Avhere 
it spun a web, wliich threatened to link within it 
all the mighty principalities and powers of the 
east. The object proposed by this formidable 
combination was, mutual protection and defence 
against their savage neighbors ; but all the world 
knows the real aim was to form a grand crusade 
against the Nieuw Nederlands, and to get posses- 
sion of the city of the Manhattoes, — as devout 
an object of enterprise and ambition to the Yan- 
kees as was ever the capture of Jerusalem to 
•mcient crusaders. 

In the very year follomng the inauguration 
of Governor Stuyvseant, a grand deputation de- 
parted from the city of Providence (famous for 
its dusty streets and beauteous women) in behalf 
of the plantation of Rhode Island, praying to be 
admitted into the league. 



316 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

The foUoAving minute of this deputation ap- 
pears in the ancient records of the council.-^ 

" Mr. Will. Cottington and Captain Partridg of 
Khoode Island presented this insewing request to 
the commissioners in wrightino; — 

" Our request and motion is in behalfe of 
Rhoode Band, that wee the Ilanders of Roode- 
Band may be rescauied into combination with all 
the united colonyes of New England in a tirme 
and perpetual league of friendship and amity of 
ofence and defence, mutuall advice and succor 
upon all just occasions for our mutuall safety and 
wellfaire, etc. Will Cottington, 

" Alicxsander Partridg." 

There was certainly something in the very 
physiognomy of this document that might well 
inspire apprehension. The name of Alexander, 
however misspelt, has been warlike in every age ; 
and though its fierceness is in some measure 
softened by being coupled with the gentle cogno- 
men of Partridge, still, like the color of scarlet, 
it bears an exceeding great resemblance to the 
sound of a trumpet. From the style of the let- 
ter, moreover, and the soldier-like ignorance of 
orthography displayed by the noble Captain Al- 
icxsander Partridg in spelling his own name, ^ve 
may picture to ourselves this mighty man of 
Rhodes, strong in arms, potent in the field, and 
as gi'cat a scholar as though he had been edu- 
cated among that learned people of Thrace, who, 
Ai'istotle assures us, could not count beyond the 
number four. 

1 Haz. Col. Stat. Pap. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 817 

The result of this great Yankee league was 
augmented audacity on the part of the moss« 
troopers of Connecticut, — pushing their en- 
croachments farther and farther into the territo- 
ries of their High Mightinesses, so that even the 
inhabitants of New Amsterdam began to draw 
short breath and to find themselves exceedingly 
cramped for elbow-room. 

Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to submit 
quietly to such intrusions ; his first impulse was 
to march at once to the frontier and kick these 
squatting Yankees out of the country ; but, be- 
thinking himself in time that he was now a gov- 
ernor and legislator, the policy of the states- 
man for once cooled the fire of the old soldier, 
and he determined to try his hand at negotia- 
tion. A correspondence accordingly ensued be- 
tween him and the grand council of the league ; 
and it was agreed that commissioners from either 
side should meet at Hartford, to settle bounda- 
ries, adjust grievances, and establish a " perpetual 
and happy peace." 

The commissioners on the part of the Man- 
hattoes were chosen, according to immemorial 
usage ' of that venerable metropolis, from among 
the " wisest and weightiest " men of the commu- 
nity, that is to say, men with the oldest heads 
and heaviest pockets. Among these sages the 
veteran navigator, Hans Reinier Oothout, Avho 
had made such extensive discoveries during the 
time of Oloife the Dreamer, was looked up to as 
an oracle in all matters of the kind ; and he was 
ready to produce the very spy-glass with which 



318 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

he first spied the moutli of the Connecticut river 
from his mast-head ; and all the world knows the 
discovery of the mouth of a river gives prior 
right to all the lands drained by its waters. 

It was with feelings of pride and exultation 
that the good people of the Manhattoes saw two 
of the richest and most ponderous burghers de- 
parting on this embassy, — men whose word on 
'change was oracular, and in whose presence no 
poor man ventured to appear without taking off 
his hat : when it was seen, too, that the veteran 
Reinier Oothout accompanied them w^th his spy- 
glass under his arm, all the old men and old 
women predicted that men of such weight, vnih. 
such evidence, would leave the Yankees no alter- 
native but to pack up their tin kettles and 
wooden wares, put wife and children in a cart, 
and abandon all the lands of their High Mighti- 
nesses, on which they had squatted. 

In truth, the commissioners sent to Hartford 
by the league seemed in no wise calculated to 
compete with men of such capacity. They were 
two lean Yankee lawyers, litigious-looking var- 
lets, and evidently men of no substance, since 
they had no rotundity in the belt, and there was 
no jingling of money in their pockets ; it is true, 
they had longer heads than the Dutchmen ; but 
if the heads of the latter were fiat at top, they 
were broad at bottom, and what was wanting in 
height of forehead was made up by a double 
chin. 

The negotiation turned as usual upon the good 
old corner-stone of original discovery, — accord-" 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 319 

iDg to the principle tliat lie who first sees a new 
eoimtrj has an unquestionable right to it. This 
being admitted, the veteran Oothout, at a con- 
certed signal, stepped forth in the assembly with 
the identical tarpauliiig spy-glass in his hand, 
with which he had discovered the mouth of the 
Connecticut, while the Avorthy Dutch conunis- 
sioners lolled back in their chairs, secretly chuck- 
ling at the idea of having for once got the 
weather-gage of the Yankees ; but what was 
their dismay when the latter produced a Nan- 
tucket whaler with a spy -glass twice as long, 
with which he discovered the whole coast, quite 
down to the Manhattoes, and so crooked, that he 
had spied with it up the Avhole course of the 
Connecticut river. This principle pushed home, 
therefore, the Yankees had a right to the whole 
country bordering on the Sound ; nay, the city 
of New Amsterdam was a mere Dutch squatting- 
place on their territories. 

I forbear to dwell upon the confusion of the 
worthy Dutch commissioners at finding their 
main pillar of proof thus knocked from under 
them ; neither will I pretend to describe the con- 
sternation of the wise men at the Manhattoes 
when they learned how their commissioner had 
been out-trumped by the Yankees, and hoAv the 
latter pretended to claim to the very gates of 
New Amsterdam. 

Long was the negotiation protracted, and long 
was the public mind kept in a state of anxiety. 
There are two modes of settling boundary ques- 
tions when the claims of the opposite are irrecon 



320 HISTORY Oj^ new YORK. 

cilable. One is by an appeal to arms, in which 
case the weakest party is apt to lose its right, 
and get a broken head into the bargain ; the 
other mode is by compromise, or mutnal conces- 
sion, — that is to say, one party cedes half of its 
claims, and the other party half of its riglits ; he 
who grasps most gets most, and the whole is pro- 
nounced an equitable division, " perfectly honor- 
able to both parties." 

The latter mode was adopted in the present 
instance. The Yankees gave up claims to vast 
tracts of the Nieuw Nederlands which they had 
never seen, and all right to the land of Manna- 
hata and the city of New Amsterdam, to which 
they had no right at all ; while the Dutch, in 
return, agreed that the Yankees should retain 
possession of the frontier places where they had 
squatted, and of both sides of the Connecticut 
river. 

When the news of this treaty arrived at New 
Amsterdam, the whole city was in an uproar of 
exultation. The old women rejoiced that there 
was to be no war, the old men that their cabbage- 
gardens were safe from invasion ; while the politi- 
cal sages pronounced the treaty a great triumph 
over the Yankees, considering how much they had 
claimed, and how little they had been '" fobbed 
off with." 

And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like 
the great and good Peter, congratulating himself 
with the idea that his feelings will no longer be 
liarasscd by afflicting details of stolen horses, 
jroken heads, impounded hogs, and all the other 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. S21 

catalogue of heart-rending cruelties that disgraced 
these border wars. But if he should indulge in 
such expectations, it is a proof that he is but 
little versed in the paradoxical ways of cabmets ; 
to convmce hun of wliich, I solicit his serious 
attention to ray next chapter, wherein I will 
show that Peter Stuyvesant has already com- 
mitted a great error in pohtics, and, by effecting 
a peace, has materially hazarded the tranquillity 
of the province. 



21 



S22 iiisronY oy .vam iohk. 



CUWVV.U IV. 

rCST AX-NINO \>\YF.>;S SrKvn-t.\nONS ON \T\R ANT> XKflOTixnoxs — 8■Q1^ 

ixo nut A raRAtv or riuoK is a (jriut sxrioxAL khl. 

!?^ T \va^ the opinion of tlmt jxH^ticivl phi- 
1^ Kviophor, Luoivtius, that war was tlio 
original state of niaii, wlioni ho do- 
sorilKHl as being priniitivoly a s;vvagi^ Kwst ot 
pn\v. ong:\gvd in a cvnstant stato of hostiliiv 
with his own spocios, and that this toivoious spirit 
WiV< tamed and anieliorati.Hl by scxnety. The 
Siuue opinion htis been adx-ocatetl by IIobK^s,^ uor 
htu'v theiv been w^vnting many other phiK^sophei's 
to adn\it and defend. 

For n\y i>j\rt, though pi\Hligiously tend of 
these \*iihiable sptxndations, s> «svaiplin\entary to 
human natutv, \vt, in this instiuav, 1 am inelined 
to take the pi\>[H>$itiou by halves, believing with 
Honnv,^ that, though M-^\r may have Ixxui origi- 
nally the tl\\\>rite amusement and industrious 
oiuployment of our pivgxMiitors, \-\n, like many 
other excvUent habits, sc> ^vr fi\nn being amel- 
kmitevk it has Kvn eultivaiixl and ivnfirmed by 

» HoM>o>'"? I.ovisthAM. P.m i. oh. IS. 

* Quum imv»V}^$oruut primis AuimAlia torri*, 
Mutuum *o turiH' jvcus. ^Uuvtoiu at^juo cubilia propter, 
Vit^nilni:* ot p«jn>»^ vUmu t\i?tilni^ ajquo its ^x^nv 
Pu^iiih«nt srnus, qu« post tkbrioAvorat u$ii<. 

UoK. Sit. L. i. S. I. 



IIIHTOIiY or NICW YOltK. 323 

Yi-Wui-MWAxi ;irj(l civilization, a/j'l incrofirtOH in oxfu;! 
pioporfiorj a,H \vc approJi';li Unvjifvln that Htatc of 
|)(:rr(',';fIon which i» the >//; /////A' w/^ra of nio'Icrn 
(jhiios/^pl)y. 

Th(; tir.Ht conflict bctw(;(;n rniin :\.w\ uvau wjih 
tJic mere cxcjtion of phynical Iohm;, unaided hy 
auxiliary weapons; hin arm vvaH hi.s hucklr;i', 
Jiin fint wan hi» ma(;<5, arni a hrok(;n liCMfl the 
cataBtropho of hw cnajunterH. I'he batthi of 
una»Hi.Htcd strength WiW HU(i(^Hi<h'A by the more 
Tw^'^vA ouii of Htf^rios and ehibn, and war nHnuuuA 
a Hang^uinary Ji,Hi)ect. A» njjui jwlvanced in refine- 
ifient, an bin facultien expa»)ded, and hh bin Hcn-i- 
bilitiea be(;;ime more exquisite, he i^raw rapidly 
more ingeiiioiiH and experienced in the art of 
murdering his fellow - be ingH. lie invented a 
tliou.Hand devices U) defend and to aHHault : the 
lielmet, the cuiraHH, and thr; buckler, the Hword, 
the dart, and the javelin, prepared him to elude 
the wound hh well as to launch the blow. Still 
urging on, in the antvAir of philanthropic inven- 
tion, he enlarges and iKjighterts his powers of 
def(;nce and injury : — The Aries, the Swr7jio, 
the IJalisUi, and the Catajjultfi, give a horror jind 
sublimity U) war, and magnify its glory, by in- 
creaning its desolation. Still Insatiable, though 
firmed with machinery that seemed to reach the 
limits of destructive invention, and Uj yield a 
power of injury commensurate even with the 
df;.sires of revenge, — still deeper researches must 
be made in tlje diabolirjfd arcana. With furi- 
ous yj'/A he div(;s into the bowels of the earth ; 
he Ujils iniflst poisonous minerals and deadly salta, 



324 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

— the sublime discovery of gunpowder blazes 
upon the world — and finally the dreadful art 
of fighting by proclamation seems to endow the 
demon of war with ubiquity and omnipotence ! 

Tliis, indeed, is grand ! — this, indeed, marks 
the powers of mind, and bespeaks that divine en- 
dowment of reason, which distinguishes us from 
the animals, our inferiors. The unenh'ghtened 
brutes content themselves with the native force 
which Providence has assigned them. The an- 
gry bull butts with his horns, as did his pro- 
genitors before him ; the lion, the leopard, and 
the tiger seek only with their talons and their 
fangs to gratify their sanguinary fury ; and even 
the subtle serpent darts the same venom, and uses 
the same wiles, as did his sire before the flood. 
Man alone, blessed with the inventive mind, goes 
on from discovery to discovery, — enlarges and 
multiplies his powers of destruction, — arrogates 
the tremendous weapons of Deity itself, and tasks 
creation to assist him in murdering his brother- 
worm ! 

In proportion as the art of war has increased 
in improvement has the art of preserving peace 
advanced in equal ratio ; and as we have discov- 
ered, in this age of wonders and mventions, that 
proclamation is the most formidable engine m 
war, so have we discovered the no less ingenious 
mode of maintaining peace by perpetual negotia- 
tions. 

A treaty, or, to speak more correctly, a nego- 
tiation, therefore, accordmg to the acceptation of 
experienced statesmen, learned hi these matters, 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 325 

is no longer an attempt to accommodate differ- 
ences, to ascertain rights, and to establish an equi- 
table exchange of kind offices, but a contest of 
skill between two powers, which shall overreach 
and take in the other. It is a cunning endeavor 
to obtain by peaceful manoeuvre, and the chi- 
canery of cabinets, those advantages which a 
nation would otherwise have wrested by force 
of arms, — in the same manner as a conscien- 
tious highwayman reforms and becomes a quiet 
and praiseworthy citizen, contenting himself with 
cheating his neighbor out of that property he 
would formerly have seized with open violence. 

In fact, the only time when two nations can be 
said to be in a state of perfect amity is, when a 
negotiation is open, and a treaty pending. Then, 
when there are no stipulations entered into, no 
bonds to restram the will, no specific limits to 
awaken the captious jealousy of right implanted 
in our nature, when each party has some advan- 
tage to hope and expect from the other, then it 
is that the two nations are wonderfully gracious 
and friendly, — their ministers professing the high- 
est mutual regard, exchanging billets-doux, mak- 
ing fine speeches, and indulging in all those little 
diplomatic flirtations, coquetries, and fondlmgs, 
that do so marvellously tickle the good- humor of 
the respective nations. Thus it may paradoxi- 
cally be said, that there is never so good an 
understanding between two nations as when there 
IS a little misunderstanding, — and that so long 
as they are on no terms at all, they are on the 
best terms in the world ! 



326 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

I do not by any means pretend to claim the 
merit of having made the above discovery. It 
has. in fact, long been secretly acted upon by 
certain enlightened cabinets, and is, together 
witli divers other notable theories, privately 
copied out of the commonplace book of an illus- 
ti'ious gentleman, who has been member of con- 
gress, and enjoyed the unlimited confidence of 
heads of departments. To this principle may be 
juscribed the wonderful ingenuity shown of late 
years in protracting and mterrupting negotiations. 
Hence the cunning measure of appointing as am- 
bassador some political pettifogger skilled in de- 
lays, sophisms, and misapprehensions, and dex- 
terous in the art of baffling argument, — or some 
blundermg statesman, whose errors and miscon- 
structions may be a plea for refusing to ratify his 
engagements. And hence, too, that most notable 
expedient, so popular with our government, of 
sending out a brace of ambassadors, — between 
whom, having each an individual will to consult, 
character to estabhsh, and interest to promote, 
you may as well look for unanimity and concord 
as between two lovers with one mistress, two 
dogs with one bone, or two naked rogues with 
one pair of breeches. Tliis disagreement, there- 
fore, is continually breeding delays and impedi- 
ments, m consequence of which the negotiation 
goes on swimmingly — inasmuch as there is no 
piospect of its ever coming to a close. Nothing 
is lost by these delays and obstacles but time ; 
and in a negotiation, according to the theory I 
have exposed, all time lost ls in reality so much 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 327 

time gained : — with what delightful paradoxes 
does modem political economy abound ! 

Now all that I have here advanced is so noto- 
riously true, that I almost blush to take up the 
time of my readers with treating of matters 
which must many a time have stared them in 
the face. But the proposition to which I would 
most earnestly call their attention is this, that, 
though a negotiation be the most harmonizing of 
all national transactions, yet a treaty of peace is 
a great political evil, and one of the most fruitful 
sources of w\ar. 

I have rarely seen an instance of any special 
contract between individuals that did not pro- 
duce jealousies, bickerings, and often downright 
ruptures between them ; nor did I ever know of 
a treaty between two nations that did not occa- 
sion continual misunderstandings. How many 
worthy country neighbors have I known, who, 
after living in peace and good-fellowship for years, 
have been thrown into a state of distrust, cavil- 
ling, and animosity, by some ill-starred agreement 
about fences, runs of water, and stray cattle ! 
And hov/ many well-meaning nations, who would 
otherwise have remained in the most amicable 
disposition towards each other, have been brought 
to swords' points about the infringement or mis- 
construction of some treaty, which in an evil 
hour they had concluded, by way of making 
their amity more sure ! 

Treaties at best are but compHed Avith so long 
as interest requires their fulfilment ; consequently 
Uiey are virtually binding on the weaker party 



328 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

only, or, in plain truth, they are not binding at 
all. No nation will wantonly go to Avar Avith 
another if it has nothing to gain thereby, and 
therefore needs no treaty to restrain it from vio- 
lence ; and if it have anything to gain, I much 
question, from wdiat I have witnessed of the 
righteous conduct of nations, whether any treaty 
could be made so strong that it could not thrust 
the sword through, — nay, I woidd hold ten to 
one, the treaty itself would be the very source to 
which resort would be had to find a pretext 
for hostilities. 

Thus, therefore, I conclude, — that, though it 
is the best of all policies for a nation to keep up 
a constant negotiation with its neighbors, yet it 
is the summit of folly for it ever to be beguiled 
into a treaty ; for then comes on non-fulfilment 
and infraction, then remonstrance, then altercation, 
then retaliation, then recrimination, and Ihially 
open war. In a word, negotiation is like court- 
ship, a time of sweet words, gallant speeches, soft 
looks, and endearing caresses, — but the marriage 
ceremony is the signal for hostilities. 

If my painstaking reader be not somewliat 
perplexed by the ratiochiation of the foregoing 
passage, he will perceive, at a glance, that the 
Great Peter, in concludmg a treaty with liis east- 
ern neiglibors, was guilty of lamentable error in 
policy. In fact, to this unlucky agreement may be 
traced a world of bickerings and heart-burnings, 
between the parties, about fancied or pretended 
infringements of treaty-stipulations ; m all which 
the Yankees were prone to indemnify themselves 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 329 

by a " dig into the sides " of the New Nether- 
lands. But, in sooth, these border feuds, albeit 
they gave great annoyance to the good burghers 
of Manna-hata, were so pitiful in their nature, 
that a grave historian like myself, who grudges the 
time spent in anything less than the revolutions 
of states and fall of empires, would deem them 
unworthy of being inscribed on his page. The 
reader is, therefore, to take it for granted, though 
I scorn to waste, in the detail, that time which 
my furrowed brow and trembling hand inform 
me is invaluable, that all the Avhile the Great 
Peter was occupied in those tremendous and 
bloody contests which I shall shortly rehearse ; 
there was a continued series of little, dirty, sniv- 
elling scourings, broils, and maraudings, kept up 
on the eastern frontiers by the moss-troopers of 
Connecticut. But, like that mirror of chivalry, 
the sage and valorous Don Quixote, I leave 
these petty contests for some future Sancho Pan- 
za o.f an historian, while I reserve my prowess 
and my pen for achievements of higher dignity ; 
for at this moment I hear a direful and porten- 
tous note issuing from the bosom of the great 
council of the league, and resounding throughout 
the regions of the east, menacing the fiime and 
fortunes of Peter Stuyvesant. I call, therefore, 
upon the reader to leave behind him all the 
paltry brawls of the Connecticut borders, and to 
press forward with me to the relief of our favor- 
ite hero, who, T foresee, will be wofully beset by 
the implacable Yankees in the next chapter. 



330 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER V. 




aOW PETER STUYVESAXT WAS GRIEVOUSLY BELIED BY THE GREAT COUN- 
CIL OF TUE LEAGUE ; AND HOW HE SENT ANTOXY THE TRUMPETER TO 
TAKE TO THE COUXCIL A PIECE OP HIS MIXD. 



HAT the reader may be aware of the 
peril at this moment menacing Peter 
Stuyresant and his capital, I must re- 
mind him of the old charge advanced in the 
comicil of the league in the time of William the 
Testy, that the Nederlanders were carrying on 
a trade " damnable and injurious to the colonists," 
in furnishing the savages with " guns, powther 
and shott." This, as I then suggested, was a 
crafty device of the Yankee confederacy to have 
a snug cause of war in petto, in case any favor- 
able opportunity should present of attempting the 
conquest of the New Nederlands : the great ob- 
ject of Yankee ambition. 

Accordingly we now find, when every other 
ground of complaint had apparently been re- 
moved by treaty, this nefarious charge revived 
with tenfold virulence, and hurled like a thunder- 
bolt at the very head of Peter Stuyvesant ; hap- 
pily his head, like that of tlie great bull of the 
Wabash, was proof against such missiles. 

To be explicit, we are told that, in the year 
1651, the gi'eat ccmfederacy of the east accused the 



HIHTORY OF NEW YORK. 331 

immaculate Peter, the soul of honor and heart of 
steel, of secretly endeavormg, by gifts and prom- 
ises, to instigate the Narroheganset, Mohaque, 
and Pequot Indians, to surprise and massacre the 
Yankee settlements. " For," as the grand coun- 
cil observed, " the Indians round about for divers 
hundred miles cercute seeme to have drunk 
deepe of an mtoxicating cupp, att or from the 
Manhattoes against the English, whoe have 
sought theu' good, both m bodily and spirituall 
respects." 

This charge they pretended to support by the 
evidence of divers Indians, who Avere probably 
moved by that spirit of truth which is said to 
reside in the bottle, and who swore to the fact 
as sturdily as though they had been so many 
Christian troopers. 

Though descended from a family which suf- 
fered much injury from the losel Yankees of 
those times, my great-grandfather having had a 
yoke of oxen and his best pacer stolen, and hav- 
ing received a pair of black eyes and a bloody 
nose in one of these border wars, and my grand- 
father, when a very little boy tending pigs-, having 
been kidnapped and severely flogged by a long- 
sided Connecticut schoolmaster, — yet I should 
have passed over all these wrongs with forgive- 
ness and oblivion, — I could even have suffered 
them to have broken Everet Ducking's head, — ■ 
to have kicked the douglity Jacobus Van Curlet 
aiid his ragged regiment out of doors, — to have 
carried every hog into captivity, and depopulated 
every hen-roost on the face of the earth with 



332 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

perfect impunity, — but this wanton attack upon 
one of the most gallant and irreproachable heroes 
of modern times is too much even for me to di- 
gest, and has overset, mth a smgle puff, the pa- 
tience of the historian, and the forbearance of 
the Dutchman. 

Oh, reader, it was false ! I swear to thee, it 
was false ! — if thou hast any respect to my 
word, — if the undeviating character for veracity, 
which I have endeavored to maintain throughout 
this work, has its due weight upon thee, thou 
wilt not give thy faith to this tale of slander ; 
for I pledge my honor and my immortal fame to 
thee, that the gallant Peter Stuyvesant was not 
only imiocent of this foul conspiracy, but would 
have suffered his right arm or even his wooden 
leg to consume with slow and everlasting flames, 
rather than attempt to destroy his enemies in any 
other way than open, generous warfare ; — be- 
shrew those caitiff scouts, that conspired to sully 
his honest name by such an imputation ! 

Peter Stuyvesant, though haply he may never 
have heard of a knight - errant, had as true a 
heart of chivalry as ever beat at the round table 
of King Arthur. In the honest bosom of this 
heroic Dutchman dwelt the seven noble virtues 
of knighthood, flourishing among his hardy quali- 
ties like wild flowers among rocks. He was, in 
truth, a hero of chivalry struck off by nature at 
a single heat, and though little care may have 
been taken to refine her workmanship, he stood 
forth a miracle of her skill. In all his dealings 
he was headstrong perhaps, but open and above- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 333 

board ; if there was anything in the whole world 
he most loathed and despised, it was cunning and 
secret Avile ; " straight forward " was his motto ; 
and he wotdd at any time rather run his hard 
head against a stone wall than attempt to get 
round it. 

Such "vvas Peter Stuyvesant ; and if my admi" 
ration of him has on this occasion transported my 
style beyond the sober gravity which becomes 
the philosophic recorder of historic events, I must 
plead as an apology, that, though a little gray- 
headed Dutchman, arrived almost at the dowui- 
hill of life, I still retain a lingering spark of that 
fire which kindles in the eye of youth when 
contemplating the virtues of ancient worthies. 
Blessed, thrice and nine times blessed be the 
good St. Nicholas, if I have indeed escaped that 
apathy which cliills the sympathies of age and 
paralyzes every glow of enthusiasm. 

The first measure of Peter Stuyvesant, on 
hearing of this slanderous charge, would have 
been worthy of a man who had studied for years 
in the chivalrous library of Don Quixote. Draw- 
ing his sword and laying it across the table, to 
put him in proper tune, he took pen in hand and 
indited a proud and lofty letter to the council of 
the league, reproaching them with giving ear to 
the slanders of heathen savages against a Chris- 
tian, a soldier, and a cavalier ; declaring, that, 
whoever charged him with the plot in question, 
lied in his throat ; to prove which he offered to 
meet the president of the council or any of his 
compeers, or their champion, Captain Alicxsan- 



334 U IS TORY OF NEW YORK. 

der Partridg, that mighty man of Rhodes, in 
single combat, — wherein he trusted to vindicate 
his honor by the prowess of liis arm. 

This missive was intrusted to his trumpeter 
and squire, Antony Van Corlear, that man of 
emergencies, with orders to travel night and day, 
sparing neither whip nor spur, seeing that he car- 
ried the vindication of his patron's fame in his 
saddle-bags. 

The loyal Antony accomplished his mission 
with great speed and considerable loss of leather. 
He delivered his missive witli becominir cere- 
mony, accompanying it with a flourish of defiance 
on his trumpet to the Avhole council, ending Avith 
a significant and nasal twang full in the face of 
Captam Partridg, who nearly jumped out of his 
skin in an ecstasy of astonishment. 

The grand council Avas composed of men too 
cool and practical to be put readily in a heat, or 
to indulge in knight-errantry ; and above all to 
run a tilt with such a fiery hero as Petei- the 
Headstrong. Tliey kncAv the advantage, how- 
ever, to have always a snug, justifiable cause of 
war in reserve Avith a neighbor, Avho had terri- 
tories AA^orth invading ; so they devised a reply 
to Peter StuyA^esant, calculated to keep up the 
" raw " AAdiich they had established. 

On receiving this ansAver, Antony Van Corlear 
remounted the Flanders mare Avhich he ahvays 
rode, and trotted merrily back to the INIanhattoes, 
solacing himself by the A\'ay according to his 
wont ; tAA^anging his trumpet like a very devil, so 
that the SAA^eet valleys and banks of the Connect- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 335 

icut resounded vnih. the warlike melody ; bring- 
ing all the folks to the -windows as he passed 
through Hartford and Pyquag, and Middleto^vn, 
and all the other border towns, ogling and wink- 
ing at the women, and making aerial wind-mills 
from the end of his nose at their husbands, and 
stopping occasionally in the villages to eat pump- 
kin-pies, dance at country frolics, and bundle 
with the Yankee lasses — whom he rejoiced 
exceedingly with his soul-stirring instrument. 



o36 mSTOEY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER VI. 




HOW PETER STDTVESAXT DEMANDED A COURT OP HONOR' 
TUE COURT OP HONOR AWARDED TO HIM. 



HE reply of the grand council to Peter 
Stuy\-esant was couched in the coolest 
and most diplomatic language. They 
assured him that "his confident denials of the 
barbarous plot alleged against him would weigh 
little against the testimony of divers sober and 
respectable Indians " ; that " his guilt was proved 
to their perfect satisfaction," so that they must 
still require and seek due satisfaction and secu- 
rity ; ending with — " so we rest, sir — Yours 
in ways of righteousness." 

I forbear to say now the lion-Iiearted Peter 
roared and ramped at finding himself more and 
more entangled m the meshes thus artfully drawn 
round him by the knowing Yankees. Impatient, 
however, of suffering so gross an aspersion to 
rest upon his honest name, he sent a second mes- 
senger to the council, reiterating his denial of the 
treachery imputed to him, and offering to submit 
his conduct to the scrutiny of a court of honor. 
His offer was readily accepted; and now he 
looked forward with confidence to an august tri- 
bmial to be assembled at the Manhattoes, formed 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 337 

of high-minded cavaliers, peradventurc governoi*s 
and commanders of the confederate plantations, 
when the matter might be investigated by his 
peers, in a manner befitting his rank and dignity. 

While he was awaiting the arrival of snch 
high functionaries, behold, one sunshiny afternoon 
there rode into the great gate of the Manhattoes 
two lean, hungry-looking Yankees, mounted on 
NiQTaganset pacers, with saddle-bags under their 
bottoms, and green satchels under their arms, 
who looked marvellously like two pettifogging 
attorneys beating the hoof from one county court 
to another in quest of lawsuits ; and, in sooth, 
though they may have passed under different 
names at the time, I have reason to suspect they 
were the identical varlets who had negotiated the 
worthy Dutch commissioners out of the Connect- 
icut river. 

It was a rule with these indefatigable mission- 
aries never to let the grass grow under their feet. 
Scarce had they, therefore, alighted at the iim 
and deposited their saddle-bags, than they made 
their way to the residence of the governor. 
They found him, according to custom, smoking 
his afternoon pipe on the "stoop," or bench at 
the porch of his house, and announced themselves, 
at once, as commissioners sent by the grand coun- 
cil of the east to investigate the truth of certain 
charges advanced against him. 

The good Peter took his pipe from his mouth, 
and gazed at them for a moment in mute aston- 
ishment. By way of expeditmg business, they 
were proceeding on the spot to put some pre- 
22 



388 HTSTORY OF NEW YORK. 

limmary questions, — asking him, perad venture, 
whether he pleaded guilty or not guilty, consider- 
ing him something in the light of a culprit at the 
bar, — when they were brought to a pause by 
seeing him lay down his pipe and begin to fumble 
with his walking - staff. For a moment those 
present would not have given half a crown for 
both the crowns of the commissioners ; but Pe- 
ter Stuyvesant repressed his mighty wrath and 
stayed his hand ; he scanned the varlets from 
head to foot, satchels and all, with a look of inef- 
fable scorn ; then strode into the house, slammed 
the door after him, and commanded that they 
should never again he admitted to his presence. 

The knowing commissioners Avinked to each 
other, and made a certificate on the spot that the 
ojovernor had refused to answer their interrof?- 
atories or to submit to their examination. They 
then j)roceeded to rummage about the city for 
two or three days, in quest of what they called 
evidence, perplexing Indians and old women with 
their cross-questioning until they had stuffed their 
satchels and saddle-bags with all kinds of apoc- 
ryphal tales, rumors, and calumnies ; with these 
they mounted tlieir Narraganset pacers and trav- 
elled back to the grand council ; neither did the 
proud-hearted Peter trouble himself to hinder 
their researches nor impede their departure ; he 
was too mindful of their sacred character as 
envoys ; but I warrant me, had they played the 
same tricks with William the Testy, he would 
have had them tucked up by the waistband and 
treated to an aifrial gambol on his patent gallows. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 339 




CHAPTER Vn. 



BOW " DRUM ECCLESIASTIC " WAS BEATEN THROUGHOUT CONNECTICOl 
FOB A CRUSADE AGAINST THE NEW NETHERLANDS, AND HOW TETEB 
STUYVESANT TOOK MEASURES TO FORTIFY HIS CAPITAL. 



HE grand council of the east held a 
solemn meeting on the return of their 
envoys. As no advocate appeared in 
behalf of Peter Stuyvesant, -everything went 
against him. His haughty refusal to submit to 
the questioning of the commissioners was con- 
strued into a consciousness of guilt. The con- 
tents of the satchels and saddle-bags were poured 
forth before the council and appeared a mountain 
of evidence. A pale, bilious orator took the 
floor, and declaimed for hours and in belligerent 
terms. He was one of those furious zealots who 
blows the bellows of faction until the whole fur- 
nace of politics is red-hot with sparks and cin- 
ders. What was it to him if he should set the 
house on fire, so that he might boil his pot by 
the blaze. He was from the borders of Connect- 
icut ; his constituents lived by marauding, their 
Dutch neighbors, and were the greatest poachers 
in Christendom, excepting the Scotch border no- 
bles. His eloquence had its effect, and it was 
determined to set on foot an expedition against 
the Nieuw Nederlands. 



340 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

It was necessary, however, to prepare the pub« 
lie mind for this measure. Accordingly the argu- 
ments of the orator were echoed from the pulpit 
for several succeedmg Sundays, and a crusade 
was preached up against Peter Stuyvesjmt and 
Ids devoted city. 

This is the first we hear of the " drum ecclesi- 
astic " beating up for recruits in worldly warfare 
in our country. It has since been called into 
frequent use. A cunning politician often lurks 
under the clerical robe ; things spiritual and 
things temporal are strangely jumbled together, 
like drugs on an apothecary's shelf; and instead 
of a peaceful sermon, the simple seeker after 
righteousness has often a political pamphlet thrust 
down his throat, labelled with a pious text from 
Scripture. 

And now nothing was talked of but an expe- 
dition against the Manhattoes. It pleased the 
populace, who had a vehement prejudice against 
the Dutch, considering them a vastly inferior 
race, who had sought the new Avorld for the lucre 
of gain, not the liberty of conscience ; who ^vere 
mere heretics and infidels, inasmuch as they re- 
fused to believe in witches and sea-serpents, and 
had laith in the virtues of horse-shoes nailed to 
the door ; ate pork without molasses ; held pump- 
kins in contempt, and were in perpetual breach 
of the eleventh commandment of all true Yan- 
kees, " Thou slialt have codfish dinners on Satur- 
days." 

No sooner did Peter Stuyvesant get wmd of 
the storm that was brewinoj in the east than he 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 341 

Bet to work to prepare for it. He was not one 
of those economical rulers, who postpone tlie 
expense of fortifying until the enemy is at the 
door. Tliere is nothing, he would say, that keep:* 
off enemies and crows more than the smell of 
gmipowder. He proceeded, therefore, with all 
diligence, to put the province and its metropolis 
in a posture of defence. 

Among the remnants which remained from 
the days of William the Testy were the mihtia 
laws, — by w^hich the inhabitants were obliged to 
tm*n out twice a year, with such military equip- 
ments as it pleased God, — and were put under 
the command of tailors and man-milliners, who, 
though on ordinary occasions they might have 
been the meekest, most pippin-hearted little men 
in the world, were very devils at parade, when 
they had cocked hats on their heads and sword3 
by their sides. Under the instructions of these 
periodical wai-riors, the peaceful burghers of the 
Manhattoes were schooled in iron war, and be- 
came so hardy in the process of time, that they 
could march tlu'ough sun and rain, from one end 
of the town to the other, without flinching, — and 
so intrepid and adroit, that they could face to 
the right, wheel to the left, and fire without 
winkmg or blinking. 

Peter Stuyvesant, like all old soldiei^ who 
Lave seen service and smelt gunpowder, had no 
great respect for militia troops ; however, he de- 
termined to give them a trial, and accordingly 
called for a general muster, inspection, and re- 
riew But, oh IMars and Bellona ! what a turn- 



342 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

ing-out was here I Here came old Roelant Cuck- 
aburt, with a short blunderbuss on his shoulder, 
and a long horseman's sword trailing by his side ; 
and Barent Dirkson, with something that looked 
like a copper kettle turned upsidedown on • his 
head, and a couple of old horse - pistols m his 
belt ; and Dirk Volkertson, with a long duck fowl- 
iug-piece without any ramrod ; and a host more, 
armed higgledy-piggledy, — with swords, hatchets, 
snickersnees, crowbars, broomsticks, and what 
not ; the officers distinguished from the rest by 
having their slouched hats cocked up with pins, 
and surmounted with cock-tail feathers. 

The sturdy Peter eyed this nondescript host 
with some such rueful aspect as a man would 
eye the devil, and determined to give his feath- 
er-bed soldiers a seasoning. He accordingly put 
them through their manual exercise over and 
over again ; trudged them backwards and for- 
wards about the streets of New Amsterdam until 
their short legs ached and'theb fat sides sweated 
again ; and finally encamped them in the evening 
on the summit of a hill without the city, to give 
them a taste of camp - life, intending the next 
day to renew the toils and perils of the field. 
But so it came to pass that in the night there 
fell a great and heavy rain, and melted away 
the army, so that in the morning, when Gaffer 
Phoebus shed his fu'st beams upon the camp, 
scarce a warrior remained except Peter Stuyve- 
Bant and his trumpeter Yan Corlear. 

Tliis awful desolation of a whole army would 
have appalled a commander of less nerve ; but it 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 343 

served to confirm Peter's want of confidence in 
the militia system, which he thenceforward used 
to call, in joke, — for he sometimes indulged m a 
joke, — William the Testy's broken reed. He 
now took mto his service a goodly number of 
burly, broad-shouldered, broad-bottomed Dutch- 
men ; whom he paid in good silver and gold, and 
of whom he boasted, that, whether they could 
stand fire or not, they were at least water- 
proof He fortified the city, too, with pickets and 
palisadoes, extending across the island from river 
to river, and, above all, cast up mud batteries, 
or redoubts, on the point of the island where it 
divided the beautiful bosom of the bay. 

These latter redoubts, in process of time, came 
to be pleasantly overrun by a carpet of grass and 
clover, and overshadowed by wide-spreading elms 
and sycamores, among the branches of which 
the birds would build their nests and rejoice the 
ear with their melodious notes. Under these 
trees, too, the old burghers would smoke their 
afternoon pipe, contemplating the golden sun as 
he sank in the west, an emblem of the tranquil 
end toward which they were declining. Here, 
too, would the young men and maidens of the 
toAvn take their evening stroll, watching the sil- 
ver moonbeams as they trembled along the calm 
bosom of the bay, or lit up the sail of some glid- 
ing bark, and peradventure interchanging the soft 
vows of honest affection, — for to evening strolls 
hi this fiivored spot were traced most of the mar- 
riages m New Amsterdam. 

Such was the origin of that renowned prome- 



344 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

nade, The Battery, which, though ostensibly 
devoted to tlie stern purposes of war, has ever 
been consecrated to the sweet delights of peace. 
The scene of many a gambol m happy child- 
hood, — of many a tender assignation in riper 
years, — of many a soothing walk in declining 
age, — the healthful resort of the feeble invalid, 
— the Sunday refreshment of tlie dusty trades- 
man, — in fine, the ornament and delight of 
New York, and the pride of the lovely island 
of Maima-hata. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 34fi 




CHAPTER Vm. 

HOW TUE YANKEE CRUSADE AGAINST THE NEW NETHERLANDS WAS 
BAFFLED BY THE SUDDEN OUTBREAK OF WITCHCRAFT AMONG THK 
PEOPLE OP THE EAST. 

AVING thus provided for the temporary 
security of New Amsterdam, and guard- 
ed it against any sudden surprise, the 
gaUant Peter took a hearty pinch of snuff, and 
snapping his fingers, set the great council of Am- 
phictyons and their champion, the redoubtable 
Alicxsander Partridg, at defiance. In the mean 
time the moss-troopers of Connecticut, the war- 
riors of New Haven and Hartford, and Pyquag, 
otherwise called Weathersfield, famous for its 
onions and its witches, and of all the other bor- 
der-towns, were in a prodigious turmoil, furbish- 
mg up their rusty weapons, shouting aloud for 
Avar, and anticipating easy conquests, and glori- 
ous rummaofino" of the fat little Dutch villaf>:es. 

In the midst of these warlike preparations, 
however, they received the chilling news that the 
colony of Massachusetts refused to back them in 
this righteous war. It seems that the gallant 
conduct of Peter Stuyvesant, the generous 
warmth of his vhidication, and the chivalrous 
spirit of his defiance, though lost upon the grand 
council of the league, had carried conviction to 



346 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

the general court of INIassachiisetts, which nobly 
refused to believe him guilty of the villanoua 
plot laid at his door.^ 

The defection of so important a colony para- 
lyzed the councils of the league, some such dis- 
sension arose among its members as prevailed 
of yore in the camp of the brawling \^^arriors of 
Greece, and in the end the crusade against the 
Manhattoes was abandoned. 

It is said that the moss-troopers of Connecti- 
cut were sorely disappointed ; but well for them 
that then' belligerent cravhigs were not gratified : 
for by my faith, whatever might have been the 
ultimate result of a conflict with all the powers 
of the east, in the interim the stomachful heroes 
of Pyquag would have been choked with their 
own onions, and all the border-towns of Connecti- 
cut would have had such a scouring from the 
lion-hearted Peter and his robustious myrmidons, 
that I warrant me they would not have had the 
stomach to squat on the land or invade the hen- 
roost of a Nederlander for a century to come. 

But it was not merely the refusal of Massa- 
chusetts to join in their unholy crusade that con- 
founded the councils of the league ; for about 
this time broke out in the New-England prov- 
mces the awful plague of witchcraft, wliich 
spread like pestilence through the land. Such 
a howling abomination could not be suffered to 
remain long unnoticed ; it soon excited the fiery 
indignation of those guardians of the common- 
wealth who whilom had evinced such active 
1 Hazard's State Papteis. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 347 

benevolence in the conversion of Quakers and 
Anabaptists. The grand council of the league 
publicly set their faces against the crime, and 
bloody laws were enacted against all " solem con* 
versing or compacting with the divil by way of 
conjuracion or the like." ^ Strict search, too, was 
made after witches, who were easily detected by 
devil's pinches, — by being able to weep but 
three tears, and those out of the left eye, — and 
by having a most suspicious predilection for black 
cats and broomsticks ! What is particularly wor- 
thy of admiration is, that this terrible art, which 
has baffled the studies and researches of philoso- 
phers, astrologers, theurgists, and other sages, 
was chiefly confined to the most ignorant, de- 
crepit, and ugly old women in the community, 
with scarce more brains than the broomsticks 
they rode upon. 

Wlien once an alarm is sounded, the public, 
who dearly love to be in a panic, are always 
ready to keep it up. Raise *but the cry of yel- 
low fever, and immediately every headache, in- 
digestion, and overflowing of the bile is pro- 
nounced the terrible epidemic ; cry out mad dog, 
and every unlucky cur in the street is in jeop- 
ardy : so in the present instance, whoever was 
troubled with colic or lumbago was sure to be 
bewitched, — and woe to any unlucky old woman 
living in the neighborhood ! 

It is incredible the number of offences that 
were detected, " for every one of which," says 
the reverend Cotton Mather, in that excellent 
1 New Plymouth record. 



348 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

work the History of New England, " we liaA-e 
such a sufficient evidence, that no reasonable 
man in this whole country ever did question 
them ; and it ivill he unreasonable to do it in any 
other.'' ^ 

Indeed, that authentic and judicious historian 
John Josselyn, Gent., furnishes us Avith unques- 
tionable facts on this subject. " There are none," 
observes he, " that beg in this country, but theni 
be witches too many, — bottle-bellied witches, 
and others, that produce many strange apparitions, 
if you will believe report, of a shallop at sea 
manned with women, — and of a ship and great 
red horse standing by the main-mast ; the ship 
being in a small cove to the eastward, vanished 
of a sudden," etc. 

The number of delinquents, however, and 
their magical devices, were not more remarkable 
than their diabolical obstinacy. Though exhorted 
in the most solemn, persuasive, and affectionate 
manner to confess themselves guilty, and be burnt 
for the jjood of relifjion and the entertaimnent of 
the public, yet did they most pertinaciously per- 
sist in asserting their innocence. Such incredi- 
ble obstinacy was in itself deserving of immedi- 
ate punishment, and was sufficient proof, if proof 
were necessary, that tliey were in league with 
the devil, who is perverseness itself But their 
judges were just and merciful, and were deter- 
mined to punish none that were not convicted on 
the best of testimony ; not that they needed any 
evidence to satisfy their own minds, — for, like 
1 Mather's Hist. New Eng. B. 6, cli. 7 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 349 

true and experienced judges, their minds were 
perfectly made up, and they were thoroughly sat- 
isfied of the guilt of the prisoners before they 
proceeded to try them, — but still something was 
necessary to convince the community at large, — 
to quiet those prying quidnuncs who should come 
after them, — in short, the world must be satis- 
fied. Oh, the world — the world ! — all the 
world knows the Avorld of trouble the world is 
eternally occasioning ! The worthy judges, there- 
fore, were driven to the necessity of sifting, de- 
tecting, and making evident as noonday, matters 
which were at the commencement all clearly 
understood and firmly decided upon in their own 
pericraniums, — so that it may truly be said, that 
the witches were burnt to gratify the populace 
of the day, but were tried for the satisfaction 
of the whole world that should come after them ! 

Finding, therefore, that neither exhortation, 
sound reason, nor friendly entreaty had any avail 
on these hardened offenders, they resorted to the 
more urgent arguments of torture ; and having 
thus absolutely Avrung the truth from their stub- 
born lips, tliey condemned them to undergo the 
roasting due unto the heinous crimes they had 
confessed. Some even carried their perverseness 
so far as to expire under the torture, protesting 
their innocence to the last; but these were looked 
upon as thoroughly and absolutely possessed by 
the devil ; and the pious by-standers only lamented 
that they had not lived a little longer, to have 
perished in the flames. 

In the city of Ephesus, we are told that th« 



350 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

plague was expelled by stoning a ragged old beg- 
gar to death, whom Apollonius pointed out as 
being the evil spirit that caused it, and who 
actually showed himself to be a demon, by 
changing into a shagged dog. Li like manner, 
and by measures equally sagacious, a salutary 
check was given to this growing evil. The 
witches were all burnt, banished, or panic-struck, 
and in a little while there was not an ugly old 
woman to be found throughout New England, — 
which is doubtless one reason why all the young 
women there are so handsome. Those honest folk 
who had suffered from their incantations grad- 
ually recovered, excepting such as had been af- 
flicted with twitches and aches, which, however, 
assumed the less alarming aspects of rheuma- 
tisms, sciatics, and lumbagos ; and the good peo- 
ple of New England, abandoning the study of 
the occult sciences, turned their attention to the 
more profitable hocus-pocus of trade, and soon 
became expert in the legerdemain art of turning 
a penny. Still, however, a tinge of the old 
leaven is discernible, even unto this day, in their 
characters : witches occasionally start up among 
them in different disguises, as physicians, civil- 
ians, and divines. The people at large show a 
keenness, a cleverness, and a profundity of vns- 
dom, that savors strongly of witchcraft ; and it 
has been remarked, that, whenever any stones 
fall from the moon, the greater part of them is 
Biire to tumble into New England ! 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 351 




CHAPTER IX. 



^HlCn RECORDS THE RISE AND RENOWN OP A MILITARY COMMANDES , 
SHOWING THAT A MAN, LIKE A BLADDER, MAY BE PUFFED UP TO GREAT- 
NESS BY MERE WIND ; TOGETHER WITH THE CATASTROPHE OP A VET- 
ERAN AND HIS QUEUE. 



^..^'YL'E'^ treating of these tempestuous 
H, times, the unknown writer of tlie Stuj- 
\esant manuscript breaks out hito an 
apostrophe in praise of the good St. Nicholas, to 
whose protecting care he ascribes the dissensions 
which broke out in the council of the league, and 
the direful witchcraft which filled all Yankee 
land as with Egyptian darkness. 

A portentous gloom, says he, hung lowering 
over the fair valleys of the East : the pleasant 
banks of the Connecticut no longer echoed to the 
sounds of rustic gayety ; grisly phantoms glided 
about each wild brook and silent glen ; fearful 
apparitions Avere seen in the air ; strange voices 
were heard in solitary places ; and the border- 
towns were so occupied in detecting and punish- 
ing losel witches, that, for a time, all talk of war 
was suspended, and New Amsterdam and its in- 
habitants seemed to be totally forgotten. 

I must not conceal the fact that at one time 
there was some danger of this plague of witch- 
craft extending into the New Netherlands ; and 



352 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

certain witches, mounted on broomsticks, are said 
to have been seen whisking in the air over some 
of the Dutch villages near the borders ; but the 
worthy Nederlanders took the precaution to nail 
horse-shoes to their doors, which it is Avell known 
are effectual barriers against all diabolical vermin 
of the kind. Many of those horse-shoes may be 
seen at this very day on ancient mansions and 
barns remauiing from the days of the patriarchs ; 
nay, the custom is still kept up among some of 
our legitimate Dutch yeomanry, who inherit from 
their forefathers a desire to keep witches and 
Yankees out of the country. 

And now the great Peter, having no inmie- 
diate hostility to apprehend from the east, 
turned his face, with characteristic vigilance, to 
his southern frontiers. The attentive reader will 
recollect that certain freebooting Swedes had be- 
come very troublesome in this quarter in the 
latter part of the reign of William the Testy, 
setting at naught the proclamations of that veri- 
table potentate, and puttmg his admiral, the in- 
trej)id Jan Jansen Alpendam, to a perfect non- 
plus. To check the incursions of these Swedes, 
Peter Stuyvesant now ordered a force to that 
frontier, giving the command of it to General 
Jacobus Van Poffenburgh, an officer who had 
risen to great importance during the reign of 
Wilhelmus Kleft. He had, if histories speak 
true, been second in command to the doughty 
Van Curlet, when he and his warriors were in- 
humanly kicked out of Fort Goed Hoop by the 
Yankees. In that memorable affair Van Poffen- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 353 

burgh is said to have received more kicks in a 
certain honorable part than any of his comrades, 
in consequence of wliich, on the resignation of 
Van Curlet, he had been promoted to his place, 
being considered a hero who had seen service, 
and suffered in his country's cause. 

It is tropically observed by honest old Soc- 
rates, that heaven infuses into some men at their 
birth a portion of intellectual gold, into others of 
intellectual silver, while othei-s are intellectually 
furnished with iron and brass. Of the last class 
was General Van Poffenburgh ; and it would 
seem as if dame Nature, who will sometimes be 
partial, had given him brass enough for a dozen 
ordinary braziers. All this he had contrived to 
pass off upon AVilliam the Testy for genuine gold ; 
and the little governor would sit for hours and 
listen to his gunpowder stories of exploits, which 
left those of Tirante the White, Don Belianis of 
Greece, or St. George and the Dragon, quite in 
the background. Having been promoted by 
William Kieft to the command of his whole 
disposable forces, he gave importance to his sta- 
tion by the grandiloquence of his bulletins, 
always styling himself Commander-in-chief of 
the Ai^mies of the New Netherlands, though in 
sober truth, these armies were nothing more than 
a handful of hen-steaUng, bottle-bruising raga- 
muffins. 

In person he Avas not very tall, but exceed- 
ingly round ; neither did his bulk proceed from 
his being fat, but vv^indy, bemg blown up by a 
prodigious conviction of his own importance, until 
23 



354 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

lie resembled one of those bags of wind giv^en by 
^olus, in an incredible fit of generosity, to that 
vagabond warrior Ulysses. His windy endow- 
ments had long excited the admiration of Antony 
Van Corlear, who is said to have hinted more 
than once to William the Testy, that in making 
Van Poffenburgh a general he had spoiled an 
admirable trumpeter. 

As it is the practice in ancient story to give 
the reader a description of the arms and equip- 
ments of every noted warrior, I will bestow a 
word upon the dress of this redoubtable com 
mander. It comported with his character, being 
so crossed and slashed, and embroidered with lace 
and tinsel, that he seemed to have as much brass 
without as nature had stored away within. He 
was swathed, too, in a crimson sash, of the size 
and texture of a fishing-net, — doubtless to keep 
his swelling heart from bursting througli his ribs. 
His face glowed with furnace -heat from be- 
tween a huge pair of well-powdered whiskers ; 
and his valorous soul seemed ready to bounce 
out of a pair of large, glassy, blinking eyes, 
projecting like those of a lobster. 

I swear to thee, worthy reader, , if histoiy 
and tradition belie not this warrior, I Avould give 
all the money in my pocket to have seen him 
a,ccoutred cap-a-pie, — booted to the middle, 
sashed to the chin, collared to the ears, whiskered 
to llie teeth, croAvned with an overshadowing 
cocked hat, and girded with a leathern belt ten 
Inches broad, from which trailed a falchion, of a 
length that I dare not mention. Thus equipped, 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 355 

he strutted about, as bitter-looking a man of war 
as the far-famed More, of More-hall, when he sal- 
lied forth to slay the dragon of Wantley. For 
what says the ballad ? 

" Had you but seen him in this dress, 

How lierce he looked and how big-, 
You would have thought him for to be 

Souie P]gyptian'poreupig. 
He frighted' all — cats, dogs, and all. 

Each cow, each horse, and each hog; 
For fear they did flee, for they took him to be 

Some strange outlandish hedge-hog." i 

I must confess this general, ^^^th all his out- 
ward valor and ventosity, was not exactly an offi- 
cer to Peter Stuyvesant's taste, but he stood fore- 
most in the army list of William the Testy ; and it 
is probable the good Peter, who was conscientious 
in his dealings with all men, and had his mili- 
tary notions of precedence, thought it but fair to 
give him a chance of proving his right to his 
dignities. 

To this copper captain, therefore, was confided 
the command of the troops destined to protect 
the southern frontier; and scarce had he de- 
parted for his station than bulletins began to ar- 
rive from him, describing his undaunted march 
through savage deserts, over insurmountable 
mountains, across impassable rivers, and througli 
impenetrable forests, conquering vast tracts of un- 
inhabited country, and encountering more perils 
than did Xenophon in his far-famed retreat mth 
His ten thousand Grecians. 

Peter Stuyvesant read all these grandiloquent 

1 Ballad of Dragon of Wantley 



556 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

despatches with a dubious scre^^^ng of the mouth 
and shaking of the head ; but Antony Van Cor- 
lear repeated these contents in the streets and 
market-places with an appropriate flourish upon 
liis trumpet, and tlie windy victories of the gen- 
eral resounded through the streets of New Am- 
sterdam. 

On arriving at the southern frontier, Van Pof- 
fenburgh proceeded to erect a fortress, or strong- 
hold, on the South or Delaware river. At fii-st 
he bethought him to call it Fort Stuyvesant, 
in honor of the governor, — a lowly kind of 
homage prevalent in our country among spec- 
ulators, military commanders, and office-seekers 
of all kinds, by which our maps come to be 
studded with the names of political patrons and 
temporary great men ; in the present instance, 
Van PofFenbur^rh carried his homajife to the most 
lowly degree, giving his fortress the name of 
Fort Casimir, in honor, it is said, of a favorite 
pair of brimstone trunk - breeches of his Excel- 
lency. 

As this fort will be found to give rise to im- 
portant events, it may be worth wliile to notice 
that it was afterwards called Nieuw Amstel, and 
was the germ of the present flourishing to^^^l 
of New Castle, or, more properly speaking, No 
Castle, there being nothing of the kind on the 
premises. 

His fortress being finished, it would have done 
any man's heart good to behold the swelling dig- 
nity with which the general would stride in and 
out a dozen times a day, surveymg it in front 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 357 

and in rear, on this side and on that ; how he 
would strut backwards and forwards, in full reg- 
imentals, on the top of the ramparts, — like a 
vain-glorious cock-pigeon, sw^ellmg and vaporing 
on the top of a dove-cot. 

There is a kind of valorous spleen which, like; 
wind, is apt to grow unruly in the stomachs of 
newly made soldiers, compelling them to box- 
lobby brawls and broken-headed quarrels, unless 
there can be found some more harmless way to 
give it vent. It is recorded in the delectable 
romance of Pierce Forest, that a young knight, 
being dubbed by King Alexander, did inconti- 
nently gallop into an adjacent forest and belabor 
the trees with such might and main, that he not 
merely eased off the sudden effervescence of his 
valor, but convinced the whole court that he Avas 
the most potent and courageous cavaher on the 
face of the earth. In like manner the command- 
er of Fort Casimir, Avhen he found his martial 
spirit waxing too hot within him, would sally 
forth into the fields and lay about him most lust- 
ily with his sabre, — decapitating cabbages by 
platoons, hewing down lofty sunflowers, which 
he termed gigantic Swedes, and if, perchance, he 
espied a colony of big-bellied pumpkins quietly 
basking in the sun, — "Ah! caitiff Yankees?" 
would he roar, " have I caught ye at last ? " — 
So sajang, with one sweep of his sword he 
would cleave the unhappy vegetables from theii' 
;hins to their waistbands ; by which Avarhke 
aavoc his choler being in some sort allayed, he 
would return into the fortress with the full con- 



358 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

miction that he was a very miracle of militarjr 
prowess. 

He was a disciplinarian, too, of the first order. 
"Woe to any unlucky soldier who did not hold up 
his head and turn out his toes when on parade, 
or who did not salute the general in proper style 
as he passed. Having one day, in his Bible re- 
searches, encountered the history of Absalom and 
his melancholy end, the general bethought him, 
that, in a country abounding with forests, his 
soldiers were in constant risk of a like catastro- 
phe ; he therefore, in an evil hour, issued orders 
for cropping the hair of both officers and men 
throughout the garrison. 

Now, so it happened, that among his officers 
was a sturdy veteran named Keldermeester, who 
had cherished, through a long life, a mop of haii' 
not a little resembling the shag of a Newfound- 
land dog, terminating in a queue like the han- 
dle of a frying-pan, and queued so tightly to 
his head that his eyes and mouth generally 
stood ajar, and his eyebrows were drawn up to 
the top of his forehead. It may naturally be 
supposed that the possessor of so goodly an ap- 
pendage would resist with abhorrence an order 
condemning it to the shears. On hearing the 
general orders, he discharged a tempest of vet- 
eran, soldier-like oaths, and dunder and blixums, 
— swore he would break any man's head who 
attempted to meddle with his tail, — queued it 
gtiffer than ever, and whisked it about the garri- 
son as fiercely as the tail of a crocodile. 

Tlie eel-skin queue of old Keldermeester be- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 359 

came Instantly an affair of the utmost Importance. 
The commander-in-chief was too enlightened ar 
officer not to perceive that the discipline of the 
garrison, the subordination and good order of the 
armies of the ISieuw Nederlands, the consequent 
safety of the whole province, and ultimately the 
dignitv and prosperity of their High Mightinesses 
the Lords States General, imperiously demanded 
the docking of that stubborn queue. He decreed, 
therefore, that old Keldermeester should be pub- 
licly sliorn of his glories in presence of the 
whole garrison ; the old man as resolutely stood 
on the defensive ; whereupon he was arrested, 
and tried by a court-martial for mutiny, deser- 
tion, and all the other list of offences noticed in 
the articles of war, ending mth a " videlicet, in 
wearing an eel-skin queue, three feet long, con- 
trary to orders." Then came on arraignments, 
and trials, and pleadings ; and the whole garrison 
was m a ferment about this unfortunate queue. 
As it is M^ell knoAvn that the commander of a 
frontier post has the power of acting pretty much 
after his own will, there is little doubt but that 
the veteran would have been hanged or shot at 
least, had he not luckily fl^llen ill of a fever, 
through mere chagrin and mortification, — and 
ileserted from all earthly command, with his be- 
loved locks unviolated. His obstinacy remained 
unshaken to the very last moment, when he 
lUrected that he should be carried to his grave 
with his eel-skin queue, sticking out of a hole in 
■lis coffin. 

Tliis magnanimous affair obtained the general 



360 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

great credit as a disciplinarian ; but it is hinted 
that he was ever afterwards subject to bad 
dreams and fearful visitations in the night, when 
the grizzly spectrum of old Keldermeester would 
stand sentinel by his bedside, erect as a pump, 
his ej-ormous queue struttmg out like the handle. 




BOOK VI. 

CONTAINING THE SECOND PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER 
THE HEADSTRONG, AND HIS GALLANT ACHIEVEMENTS 
ON THE DELAWARE. 



CHAPTER I. 




IN WHICH IS EXHIBITED A WARLIKE PORTRAIT OF THE GREAT PETER — 
OF THE WIXDY CONTEST OF GENERAL VAN POFFENBURGH AND GEN- 
ERAL PRINTZ, AND OF THE MOSQUITO WAR ON THE DELAWARE. 

f ITHERTO, most venerable and courte- 
^ ous reader, have I shown thee the ad- 
mhilstration of the valorous Stuyvesant, 
under the mild moonshine of peace, or rather the 
grim tranquillity of awful expectation ; but now 
the war-drum rumbles from afar, the brazen 
trumpet brays its thrilling note, and the rude 
crash of hostile arms speaks fearful prophecies of 
commg troubles. The gallant warrior starts from 
soft repose, from golden visions and voluptuous 
ease, where in the dulcet, " piping time of peace " 
he sought sweet solace after all his toils. No 
more in beauty's siren lap reclined, he weaves 
fair garlands for his lady's brows ; no more 



362 HISTORY OF NEW YORK 

enhvines "with flowers his shining sword, nor 
through the livelong lazy summer's day chants 
forth his love-sick soul in madrigals. To man- 
hood roused, he spurns the amorous flute ; doffs 
fi'om his brawny back the robe of peace, and 
clothes his pampered limbs in panoply of steel. 
O'er his dark brow, where late the myrtle waved, 
where wanton roses breathed enervate love, he 
rears the beaming casque and nodding plume ; 
grasps the bright shield, and shakes the ponder- 
ous lance ; or mounts witli eager pride his fiery 
steed, and burns for deeds of glorious chivalry ! 

But soft, worthy reader I I would not have 
you imagine that any preux chevalier, thus hide- 
ously begirt with iron, existed in the city of New 
Amsterdam. This is but a lofty and gigantic 
mode, in which we heroic writers always talk of 
war, thereby to give it a noble and imposing 
aspect, — equipping our warriors with bucklers, 
helms, and lances, and such like outlandish and 
obsolete weapons, the like of which perchance 
they had never seen or heard of, — in the same 
manner that a cunning statuary arrays a modern 
general or an admiral in the accoutrements of a 
Caesar or an Alexander. The simple truth, then, 
of all this oratorical flourish is this, that the val- 
iant Peter Stuyvesant all of a sudden found it 
necessary to scour his rusty blade, which too long 
had rusted in its scabbard, and prepare himself to 
undergo those hardy toils of war in which his 
mighty soul so much delighted. 

Methinks I at this moment behold him in my 
imagination, or, rather, I behold his goodly por- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 363 

trait, which still hangs up in the family mansiou 
of the Stnyvesants, arrayed in all the terrors of 
a true Dutch general. His regimental coat of 
German blue, gorgeously decorated with a goodly 
show of large bi'ass buttons, reaching from his 
waistband to his chin ; the voluminous skirts 
turned up at the corners and separating gallantly 
behind, so as to display the seat of a sumptuous 
pair of brimstone - colored trunk -breeches, — a 
graceful style still prevalent among the warriors 
of our day, and which is in conformity to the 
custom of ancient heroes, who scorned to defend 
themselves in rear. His face rendered exceeding 
terrible and warlike by a pair of black musta- 
chios ; his hair strutting out on each side in 
stiffly pomatumed ear-locks, and descending in a 
rat-tail queue below his waist; a shining stock 
of black leather supporting his chin, and a little 
but fierce cocked hat, stuck with a gallant and 
fiery air over his left eye. Such was the chival- 
ric port of Peter the Headstrong ; and when he 
made a sudden halt, planted himself firmly on 
his solid supporter, with his wooden leg, inlaid 
with silver, a little in advance, in order to 
strengthen his position, his right hand grasping a 
gold-headed cane, his left resting upon the pum- 
mel of his sword, his head dressing spiritedly to 
the right, with a most appalling and hard-favored 
frown upon his brow, — he presented altogether 
one of the most commanding, bitter-looking, and 
soldier-like figures that ever strutted upon can- 
vas. — Proceed we now to inquii^e the cause of 
this warlike prc^paration 



364 HISTORY OF NEW I'ORK. 

In tlie preceding chapter we have spoken cf 
the founding of Fort Casimu', and of the merci- 
less warfare waged by its commander upon cab- 
bages, sunflowers, and pumpkhis, for want of bet- 
ter occasion to flesh his sword. Now it came to 
pass, tliat, higher up the Delaware, at his strong- 
hold of Tinnekonk, resided one Jan Printz, who 
styled himself Governor of New Sweden. If 
history belie not this redoubtable Swede, he was 
a rival worthy of the windy and inflated com- 
mander of Fort Cjisimir, for master David Pie- 
terzen de Vrie, in his excellent book of voyages, 
describes him as " weighing upwards of four hun- 
dred pounds," a huge feeder and bowser in pro- 
portion, taking three potations pottle - deep at 
every meal. He had a garrison after liis own 
heart at Timiekonk, — guzzling, deep-drinking 
swashbucklers, who made the wild woods ring 
with their carousals. 

No sooner did this robustious commander hear 
of the erection of Fort Casimir, than he sent a 
message to Van Poffenburgh, warning him off 
the land, as being within the bounds of his juris- 
diction. 

To this, General Van Poffenburgh replied that 
the land belonged to their High Mightinesses, 
having been regularly purchased of the natives, 
as discoverers from the Manhattoes, as witness 
the breeches of their land-measurer Ten Broeck. 

To this the governor rejoined that the land 
had previously been sold by the Indians to the 
Swedes, and consequently was under the petti- 
of her Swedish majesty, Chris- 



1 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 365 

tina; and woe be to any mortal that wore 
breeches who should dare to middle even with 
the hem of her sacred garment. 

I forbear to dilate upon the war of words 
which was kept up for some time by these windy 
commanders ; Van PofFenburgh, however, had 
served under William the Testy, and was a vet- 
eran in this kind of Avarfare. Governor Printz, 
finding he was not to be dislodged by these long 
shots, now determined upon coming to closer 
quarters. Accordingly, he descended the river 
in great force and fume, and erected a rival for- 
tress just one Swedish mile below Fort Casimir, 
to which he gave the name of Helsenburg. 

And now commenced a tremendous rivalry be- 
tween these two doughty commanders, striving to 
out-strut and out-swell each other like a couple 
of belligerent turkey-cocks. There was a con- 
test who should run up the tallest flag-staff and 
display the broadest flag ; all day long there was 
a furious ix)lling of drums and twanging of trum- 
pets in either fortress, and whichever had the 
wind in its Rivor would keep up a continual fir- 
ing of cannon, to taunt its antagonist with the 
smell of gunpowder. 

On all these points of Avindy Avarfare the an- 
tagonists were Avell matched ; but so it happened, 
that, the SAvedish fortress being loAver dowii the 
river, all the Dutch vessels bound to f'ort Casi- 
mir with supplies had to pass it. Governor 
Printz at once took advantage of this circum- 
stance, and compelled tliem to loAver their flags 
iis they passed under the gmis of his battery. 



366 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

This was a deadly wound to the Dutch pride 
of General Van PofFenburgh, and sorely would 
he swell when from the ramparts of Fort Casi- 
rair he beheld the flag of their High Mightinesses 
struck to the rival fortress. To heighten his 
vexation, Governor Printz, who, as has been 
shown, was a huge trencherman, took the liberty 
of having the first rummage of every Dutch 
merchant-ship, and securmg to himself and his 
guzzling garrison all the little round Dutch 
cheeses, all the Dutch herrings, the gingerbread, 
the sweetmeats, the curious stone jugs of gin, and 
all the otlier Dutch luxuries, on their way for the 
solace of Fort Casimir. It is possible he may 
have paid to the Dutch skippers the full value of 
their commodities ; but what consolation was this 
to Jacobus Van Poffenburgh and his garrison, who 
thus found their favorite supplies cut off, and di- 
verted into the larders of the hostile camp ? For 
some time this war of the cupboard was carried 
on to the great festivity and jollification of the 
Swedes, while the warriors of Fort Casimir found 
their hearts, or rather their stomachs, daily fail- 
ing them. At length the summer heats and 
summer showers set in, and now, lo and behold, 
a erreat miracle was wrouorht for the relief of the 
Nederlands, not a little resembling one of the 
plagues of Egypt ; for it came to pass that a 
great cloud of mosquitoes arose out of the marshy 
borders of the river and settled upon the fortress 
of Helsenburg, being, doubtless, attracted by the 
scent of the fresh blood of these Swedish gor- 
mandizers. Nay, it is said that the body of Jan 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 367 

Printz alone, which was as big and as full of 
blood as that of a prize-ox, was sufficient to 
attract the mosquitoes from every part of the 
country. For some time the garrison endeavored 
to hold out, but it was all in vain ; the mosqui- 
toes penetrated into every chink and crevice, and 
gave them no rest day nor night ; and as to Gov- 
ernor Jan Printz, he moved about as in a cloud, 
with mosquito music in his ears, and mosquito 
stings to the very end of his nose. Finally the 
garrison was fairly driven out of the fortress, and 
obliged to retreat to Tinnekonk ; nay, it is said 
that the mosquitoes followed Jan Printz even 
thither, and absolutely drove him out of the coun- 
try ; certain it is, he embarked for Sweden 
shortly afterwards, and Jan Claudius Risingh 
was sent to govern New Sweden in his stead. 
Such was the famous mosquito war on the Del- 
aware, of which General Van PofFenburgh would 
fain have been the hero ; but the devout people 
of the Nieuw Nederlands always ascribed the 
discomfiture of the Swedes to the miraculous in- 
tervention of St. Nicholas. As to the fortress 
of Helsenburg, it fell to ruin ; but the story of 
its strange destruction was perpetuated by the 
Swedish name of Myggen-borg, that is to say, 
Mosquito Castle.^ 

1 Acrelius's History N. Sweden. For some notice of this 
miraculous discomtiture of the Swedes, see N. Y. His. Col., 
new series, Vol. I. p. 412. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER n. 




it JAN RISDi'QH, HIS GIANTLY PERSON AN'D CRAFTY DEEDS ; AND OF : 
CATASTROPUE AT FORT CASIMIR. 



!AN CLAUDIUS RISINGH, who suc- 
ceeded to the command of New Swe- 
den, looms largely in ancient records as 
a gigantic Swede, who, had he not been rather 
knock-kneed and splay-footed, might have served 
for the model of a Samson or a Hercules. He 
was no less rapacious than mighty, and, withal, as 
crafty as he was rapacious ; so that there is very 
little doubt that, had he lived some four or five 
centuries since, he would have figured as one of 
those wicked giants who took a cruel pleasure 
in pocketing beautiful princesses and distressed 
damsels, Avhen gadding about the world, and lock- 
ing them up in enchanted castles, without a toilet, 
a change of linen, or any other convenience. In 
consequence of which enormities they fell under 
the high displeasure of chivalry, and all true, 
loyal, and gallant knights were instructed to at- 
tack and slay outright any miscreant th(^y might 
happen to find above six feet high ; which is 
doubtless one reason why the race of large men 
is nearly extinct, and the generations of latter 
ftges are so exceedingly small. 

Governor Risuigh, notwithstanding his giantly 



niSToRY OF NEW YORK. 3C9 

condition, was, as I have hinted, a man of craft 
He was not a man to ruffle the vanity of Gen- 
eral Van PofFenbm'gh, or to rub his self-conceit 
against the grain. On the contrary, as he sailed 
up the Delaware, he paused before Fort Casimir, 
disi)layed his flag, and fii-ed a royal salute before 
dropping anchor. The salute would doubtless 
have been returned, had not the guns been dis- 
mounted ; as it was, a veteran sentinel, wlio had 
been napping at his post, and had suffered his 
match to go out, returned the compliment by dis- 
charging his musket with the spark of a pipe 
borrowed from a comrade. Governor Risingh 
accepted this as a courteous reply, and treated 
the fortress to a second salute, well knowing its 
commander was apt to be marvellously delighted 
with these little ceremonials, considering them 
so many acts, of homage paid to his greatness. 
He then prepared to land with a military retinue 
of thirty men, a prodigious pageant in the wil- 
derness. 

And now took place a terrible rummage and 
racket in Fort Casimir, to receive such a visitor 
in proper style, and to make an imposing appear- 
ance. The main guard was turned out as soon 
as possible, equipped to the best advantage in 
the few suits of regimentals, which had to do 
duty by turns with the whole garrison. One tall, 
lank fellow appeared in a little man's coat, with 
the buttons between his shoulders ; the skirts 
scarce covering liis bottom; his hands hanging 
like spades out of the sleeves ; and the coat 
linked hi front by worsted loops made out of a 
2-t 



370 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

pair of red garters. Another had a cocked hat 
stuck on the back of his head, and decorated 
with a bunch of cock's tails ; a third had a pair 
of rusty gaiters hanging about his heels ; ^Yhile 
a fourth, a little duck-legged fellow, was equipped 
in a pair of the general's cast-off breeches, which 
he held up with one hand while he grr:5ped his 
firelock with the other. The rest were accou- 
tred in similar style, except three ragamuffins 
without shirts, and with but a pair and a half 
of breeches between them ; wherefore they were 
sent to the black hole, to keep them out of sight, 
that they might not disgrace the fortress. 

His men being thus gallantly arrayed, — those 
who lacked muskets shouldering spades and pick- 
axes, and every man being ordered to tuck in his 
shirt-tail and pull up his brogues, — General 
Van PofFenburgh first took a sturdy draught of 
foaming ale, which, like the magnanimous More 
of More-hall,^ was his invariable practice on all 
great occasions ; this done, he put himself at 
their head, and issued forth from his castle, like 
a mighty giant, just refreshed with Avine. But 
when the two heroes met, then began a scene of 
warlike parade that beggars all description. The 
shrewd Risingh, who had grown gray much 
before his time in consequence of his craftiness, 
Baw at one glance the ruling passion of the great 
Van PofFenburgh, and humored him in all hw 
valorous fantasies. 

1 " as soon as he rose, 

To make him strong and mighty, 
He drank by tlie tale, six pots of ale, 
And a quart of aqua vitte." 

Dragon of Wanthy. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 371 

Theii' cletacliments were accordingly drawn up 
ill front of each other; they carried arms and 
they presented arms ; they gave the standing 
sahite and the passing salute ; they rolled their 
drums, they flourished their fifes, and they waved 
their colors ; they fliced to the left, and they 
faced to the right, and they faced to the right- 
about ; they wheeled forward, and tliey wheeled 
backward, and they wheeled into echellon ; they 
marched and they countermarched, by grand di- 
visions, by single divisions, and by subdivisions ; 
by platoons, b,y sections, and by files ; in quick 
time, ill slow time, and in no time at all ; for, 
having gone through all the evolutions of two 
great armies, including the eighteen manoeuvres 
of Dundas ; having exhausted all they could rec- 
ollect or imagine of military tactics, including 
sundry strange and irregular evolutions, the like 
of Avhich were never seen before nor since, ex- 
cepting among certain of our newly raised mili- 
tia, — the two commanders and their respective 
troops came at length to a dead halt, completely 
exhausted by the toils of war. Never did two 
valiant train-band captains, or two buskined the- 
atric heroes, in the renowned tragedies of Pizarro, 
Tom Thumb, or any other heroical and fighting 
tragedy, marshal their gallows -looking, duck- 
legged, heavy-heeled myrmidons with more glory 
^nd self-admiration. 

These military compliments being finished, 
General Van PofFenburgh escorted his illustrious 
v^isitor, with great ceremony, into the Fort ; at- 
tended him throughout the fortifications ; showed 



372 HISTORY OF NEW YORK 

him the horn-works, crown-works, half- moons, 
and various otlier outworks, or rather the places 
where they ought to be erected, and where they 
might be erected if he pleased ; plaijily demon- 
strating that it was a place of "great capability," 
and tiiough at present but a little redoubt, yet 
that it was evidently a formidable fortress, in 
embryo. This survey over, he next had the 
whole garrison put under arms, exercised, and 
reviewed; and concluded by ordering the three 
bridewell birds to be hauled out of the black 
hole, brouglit up to the halberds, and soundly 
flogged, for the amusement of Iiis visitor, and to 
convince him that he was a great disciplinarian. 

The cunning Risingh, while he pretended to 
be struck dumb outright with the puissance of 
the great- Van Poffenburgh, took silent note of 
the incompetency of his garrison, — of which he 
gave a Avink to his trusty followers, who tipped 
each other the A\ank, and laughed most obstreper- 
ously — in their sleeves. 

The inspection, review, and flogging being 
concluded, the party adjourned to the table ; for 
among his other great qualities, the general Avas 
remarkably addicted to huge carousals, and in 
one afternoon's campaign would leave more dead 
men on the field than he ever did in the whole 
course of his military career. INIany bulletins 
of these bloodless victories do still remain on 
record ; and the whole province was once thrown 
in amaze by tlie return of one of his campaigns, 
wherein it was stated, that, though, like Captain 
Bobadil, he had only twenty men to back hirn. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 373 

yet in the short space of six months he had con- 
quered and utterly annihilated sixty oxen, ninety 
hogs, one hundred sheep, ten thousand cabbages, 
one thousand bushels of potatoes, one lunidred 
and fifty kilderkins of small beer, two thousand 
seven hundred and thirty-five pipes, seventy-eight 
pounds of sugar-plums, and forty bars of iron, 
besides sundry small meats, game, poultry, and 
garden-stuff: — an achievement unparalleled since 
the days of Pantagruel and his all-devouring 
army, and which showed that it was only neces- 
sary to let Van Poffenburgh and his garrison 
loose in an enemy's country, and in a little while 
they would breed a famine, and starve all the 
inhabitants. 

No sooner, therefore, had the general received 
intimation of the visit of Governor Risingh, than 
he ordered a great dinner to be prepared, and 
privately sent out a detachment of his most ex- 
perienced veterans, to rob all the hen-roosts in 
the neighborhood, and lay the pig-sties under 
contribution, — a service which they discharged 
with such zeal and promptitude, that the gar- 
rison-table <2jroaned under the weidit of their 
spoils. 

I wish, Avith all my heart, my readers could 
see the valiant Van Poffenburgh, as he presided 
iit the head of the banquet ; it was a sight Avorth 
beholding : — there he sat, m his greatest glory, 
surrounded by his soldiers, like that famous wine- 
bibber, Alexander, whose thirsty virtues he did 
most ably imitate, — telling astonishing stories 
5f his hair-breadth adventures and lieroic ex- 



374 HISTORY OF XEW Y022K. 

ploits ; at which, though all his auditors knew 
them to be incontinent lies and outrageous gas- 
conadoes, yet did they cast up their eyes in 
admiration, and utter many interjections of aston- 
ishment. Xor could the general pronounce any- 
thing that bore the remotest resemblance to a 
joke, but the stout Risingh would strike his 
brawny fist upon the table till avvvy glass rattled 
again, throw himself back in the chair, utter 
gigantic peals of laughter, and swear most horri- 
bly it was the best joke he ever heard in his life. 
Thus all was rout and revelry and hideous ca- 
rousal Avithin Fort Casirair ; and so lustily did 
Van PofFenburgh ply the bottle, that in less than 
four short hours he made himself and liis whole 
gari'ison, who all sedulously emulated tlie deeds 
of their chieftain, dead drunk, ^\^th singing songs, 
quaflEuig bumpers, and drinking patriotic toasts, 
none of which but was as long as a Welsli pedi- 
gree or a plea in chancery. 

No sooner did things come to this pass, than 
Risingh and his Swedes, who had cunningly kept 
themselves sober, rose on their entertainers, tied 
them neck and heels, and took formal possession 
of the fort, and all its dependencies, in tlie name 
of Queen Christina of Sweden, administering at 
the same time an oatli of allegiance to all the 
Dutch soldiers who could be made sober enough 
to swallow it. Risingh then put the fortification 
in order, appointed his discreet and vigilant friend 
Suen Schiite, otherwise called Skytte, a tall, 
wind-dried, water-drinking Swede, to the com- 
mand, and departed, bearing with him this trulv 




Knickerbocker, p. 375. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 375 

amiable garrison and its puissant cominandei", 
who, when brought to himself by a sound drub- 
bing, bore no little resemblance to a " deboshed 
fish," or bloated sea-monster, caught upon dry 
land. 

The transportation of the garrison was done 
to prevent the transmission of intelligence to 
New Amsterdam ; for much as the cumung Ris- 
ingh exulted in his stratagem, yet did he dread 
the vengeance of the sturdy Peter Stuyvesant, 
whose name spread as much terror in the neigh- 
borhood as did whilom that of the unconquera- 
ble Scanderbeg among his scurvy enemies the 
Tui-ks 



376 HISTORY OF 2^ilW YORK. 




CHAPTEll in. 

IBOVriNG UOW PROFOUND SECRETS ARE OFTEN BROUGHT TO LIGHT ; WITH 
THE PROCEEDINGS OP PETER THE HEADSTRONG 'WHEN HE HEARD Of 
THE MISFORTUNES OF GENERAL VAN POFFENBURGH. 

^^HOEVER first described common fame, 
or rumor, as belonging to tlie sager sex, 
was a very owl for shrewdness. She 
has in truth certain femhiine qualities to an 
astonishing degree, particularly that benevolent 
anxiety to take care of the affairs of others, 
which keeps her continually hunting after secrets, 
and gadding about proclaiming them. lYliatever 
is done openly and in the face of the world, she 
takes but transient notice of; but whenever a 
transaction is done in a corner, and attempted to 
be shrouded in mystery, then her goddess-ship is 
at her wit's end to find it out, and takes a most 
mischievous and lady-like j)leasure m publishing 
it to the world. 

It is this truly feminine propensity which in- 
duces her continually to be prymg into the cab- 
inets of princes, listening at the key-holes of 
senate - chambers, and peering through chinks 
and crannies, when our worthy Congress are 
sitting Avith closed doors, deliberating between 
a dozen excellent modes of ruining the nation. 
It is this which makes her so baneful to al] 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 377 

wary statesmen and intriguing commanders — 
such a stumbling-block to private negotiations and 
secret expeditions, — betraying them by mean3 
and instruments which never would have been 
thought of by any but a female head. 

Thus it was in the case of the affair of Fort 
Casimir. No doubt the cunnin<^ Risinf^h imaor- 
ined, that, by securing the garrison, he should for 
a long time prevent the history of its fate from 
reaching the ears of the gallant Stuyvesant ; but 
his exploit was blo-wm to the world wlien he least 
expected, and by one of the last beings he would 
ever have suspected of enlisting as trumpeter to 
the wide-mouthed deity. 

This was one Dirk Schuiler (or Skulker), a 
kind of hanger-on to the garrison, who seemed to 
belong to nobody, and in a manner to be self-out- 
lawed. He was one of those vagabond cosmopo- 
lites who shark about the world as if they had 
no right or business in it, and who infest the 
skirts of society like poachers and interlopers. 
Every garrison and country village has one or 
more scape-goats of this kind, whose life is a 
kind of enigma, whose existence is without mo- 
tive, who comes from the Lord knows where, 
who lives the Lord knows how, and who seems 
created for no other earthly purpose but to keep 
up the ancient and honorable order of idleness. 
This vagrant philosopher was supposed to have 
some Indian blood in his veins, which was mani- 
fested by a certain Indian complexion and cast 
of countenance, but more especially by his pro- 
pensities and habits. He was a tall, lank fellow 



378 BIST on Y OF NEW YORK. 

swift of foot, and long-winded. He was gen- 
61'ally equipped in a half Indian dress, with belt, 
leggings, and moccasons. His hair hung in 
straight gallows-locks about his ears, and added 
not a little to his sharking demeanor. It is an 
old remark, that persons of Indian mixture are 
half civilized, half savage, and half devil, — a 
thu-d half being provided- for their particular 
convenience. It is for similar reasons, and prob- 
ably with equal truth, that the backwoodsmen 
of Kentucky are styled half man, half liorse, 
and half alligator, by the settlers on the Missis 
sippi, and held accordingly in great respect and 
abhorrence. 

The above character may have presented itself 
to the garrison as applicable to Dirk Schuiler, 
whom they familiarly dubbed Gallows Dirk. 
Certain it is, he acknowled2:ed allejjiance to no 
one, — was an utter enemy to work, holding it 
in no manner of estimation, — but loungmg about 
the fort, depending upon chance for a subsistence, 
gettmg drunk whenever he could get liquor, and 
stealing whatever he could lay his hands on. 
Every day or two he was sure to get a sound 
rib-roasting for some of his misdemeanors, which, 
however, as it broke no bones, he made very 
light of, and scrupled not to repeat the offence 
whenever another opportunity presented. Some- 
times, in consequence of some flagrant vilhiny, he 
would abscond from the garrison, and be absent 
Cor a month at a time, skulking about the woods 
and swamps, with a long fowling-piece on his 
shoulder, lying in ambush for game, — or squat- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 379 

ting himself do\A'n on the edge of a pond, catch- 
ing fish for hours together, and bearing no little 
resemblance to that notable bird of the crane 
family, ycleped the Mudpoke. When he thought 
his crimes had been forgotten or forgiven, he 
would sneak back to the fort with a bundle of 
skins, or a load of poultry, which, perchance, he 
had stolen, and would exchange them for liquoi', 
with Avhich having well soaked his carcass, he 
would lie hi the smi and enjoy all the luxurious 
indolence of that swinish philosopher Diogenes. 
He was the terror of all the farm- yards in the 
country into which he made fearful inroads ; and 
sometimes he would make his sudden appearance 
in the garrison at daybreak, with the whole 
neighborhood at his heels, — like the scoundrel 
thief of a fox, detected in his maraudings and 
hunted to his hole. Such was this Dirk Schui- 
ler ; and from the total hidifference he showed to 
the world and its concerns, and from his truly 
Indian stoicism and taciturnity, no one would 
ever have dreamt that he would have been the 
publisher of the treachery of Risingh. 

When the carousal was going on, which proved 
so fatal to the brave Poffenburgh and his watch- 
ful garrison, Dirk skulked about from room to 
room, being a kind of privileged vagrant, or use- 
less hound, whom nobody noticed. But though 
a fellow of few words, yet, like your taciturn 
people, his eyes and ears were always open, and 
in the course of his prowlings he overheard the 
whole plot of the Swedes. Dirk immediately 
settled in his own mind how he should turn the 



380 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

matter to his o^vn advantage. He played the 
perfect jack-of-both-sides, that is to say, he made 
a prize of everything that came in his reach, 
robbed both parties, stuck the copper-boiuid cocked 
hat of the puissant Van Pofteiibin-gh on liis head, 
Avhipped a huge pair of Risingli's jack -boots 
mider his arms, and took to his heels just before 
the catastrophe and confusion at the garrison. 

Finding himself completely dislodged from his 
haimt hi this quarter, he directed his flight to- 
wards his native place. New Amsterdam, whence 
he had formerly been obliged to abscond precip- 
itately, in consequence of misfortune in busi- 
ness, — that is to say, having been detected in 
the act of sheep-stealing. After wandering many 
days in the woods, toiling through swamps, ford- 
ing brooks, swimming various rivers, and encoun- 
tering a world of hardships that would have 
killed any other being but an Indian, a back- 
woodsman, or the devil, he at length arrived, half 
famished, and lank as a starved weasel, at Com- 
munipaw, where he stole a canoe, and paddled 
over to New Amsterdam. Immediately on land- 
ing, he repaired to Governor Stuyvesant, and, in 
more words than he had ever spoken before in 
the Avhole course of his life, gave an account of 
the disastrous affair. 

On receiving these direful tidings, the valiaM 
Peter started from his seat, dashed the pipe he 
was smoking against the back of the chimney, 
thrust a prodigious quid of tobacco into his left 
cheek, pulled up liis galligaskins, and strode up 
and do^^^l the room, humming, as was customary 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 381 

with him when in a passion, a hideous northwest 
ditty. But, as I have before sho^\^l, he was not 
a man to vent his spleen in idle vaporing. His 
first measure, after the paroxysm of wrath had 
subsided, was to stump uj)-stairs to a huge wooden 
chest, which served as his armory, from whence 
he drew forth that identical suit of regimentals 
described in the preceding chapter. In these 
portentous habiliments he arrayed himself like 
Achilles in the armor of Vulcan, maintaining all 
the while an appalling silence, knitting his broAVS, 
and drawing his breath through his clenched 
teeth. Being hastily equipped, he strode down 
mto the parlor and jerked down his trusty sword 
from over the fireplace, where it was usually sus 
pended ; but before he girded it on his thigh, he 
drew it from its scabbard, and as his eye coursed 
along the rusty blade, a grim smile stole over his 
iron visage ; it was the first smile that had 
visited his countenance for five long weeks ; but 
every one who beheld it prophesied that there 
would soon be warm woi-k in the province ! 

Thus armed at all points, with grisly war de- 
picted in each feature, his very cocked hat assum- 
ing an air of uncommon defiance, he instantly 
put himself upon the alert, and despatched Anto- 
ny Van Corlear hither and thither, this way and 
that way, through all the muddy streets and 
crooked lanes of the city, summoning by sound 
of trumpet his trusty peers to assemble in instant 
council. This done, by way of expediting mat- 
ters, according to the custom of people in a 
hurry, he kept in continual bustle, shifting from 



382 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

chair to chair, popping his head out of every 
window, and stumping up and down stairs with 
liis wooden leg in such brisk and incessant mo- 
lion, that, as we are informed by an authentic 
historian of the times, the continual clatter bore 
no small resemblance to the music of a cooj)er 
hooping a flour-barrel. 

A summons so peremptory, and from a man 
of the governoj-'s mettle, was not to be trifled 
with: the sages forthwith repaired to the council- 
chamber, seated themselves with the utmost traii- 
quillity, and, lighting their long pipes, gazed with 
unruffled composure on his Excellency and his 
regimentals, — being, as all counsellors should be, 
not easily flustered, nor taken by surprise. The 
governor, looking around for a moment with a 
lofty and soldier-like air, and resting one hand on 
the pommel of his sword, and flinging the other 
forth in a free and spirited manner, addressed 
them in a short but soul-stirring harangue. 

I am extremely sorry that I have not the ad- 
vantages of Livy, Thucydides, Plutarch, and others 
of my predecessors, who were furnished, as I am 
told, with the speeches of all their heroes, taken 
down in shoi"t-hand by the most accurate stenog- 
raphers of the time, — whereby they were en- 
abled wonderfully to enrich their histories, and 
delight their readers with sublime strains of elo- 
quence. jN\)t having such important auxiliaries, 
T cannot possibly pronounce what was the tenor 
of Governor Stuyvesant's speech. I am bold, 
howevei, to say, from the tenor of his character, 
that he did not wrap his rugged subject in silka 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 383 

and ermines, and other sickly trickeries of phrase, 
but spoke forth like a man of nerve and vigor, 
who scorned to shrink in words from those dan 
gers which he stood ready to encounter in vei'y 
deed. This much is certain, that he concluded 
by announcing his determination to lead on his 
troops in person, and rout these costard- monger 
Swedes from their usurped quarters at Fort Cas- 
imir. To this hardy resolution, such of his coun- 
cil as were awake gave their usual signal of con- 
currence ; and as to the rest, who had fiillen asleep 
about the middle of the harangue (their " usual 
custom in the afternoon "), tliey made not the 
least objection. 

And now was seen in the fair city of New 
Amsterdam a prodigious bustle and preparation 
for iron war. Recruiting parties marched hither 
and thither, calling lustily upon all the scrubs, 
the runagates, and tatterdemalions of the Man- 
hattoes and its vicinity, Avho had any ambition 
of sixpence a day, and immortal fame into the 
bargain, to enlist in the cause of glory : — for 
I would have you note that your warlike heroes 
who trudge in the rear of conquerors are gener- 
ally of that illustrious class of gentlemen who 
are equal candidates for the army or the bride- 
well, tlie halberds or the whipping-post, — foi 
whom dame Fortune has cast an even die, 
whether they shall make their exit by the sword 
or the halter, and whose deaths shall, at all 
events, be a lofty example to their countrymen. 

But, notwitlistanding all this martial rout and 
invitation, the ranks of honor were but scantily 



384 HISTORY OF NEW Ti'RK. 

supplied, so averse were the peaceful burghers of 
New Amsterdam from enlisting in foreign broils, 
or stirring beyond that home which rounded all 
their earthly ideas. Upon beholdhig this, the 
great Peter, whose noble heart was all 3n fire 
vriil war and sweet revenge, determined to wait 
no longer for the tardy assistance of these oily 
citizens, but to muster up his merry men of the 
Hudson, who, brought up among woods, and 
wilds, and savage beasts, like our yeomen of Ken- 
tucky, delighted in nothing so much as desperate 
adventures and perilous expeditions through the 
wilderness. Thus resolving, he ordered his trus- 
ty squire Antony Yan Corlear to have his state 
galley prepared and duly victualled ; which being 
performed, he attended public service at the great 
church of St. Nicholas, like a true and pious gov- 
ernor ; and then leaving peremptory orders with 
his council to have the chivalry of the Manhat- 
toes marshalled out and appointed against his re- 
turn, departed upon his recruiting voyage up the 
waters of the Hudson. 



EIBTOET OF NEW YORK. 385 



CHAPTER IV. 




CONTAINING PETER STUTVESANT S VOYAGE UP THE HUDSON, AND THE 
WONDERS AND DELIGHTS OP THAT RENOWNED RIVER. 



;0W did the soft breezes of the south 
steal sweetly over the face of nature, 
tempering the panting heats of summer 
into genial and prolific warmth ; when that mu'a- 
cle of liardihood and chivalric virtue, the daunt- 
less Peter Stuyvesant, spread his canvas to the 
wind, and departed from the fair island of Man- 
na-hata. The galley in which he embarked was 
sumptuously adorned with pendants and stream- 
ers of gorgeous dyes, wliich fluttered gayly in 
the wind, or drooped their ends into the bosom 
of the stream. The bow and poop of this majes- 
tic vessel were gallantly bedight, after the rarest 
Dutch fashion, with figures of little pursy Cupids 
with periwigs on their heads, and bearing in their 
hands garlands of flowers, the like of which are 
not to be found in any book of botany, being 
the matchless flowers which flourished in the 
golden age, and exist no longer, unless it be in 
the imaginations of ingenious carvers of wood 
and discolorers of canvas. 

Thus rarely decorated, in style befitting the 
puissant potentate of the Manhattoes, did the 
galley of Peter Stuyvesant launch forth upon 
25 



38 'J Ui^ioiii' or NEW yoHK 

the bosom of the lordly Hudson, which, as it 
rolled its broad waves to the ocean, seemed to 
pause for a while and swell with pride, as if con- 
scious of the illustrious burden it sustained. 

But trust me, gentlefolk, far otlier was the 
scene presented to the contemplation of the ci'ew 
from that which may be witnessed at this degen- 
erate day. Wildness and savage majesty reigned 
on the borders of this mighty river; the hand 
of cultivation had not as yet laid low the dark 
forest, and tamed the features of the landscape; 
nor had the frequent sail of commerce broken in 
upon the profound and awful solitude of ages. 
Here and there might be seen a rude wio;wam 
perched among the cliffs of the mountains, with 
its ciu'ling column of smoke mounting in the 
transparent atmosphere, — but so loftily situated 
that the whoopings of the savage childi-en, gam- 
bolling on the margin of the dizzy heights, fell 
almost as faintly on the ear as do the notes of 
the lark when lost in the azure vault of heaven. 
Now and then, from the beetling brow of some 
precipice, the wild deer would look timidly do^vn 
upon the splendid pageant as it passed below, 
and then, tossing his antlers in the air, would 
bound a^vay into the thickest of the forest. 

Through such scenes did the stately vessel of 
Peter Stuyvesant pass. Now did they skirt the 
bases of the rocky heights of Jersey, which 
spring iTp like everlasting walls, reacliing from 
the waves unto the heavens, and were fashioned, 
if tradition may be believed, in times long past, 
by the mighty spirit Manetho, to protect his 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 387 

favorite abodes from the unliallowed eyes of mor 
tals. Now did they career it gayly across the 
vast expanse of Tappan Bay, whose wide-extend- 
ed shores present a variety of delectable scenery, 
— here the bold promontory, crowned with em- 
bowering trees, advancing into the bay, — there 
the long woodland slope, sweeping up from the 
shore in rich luxuriance, and terminating in the 
upland precipice, — while at a distance a long 
waving line of rocky heights threw their gigan- 
tic shades across the water. Now would they 
pass where some modest little interval, opening 
among these stupendous scenes, yet retreating as 
it were for protection into the embraces of the 
neighboring mountains, displayed a rural paradise, 
fraught with sweet and pastoral beauties, — the 
velvet-tufted lawn, the bushy copse, the tink- 
ling rivulet, stealing through the fresh and vivid 
verdure, on whose banks was situated some little 
Indian village, or, peradventure, the rude cabin 
of some solitary hunter. 

The different periods of the revolving day 
seemed each, with cunning magic, to diffuse a 
different charm over the scene. Now would the 
jovial sun break gloriously from the east, blazing 
from the summits of the hills, and sparkling the 
landscape with a thousand dewy gems ; while 
along the borders of the river were seen the 
heavy masses of mist, which, like midnight cai- 
tiffs disturbed at his approach, made a sluggish 
retreat, rolling in sullen reluctance up the moun- 
tains. At such times all was brightness, and 
Ufe, and gayety, — the atmosphere was of an in 



388 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

describable pureness and transparency, — the birds 
broke forth in wanton madrigals, and the freshen- 
ing breezes wafted the vessel merrily on hei 
course. But when the sun sunk amid a flood of 
glory in the west, mantling the heavens and the 
earth with a thousand gorgeous dyes, then all 
^vas calm, and silent, and magnificent. The late 
SAvelling sail hung lifelessly against the mast ; — 
the seaman, with folded arms, leaned against the 
slu'ouds, lost in that involuntary musing which 
the sober grandeur of nature commands in the 
rudest of her children. The vast bosom of the 
Hudson was like an unruffled mirror, reflecting 
the golden splendor of the heavens, excepting 
that now and then a bark canoe Avould steal 
across its surface, filled with painted savages, 
whose gay feathers glared brightly as perchance 
a lingering ray of the setting sun gleamed upon 
them from the western mountams. 

But when the hour of tAvilight spread its ma- 
jestic mists around, then did the face of nature 
assume a thousand fugitive charms, which to the 
worthy heart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious 
works of its Maker are inexpressibly captivating. 
The mellow dubious light that prevailed just 
served to tinge with illusive colors the softened 
features of the scenery. The deceived but de- 
lighted eye sought vainly to discern in the broad 
masses of shade the separating line between the 
land and water, or to distinsjuish the fadino; 
objects that seemed sinking into chaos. Now did 
the busy fancy supply the feebleness of vision, 
producing with industrious craft a fairy creation 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 389 

of her own. Under lier plastic wand the barren 
rocks frowned upon the watery waste in the 
semblance of lofty towers and high embattled 
castles, — trees assumed the direful forms of 
mighty giants, and the maccessible smnmits of 
the mountains seemed peopled with a thousand 
shadowy beings. 

Now broke forth from the shores the notes of 
im innumerable variety of insects, which filled 
the air with a strange but not inharmonious con- 
cert, while ever and anon was heard the mel- 
ancholy plaint of the whippoorwill, who, perched 
on some lone tree, wearied the ear of night with 
his incessant moaning-s. The mind, soothed into 
a hallowed melancholy, listened with pensive still- 
ness to catch and distinguish each sound that 
vaguely echoed from the shore, — now and then 
startled perchance by the whoop of some strag- 
gling savage, or by the dreary howl of a wolf, 
stealing forth upon his nightly prowlings. 

Thus happily did they pursue their course, un- 
til they entered upon those awful defiles denomi- 
nated THE HIGHLANDS, where it would seem that 
the gigantic Titans had erst waged their impious 
war with heaven, piling up clifis on cliffs, and 
hurling vast masses of rock in wild confusion. 
But ui sooth very different is the history of these 
cloud-eapt mountains. These in ancient days, 
before the Hudson poured its waters from the 
lakes, formed one vast prison, within whose rocky 
bosom the omnipotent Manetho confined the re- 
bellious spirits who repined at his control. Here, 
bound in adamantine chains, or jammed m rifted 



390 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

pines, or crushed by ponderous rocks, they groan- 
ed for many an age. At length the conquering 
Hudson, in its career towards the ocean, burst 
open their prison-house, rolling its tide triumph- 
antly through the stupendous ruins. 

Still, however, do many of them lurk about 
their old abodes ; and these it is, according to 
venerable legends, that cause the echoes which 
resound throughout these awful solitudes, — which 
are nothing but their angry clamors when any 
noise distiu-bs the profoundness of their repose. 
For when the elements are agitated by tempest, 
when the winds are up and the thunder rolls, 
then horrible is the yelling and howling of these 
troubled spirits, making the mountains to rebel- 
low with their hideous uproar ; for at such times 
it is said that they think the great Manetho is 
returning once more to pkinge them in gloomy 
caverns, and renew their intolerable captivity. 

But all these fair and glorious scenes were lost 
upon the gallant Stuyvesant ; naught occupied his 
mind but thoughts of iron war, and proud antici- 
pations of hardy deeds of arms. Neither did his 
honest crew trouble their heads with any roman- 
tic speculations of the kind. The pilot at the 
helm quietly smoked his pipe, thinking of nothing 
either past, present, or to come ; — those of hia 
comrades who were not industriously smoking 
under the hatches were listening with open 
mouths to Antony Van Corlear, wlio, seated on 
the windlass, Avas relating to them the marvel- 
lous history of those myriads of fireflies that 
sparkled like gems and ?pangles upon the dusky 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 391 

ix)be of night. These, according to tradition, 
were originally a race of pestilent senipiternous 
beldames, who peopled these parts long before 
the memory of man, being of that abominated 
race emphatically called brimstones, and who, for 
their innumerable sins against the children of 
men, and to furnish an awful warning to the 
beauteous sex, were doomed to infest the earth 
in the shape of these threatenuig and terrible lit- 
tle bugs, enduring the internal torments of that 
fire which tliey formerly carried in their hearts 
and breathed forth in their words, but now are 
sentenced to bear about forever — in their tails ! 
And now I am going to tell a fact, which I 
doubt much my readers will hesitate to believe ; 
but if they do, they are welcome not to believe 
a word in this whole history, for nothhig which 
it contains is more true. It must be known then 
that the nose of Antony the Trumpeter was of a 
very lusty size, strutting boldly from his counte- 
nance like a mountain of Golconda ; being sump- 
tuously bedecked with rubies and other precious 
stones, — the true regalia of a king of good fel- 
lows, which jolly Bacchus grants to all who 
bouse it heartily at the flagon. Now thus it 
happened, that bright and early in the mornuig, 
the good Antony, havuig Avashed his burly visage, 
v/as leaning over the quarter-railing of the gal- 
ley, contemplatijig it in the glassy wave below. 
Just at tliis moment the illustrious sun, break- 
ing in all its splendor from behind a high bluff 
of the highlands, did dart one of his most po- 
tent beams full upon the refulgent nose of the 



392 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Bounder of brass — the reflection of which shot 
straightway down, hissing-hot, into the water, 
and killed a mighty sturgeon that was sporting 
beside the vessel ! This huge monster being 
with infinite labor hoisted on board, furnished a 
luxurious repast to all the crew, being accounted 
of excellent flavor, excepting about the wound, 
where it smacked a little of brimstone ; and this, 
on my veracity, was the first time that ever 
sturgeon was eaten in these parts by Clmstian 
people.^ 

When this astonishing miracle came to be 
made known to Peter Stuyvesant, and that he 
tasted of the unknown fish, he, as may well be 
supposed, marvelled exceedingly ; and as a mon- 
ument thereof, he gave the name of Antony's 
Nose to a stout promontory in the neighborhood ; 
and it has continued to be called Antony's Nose 
ever since that time. 

But hold : whither am I wandering ? By the 
mass, if I attempt to accompany the good Peter 
Stuyvesant on this voyage, 1 shall never make 
an end ; for never was there a voyage so fraught 
with marvellous incidents, nor a river so abound- 
ing with transcendent beauties, worthy of being 
severally recorded. Even now I have it on the 
point of my pen to relate how his crew were 
most horribly frightened, on going on shore above 
the highlands, by a gang of merry roistering 

1 The learned Hans Megapolensis, treating of the country 
about Albany, in a letter which was written some time aftei 
the settlement, ?ay!*: "There is in the river great plenty of 
sturgeon, which we Christians do not make use of, but th< 
Indians eat them greedily." 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 393 

devils, frisking and curveting on a flat rock, which 
projected into the river, and which is called the 
DuyveVs Dans-Kamer to this very day. But no 
Diedrich Knickerbocker, it becomes thee not to 
idle thus in thy historic wayffiring. 

Recollect that, wliile dwelling witli the fond 
garrulity of age over these fairy scenes, endeared 
to thee by the recollections of thy youth, and the 
charms of a thousand legendary tales, which be- 
guiled the simple ear of thy childhood, — recollect 
that thou art triflins; with those fleetin*]: moments 
which should be devoted to loftier themes. Is 
not Time — relentless Time! — shaking, with pal- 
sied hand, his almost exhausted hour-glass before 
thee ? Hasten then to pursue thy weary task, 
lest the last sands be run ere thou hast finished 
thy history of the Manhattoes. 

Let us, then, commit the dauntless Peter, his 
brave galley, and his loyal crew, to the protection 
of the blessed St. Nicholas ; who, I have no 
doubt, will prosper him in his voyage, while we 
await his return at the great city of New Am- 
sterdam. 



894 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER V. 




DESCRIBING THE POWERFUL ARMY THAT ASSEMBLED AT THE CITY OP NEW 
AMSTERDAM — TOGETHER WITH THE INTERVIEW BETWEEN PETER THE 
HEADSTRONG AND GENERAL VON POFFENBURGH, AND PETEB'S SENTI- 
MENTS TOUCHING UNFORTUNATE GREAT MEN. 



PULE thus the enterprising Peter was 
coasting, with flowing sail, up the shores 
of the lordly Hudson, and arousmg all 
the phlegmatic little Dutch settlements upon its 
borders, a great and puissant concourse of war- 
riors was assembling at the city of New Amster- 
dam. And here that invaluable fragment of 
antiquity, the Stuyvesant manuscript, is more 
than commonly particular ; by which means I 
am enabled to record the illustrious host that 
encamped itself in the public square in front 
of the fort, at present denomhiated the Bowling 
Green. 

In the centre, then, was pitched the tent of 
the men of battle of the Manhattoes, who, being 
the inmates of the metropolis, composed the life- 
guards of the governor. These were commanded 
by the valiant Stoffel Brinkerhoof, who whilom 
had acquired such immortal fame at Oyster Bay ; 
they displayed as a standard a beaver rampant 
on a field of orange, being the arms of the prov- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 395 

ince, and denoting the persevering industry and 
the amphibious origin of the Nederlanders.-* 

On their right hand might be seen the vassals 
of that renowned Mynheer, Michael Paw,^ who 
lorded it over the fair regions of ancient Pavonia, 
and the lands away soutii even unto the Nave- 
sink mountains,^ and was moreover patroon of 
Gibbet Island. His standard was borne by his 
trusty squire, Cornelius Van Yorst ; consisting 
of a huge oyster recumbent upon a sea-green 
field ; being the armorial bearings of his flivorite 
metropolis, Communipaw. He brought to the 
camp a stout force of warriors, heavily armed, 
being each clad in ten paii' of linsey-woolsey 
breeches, and overshadowed by broad-brimmed 
beavers, with short pipes twisted in their hat- 
bands. These were the men Avho vegetated in 
the mud along the shores of Pavonia, being of 
the race of genuine copperheads, and were fabled 
to have sprung from oysters. 

At a little distance was encamped the tribe of 
warriors who came from the neighborhood of 



1 This Avas likewise the great seal of the New Netherlands, 
as may still be seen in ancient records. 

2 Besides what is related in the Stiiyvesant MS., I have 
found mention made of this illustrious patroon in another 
manuscript, which says : '' De Heer (or the squire) Michael 
Paw, a Dutch subject, about 10th Aug-. 16-30, by deed pur- 
chased Staten Island. N. B. The same Michael Paw had 
what the Dutch call a colonie at Pavonia, on the Jersey shore, 
opposite New York, and his overseer in 1636 was named 
Corns. Van Yorst, a person of the same name in 1769, 
owned Pawles Hook, and a larp;e farm at Pavonia, and is a 
lineal descendant from Van Vorst." 

3 So called from the Navesink tribe of Indians that inhabited 
these parts. At present they are erroneously denominated the 
I\eversink, or Xeversuuk mountaius. 



396 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Hell-gate. These were commanded by the Suy 
Dams, and the Van Dams, — incontinent hard 
swearers, as their names betoken. They were 
terrible-looking fellows, clad in broad-skirted gab- 
erdines, of that curious colored cloth called thun- 
der and lightning, — and bore as a standai"d tliree 
devil's darning-needles, volant, in a flame-colored 
field. 

Hard by was the tent of the men of battle 
from tlie marshy borders of the Waale-Boght^ 
and the country thereabouts. Tliese were of a 
sour aspect, by I'eason that they lived on crabs, 
which abound in tliese parts. They were the 
first institutors of that honorable order of knight- 
hood called Fly-market shirks, and, if tradition 
speak true, did likewise introduce the far-famed 
step in dancing called "double trouble." They 
were commanded by the fearless Jacobus Yarra 
Vanger, — and had, moreover, a jolly band of 
Breuckelen ^ ferry-men, who performed a brave 
concerto on conch shells. 

But I refrain from pursuing this minute de- 
scription, which goes on to describe the wari'iors 
of Bloemen-dael, and Weehawk, and Hoboken, 
and sundry other places, Avell known in history 
and song ; for now do the notes of martial 
music alarm the people of New Amsterdam, 
sounding afar from beyond the walls of the city. 
But this alarm was in a little while relieved, for 
lo ! from the midst of a vast cloud of dust, they 

1 Since corrupted into the Wallabout ; the bay where th« 
N'avy Yard is situated. 

2 Now spelt Brooklyn. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 397 

recognized the brimstone-colored breeches and 
splendid silver leg of Peter Stiiyvesant, glaring 
in the sunbeams ; and beheld him approaching 
at the head of a formidable army, which he had 
mustered along the banks of the Hudson. And 
here the excellent but anonymous writer of the 
Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into a brave 
and glorious description of the forces, as they 
defiled through the principal gate of the city, that 
stood by the head of Wall Street. 

First of all came the Van Bummels, who in- 
habit the pleasant borders of the Bronx : these 
were sliort fat men, wearing exceeding large 
trunk-breeches, and were renowned for feats of 
the trencher. They were the first inventors of 
suppawn, or mush and milk. — • Close in their rear 
marched the Van Vlotens, of Kaatskill, horrible 
quaffers of new cider, and arrant braggarts in 
their liquor. — After them came the Van Pelts 
of Groodt Esopus, dexterous horsemen, mounted 
upon goodly switch-tailed steeds of the Esopus 
breed. These were mighty hunters of minks and 
musk-rats, whence came the word Peltry. — Then 
the Van Nests of Kinderlioeck, valiant robbers 
of bird's-nests, as their name denotes. To these, 
if report may be believed, are we indebted for 
the invention of slap-jacks, or buckwheat-cakes. 
— Then the Van Higginbottoms, of Wapping's 
creek. These came armed with ferules and 
birchen rods, being a race of schoolmasters, who 
first discovered the marvellous sympathy between 
the seat of honor and the seat of intellect, — and 
that the shortest way to get knowledge into the 



396 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Hell-gate. These were commanded by the Suy 
Dams, and the Van Dams, — mcontinent hard 
swearers, as their names betoken. They were 
terrible-looking fellows, clad in broad-skirted gab- 
erdines, of that curious colored cloth called thun- 
der and liglitning, — and bore as a standard tlii-ee 
de^^^s darning-needles, volant, in a flame-colored 
field. 

Hard by was the tent of the men of battle 
fi'om the marshy borders of the Waale-Boght^ 
and the country thereabouts. Tliese were of a 
sour aspect, by reason that they lived on crabs, 
which abound in these parts. They were the 
first institutors of that honorable order of knight- 
hood called Fly-marhet shirks, and, if tradition 
speak true, did likewise introduce the far-famed 
step in dancing called "double trouble." They 
were commanded by the fearless Jacobus Yarra 
Vanger, — and had, moreover, a jolly band of 
Breuckelen ^ ferry-men, who performed a brave 
concerto on conch shells. 

But I refrain from pursuing this minute de- 
scription, which goes on to describe the warriors 
of Bloemen-dael, and Weehawk, and Hoboken, 
and sundry other places, well known in history 
and song ; for now do the notes of martial 
music alarm the people of New Amsterdam, 
sounding afar from beyond the walls of the city. 
But this alarm was in a little while relieved, for 
lo ! from the midst of a vast cloud of dust, they 

1 Since corrupted into the Wallnbout ; the bay where th« 
N^avy Yard is situated. 

2 Now spelt Brooklyn. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 397 

recognized the brimstone-colored breeches and 
splendid silver leg of Peter Stuyvesant, glaring 
in the sunbeams ; and beheld him approaching 
at the head of a formidable army, which he had 
mustered along the banks of the Hudson. And 
here the excellent but anonymous writer of the 
Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into a brave 
and glorious description of the forces, as they 
defiled through the principal gate of the city, that 
stood by the head of Wall Street. 

First of all came the Van Bummels, who in- 
habit the pleasant borders of the Bronx : these 
were short fat men, wearing exceeding large 
trunk-breeches, and were renowned for feats of 
the trencher. They were the first inventors of 
suppawn, or mush and milk. — • Close in their rear 
marched the Van Vlotens, of Kaatskiil, horrible 
quaffers of new cider, and arrant braggarts in 
their liquor. — After them came the Van Pelts 
of Groodt Esopus, dexterous horsemen, mounted 
upon goodly switch-tailed steeds of the Esopus 
breed. These were mighty hunters of minks and 
musk-rats, whence came the word Peltry. — Then 
the Van Nests of Kinderhoeck, valiant robbers 
of bird's-nests, as their name denotes. To these, 
if report may be believed, are we indebted for 
the invention of slap-jacks, or buckwheat-cakes. 
— Then the Van Higginbottoms, of Wapping's 
creek. These came armed with ferules and 
birchen rods, being a race of schoolmasters, who 
first discovered the marvellous sympathy between 
the seat of honor and the seat of intellect, — and 
that the shortest way to get knowledge into the 



398 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

head was to hammer it into the bottom. — Then 
the Van Grolls, of Antony's Nose, who carried 
their liquor in fair round little pottles, by reason 
they could not bouse it out of their canteens, 
having such rare long noses. — Then the Gar- 
deniers, of Hudson and thereabouts, distinguished 
by many triumphant feats, such as robbing water- 
melon patches, smoking rabbits out of their holes, 
and the like, and by being great lovers of roasted 
pigs' tails. These were the ancestors of the re- 
nowned congressman of that name. — Then the 
Van Hoesens, of Sing-Sing, great choristers and 
players upon the jews-harp. These marched two 
and two, sin^-iniz; the sreat sons: of St. Nicholas. 
— -Then the Couenhovens, of Sleepy Hollow. 
These gave birth to a jolly race of publicans, 
who first discovered the magic artifice of conjur- 
ing a quart of wine into a pmt bottle. — Then 
the Van Kortlandts, who lived on the wild banks 
of the Croton, and were great killers of wild 
ducks, being much spoken of for their skill in 
shootins; with the lono- boAv. — Then the Van 
Bunschotens, of Nyack and Kakiat, who were 
the first that did ever kick with the left foot. 
They were gallant bushwhackers and hunters of 
raccoons by moonlight. — Then the Van Winkles, 
of Haerlem, potent suckers of eggs, and noted 
for running of horses, and running up of scores 
at taverns. They were the first that ever winked 
with both eyes at once. — Lastly came the 
Knickerbockers, of the great town of Scagh- 
tikoke, where the folk lay stones upon the houses 
in windy weather, lest they should be blown 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 399 

away. These derive their name, as some say, 
fron) Knicher, to shake, and Beker, a goblet, indi- 
cating tliereby that they were sturdy toss-pots of 
yore ; but, in truth, it was derived from Knicher, 
to nod, and Boeken, books : plainly meaning that 
they were great nodders or dozers over books. 
From them did descend the writer of this history. 

Such was tlie legion of sturdy bush-beaters 
that poured in at the grand gate of New Am- 
sterdam; tlie Stuyvesant manuscript indeed speaks 
of many more, whose names I omit to mention, 
seeing that it behooves me to hasten to matters 
of greater moment. jSTothing could surpass the 
joy and martial pride of the lion-hearted Peter as 
he reviewed tliis mighty host of warriors, and he 
determined no longer to defer the gratification of 
his much-wished-for revenge upon the scoundrel 
Swedes at Fort Casimir. 

But before I hasten to record those unmatcha- 
ble events which will be found in the sequel of 
this faithful history, let me pause to notice the 
fate of Jacobus Van PofFenburgh, the discomfited 
commander-in-chief of the armies of the New 
Netherlands. Such is the inherent uncharitable- 
ness of human nature, that scarcely did the nen-s 
become public of his deplorable discomfiture at 
Fort Casimir, than a thousand scurvy rumor-^ 
were set afloat in New Amsterdam, wherein il 
was insinuated that he had in reality a treaclicr- 
ous understanding with the Swedish commander ; 
that lie had long been in the practice of privately 
communicating witli the Swedes ; together with 
divers hints about "secret service-money." To 



400 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

all which deadly charges I do not give a jot more 
credit than I think they deserve. 

Certain it is, that the general vindicated his 
character by the most vehement oaths and prot- 
estations, and put every man out of the ranks 
of honor who dared to doubt his integrity. 
JMoreover, on returning to New Amsterdam, he 
paraded up and down the streets with a crew of 
hard swearers at his heels, — sturdy bottle-com- 
panions, whom he gorged and fattened, and who 
were ready to bolster him through all the courts 
of justice, — heroes of his own kidney, fierce- 
wliiskered, broad - shouldered, colbrand - looking 
swaggerers, — not one of whom but looked as 
though he could eat up an ox, and pick his teeth 
with the horns. These lifeguard men quar- 
relled all his quarrels, were ready to fight all liis 
battles, and scowled at every man that turned 
up his nose at the general, as though they would 
devour him alive. Their conversation was inter- 
spersed with oaths like minute-guns, and every 
bombastic rodomontade was rounded off by a 
thundering execration, like a patriotic toast hon- 
ored with a discharge of artillery. 

All these valorous vaporings had a considera- 
ble effect in convincing certain profound sages, 
who began to tliink the general a hero of un- 
matchable loftiness and magnanimity of soul, par- 
ticularly as he was continually protesting on the 
honor of a soldier, — a marvellously high-sound- 
ing asseveration. Nay, one of the members of 
the council went so far as to propose they should 
immortalize him by an imperishable statue of 
plaster of Paris. 




^W^'SW^ s"-' 



Knickerbocker, p. 401. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 40 1 

But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was 
not thus to be deceived. Sendhig privately for 
the curamander-in-chief of all the armies, and 
having heard all his story, garnished with the 
customary pious oaths, protestations, and ejacula- 
tions, — " Plarkee, comrade," cried he, '' though by 
your own account you are the most brave, up- 
right, and honorable man in the whole province, 
yet do you lie under the misfortune of being 
damnably traduced, and immeasurably despised. 
Now, though it is certainly hard to punish a man 
for his mislbrtunes, and though it is very possible 
you are totally innocent of the crimes laid to 
your charge, yet as heaven, doubtless for some 
wise purpose, sees fit at present to withhold all 
proofs of your innocence, far be it from me to 
counteract its sovereign will. Besides, I cannot 
consent to venture my armies with a commander 
whom they despise, nor to trust the welfare of 
my people to a champion whom they distrust. 
Retire, therefore, my friend, from the irksome 
toils and cares of public life, with this comforting 
reflection, that, if guilty, you are but enjoying 
your just reward, and if innocent, you are not 
the first great and good man who has most 
wrongfully been slandered and maltreated in this 
wicked world, — doubtless to be better treated in 
a better world, where there shall be neither error, 
calumny, nor persecution. In the mean time let 
me never see your face again, for I have a horri- 
ble antipathy to the countenances of unfortunate 
great men like yourself." 
26 



402 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER VI. 

IN WniCn THE AUTHOR DISCOURSES VEUT IXGEXUOUSLY OF HIMSELF — 
AFTER WHICH IS TO BE FOUND MUCH INTERESTING HISTORY ABCOT 
PETER THE HEADSTRONG AND HIS FOLLOWERS. 

^^^^§S my readers and myself are about enter- 
g^A%^ ing on as many perils as ever a confed- 
<P^J^ eracy of meddlesome knights-errant wil- 
fully ran their heads into, it is meet that, like 
those hardy adventurers, Ave should join hands, 
bury all differences, and swear to stand by one 
another, in Aveal or woe, to the end of the enter- 
prise. My readers must doubtless perceive how 
completely I have altered my tone and deport- 
ment since we first set out together. I warrant 
they then thought me a crabbed, cynical, imperti- 
nent little son of a Dutchman ; for I scarcely gave 
them a civil word, nor so much as touched my 
beaver, when I had occasion to address them. But 
as we jogged along together on the high road of 
my history, I gradually began to relax, to grow 
more courteous, and occasionally to enter into 
familiar discourse, until at length I came to con- 
ceive a most social, companionable kind of regard 
for them. This is just my way : I am always 
a little cold and reserved at first, particularly 
to people whom I neither know nor care for 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 403 

Wid am only to be completely won by long inti- 
macy. 

Besides, why should I have been sociable to 
the crowd of how-d'ye-do acquaintances that 
flocked around me at my fii'st appearance ? Many 
were merely attracted by a new flice ; and hav- 
ing stared me full in the title-page, walked off 
without saying a word: while others lingered 
yawningly through the preface, and, having grati- 
fied their short-lived curiosity, soon dropped off 
one by one. But, more especially to try their 
mettle, I had recourse to an expedient, similar to 
one which we are told was used by that peerless 
flower of chivalry. King Arthur ; who, before he 
admitted any knight to his intimacy, first required 
that he should show himself superior to danger 
or hardships, by encountering unheard-of mishaps, 
slaying some dozen giants, vanquishing wicked 
enchanters, not to say a word of dwarfs, hippo- 
griffs, and fiery dragons. On a similar principle 
did I cumiingly lead my readers, at the first sally, 
into two or three knotty chapters, where they 
were most wofully belabored and buffeted by a 
host of pagan philosophers and infidel WTiters. 
Though naturally a very grave man, yet could I 
scarcely refrain from smiling outright at seeing 
the utter confusion and dismay of my valiant 
cavaliers. Some dropped down dead (asleep) on 
the field; others threw down my book m the 
middle of the first chapter, took to their heels, 
and never ceased scampering until they had fairly 
run it out of sight : when they stopped to take 
breath, to tell their friends what troubles they 



404 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

had undergone, and to warn all others from ven- 
turing on so thankless an expedition. Every page 
thinned my ranks more and more ; and of the vast 
multitude that first set out, but a comparatively 
few made shift to survive, in exceedingly battered 
condition, through the five introductory chapters. 

What, then ! would you have had me take such 
sunshine, faint-hearted recreants to my bosom at 
our first acquaintance ? No, no ; I reserved my 
friendship for those who deserved it, for those 
who undauntedly bore me company, in despite 
of difficulties, dangers, and fatigues. And now, 
as to those who adhere to me at present, I take 
them affectionately by the hand. Worthy and 
thrice-beloved readers ! brave and well-tried com- 
rades ! who have faithfully followed my footsteps 
tlu'ough all my wanderings, — I salute you from 
my heart, — I pledge myself to stand by you to 
the last, and to conduct you (so Heaven speed 
this trusty weapon which I now hold between 
my fingers) triumphantly to the end of this our 
stupendous undertakmg. 

But, hark ! while we are thus talking, the city 
of New Amsterdam is in a bustle. The host of 
warriors encamped in the Bowling Green are 
striking their tents ; the brazen trumpet of An- 
tony Van Corlear makes the welkin to resound 
with portentous clangor ; the drums beat ; the 
standards of the Manhattoes, of Hell-gate, and 
uf Michael Paw, wave proudly in the air. And 
now behold where the mariners are busily em- 
ployed hoisting the sails of yon topsail schooner, 
and those clump-built sloops, wliich are to waft 



HISTORY OF NEW FORK. 405 

tlie army of the Nederlauders to gather immortal 
honors on the Delaware ! 

The entire population of the city, man, wom- 
an, and child, turned out to behold the chivalry 
of New Amsterdam, as it paraded the streets pre- 
vious to embarkation. Many a handkerchief was 
waved out of the windows ; many a fair nose 
was bloAvn in melodious sorrow on the mournful 
occasion. The grief of the ftiir dames and beau- 
teous damsels of Granada could not have been 
more vociferous on the banishment of the gallant 
tribe of Abencerrages than was that of the kind- 
hearted fair ones of New Amsterdam on the de- 
parture of their intrepid warriors. Ev^ery love- 
sick maiden fondly crammed the pockets of her 
hero with gingerbread and doughnuts ; many a 
copper ring was exchanged, and crooked sixpence 
broken, in pledge of eternal constancy ; and there 
remain extant to this day some love-verses writ- 
ten on that occasion, sufficiently crabbed and in- 
comprehensible to confound the whole universe. 

But it w^as a moving sisht to see the buxom 
lasses, how they hung about the doughty Antony 
Van Corlear, — for he was a jolly, rosy - faced, 
lusty bachelor, fond of his joke, and withal a 
desperate rogue among the women. Fam would 
they have kept him to comfort them while the 
army was away ; for, besides what I have said 
jf him, it is no more than justice to add, that he 
was a kind-hearted soul, noted for his benevolent 
attentions in comforting disconsolate wives during 
the absence of their husbands ; and this made 
\um to be very much regarded by the honest 



i06 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

burghers of the city. But nothing could keep 
the valiant Antony from following the heels of 
the old governor, whom he loved as he did his 
very soul ; so, embracing all the young vroiiws, 
and giving every one of them that had good teeth 
and rosy lips a dozen hearty smacks, he deparU'^d, 
loaded with their kind wishes. 

Nor was the departure of the gallant Peter 
among the least causes of public distress. Though 
the old governor was by no means indulgent to 
the follies and waywardness of his subjects, yet 
somehow or other he had become strangely popu- 
lar among the people. There is something so 
captivating in personal bravery, that, with the 
common mass of mankind, it takes the lead of 
most other merits. The simple folk of New Am- 
sterdam looked upon Peter Stuyvesant as a prod- 
igy of valor. His Avooden leg, that trophy of his 
martial encounters, was regarded with reverence 
and admiration. Every old burgher had a bud- 
get of miraculous stories to tell about the exploits 
of Hardkoppig Piet, wherewith he regaled his 
children of a long winter night, and on which 
he dwelt with as much delight and exaggeration 
as do our honest country yeomen on the hardy 
adventures of old General Putnam (or, as he is 
familiarly termed. Old Put) durmg our glorious 
Revolution. Not an individual but verily believed 
the old governor was a match for Beelzebub him- 
self ; and there was even a story told, with great 
mystery, and under the rose, of his having shot 
the devil with a silver bullet one dark stormy 
oisht, as he was sailino: in a canoe through Hell- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 407 

gale, — but tills I do not record as being an abso- 
lute fact. Perish the man who would let fall a 
drop to discolor the pure stream of history ! 

Certain it is, not an old woman in New Am- 
sterdam but considered Peter Stujvesant as a 
tower of strength, and rested satisfied that tlie 
public welfare was secure so long as he was hi 
the city. It is not surprising, then, that they 
looked upon his departure as a sore affliction. 
With heavy hearts they draggled at the heels of 
his troop, as they marched down to the river-side 
to embark. The governor, from the stern of liis 
schooner, gave a short but tj'uly patriarchal ad- 
dress to his citizens, wherein he recommended 
them to comport like loyal and peaceable sub- 
jects, — to go to church regularly on Sundays, and 
to mind their business all the Aveek besides. 
That the women should be dutiful and affection- 
ate to their husbands, — looking after nobody's 
concerns but their own, — eschewing all gossip- 
inofs and morninji; o;addino:s, — and carryino; short 
tongues and long petticoats. That the men 
should abstain from intermeddling in public con- 
cerns, intrusting the cares of government to the 
officers appointed to support them, — staying at 
home, like good citizens, making money for them- 
selves, and getting children for the benefit of their 
country. That the burgomasters should look well 
to tlie public interest, — not oppressing the poor 
nor indulf;in2 the rich, — not tasking; their inge- 
Quity to devise new laws, but faithfully enforcing 
Jiose which were already made, — rather bending 
their attention to prevent evil than to punish it ; 



408 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

ever recollectiiio- that civil majristrates s'lijulil 
consider themselves more as guardians of public 
morals than rat-catchers employed to entrap pub- 
lic delinquents. Finally, he exhorted them, one 
and all, high and low, rich and poor, to conduct 
themselves as ivell as they could, assuring them 
that if they faithfully and conscientiously com- 
plied with this golden rule, there was no danger 
but that they would all conduct themselves well 
enough. This done, he gave them a paternal 
benediction, the sturdy Antony sounded a most 
loving farcnvell with his trumpet, the jolly crews 
put up a shout of triumph, and the invincible 
armada swept off proudly down the bay. 

The good people of New Amsterdam crowded 
down to the Battery, — that blest resort, from 
whence so many a tender prayer has been wafted, 
so many a fair hand waved, so many a tearful 
look been cast by lovesick damsel, after the les- 
sening bark, bearing her adventurous swain to 
distant climes ! — Here the populace watched 
with straining eyes the gallant squadron, as it 
slowly floated down the bay, and when the inter- 
vening land at the Narrows shut it from their 
sight, gradually dispersed with silent tongues and 
downcast countenances. 

A heavy gloom hung over the late bustling 
city: the honest burghers smoked their pipes in 
profound thoughtfulness, casting many a wistful 
look to the weathercock on the church of St. 
Nicholas ; and all the old women, having no Ion* 
ger the presence of Peter Stuyvesant to hearten 
them, gathered their children home, and barri- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 409 

caded the doors and Avindows every evening at 
Bundown. 

Li the meanwhile the armada of the sturdy- 
Peter proceeded prosperously on its voyage ; and 
after encountermg about as many storms, and wa- 
ter-spouts, and Avhales, and other horrors and 
phenomena as generally befall adventurous lands- 
men in perilous voyages of the khid, and after 
undergoing a severe scouring from that deplor- 
able and unpitied malady called seasickness, the 
whole squadron arrived safely in the Delaware. 

Without so much as dropping anchor and giv- 
ing his wearied ships time to breathe, after labor- 
ing so long on the ocean, the intrepid Peter pur- 
sued his course up the Delaware, and made a 
sudden appearance before Fort Casimir. Hav- 
ing summoned the astonished garrison by a ter- 
rific blast from the trumpet of the long-winded 
Van Corlear, he demanded, in a tone of thunder, 
an instant surrender of the fort. To this de- 
mand, Suen Skytte, the wind-dried commandant, 
replied in a shrill, wliiffling voice, which, by 
reason of his extreme spareness, sounded like 
the wind whistling through a broken bellows, — 
" That he had no very strong reason for refusing, 
except that the demand was particularly disagree- 
able, as he had been ordered to maintain his post 
to the last extremity." He requested time, 
therefore, to consult with Governor Risingh, and 
proposed a truce for that purpose. 

The choleric Peter, indignant at having his 
rightful fort so treacherously taken from him, and 
thu3 pertinaciously withheld, refused the proposed 



410 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

armistice, and SAvore by the pipe of St. Nicholas, 
which, like the sacred fire, was never extin- 
guished, that unless the fort were surrendered in 
ten minutes, he would incontinently storm the 
worlvs, make all the garrison run the gauntlet, and 
split their scoundrel of a commander like a pickled 
shad. To give this menace the greater effect, ho 
drew forth his trusty sword, and shook it at them 
with such a fierce and vigorous motion, that 
doubtless, if it had not been exceeding rusty, it 
would have hghtened terror into the eyes and 
hearts of the enemy. He then ordered his men 
to bring a broadside to bear upon the fort, con- 
sisting of two swivels, three muskets, a long duck 
fowling-piece, and two brace of horse-pistols. 

In the mean time the sturdy Van Corlear mar- 
shalled all the forces, and commenced his warlike 
operations. Distending liis cheeks like a very 
Boreas, he kept up a most horrific twanging of 
his trumpet, — the lusty choristers of Sing-Sing 
broke forth into a hideous song, of battle, — the 
warriors of Breuckelen and the AYallabout blew 
a potent and astonishing blast on their conch 
shells, — altogether forming as outrageous a con- 
certo as though five thousand French fiddlers 
were displaying their skill in a modern overture. 

Whether the formidable front of war thus sud- 
denly presented smote the garrison with sore dis- 
may, — or whether the concluding terms of the 
summons, which mentioned that he should sur- 
render " at discretion," were mistaken by Sueu 
Skytte, who, though a Swede, was a very consid- 
erate, easy-tempered man, as a compliment to his 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 411 

discretion, I will not take upon me to say ; cer- 
tain it is he found it impossible to resist so cour- 
teous a demand. Accordingly, in the very nick 
of time, just as the cabin-boy had gone after a 
coal of fire to discharge the swivel, a chamade 
was beat on the rampart by the only drum in 
the garrison, to the no small satisfaction of both 
parties, who, notAvithstanding then' great stomach 
for fighting, had full as good an inclination to 
eat a quiet dinner as to exchange black eyes and 
bloody noses. 

Thus did this impregnable fortress once more 
return to the domination of their Hiojh Miditi- 
nesses. Skytte and his garrison of twenty men 
were allowed to march out Avith the honors of 
war ; and the victorious Peter, who Avas as gener- 
ous as brave, permitted them to keep possession 
of all their arms and ammunition, — the same on 
inspection being found totally unfit for service, 
having long rusted in the magazine of the for- 
tress, even before it was wrested by the Swedes 
from the windy Van PofFenburgh. But I must 
not omit to mention that • the governor was so 
well pleased with the service of his faithful 
squire. Van Corlear, in the reduction of this great 
fortress, that he made him on the spot lord of a 
goodly domain in the vicinity of New Amster- 
dam, — which goes by the name of Corlear's Hook 
unto this very day. 

The unexampled liberality of Peter Stuyve- 
sant towai'ds the Swedes, occasioned great sur- 
prise in the city of New Amsterdam, — nay, cer- 
tain flictious individuals, who had been enlight- 



412 mSlORY OF NEW YORK, 

ened by political meetings in the days of Williiuu 
tlie Testy, but who had not dared to indulge their 
meddlesome habits under the eye of their present 
ruler, now, emboldened by his absence, gave vent 
to their censures in the street. JNIurmurs were 
heard in the very council-chamber of New Am- 
sterdam ; and there is no knowing whetlier they 
might not have broken out into downright 
speeches and invectives, had not Peter vStuyve- 
sant privately sent home his walking-staff, to be 
laid as a mace on the table of tlie council-cham- 
ber, in the midst of his counsellors ; who, like 
wise men, took the hint, and forever after held 
their peace. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 413 



CHAPTER Vn. 

SHO^^NG THE GREAT ADVANTAGE THAT THE AUTHOR HAS OVER HIS 
READER IN TIME OF BATTLE — TOGETHER WITH DIVERS PORTENTOUS 
movements; which betoken that SOMETHING TERRIBLE IS ABOUT 
TO HAPPEN. 

'^^IKE as a mighty alderman, when at a 
%H K^ corporation feast the first spoonful of 
^^^^F turtle-soiip salutes his palate, feels his 
appetite but tenfold quickened, and redoubles liis 
vigorous attacks upon the tureen, while his pro- 
jecting eyes roll greedily round, devourmg every- 
thing at table, so did the mettlesome Peter Stuy- 
vesant feel that hunger for martial glory, which 
raged within his bowels, inflamed by the capture 
of Fort Casimir, and nothing could allay it but 
the conquest of all New Sweden. No sooner, 
therefore, had he secured his conquest, than he 
stumped resolutely on, flushed with success, to 
gather fresh laurels at Fort Christina.^ 

This was the grand Swedish post, established 
on a small river (or, as it is improperly termed, 
creek) of the same name ; and here that crafty 
governor Jan Risingh lay grimly drawn up, like 
a gray-bearded spider in the citadel of his web. 

But before we hurry into the direful scenes 



1 At present a flounshing town, called Christiana, or Chris- 
teen, about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the post- 
road to Baltimore. 



414 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

which must attend the meeting of two such po- 
tent cliieftains, it is advisable to pause for a 
moment, and hold a kind of warlike council 
Battles should not be rushed into precipitately 
by the historian and liis readers, any more than 
by the general and his soldiers. The great com- 
manders of antiquity never engaged the enemy 
without previously preparmg the minds of their 
followers by animating harangues, spiriting them 
up to heroic deeds, assuring them of the protec- 
tion of the gods, and inspiring them with a con- 
fidence in the prowess of their leaders. So the 
historian should awaken the attention and enlist 
the passions of his readers ; and having set them 
all on fire with the importance of his subject, 
he should put himself at their head, flourish his 
pen, and lead them on to the thickest of the 
fight. 

An illustrious example of this rule may be 
seen in that mirror of historians, the immortal 
Thucydides. Having arrived at the breaking out 
of the Peloponnesian war, one of his commenta- 
tors observes that " he sounds the charge in all 
the disposition and spirit of Homer. He cata- 
logues the allies on both sides. He awakens 
our expectations, and fast engages our attention. 
All mankind are concerned in the important 
point now going to be decided. Endeavors are 
made to disclose futurity. Heaven itself is in- 
terested in the dispute. The earth totters, and 
nature seems to labor with the great event. 
This is his solemn, sublime manner of settmg 
out. Thus he magnifies a war betAveen two, as 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 415 

Rapiii styles them, petty states ; and tlms art- 
fully he supports a little subject by treating it in 
a great and noble method." 

In like manner, having conducted my readers 
into the very teeth of peril, — having followed 
the adventurous Peter and his band into forei^-n 

o 

regions, surrounded by foes, and stunned b}^ the 
horrid din of arms, — at this important moment, 
while darkness and doubt hano^ o'er each comino; 
chapter, I hold it meet to liarangue them, and 
prepare them for the events that are to follow. 

And here I would premise one great advantage 
which, as historian, I possess over my reader ; 
and this it is, that, though I cannot save the life 
of my favorite hero, nor absolutely contradict the 
event of a battle (both which liberties, though 
often taken by the French writers of the present 
reign, I hold to be utterly unworthy of a scrupu- 
lous historian), yet I can now and then make 
him bestow on his enemy a sturdy back-stroke 
sufficient to fell a giant, — though, in honest truth, 
he may never have done anything of the kind, — • 
or I can drive his antagonist clear round and 
round the field, as did Homer make that fine fel- 
low Hector scamper like a poltroon round the 
walls of Troy ; for which, if ever they have (en- 
countered one another in the Elysian fields, I '11 
warrant the prince of poets has had to make the 
most humble apology. 

I am aware that many conscientious readers 
will be ready to cry out " foul play ! " whenever 
I render a little assistance to my hero, but I con- 
sider it one of those privileges exercised by his- 



416 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

torlans of all ages, and one wliich has never been 
disputed. An historian is, in fact, as it were, 
bound in honor to stand by his hero ; the fame 
of the latter is intrusted to his hands, and it is 
his duty to do the best by it he can. Never was 
there a general, an admiral, or any other com- 
mander, who, in giving account of any battle he 
had fought, did not sorely belabor the enemy ; 
and I have no doubt that, had my heroes written 
the history of their own achievements, they would 
have dealt much harder blows than any that I 
shall recount. Standing forth, therefore, as the 
guardian of their fame, it behooves me to do them 
the same justice they would have done them- 
selves ; and if I happen to be a little hard upon 
the Swedes, I give free leave to any of their 
descendants, who may wi?ite a story of the State 
of Delaware, to take fair retaliation, and belabor 
Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they please. 

Therefore stand by for broken heads and 
bloody noses ! My pen hath long itched for a 
battle ; siege after siege have I carried on with- 
out blows or bloodshed ; but now I have at 
length got a chance, and I vow to Heaven and 
St. Nicholas, that, let the chronicles of the times 
say what they please, neither Sallust, Livy, Taci- 
tus, Polyblus, nor any other historian, did ever 
record a fiercer fight than that in which my val- 
iant chieftains are noAv about to engage. 

And you, oh most excellent readers, whom, for 
your faithful adherence, I could cherish in the 
warmest corner of my heart, be not uneasy, — • 
trust the fate of our favorite Stuyvesant with me, 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 417 

for by the rood, come what may, I'll stick by 
Hardkoppig Piet to the last. I'll make him 
drive about these losels vile, as did the reiio^aied 
Launcelot of the Lake a herd of recreant Cor- 
nish knights ; and if he does fall, let me never 
<h"aw my pen to fight another battle in behalf of 
a brave man, if I don't make these lubberly 
S wedes pay for it ! 

No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived at 
Fort Christina tlian he proceeded without delay 
to intrench himself, and immediately on running 
his first parallel, dispatched Antony Van Corlear 
io summon the fortress to surrender. Van Cor- 
lear was received with all due formality, hood- 
winked at the portal, and conducted through a 
pestiferous smell of salt fish and onions to the 
citadel, a substantial hut built of pine logs. His 
eyes were here uncovered, and he found himself 
in the august presence of Governor Risingh. 
This chieftain, as I have before noted, was a very 
giantly man, and was clad in a coarse blue coat, 
strapped round the waist with a leathern belt, 
wliich caused the enormous skirts and pockets tc 
set off with a very warlike sweep. His ponder- 
ous legs were cased in a pair of foxy-colored 
jackboots, and he was straddling in the attitude 
of the Colossus of Rhodes before a bit of broken 
looking-glass, shaving himself with a villanously 
dull razor. Tliis afllicting operation caused him 
to make a series of horrible grimaces, which 
heightened exceedingly the grisly terrors of lii? 
visage. On Antony Van Corlear's being an- 
nounced, the grim commander paused for a mo- 
27 



418 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

ment in the midst of one of his most hard-fa- 
v^ored contortions, and after eying him askance 
over the shoulder, with a kind of snarling grin 
on his countenance, resumed his labors at the 
glass. 

This iron harvest being reaped, he turned once 
more to the trumpeter, and demanded the purport 
of his errand. Antony Van Corlear delivered 
in a few words, being a kind of short-hand 
speaker, a long message from his Excellency, re^ 
»,iounting the whole history of the province, Avitli 
a recapitulation of grievances, and enumeration 
of claims, and concluding with a peremptory 
demand of instant surrender ; which done, he 
turned aside, took his nose between his thumb 
and fingers, and blew a tremendous blast, not 
unlike tlie flourish of a trumpet of defiance, — • 
which it had doubtless learned from a long and 
intimate neighborhood with that melodious instru- 
ment. 

Governor Risingh heard him through, trumpet 
and all, but with infinite impatience, — leaning 
at times, as was his usual custom, on the pommel 
of his sword, and at times twirling a huge steel 
watch-chain, or snapping his fingers. Van Cor- 
lear having finislied, he bluntly replied, that Peter 
Stuyvesant and his summons might go to the 
d — 1, whither he hoped to send him and his crew 
of ragamuffins before supper-time. Then un- 
sheatliing liis brass-hilted sword, and throwing 
away the scabbard, — " 'Fore gad," quod he, " but 
\ will not sheathe thee again until I make a 
Bcabbard of the smoke-dried leathern hide of this 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 419 

runagate DLitchmaii." Then having flaiig a fierce 
defiance in the teeth of his adversary by the lips 
of his messenger, the latter was reconducted to 
the portal Avith all the ceremonious civility due 
to the trumpeter, squire, and ambassador of so 
gi'eat a commander; and being again unblinded, 
was courteously dismissed with a tweak of the 
nose, to assist him in recollecting his message. 

No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this 
insolent reply than he let fly a tremendous volley 
of red-hot execrations, which would infallibly 
have battered down the fortifications, and blown 
up the powder-magazine about the ears of the 
fiery Swede, had not the ramparts been remark- 
ably strong, and the magazine bomb-proof Per- 
ceiving that tlie works withstood this terrific 
blast, and that it was utterly impossible (as it 
really was in those unphilosophic days) to carry 
on a war with words, he ordered his merry men 
all to prepare for an immediate assault. But 
here a strange murmur broke out among his 
troops, begimiing with the tribe of the Van Bum- 
mels, those valiant trenchermen of the Bronx, 
and spreading from man to man, accompanied 
with certain mutinous looks and discontented 
murmurs. For once ui liis life, and only for 
once, did the great Peter turn pale, for he verily 
thought his warriors were gomg to falter in this 
hour of perilous trial, and thus to tarnish for- 
ever the fame of the province of New Nether- 
lands. 

But soon did he discover, to his great joy, that 
In his suspicion he deeply wronged his most un- 



420 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

flaunted army ; for the cause of this agitation and 
uneasiness simply was, that the hour of dinner 
was at hand, and it woidd have almost broken 
the hearts of theise reguLar Dutch warriors to 
have broken in upon the invariable routine of 
their habits. Besides, it was an established rule 
among our ancestors always to fight upon a full 
stomach ; and to this may be doubtless attributed 
the circumstance that they came to be so re- 
nowned in arms. 

And now are the hearty men of the Manhat- 
toes, and their no less hearty comrades, all lustily 
engaged under the trees, buffeting stoutly with 
the contents of their wallets, and taking such 
affectionate embraces of their canteens and pot- 
tles as though they verily believed they were to 
be the last. And as I foresee we shall have hot 
work in a page or two, I advise my readers to do 
the same, for which purpose I mil bring this 
chapter to a close, — giving them my word of 
honor, that no advantage shall be taken of this 
armistice to surprise, or in any wise molest, the 
honest Nederlanders while at their vigorous re- 
past. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 121 




CHAPTER Vm. 

DONTAINING THE MOST HORRIBLE BATTLE EVER RECORDED IN POETRY Q$ 
PROSE ; WITH THE ADMIRABLE EXPLOITS OF PETER THE HEADSTRONQ. 

lOW had the Dutchmen snatched a huge 
repast, and finding themselves wonder- 
fully encouraged and animated thereby, 
prepared to take the field. Expectation, says 
the writer of the Stuyvesant maiuiscript, — ■ 
Expectation now stood on stilts. The world for- 
got to turn round, or rather stood still, that it 
might witness the affray, — like a round-bellied 
alderman, watching the combat of two chivalrous 
flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of all mankind, 
as usual in such cases, were turned upon Fort 
Christina. The sun, like a little man in a crowd 
at a puppet-show, scampered about the heavens, 
popping his head here and there, and endeav- 
oring to get a peep between the unmannerly 
clouds that obtruded themselves m his way. 
The historians filled their inkhorns ; the poets 
went without their dinners, either that they might 
buy paper and goose-quills, or because they could 
not get anything to eat. Antiquity scowled sul- 
kily out of its grave, to see itself outdone, — ■ 
while even Posterity stood mute, gazing in gap- 
ing ecstasy of retrospection on the eventful field. 
The immortal deities, who whilom had seen 



422 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

service at the " affair " of Troy, now mounted 
their feather.-bed clouds, and sailed over the plain, 
or minjjled amono; the combatants in different dis- 
guises, all itching to have a finger in the pie. 
Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to a noted cop- 
persmith, to have it furbished up for the direful 
occasion. Yenus vowed by her chastity to pat- 
ronize the Swedes, and in semblance of a blear- 
eyed trull paraded the battlements of Fort Chris- 
tuia, accompanied by Diana, as a sergeant's md- 
ow, of cracked reputation. The noted bully. 
Mars, stuck two horse-pistols into his belt, shoul- 
dered a rusty firelock, and gallantly swaggered at 
their elbow, as a drunken corporal, — while 
Apollo trudged in their rear, as a bandy-legged 
fifer, playing most villanously out of tune. 

On the other side, the ox-eyed Juno, who had 
gained a pair of black eyes overnight, in one of 
her curtain-lectures with old Jupiter, displayed 
her haughty beauties on a baggage-^^^agon ; Mi- 
nerva, as a brawny gin-suttler, tucked up her 
skirts, brandished her fists, and swore most hero- 
ically, in exceeding bad Dutch (having but lately 
studied the language), by way of keeping up the 
spirits of the soldiers ; while Vulcan halted as a 
club-footed blacksmith, lately promoted to be a 
captain of militia. All was silent awe, or bus- 
tling preparation : war reared his horrid front, 
gnashed loud his iron fangs, and shook his direful 
crest of bristling bayonets. 

And now the mighty chieftains marshalled out 
their hosts. Here stood stout Risingh, firm as a 
thousand rocks. — incrusted with stockades, and 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 423 

intrenched to the chin m mud batteries. His 
valiant soldiery lined the breastwork in grim 
array, each having his mustachios fiercely greased, 
tmd his hair pomatmned back, and queued so 
stiffly, that he grinned above the ramparts like a 
grisly death's-head. 

There came on the intrepid Peter, — his brows 
knit, his teeth set, his fists clenched, almost 
breatlmig forth volumes of smoke, so fierce was 
the fire that raged within his bosom. His faith- 
ful squire Van Corlear trudged valiantly at his 
heels, with his trumpet gorgeously bedecked with 
red and yellow ribbons, the remembrances of his 
fair mistresses at the Manhattoes. Then came 
waddling on the sturdy chivalry of the Hudson. 
There were the Van Wycks, and the Van Dycks, 
and the Ten Eycks ; the Van Nesses, the Van 
Tassels, the Van Grolls ; the Van Hoesens, the 
Van Giesons, and the Van Blarcoms ; the Van 
Warts, the Van Winkles, the Van Dams ; the 
Van Pelts, the Van Rippers, and the Van Brunts. 
There were the Van Homes, the Van Hooks, the 
Van Bunschotens ; the Van Gelders, the Van 
Arsdales, and the Van Bummels ; the Vander 
Belts, the Vander Hoofs, the Vander Voorts, the 
Vander Lyns, the Vander Pools, and the Vander 
Spiegles ; — then came the Hoffmans, the Hoogh- 
lands, the Hoppers, the Cloppers, the Ryckmans, 
the Dyckmans, the Hogebooms, the Rosebooms, 
the Oothouts, the Quackenbosses, the Roerbacks, 
the Garrebrantzes, the Bensons, the Brouwers, 
*Jie Waldrons, the Onderdonks, the Varra Van- 
gers, the Schermerliorns, tjie Stoutenburghs, the 



424 in STORY OF NEW YORK. 

Briiikerlioffs, tlie Bontecous, the Knickerbockers, 
*lie Ilockstrassers, the Ten Breeclieses and the 
Tough Breecheses, with a host more of worthies, 
whose names are too crabbed to be written, or if 
they could be written, it would be impossiljle for 
man to utter, — all fortified \v\i\\ a mighty din- 
ner, and, to use the words of a great Dutch poet, 

" Brimful of wrath and cabbage." 

For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the 
midst of his career, and mounting on a stump, 
addressed his troops in eloquent Lo^v Dutch, ex- 
horting them to fight like duyvels, and assuring 
them that if they conquered, they should get 
plenty of booty, — if they fell, they should be 
allowed the satisfaction, while dying, of reflecting 
that it was in the service of their country, and 
after tliey were dead, of seeing their names in- 
scribed in the temple of renown, and handed 
down, in company with all the other great men 
of the year, for the admiration of posterity. 
Finally, he swore to them, on the word of a gov- 
ernor (and they knew him too well to doubt it 
for a moment), that if he caught any mother's 
son of them looking pale, or playing craven, he 
would curry liis hide till he made him run out 
of it like a snake in spring-time. Then lugging 
out his trusty sabre, he brandished it three times 
over liis head, ordered Van Corlear to sound a 
charge, and shouting the words " St. Nicholas 
/ind the Manhat toes !" courageously dashed for- 
waj'ds. His wai-Iike followers, M'ho had employed 
.he interval in lighting their pipes, instantly stuck 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 425 

them into their mouths, gave a furious puff, and 
charged gallantly under cover of the smoke. 

The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cunning 
Risingh not to foe until they could distinguish 
the whites of their assailants' eyes, stood in hor- 
rid silence on the covert-way, until the eager 
Dutchmen had ascended the glacis. Then did 
they pour into them such a tremendous volley, 
that tlie very hills quaked around, and were ter- 
rified even unto an incontinence of water, inso- 
mucli tliat certain springs burst forth from their 
sides, Avhich continue to run mito the present 
day. Not a Dutchman but would have bitten 
the dust beneath that dreadful fire, had not the 
protecting Minerva kindly taken care that the 
Swedes should, one and all, observe their usual 
custom of shutting their eyes and turning away 
their heads at the moment of discharge. 

The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping 
the counterscarp, and falling tooth and nail upon 
the foe with furious outcries. And now might 
be seen prodigies of valor, unmatched in history 
or song. Here was the sturdy Stoffel Brmker- 
hoff brandishing his quarter-staff, like the giant 
Blanderon his oak-tree (for he scorned to carry 
any other weapon), and drumming a horrific tune 
upon the hard heads of the Swedish soldiery. 
There were the Van Kortlandts, posted at a dis- 
tance, like the Locrian archers of yore, and ply- 
ing it most potently witli the long-bow, for which 
they were so justly renowned. On a rising knoll 
were gathered the valiant men of Sing-Sing, as- 
sisting marvellously in the fight, by chanting the 



426 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

great song of St. Nicholas ; but as to the Gar* 
deniers of Hudson, they were absent on a ma- 
rauding party, laying waste the neighboring 
water-melon patches. 

In a different part of the field were the Van 
Grolls of Antony's Nose, struggling to get to 
the thickest of the fight, but horribly perplexed 
in a defile between two hills, by reason of the 
length of their noses. So also the Van Bunscho- 
tens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kick- 
ing ^\'itll the left foot, were brought to a stand for 
want of wind, m consequence of the hearty din- 
ner they had eaten, and would have been put to 
utter rout but for the arrival of a gallant corps 
of voltigeurs, composed of the Hoppers, who ad- 
vanced nimbly to their assistance on one foot. 
Nor must I omit to mention the valiant, achieve- 
ments of Antony Van Corlear, who, for a good 
quarter of an hour, waged stubborn fight with a 
little pursy Swedish drummer, wl^ose hide he 
drummed most magnificently, and whom he would 
infallibly have annihilated on the spot, but that 
he had come into the battle with no other weapon 
but his trumpet. 

But now the combat thickened. On came the 
mighty Jacobus Varra Vanger and the fighting- 
men of the Wallabout ; after them thundered the 
Van Pelts of Esopus, together with the \'an 
Rippers and the Van Brunts, bearing down all 
before them ; then the Suy Dams, and the Van 
Dams, pressing forNvard with many a blustering 
oath, at the head of the warriors of Hell-gate, 
^lad in their tlmnder-and-iightning gaberdhies ; 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 427 

and lastly, the standard-bearers and body-guard 
of Peter Stuyvesant, bearing the great beaver of 
the Manhattoes. 

And now commenced the horrid din, the des- 
perate struggle, the maddening ferocity, the frantic 
desperation, the confusion and self-abandonment 
of war. Dutchman and Swede commingled, 
tugged, panted, and blowed. The heavens were 
darkened with a tempest of missives. Bang! 
Avent the guns ; whack ! went the broad-swords ; 
thump ! went the cudgels ; crash ! went the mus- 
ket-stocks ; blows, kicks, cuffs, scratches, black 
eyes and bloody noses s^velling the horrors of 
the scene ! Thick thwack, cut and hack, helter- 
skelter, higgledy-piggledy, hurly-burly, head- 
over-heels, rough-and-tumble ! Dunder and blix- 
um ! swore the Dutchmen ; splitter and splutter ! 
cried the Swedes. Storm the works ! shouted 
Hardkoppig Peter. Fire the mine! roared stout 
Risingh. Tanta-rar-ra-ra ! twanged the trumpet 
of Antony Van Corlear ; — until all voice and 
sound became unintelligible, — grunts of pain, 
yells of fury, and shouts of triumph mingling in 
one liideous clamor. The earth shook as if struck 
with a paralytic stroke ; trees shrunk aghast, and 
withered at the sight ; rocks burrowed in the 
ground like rabbits ; and even Christina creek 
turned from its course, and ran up a hill in 
breathless terror ! 

Long hung the contest doubtful ; for though 
a heavy shower of rain, sent by the " cloud-com- 
pelling Jove," in some measure cooled their ardor, 
as doth a bucket of water tlu'own on a group 



428 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

of fighting mastiffs, yet did they but pause for 
a moment, to return with tenfold fury to the 
charge. Just at this juncture a vast and dense 
column of smoke was seen slowly rolling toAvard 
the scene of battle. The combatants paused for 
a moment, gazing in mute astonishment, until the 
wind, dispelling the murky cloud, revealed the 
flaunting banner of Michael Paw, the Patroon of 
Communipaw. That valiant chieftain came fear- 
lessly on at the head of a phalanx of oyster-fed 
Pavonians and a corps de reserve of the Van 
Arsdales and Van Bummels, A\'ho had remained 
behind to digest the enormous dinner they had 
eaten. These now trudged manfully forward, 
smoking their pipes with outrageous vigor, so as 
to raise the awful cloud that has been mentioned, 
but marching exceedingly slow, being short of 
leg, and of great rotundity in the belt. 

And now the deities Avho watched over the 
fortunes of the Nederlanders having unthinkingly 
left the field, and stepped into a neigliboring 
tavern to refresh themselves with a pot of beer, 
a direful catastrophe had wellnigh ensued. Scarce 
had the myrmidons of Michael Paw attained the 
front of battle, when the Swedes, instructed bj 
the cunnhig Risingh, levelled a shower of blows 
full at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at this 
assault, and dismayed at the havoc of their pipes, 
these ponderous warriors gave way, and like a 
drove of frightened elephants broke tln-ough the 
ranks of their own army. The little Hoppers 
were borne down in the surge ; the sacred banner 
emblazoned with the gigantic oyster of Commu- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 429 

nipaw was trampled in the dirt; on blundered 
and thundered the heavy-sterned fugitives, the 
Swedes pressing on their rear and applying their 
feet a parte poste of the Van Arsdales and the 
Van Bummels Avith a vigor that prodigiously 
accelerated their movements ; nor did the re- 
nowned Michael Paw himself fail to receive 
divers grievous and dishonorable visitations of 
shoe-leather. 

But what, oh Muse ! was the rage of Peter 
Stuyvesant, when from afar he saw his army giv- 
ing way ! In the transports of his wrath he sent 
forth a roar, enough to shake the very hills. The 
men of the Manhattoes plucked up new courage 
at the sound, or, rather, they rallied at the voice 
of their leader, of whom they stood more in awe 
than of all the Swedes in Christendom. With- 
out waiting for their aid, the daring Peter dashed, 
sword in hand, into the thickest of the foe. 
Then might be seen achievements worthy of 
the days of the giants. Wherever he went, the 
enemy shrank before him; the Swedes fled to 
right and left, or were driven, like dogs, into their 
own ditch ; but as he pushed forward singly with 
headlong courage, the foe closed behind and hung 
upon his rear. One aimed a blow full at his 
heart ; but the protecting power which watches 
over the great and good turned aside the hostile 
blade and directed it to a side-pocket, where re- 
posed an enormous iron tobacco-box, endowed, 
^ike the shield of Achilles, with supernatural 
powers, doubtless from bearing the portrait of 
the blessed St. Nicholas. Peter Stuyvesant turned 



430 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

like an angry bear upon the foe, and seizing him, 
as he fled, by an immeasurable queue, "Ah, 
whoreson caterpillar," roared he, " here 's what 
shall make worms' meat of thee ! " So saying, he 
whirled his sword, and dealt a blow that would 
have decapitated the varlet, but that the pitying 
steel struck short and shaved the queue forever 
from his crown. At this moment an arquebusier 
levelled his piece from a neighboring mound, with 
deadly aim ; but the watcliful Minerva, who had 
just stopped to tie up her garter, seeing the peril 
of her favorite hero, sent old Boreas -with his 
bellows, who, as the match descended to the pan, 
gave a blast that blew the priming from the 
touch-hole. 

Thus waged the fight, when the stout Rislngh, 
surveying the field from the top of a little ravelin, 
perceived his troops banged, beaten, and kicked 
by the invincible Peter. Drawing his falchion 
and uttering a thousand anathemas, he strode 
down to the scene of combat with some such 
thundering strides as Jupiter is said by Hesiod 
to have taken when he strode down the spheres 
to hurl his thunder-bolts at the Titans. 

When the rival heroes came fiice to face, each 
made a prodigious start in the style of a veteran 
stage-champion. Then did they regard each 
other for a moment with the bitter aspect of 
two furious ram-cats on the point of a clapper- 
ela^dng. Then did tliey throw themselves into 
one attitude, then into another, striking their 
swords on the ground, first on the right side, then 
on the left ; at last at it they went, with incredi- 



\ HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 431 

ble ferocity. Words cannot tell the prodigies of 
strength and valor displayed in this direful en- 
counter, — an encounter compared tc Avhich the 
far-famed battles of Ajax with Hector, of ^^neas 
with Turnus, Orlando with Rodomont, Guy of 
"Warwick with Colbrand the Dane, or of that 
renowned Welsh knight, Sir Owen of the Moun- 
tains, with the giant Guylon, were all gentle 
sports and holiday recreations. | At length the 
valiant Peter, watching his opportunity, aimed a 
blow, enough to cleave his adversary to the very 
chine ; but Risingh, nimbly raising his sword, 
warded it off so narrowly, that, glancing on one 
side, it shaved away a huge canteen in which he 
carried his liquor, — thence pursuing its trench- 
ant course, it severed off a deep coat-pocket, 
stored with bread and cheese, — which provant 
rolling among the armies, occasioned a fearful 
scrambling between the Swedes and Dutchmen, 
and made the general battle to wax more furious 
than ever. 

Enraged to see his military stores laid Avaste, 
the stout Risingh, collecting all his forces, aimed 
a mighty blow full at the hero's crest. In vain 
did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its coui-se. 
The bitint? steel clove throusi-h the stubborn ram 
beaver, and would have cracked the crown of 
any one not endowed with supernatural hardness 
of head ; but the brittle Aveapon shivered in 
pieces on the skull of Hardkoppig Piet, shedding 
a thousand sparks, like beams of glory, round 
his grizzly visage. 

The good Peter reeled Avith the blow, an(* 



432 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

turning up liis eyes beheld a thousand suns, be- 
sides moons and stars, dancing about the fii'ma- 
ment ; at length, missing his footing, by reason 
of his wooden leg, down he came on his seat of 
honor mth a crash which shook the surrounding 
hills, and might have wrecked his frame, had he 
not been received into a cushion softer than vel- 
\'et, which Providence, or Minerva, or St. Nicho- 
las, or some cow, had benevolently prepared for 
his reception. 

The furious Risingh, in despite of the maxim, 
cherished by all true knights, that " fair play 
is a jewel," hastened to take advantage of the 
hero's fall; but, as he stooped to give a fatal 
blow, Peter Stuyvesant dealt him a thwack over 
the sconce with his wooden leg, which set a 
chime of bells ringing triple bob-majors in his 
cerebellum. The bewildered Swede staggered 
with the blow, and the wary Peter seizing a 
pocket-pistol, which lay hard by, discliarged it 
full at the head of the reeling Risingh. Let not 
my reader mistake ; it was not a murderous 
weapon loaded with powder and ball, but a little 
sturdy stone pottle charged to the muzzle with a 
double di'am of true Dutch courage, which the 
knowing Antony Van Corlear carried about him 
by way of replenishing his valor, and which had 
dropped from his wallet during his furious en- 
counter with the drummer. The hideous weapon 
sang through the air, and true to its course as 
was the fragment of a rock discharged at Hector 
by bully Ajax, encountered the head of the gigan- 
tic Swede with matcliless violence. 



434 HISTORY OF NEW YORK 




CHAPTER IX. 



■N WHICH ri£E AUTHOR AND THE READER, WHILE REPOSING AFTER THh 
BATTLE, FALL INTO A VERY GRAVE DISCOURSE — AFTER WHICH IS 
RECORDED THE CONDUCT OF PETEK. STUVVESANT AFTER HIS VICTORY 



^^=^^« HANKS to St. Nicholas, we have safely 
finished this tremendous battle : let us 
sit do^v^l, my worthy reader, and cool 
ourselves, for I am in a prodigious sweat and 
agitation ; truly this fighting of battles is hot 
work ! and if your great commanders did but 
know what trouble they give their historians, 
they would not have the conscience to achieve so 
many horrible victories. But methinks I hear 
my reader complain, that throughout this boasted 
battle there is not tlie least slaughter, nor a sin- 
gle individual maimed, if we except tlie unhappy 
Swede, who was shorn of his queue l)y the tren- 
chant blade of Peter Stuyvesant ; all which, he 
observes, is a great outrage on probability, and 
liighly injurious to the interest of the narration. 

This is certainly an objection of no little mo- 
ment, but it arises entirely from the obscurity 
envelo})ing the remote periods of time about 
which I have undertaken to write. Thus, though 
doubtless, from the importance of the object and 
the prowess of the parties concerned, there must 
have been terrible carnage, and prodigies of valor 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 435 

displayed before the walls of Christina, yet, not- 
vvithstaiiding that I have consulted every history, 
manuscript, and tradition, touching this memora- 
ble though long-forgotten battle, I cannot find 
mention made of a single man killed or wounded 
in the whole affair. 

This is, without doubt, owing to the extreme 
modesty of our forefathers, who, unlike their 
descendants, were never prone to vaunt of their 
achievements ; but it is a virtue which places 
their historian in a most embarrassing predica- 
ment ; for, having promised my readers a hideous 
and unparalleled battle, and having worked them 
up into a warlike and blood-thirsty state of mind, 
to put them off without any havoc and slaughter 
would have been as bitter a disappointment as 
to summon a multitude of good people to attend 
an execution, and then cruelly balk them by a 
reprieve. 

Had the fates only allowed me some half a 
score of dead men, I had been content ; for I 
would have made them such heroes as abounded 
in the olden time, but whose race is now unfortu- 
nately extinct, — any one of whom, if we may 
believe those authentic writers, the poets, could 
drive great armies, like sheep, before him, and 
conquer and desolate whole cities by his single 
arm. 

But seeing that I had not a single life at my 
disposal, all that was left me was to make the 
most I could of my battle, by means of kicks, 
and cuffs, and bruises, and such like ignoble 
wounds. And here I caimot but compare my 



436 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

dilemma, in some sort, to that of the divine ]\Iil- 
ton, who, having arrayed with sublime prepara- 
tion his immortal hosts against each other, is 
sadly put to it how to manage them, and hoAv he 
shall make the end of his battle answer to the 
beginning, inasmuch as, being mere spirits, he 
cannot deal a mortal blow, nor even give a flesh 
wound to any of his combatants. For my part, 
the greatest difficulty I found was, when I had 
once put my warriors in a passion, and let them 
loose into the midst of the enemy, to keep them 
from doing mischief. Many a time had I to 
restrain the sturdy Peter from cleaving a gigan- 
tic Swede to the very waistband, or spitting half 
a dozen httle fellows on his sword, like so many 
sparrows. And when I had set some hundred 
of missives flying in the air, I did not dare to 
suffer one of them to reach the ground, lest it 
should have put an end to some unlucky Dutch- 
man. 

The reader cannot conceive how mortifying it 
is to a writer thus in a manner to have his hands 
tied, and how many tempting opportunities I had 
to wink at, where I might have made as fine a 
deatli-blow as any recorded in history or song. 

From my own experience I begin to doubt 
most potently of the authenticity of many of 
Homer's stories. I verily believe, that, when he 
had once launched one of his favorite heroes 
among a crowd of the enemy, he cut down many 
an honest fellow, without any authority for so 
doing, excepting that he presented a fair mark, — 
and that often a poor fellow was sent to grim 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 437 

Pluto's domains, merely because he had a name 
that would give a sounding turn to a period. 
But I disclaim all such unprincipled liberties ; 
let me but have truth and the law on my side, 
and no man would fight harder than myself; but 
since the various records I consulted did not war- 
rant it, I had too much conscience to kill a single 
soldier. By St. Nicholas, but it would have 
been a pretty piece of business ! My enemies, 
the critics, who I foresee will be ready enough to 
lay any crime they can discover at my door, 
might have charged me with murder outright, 
and I should have esteemed myself lucky to 
escape with no harsher verdict than manslaugh- 
ter ! 

And now, gentle reader, that we are tranquilly 
sitting down here, smoking our pipes, permit me 
to indulge in a melancholy reflection which at 
this moment passes across my mind. How vain, 
how fleeting, how uncertain are all those gaudy 
bubbles after which we are panting and toiling 
in this world of fair delusions ! The wealth 
which the miser has amassed v/ith so many weary 
days, so many sleepless nights, a spendthrift here 
may squander away in joyless prodigality ; the 
noblest monuments which pride has ever reared 
to perpetuate a name, the hand of time will 
shortly tumble into ruins; and even the brightest 
laurels, gained by feats of arms, may wither, 
and be forever blighted by the chilling neglect 
3f mankind. " How many illustrious heroes," 
says the good Boetius, " who were once the pride 
and glory of the age, hath the silence of his- 



438 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

torians buried in eternal oblivion ! " And this it 
was that induced the Spartans, wlien they went 
to battle, solemnly to sacrifice to tlie Muses, 
supplicating that their achievements might be 
worthily recorded. Had not Homer tuned his 
lofty lyre, observes the elegant Cicero, the valor 
of Achilles had remained unsung. And such, 
too, after all the toils and perils he had braved, 
after all the gallant actions he had achieved, such 
too had nearly been the fate of the chivalric 
Peter Stuyvesant, but that I fortunately stepped 
in and engraved his name on the indelible tablet 
of history, just as the caitiff Time was silently 
brushing it away forever ! 

The more I reflect, the more I am astonished 
at the important character of the historian. He 
is the sovereign censor to decide upon the renowoj 
or infamy of his felloAv-men. He is the patron 
of kings and conquerors, on whom it depends 
whether they sliall live in after-ages, or be for- 
gotten as were their ancestors before them. The 
tyrant may oppress while the object of his tyr- 
anny exists ; but the historian possesses superior 
might, for his power extends even beyond the 
grave. The shades of departed and long-for- 
gotten heroes anxiously bend down from above, 
while he writes, watching each movement of his 
pen, whether it shall pass by their names with 
neglect, or mscribe them on the deathless pages 
of renown. Even the drop of ink which hangs 
trembling on his pen, which he may either dash 
upon the floor, or waste in idle scrawlings, — 
that veiy drop, Avhich to him is not worth the 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 439 

twentieth peart of a farthing, may be of incalcu- 
lable value to some departed worthy, may elevate 
half a score, in one moment, to immortality, Avho 
would have given worlds, had they possessed 
them, to insure the glorious meed. 

Let not my readers imagine, however, that I 
[un indulging in vainglorious boastings, or am 
anxious to blazon forth the importance of my 
tribe. On the contrary, I shrink when I reflect 
on the awful responsibility we historians assume ; 
I shudder to tliink Avhat direful commotions and 
calamities we occasion in the world ; I swear to 
thee, honest reader, as I am a man, I Aveep at 
the very idea ! Why, let me ask, are so many 
illustrious men daily tearing themselves away 
from the embraces of their flimilies, slighting the 
smiles of beauty, despising the allurements of 
fortune, and exposing themselves to the miseries 
of war ? Why are kings desolating empires, and 
depopulating whole countries? In short, what 
induces all great men of all ages and countries 
to commit so many victories and misdeeds, and 
inflict so many miseries upon mankind and upon 
themselves, but the mere hope that some histo- 
rian Avill kindly take them into notice, and admit 
them into a corner of his volume? For, in short, 
the mighty object of all their toils, their hard- 
ships, and privations, is nothing but immortal 
fame. And what is immortal fame? — -wliy, lialf 
a page of dirty paper ! Alas ! alas ! how humiliat- 
ing the idea, that the renown of so gi'eat a man 
as Peter Stuyvesant should depend upon the pcD 
of so little a man as Diedrich Knickerbocker ! 



440 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Ai\.(\ now, having refi^eshed ourselves after the 
fatigues and perils of the field, it behooves us 
to return once more to the scene of conflict, and 
inquire what were the results of this renowned 
conquest. The fortress of Christina being the 
fair metropolis, and in a manner the key to New 
Sweden, its capture was speedily followed by the 
entire subjugation of the province. This was 
not a little promoted by the gallant and courteous 
deportment of the chivalric Peter. Though a 
man terrible in battle, yet in the hour of victory 
was he endued with a spirit generous, merciful, 
and humane. He vaunted not over his enemies, 
nor did he make defeat more galling by unmanly 
insults ; for like that mirror of knightly virtue, 
the renowned Paladin Orlando, he was more 
anxious to do great actions than to talk of them 
after they were done. He put no man to death ; 
ordered no houses to be burnt down ; permitted 
no ravages to be perpetrated on the property of 
the vanquished ; and even gave one of his brav- 
est officers a severe admonishment with his walk- 
inor-staff, for havinor been detected in the act of 
sacking a hen-roost. 

He moreover issued a proclamation, inviting 
the inhabitants to submit to the authority of 
their High Mightinesses ; but declaring, with 
unexampled clemency, that whoever refused 
should be lodged at the public expense in a 
goodly castle provided for the purpose, and have 
an armed retinue to wait on them in the bargain. 
In consequence of these beneficent terms, about 
thirty Swedes stepped manfully forward and took 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 441 

the oath of allegiance ; in reward for which they 
were graciously permitted to remain on the banks 
of the Delaware, where their descendants reside 
at this very day. I am told, however, by divers 
observant travellers, that they have never been 
able to get over the chapfallen looks of theii 
ancestors, but that they still do strangely trans 
mit from father to son manifest marks of the 
sound drubbing given them by the sturdy Am- 
sterdammers. 

The whole country of New S^veden, havuig 
thus yielded to the arms of the triumphant Peter, 
was reduced to a colony called South River, and 
placed under the superintendence of a lieutenant- 
governor, subject to the control of the supreme 
government of New Amsterdam. This great dig- 
nitary was called Mynheer William Beekman, or 
rather Bech-mim, who derived his surname, as 
did Ovidious Naso of yore, from the lordly di- 
mensions of his nose, which projected from the 
centre of his countenance, like the beak of a par- 
rot. He was the great progenitor of the tribe 
of the Beekmans, one of the most ancient and 
honorable families of the province, the members 
of which do gratefully commemorate the origin 
of their dignity, — not as your noble families in 
England would do, by having a glowing pro- 
boscis emblazoned in their escutcheon, but by 
one and all wearing a right goodly nose, stuck in 
the very middle of their faces. 

Thus was this perilous enterprise gloriously 
terminated, with the loss of only two men : Wol 
fert Van Home, a tall spare man, who was knockec 



442 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

overboard by the boom of a sloop in a flaw of 
wind : and fat Brom Van Biimmel, who was sud- 
denly carried off by an hidigestion ; both, how- 
ever, were immortalized, as having bravely fallen 
in the service of their country. True it is, Peter 
Stuyvesant had one of his limbs terribly fractured 
in the act of storming the fortress ; but as it w^as 
fortunately his wooden leg, the wound was 
promptly and effectually healed. 

And now nothing remains to this branch of 
my history but to mention that this immaculate 
hero, and his victorious army, returned joyously 
to the Manhattoes ; where they made a solemn 
and triumphant entry, bearing with them the con- 
quered Risingh, and the remnant of his battered 
crew, Avho had refused allegiance ; for it appears 
that the gigantic Sw^ede had only fallen into a 
swoon, at the end of the battle, from which he 
was speedily restored by a wholesome tweak of 
the nose. 

These captive heroes were lodged, according 
to the promise of the governor, at the public 
expense, in a fair and spacious castle, — being the 
prison of state, of which Stoffel BrinkerhofF, the 
immortal conqueror of Oyster Bay, w^as appointed 
governor, and which has ever since remained in 
the possession of liis descendants.^ 

It was a pleasant and goodly sight to witness 
the joy of the people of New Amsterdam, at 
beholding their warriors once more return from 

1 This castle, though very much altered and modernized, is 
Btill in being, and stands at the corner of Pearl Street, faciiig 
Coeutie's slip. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 443 

this war in the wilderness. The old women 
thronged round Antony Van Corlear, who gave 
the whole history of the campaign with m.'itch- 
less accuracy, saving that he took the credit of 
fighting the whole battle himself, and especially 
of vanquishing the stout Risingh, — which he 
considered himself as clearly entitled to, seeing 
that it was effected by his own stone pottle. 

The schoolmasters throughout the town gave 
holiday to their little urchins, who followed in 
droves after the drums, with paper caps on their 
heads, and sticks in their breeclies, thus taking 
the first lesson in the art of war. As to the 
stm-dy rabble, they thronged at the heels of Pe- 
ter Stuyvesant Avherever he went, waving their 
greasy hats in the air, and shouting " Hardkop- 
pig Piet forever ! " 

It was indeed a day of roaring rout and jubi- 
lee. A huge dinner was prepared at the Stadt- 
house in honor of the conquerors, where were 
assembled in one glorious constellation the great 
and little luminaries of New Amsterdam. There 
were the lordly Schout and his obsequious dep- 
uty ; the burgomasters with their ofiicious sche- 
pens at their elbows ; the subaltern officers at 
the elbows of the schepens, and so on down to 
the lowest hanger-on of police : every tag having 
his rag at his side, to finish his pipe, drink off 
his heel-taps, and laugh at his flights of immortal 
duhiess. In short, — for a city feast is a city feast 
all the world over, and has been a city feast ever 
since the creation, — - the dimier went off much 
the same as do our great corporation junketings 



444 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

and FoLirth-of-Jiily banquets. Loads of fish, flesh, 
and fowl Avere devoured, oceans of hquor drank, 
thousands of pipes smoked, and many a dull 
joke honored with much obstreperous fat-sided 
laughter. 

I must not omit to mention that to this far- 
famed victory Peter Stuyvesant was indebted f<jr 
another of liis many titles ; for so hugely de- 
lighted were the honest burghers with his 
achievements, that they unanimously honored 
him with the name of Pieter da Groodt, that is 
to say, Peter the Great, or, as it was translated 
into English by the people of New Amsterdam, 
for the benefit of their New England visitors, 
Piet de pig, — an appellation which he maintained 
even unto the day of his death. 



.T^%^J 



"ml 





oi 



l-^ W<'^J. 






BOOK YIL 

CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER 
THE HEADSTRONG — HIS TROUBLES WITH THE BRITISH 
NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OF THE DUTCH 
DYNASTY. 

« 

CHAPTER I. 

HOW PETER STUYVESANT RELIEVED THE SOVEREIGN PEOPLE FROM THE 
BURDEN OP TAKING CARE OF THE NATION ; WITH SUNDRY PARTICU- 
LARS OF HIS CONDUCT IN TIME OF PEACE, AND OF THE RISE OF A 
GREAT DUTCH ARISTOCRACY. 

HE history of the reign of Peter Stuy- 
vesant furnishes an edifying picture 
V-^^r^iH of the cares and vexations inseparable 
from sovereignty, and a solemn warning to all 
who are ambitious of attaining the seat of honor. 
Though returning in triumph and crowned with 
victory, his exultation was checked on obs(jrving 
the abuses which had sprung up in New Amster- 
dam during his short absence. His walking-staff, 
which he had sent home to act as vicegerent, had, 
it is true, kept his council-chamber in order, — 
the counsellors eying it with awe, as it lay in 




446 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

grim repose upon the table, and smoking their 
pipes in silence, — but its control extended not 
out of doors. 

The populace unfortunately had had too much 
their own way under the slack though fitful reign 
of William the Testy ; and though upon the ac- 
cession of Peter Stuyvesant they had felt, Avitli 
the instinctive perception which mobs as well as 
cattle possess, that the reins of government had 
passed into stronger hands, yet eould they not 
help fretting and chafing and champhig upon the 
bit, in restive silence. 

Scarcely, therefore, had he departed on his ex- 
pedition against the Swedes, than the old factions 
of William Kieft's reign had again thrust their 
heads above water. Pot-house meetings were 
again held to "discuss the state of the nation," 
where cobblers, tinkers, and tailors, the self- 
dubbed " friends of the people," once more felt 
themselves inspired with the gift of legislation, 
and undertook to lecture on every movement of 
government. 

Now, as Peter Stuyvesant had a singular in- 
clination to govern the province by his individual 
will, his first move, on his return, was to put a 
stop to this gratuitous legislation. Accordingly, 
one evening, when an inspired cobbler was hold- 
ing forth to an assemblage of the kind, the in- 
trepid Peter suddenly made his appearance, with 
his ominous walking-staff in his hand, and a coun- 
tenance sufficient to petrify a mill-stone. The 
whole meeting was thrown into confusion, — the 
jrator stood aghast, with open mouth and trem- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 447 

bling knees, while " horror ! tyranny ! liberty ! 
rights ! taxes ! death ! destruction ! " and a host 
of other patriotic phrases were bolted forth before 
he had time to close his lips. Peter took no 
notice of the skulking throng, but strode up to 
the brawling bully-ruffian, and pulling out a huge 
silver Avatch, which might have served in times 
of yore as a town-clock, and which is still re- 
tained by his descendants as a family curiosity, 
requested the orator to mend it, and set it going. 
The orator humbly confessed it was utterly out 
of his power, as he was unacquainted with the 
nature of its construction. " Nay, but," said 
Peter, " try your ingenuity, man : you see all the 
springs and wheels, and how easily the clumsiest 
hand may stop it, and pull it to pieces ; and why 
should it not be equally easy to regulate as to 
stop it?" The orator declared that his trade 
was wholly different, — that he was a poor cob- 
bler, and had never meddled with a watch in his 
life, — that there were men skilled in the art, 
whose business it was to attend to those matters ; 
but for his part, he should only mar the work- 
manship and put the whole in confusion. '' Why, 
harkee, master of mine," cried Peter, — turning 
suddenly upon him, with a countenance that 
almost petrified the patcher of shoes into a per- 
fect lapstone, — " dost thou pretend to meddle with 
the movements of government, — to regulate, and 
correct, and patch, and cobble a complicated ma- 
chine, the prhiciples of which are above thy com- 
prehension,, and its simplest operations too subtle 
for thy understanding, when thou canst not cor- 



448 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

rect a trifling error in a common piece of mech- 
anism, the whole mystery of which is open to 
thy inspection ? — Hence with thee to the leather 
and stone, which are emblems of thy head ; cob- 
ble thy shoes, and confine thyself to the voca- 
tion for wliich Heaven has fitted thee. But," 
elevating his voice until it made the welkin ring, 
" if ever I catch thee, or any of thy tribe, med- 
dling again with affairs of government, by St. 
Nicholas, but I '11 have every mother's bastard of 
ye flay'd alive, and your hides stretched for drum- 
heads, that ye may thenceforth make a noise to 
some purpose ! " 

This threat, and the tremendous voice in 
which it was uttered, caused the whole multitude 
to quake with fear. The hair of the orator rose 
on his head like his own swines' bristles, and not 
a knight of the thimble present but his heart 
died within him, and he felt as though he could 
have verily escaped through the eye of a needle. 
The assembly dispersed in silent consternation; 
the pseudo-statesmen, who had hitherto under- 
taken to regulate public affairs, were now fain to 
stay at home, hold their tongues, and take care 
of their families ; and party feuds died away to 
such a degree, that many thriving keepers of tav- 
erns and dram-shops were utterly ruined for 
want of business. But though this measure pro- 
duced the desired effect in putting an extinguisher 
on the new lights just brightening up, yet did 
it tend to injure the popularity of the Great Peter 
with the thinking part of the community, that 
is to say, that part which thinks for others in- 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 449 

Btead of for themselves, or, in other words, who 
attend to everybody's business but their own. 
These accused the old governor of being highly 
aristocratical ; and in truth there seems to have 
been some ground for such an accusation ; for he 
carried himself with a, lofty, soldier-like air, and 
was somewhat particular in dress, appearing, 
when not in uniform, in rich apparel of tlie an- 
tique flaundrish cut, and was especially noted for 
having his sound leg (which was a very comely 
one) always arrayed in a red stocking and high- 
heeled shoe. 

Justice he often dispensed in the primitive pa- 
triarchal way, seated on the " stoep " before his 
door, under the shade of a great button-wood 
tree ; but all visits of form and state were re- 
ceived with something of court ceremony hi the 
best parlor ; ^vhere Antony the Trumpeter offi- 
ciated as high chamberlain. On public occasions 
he appeared with great pomp of equipage, and 
always rode to church in a yellow wagon with 
flaming red wheels. 

These symptoms of state and ceremony, as we 
have hinted, were much cavilled at by the think- 
mg (and talking) part of the community. They 
had been accustomed to find easy access to their 
former governors, and in particular had lived on 
terms of extreme intimacy with William the 
Testy ; and they accused Peter Stuyvesant of as- 
suming too much dignity and reserve, and of 
wi'apping himself in mystery. Others, however, 
have pretended to discover in all this a shrewd 
policy on the part of the old governor. It is 
29 



450 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

certainly of the first importance, say they, that 
a country should be governed by wise men : but 
then it is almost equally important that the peo- 
ple should think them wise ; for this belief alone 
can produce willing subordination. To keep up, 
however, this desirable confidence in rulers, the 
people should be allowed to see as little of them 
as possible. It is the mystery which envelops 
great men, that gives them half their greatness. 
There is a kind of superstitious reverence for 
office which leads us to exa<zo;erate the merits of 

CO 

the occupant, and to suppose that he must be 
wiser than common men. He, however, who 
gains access to cabinets, soon finds out by what 
foolishness the world is governed. He finds that 
there is quackery in legislation as in everything 
else ; that rulers have tlieir whims and errors as 
well as other men, and are not so wonderfully 
superior as he had imagined, since even he may 
occasionally confute them in argument. Thus 
awe subsides into confidence, coTifidence inspires 
familiarity, and familiarity produces contempt. 
Such was the case, say they, with William the 
Testy. By making himself too easy of access, 
he enabled every scrub-politician to measure wits 
with him, and to find out the true dimensions not 
only of his person but of his mind : and thus it 
was that, by being familiarly scanned, he was 
discovered to be a very little man. Peter Stuy 
vesant on the contrary, say they, by conducting 
himself with dignity and loftiness, was looked up 
to with great reverence. As he never gave his 
reasons for anything he did, the public gave him 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 451 

credit for very profound ones ; every movement, 
however intrinsically unimportant, was a matter 
of speculation ; and his very red stockings ex- 
cited some respect, as being different from the 
stockings of other men. 

Another charge against Peter Stuyvesant was 
that he had a great leaning in favor of the patri- 
cians ; and indeed iu his time rose many of those 
mighty Dutch families which have taken such 
vigorous root, and branched out so luxuriantly in 
our State. Some, to be sure, were of earlier 
date, such as tlie Van Kortlandts, the Van Zandts, 
the Tini Broecks, the Harden Broecks, and others 
of Pavonian renown, who gloried in the title of 
" Discoverers," from having been engaged in the 
nautical expedition from Communipaw, in which 
they so heroically braved the terrors of Hell-gate 
and Buttermilk Channel, and discovered a site for 
New Amsterdam. 

Others claimed to themselves the appellation 
of " Conquerors," from their gallant achievements 
in New Sweden and their victory over the Yan- 
kees at Oyster Bay. Such was that list of war- 
like worthies heretofore enumerated, beginning, 
wdth the Van Wycks, the Van Dycks, and the 
Ten Eycks, and extending to the Rutgers, the 
Bensons, the Brinkerhoffs, and the Schermer- 
horns, — a roll equal to the Doomsday-Book of 
William the Conqueror, and establisliing the 
heroic origin of many an ancient aristocratical 
Dutch family. These, after all, are the only le- 
gitimate nobility and lords of the soil ; these are 
the real " beavers of the Manhattoes " ; and much 



452 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

does it grieve me in modern days to gee tliem 
elbowed aside by foreign invaders, and more espe- 
cially by those ingenious people, " the Sons of the 
Pilgrims " ; who out-bargain them in the market, 
out-speculate them on the exchange, out-top them 
iu fortune, and run up mushroom palaces so high, 
that the tallest Dutch family mansion has not 
wind enough left for its weather-cock. 

In the proud days of Peter Stuyvesant, hoA\'- 
ever, the good old Dutch aristocracy loomed out 
in all its grandeur. The burly burgher, in round - 
crowned flaundrish hat with brim of vast circum- 
ference, in portly gabardine and bulbous multi- 
plicity of breeches, sat on his " stoep " and smoked 
his pipe in lordly silence ; nor did it ever enter 
his brain that the active, restless Yankee, whom 
he saw through his half-shut eyes worrying about 
in dog-day heat, ever intent on the main chance, 
was one day to usurp control over these goodly 
Dutch domains. Already, however, the races 
regarded each other with disparaging eyes. The 
Yankees sneeringly spoke of the round-cro^vned 
burghers of the Manhattoes as the " Copper- 
heads," while the latter, glorying in their own 
nether rotundity, and observing the slack galli- 
gaskins of their rivals, flapping like an empty 
sail against the mast, retorted upon them will 
the opprobrious appellation of " Platter-breeches "* 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 453 



CHAPTER n. 

sow PETER STUYVESANT LABORED TO CIVILIZE THE COMMUNITY — DOM 
HE WAS A GREAT PROMOTER OF HOLIDAYS — HOW HE INSTITUTED 
KISSING ON new-year's DAY — HOW HE DISTRIBUTED FIDDLES 
THROUGHOUT THE NEW NETHERLANDS — HOW HE VENTURED TC 
EEFORM THE LADIES' PETTICOATS, AND HOW HE CAUGHT A TARTAB. 

^^ROM what I have recounted in the fore- 
^S going chapter I would not have it imag- 
ined that the great Peter was a tyranni- 
cal potentate, ruling with a rod of iron. On the 
contrary, Vv^here the dignity of office permitted, he 
abounded in generosity and condescension. If 
he refused the brawling multitude the right of 
misrule, he at least endeavored to rule them in 
righteousness. To spread abundance in the land, 
he obliged the bakers to give thirteen loaves to 
the dozen, — a golden rule which remains a mon- 
ument of his beneficence. So far from indul^- 
ing in unreasonable austerity, he delighted to see 
the poor and the laboring man rejoice ; and for 
this purpose he was a great promoter of hcjli- 
days. Under his reign there was a great crack- 
ing of eggs at Paas or Easter ; Whitsuntide or 
Pinxter also flourished in all its bloom; and 
never w^ere stockings better filled on the eve of 
the blessed St. Nicholas. 

New-Year's day, however, was his favorite fes- 
tival, and was ushered in by the ringing of bells 



154 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

and firing of guns. On that genial day the 
fountains of hospitality were broken up, and 
the whole community was deluged with cherry- 
brandy, true Hollands, and mulled cider ; c\QYy 
house was a temple of the jolly god; and many 
a provident vagabond got drunk out of pure econ- 
omy — taking in liquor enough gratis to serve him 
half a year afterwards. 

The great assemblage, however, was at the 
governor's house, whither repaired all the burgh- 
ers of New Amsterdam with their wives and 
daughters, pranked out in their best attire. On 
this occasion the good Peter was devoutly ob- 
servant of the pious Dutch rite of kissing the 
women-kind for a Happy New Year ; and it is 
traditional that Antony the Trumpeter, who acted 
as gentleman usher, took toll of all who were 
young and handsome, as they passed through the 
ante-chamber. This venerable custom, thus hap- 
pily introduced, w^as followed with such zeal by 
high and low, that on New- Year's day, during the 
reign of Peter Stuyvesant, New Amsterdam was 
the most thoroughly be-kissed community in all 
Clu'istendom. Anotlier great measure of Peter 
Stuyvesant for public improvement was the dis- 
tribution of fiddles throughout the land. These 
were placed in the hands of veteran negroes, who 
were despatched as missionaries to every part of 
the province. This measure, it is said, was first 
suggested by Antony the Trumpeter ; and the 
effect was marvellous. Instead of those " indig- 
nation meetings " set on foot in the tijne of TTil- 
liara the Testy, where men met togethei- to rail 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 455 

at public abuses, groan over the evils of the 
times, and make each other miserable, there ^vere 
joyous gathermgs of the two sexes to dance and 
make merrj. Now were instituted '' qiiiltuig 
bees," and " husking bees," and other rural assem- 
blages, where, under the inspiring uifluence of 
tlie fiddle, toil was enlivened by gayety and fol- 
lowed up by the dance. " Raising bees " also were 
frequent, where houses sprung up at the wagging 
of the iiddle-s ticks, as the walls of Thebes sprang 
up of yore to the sound of the lyre of Amphion. 

Jolly autumn, which pours its treasures over 
hill and dale, was in those days a season for the 
lifting of the heel as well as the heart ; labor 
came dancing in the train of abundance, and 
frolic prevailed throughout the land. Happy 
days ! when the yeomanry of the Nieuw Neder- 
lands were merry - rather than Avise ; and when 
the notes of the fiddle, those harbhigers of good- 
humor and good-will, resounded at the close of 
the day from every hamlet along the Hudson ! 

Nor was it in rural communities alone that 
Peter Stuyvesant introduced his favorite engine 
of civilization. Under his rule the fiddle ac- 
quh'ed that potent sway in New Amsterdam 
which it has ever since retained. Weekly assem- 
blages were held, not in heated ball-rooms at mid- 
night hours, but on Saturday afternoons, by the 
golden light of the sun, on the green lawn of the 
Battery, — with Antony the Trumpeter for master 
of ceremonies. Here would the good Peter take 
his seat under the spreading trees, among the old 
bu-rghers and their wives, and watch the mazes 



456 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

of the dance. Here Avould lie smoke his pipe, 
crack his joke, and forget the rugged toils of war 
ill the sweet oblivious festivities of peace, giving 
a nod of approbation to those of the young men 
who shuffled and kicked most vigorously, — and 
noAv and then a hearty smack, in all honesty of 
soul, to the buxom lass who held out longest, and 
tired down every competitor, — infallible proof of 
her being the best dancer. 

Once, it is true, the harmony of these meet- 
ings was in danger of interruption. A young 
belle, just returned from a visit to Holland, who 
of course led the fashions, made her appearance 
in not more than half a dozen petticoats, and 
these of alarming shortness. A whisper and a 
flutter ran through the assembly. The young 
men, of course, were lost in admiration ; but the 
old ladies were shocked in the extreme, espe- 
cially those who had marriageable daughters ; 
the young ladies blushed and felt excessively for 
the " poor thmg," and even the governor himself 
appeared to be m some kind of perturbation. 

To complete the confusion of the good folks, 
she undertook, in the course of a jig, to describe 
some figures in algebra taught her by a dancing- 
mast>3r at Rotterdam. Unfortunately, at the high- 
est flourish of her feet some vagabond zephyr 
obtruded his services, and a display of the graces 
took place, at which all the ladies present were 
thrown into great consternation ; several gravie 
country members were not a little moved, and the? 
good Peter Stiiyvesant himself was grievously 
scandalized. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 457 

The shortness of the females' dress, which had 
continued in fashion ever since the days of Wil- 
liam Kieft, had long offended his eye ; and 
though extremely averse to meddling with the 
petticoats of the ladies, yet he immediately rec- 
ommended that every one should be furnished 
with a flounce to the bottom. He likewise or- 
dered that the ladies, and indeed the gentlemen, 
should use no other step in dancing than " shuffle 
and turn," and " double trouble " ; and forbade, un- 
der pain of his high displeasure, any young lady 
thenceforth to attempt what was termed " exhibit- 
ing the graces." 

These were the only restrictions he ever im- 
posed upon the sex; and these Avere considered 
by them as tyrannical oppressions, and resisted 
with that becoming spirit manifested by the gentle 
sex whenever their privileges are invaded. In 
fact, Antony Van Corlear, who, as has been 
sho'wn, was a sagacious man, experienced in the 
ways of women, took a private occasion to inti- 
mate to the governor that a conspiracy was form- 
ing among the young vrouws of New Amster- 
dam ; and that, if the matter were pushed any 
further, there was danger of their leaving off 
petticoats altogether ; whereupon the good Peter 
shrugged his shoulders, dropped the subject, and 
ever after suffered the women to wear their pet- 
ticoats and cut their capers as high as they 
pleased, — a privilege which they have jealously 
maintained in the llanhattoes unto the present 
day. 



458 ni STORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER m. 



HOW raODBLES THICKENED ON TQE PROVINCE — HOW IT IS TUKEVTENBB 
BY THE IIELDERBERGERS, THE MERRYLANDERS, AND THE GIANTS 01 
THE SUSQUEHANNA. 




N the last two chapters I have regaled 
the reader with a delectable picture of 
the good Peter and his metropolis dur- 
ing an interval of peace. It was, however, but 
a bit of blue sky in a stormy day ; the clouds 
are again gathering up from all points of the 
comjDass, and, if I am not mistaken in my fore- 
bodings, we shall have rattling weather in the 
ensumg chapters. 

It is with some communities as it is with cer- 
tain meddlesome individuals : they have a won- 
derful facility at getting into scrapes ; and I have 
always remarked that those are most prone to get 
in who have the least talent at getting out again. 
This is doubtless owing to the excessive valor of 
those states ; for I have likewise noticed that this 
rampant quality is always most frothy and fussy 
where most confined ; which accounts for its va- 
poring so amazingly in little states, little men 
and ugly little women more especially. 

Such is the case with this little pi'ovince of 
the Nieuw Xederlands ; which, by its exceeding 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 459 

valor, has already drawn upon itself a host of 
enemies ; has had fighting enough to satisfy a 
province twice its size ; and is in a fair way of 
becoming an exceedingly forlorn, well-belabored, 
and woe-begone little province. All which was 
providentially ordered to give interest and sublim-- 
ity to this pathetic history. 

The first interruption to the halcyon quiet of 
Peter Stuyvesant was caused by hostile intelli- 
gence from the old belligerent nest of Rensellaer- 
stein. Kilhan, the lordly patroon of Rensellaer- 
wick, was again in the field, at the liead of his 
myi-midons of the Helderberg, seeking to annex 
the whole of the Kaats-kill mountains to his do- 
minions. The Indian tribes of these mountams 
had likewise taken up the hatchet and menaced 
the venerable Dutch settlement of Esopus. 

Fain would I entertain the reader with the tri- 
umphant campaign of Peter Stuyvesant in the 
haunted regions of those mountains, but that I 
hold all Indian conflicts to be mere barbaric 
braAvls, unworthy of the pen which has recorded 
the classic war of Fort Christina ; and as to 
these Helderberg commotions, they are amoiig 
the flatidencies which from time to time afflict 
the bowels of this ancient province, as with a 
■\\dnd-colic, and which I deem it seemly and de- 
cent to pass over in silence. 

The next storm of trouble was from the south. 
Scarcely had the worthy Mynlieer Beekman got 
wai-m 11 the seat of authority on the South 
River, than enemies began to spring up all 
around him. Hard by was a formidable race 



460 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

of savages inhabiting the gentle region watered 
by the Susquehanna, of whom the following men- 
tion is made by Master Hariot, in his excellent 
history : 

" The Susquesahanocks are a giantly people, 
strange in proportion, behavior and attire — their 
voice sounding from them as out of a cave- 
Their tobacco-pipes were three-quarters of a 
yard long ; carved at the great end with a bird, 
beare, or other device, sufficient to beat out the 
brains of a liorse. The calfe of one of their 
legges measured three-quarters of a yard about ; 
the rest of the limbs proportionable." ^ 

These gigantic savages and smokers caused no 
little disquiet in tlie mind of Mynheer Beekman, 
threatening to cause a famine of tobacco in the 
land; but his most formidable enemy was the 
roaring, roistering English colony of IMaryland, 
or, as it was anciently written, Merryland, — so 
called because the inhabitants, not having the 
fear of the Lord before their eyes, wei'e prone to 
make merry and get fuddled with mint-jidep and 
apple-toddy. They were, moreover, great liorse- 
racers and cock - fighters, mighty Avrestlers and 
jumpers, and enormous consumers of hoe-cake 
and bacon. They lay claim to be the first invent- 
ors of those recondite beverages, cock-tail, stone- 
fence, and sherry-cobbler, and to have discovered 
the gastronomical merits of terrapins, soft crabs, 
and canvas-back ducks. 

This rantipole colony, founded by Lord Balti- 
more, a British nobleman, was managed by hia 
1 Hariot's Journal, Piirch. Pil^^rims. 



UlSTORY OF NEW YORK. 461 

agent, a swaggering Englishman, commonly called 
Fenclall, that is to say, " offend all," — a name 
given him for his bullying propensities. These 
were seen in a message to Mynheer Beekman, 
threatening him, unless he immediately swoi-e 
allegiance to Lord Baltimore as the rightful lord 
of the soil, to come, at the head of the roaring 
boys of Merryland and the giants of the Susque- 
hanna, and sweep him and his Nederlanders out 
of the country. 

The trusty sword of Peter Stuyvesant almost 
leaped from its scabbard when he received mis- 
sives from Mynheer Beekman, mforming him of 
the swaggering menaces of the bully Fendall ; 
and as to the giantly warriors of the Susque- 
hanna, nothing would have more delighted him 
than a bout, hand to hand, with half a score of 
them, having never encountered a giant in the 
whole course of his campaigns, miless we may 
consider the stout Risingh as such — ■ and he was 
but a little one. 

Nothing prevented his marching instantly to 
the South River and enacting scenes still more 
glorious than those of Fort Christina, but the 
necessity of first putting a stop to the increasing 
aggressions and inroads of the Yankees, so as not 
to leave an enemy in his rear ; but he ^vi'ote to 
Mynheer Beekman to keep up a bold front and 
stout heart, promising, as soon as he had settled 
affairs in the east, that he would hasten to the 
south with his burly warriors of the Hudson, to 
lower the crests of the giants, and mar the mer- 
-iment of tlie Merrylanders. 



162 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 




CHAPTEK IV. 

HOW PETER STCYVESANT ADVENTURED IXTO THE EAST COUNTRY, AN3 
HO\y HE FARED THERE. 

explain the apparently sudden move- 
ment of Peter Stuyvesant against the 
crafty men of the East Country, I would 
observe that, during his campaigns on the South 
River, and in the enchanted regions of tlie Cats- 
kill Mountains, the twelve tribes of the East 
had been more than usually active in prosecuting 
their subtle scheme for the subjugation of the 
Nieuw Nederlands. 

Lidependent of the incessant maraudings among 
hen-roosts and squattings along the border, invad- 
ing armies would penetrate, from time to time, 
into the very heart of the country. As their 
prototypes of yore went forth into the land of 
Canaan, with their wives and their children, their 
men-servants and their maid-servants, their flocks 
and herds, to settle themselves down in the land 
and possess it, so these chosen people of modem 
,days would progress through the country in pa- 
triarchal style, conducting carts and wagons la- 
den Avith household furniture, with women and 
children piled on top, and pots and kettles dan- 
gling beneath. At the tails of these vehicles 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 463 

wrould stalk a crew of long-limbed, lank-sided 
varlets, with axes on their shoulders and packs on 
their backs, resolutely bent upon " locating " them- 
selves, as they termed it, and improving the 
country. These were the most dangerous kind 
of invaders. It is true they were guilty of no 
overt acts of hostility ; but it was notorious that, 
wherever they got a footing, the honest Dutch- 
men gradually disappeared, retiring slowly, as do 
the Indians before the white men, being in some 
way or other talked and chaffed, and bargained 
and swapped, and, in plain English, elbowed out 
of all those rich bottoms and fertile nooks in 
which our Dutch yeomanry are prone to nestle 
themselves. 

Peter Stuyvesant was at length roused to this 
kind of war in disguise, by which the Yankees 
were craftily aiming to subjugate his dominions. 
He was a man easily taken in, it is true, as all 
great-hearted men are apt to be ; but if he once 
found it out, his wrath was terrible. He now 
threw diplomacy to the dogs — determined to 
appear no more by ambassadors, but to repair in 
person to the great council of the Amphictyons, 
bearing the sword in one hand and the olive- 
branch in the other, and giving them their choice 
of sincere and honest peace, or open and iron 
war. 

His privy councillors were astonished and dis- 
mayed when he announced his determination. 
For once they ventured to remonstrate, setting 
forth the rashness of venturing his sacred person 
in the midst of a strange and barbarous people. 



464 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

They might as well have tried to turn a rusty 
weather-cock with a broken-winded bellows. In 
the fiery heart of the u'on-headed Peter sat en- 
throned the five kinds of courage described by 
Ai'istotle ; and had the philosopher enumerated 
five hundred more, I verily believe he would 
have possessed them all. As to that better part 
of valor called discretion, it was too cold-blooded 
a virtue for his tropical temperament. 

Summoning, therefore, to his presence his trus- 
ty follower, Antony Van Corlear, he commanded 
him to hold himself in readiness to accompany 
him the followinj^ mornintr on this his hazardous 
enterprise. Now Antony the Trumpeter was by 
this time a little stricken in years, but by dint 
of keeping up a good heart, and having never 
known care or sorrow (having never been mar- 
ried), he was still a hearty, jocund, rubicund, 
gamesome wag, and of great capacity in the doub- 
let. This last was ascribed to his livhig a jolly 
life on those domains at the Hook, which Peter 
Stuyvesant had gi'anted to him for his gallantry 
at Fort Casimir. 

Be this as it may, there was nothing that more 
delighted Antony than this command of the great 
Peter, for he could have followed the stout- 
hearted old governor to the world's end, with 
love and loyalty ; and he moreover still remem- 
bered the frolicking, and dancmg, and bundling, 
and other disports of the east country, and enter- 
tained dainty recollections of numerous kind and 
buxom lasses, whom he longed exceedingly agaui 
to encounter. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 465 

Thus then did this mirror of hardihood sot 
forth, mth no other attendant but his trumpeter, 
upon one of the most perilous enterprises ever 
recorded in the annals of knight-errantry. For 
a single warrior to venture openly among a whole 
nation of foes, — but, above all, for a plain down- 
right Dutchman to think of negotiating with the 
whole council of New England ! — never was 
.there known a more desperate undertaking ! — 
Ever since I have entered upon the chronicles of 
this peerless but hitherto uncelebrated chieftain, 
has he kept me in a state of incessant action and 
anxiety with the toils and dangers he is constant- 
ly encountering. Oh ! for a chapter of the tran- 
quil reign of Wouter Van T^viller, that I might 
repose on it as on a feather-bed ! 

Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I 
have once already rescued thee from the machi- 
nations of these terrible Amphictyons, by bringing 
the powei's of witchcraft to thine aid? Is it 
not enough, that I have followed thee undaunted, 
like a guardian spirit, into the midst of the horrid 
battle of Fort Christina ? — that I have been 
put incessantly to my trumps to keep thee safe 
and sound, — now warding off with my single 
pen the shower of dastard blows that fell upon 
thy rear, — now narrowly shielding thee from a 
deadly thrust, by a mere tobacco-box, — now cas- 
mg thy dauntless skull with adamant, when even 
thy stubborn ram-beaver failed to resist the sword 
of the stout Risingh, — and now, not merely 
bringing thee off alive, but triumphant, from the 
clutches of the gigantic Swede, by the desperate 
30 



i66 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

means of a paltry stone pottle ? Is not all this 
enough, hut must thou still be plunging into new 
difficulties, and hazarding in headlong enterprises 
thyself, thy trumpeter, and thy historian ? 

And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a bux- 
om chambermaid, draws aside the sable curtains 
of the night, and out bounces from his bed the 
jolly red-haired Phoebus, startled at being caught 
so late in the embraces of Dame Thetis. With 
many a stable-boy oath he harnesses his brazen- 
footed steeds, and whips, and lashes, and splashes 
up the firmament, like a loitering coachman, half 
an hour behind his time. And now behold that 
imp of fame and prowess, the headstrong Peter, 
bestriding a raw-boned, switch-tailed charger, gal- 
lantly arrayed in full regimentals, and bracing on 
his thigh that trusty brass-hilted sword, which 
had wrought such fearful deeds on the banks of 
the Delaware. 

Behold hard after him his doughty trumpeter, 
Van Corlear, mounted on a broken-winded, wall- 
eyed, calico mare, his stone pottle, which had 
laid low the mighty Risingh, slung under his 
arm, and his trumpet displayed vauntingly in his 
right hand, decorated with a gorgeous banner, on 
which is emblazoned the great beaver of the 
Manhattoes. See them proudly issuing out of 
the city-gate, like an iron-clad hero of yore, with 
his faithful squire at his heels, the populace fol- 
lowing with their eyes, and shouting many a 
parting wish, and hearty cheering. — Farewell, 
Hardkoppig Piet ! Farewell, honest Antony! — 
Pleasant be your wayfaring — prosperou.'^ y.iur 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 467 

' return ! The stoutest hero that ever drew a 
sword, and the worthiest trumpeter that ever trod 
shoe-leather ! 

Legends are lamentably silent about the events 
that befell our adventurers in this their adven- 
turous travel, excepting the Stuyvesant manu- 
scri])t, which gives the substai^e of a pleasant 
little heroic poem, written on the occasion by 
Dominie ^gidius Luyck,^ who appears to have 
been the poet-laureate of New Amsterdam. This 
inestimable manuscript assures uS, that it was a 
rare spectacle to behold the great Peter and his 
loyal follower hailing the morning sun, and rejoic- 
ing in . the clear countenance of nature, as they 
pranced it through the pastoral scenes of Bloe- 
men Dael ; which, in those days, was a sweet 
and rural valley, beautified with many a bright 
wild-flower, refreshed by many a pure streamlet, 
and enlivened here and there by a " delectable lit- 
tle Dutch cottage, sheltered under some sloping 
hill, and almost buried in embowering trees. 

Now did they enter upon the confines of Con- 
necticut, where they encountered many grievous 
difficulties and perils. At one place . they were 
assailed by a troop of country squires and militia 
colonels, who, mounted on goodly steeds, hung 
upon their rear for several miles, harassing them 
exceedingly with guesses and questions, more 
especially the worthy Peter, whose silver-chased 
leg excited not a little marvel. At another place, 

1 This Luyck Avas moreover rector of the Latin School in 
N'ieuw Nederlands, 1663. There are two pieces addressed to 
iEgidius Luyck in D. Selyn's MSiS. of poesies, upon his mar- 
riage with Judith IsendooVu. Old MS. 



468 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

hard by the renowned town of Stamford, they 
were set upon by a great and mighty legion of 
church-deacons, who imperiously demanded of 
them five sliiilings, for travelling on Sunday, and 
threatened to carry them captive to a neighboring 
church, whose steeple peered above the trees ; 
but these the valiant Peter put to rout with little 
difficulty, insomuch that they bestrode their canes 
and galloped off in horrible confusion, leavmg 
their cocked hats behind m the hurry of their 
flight. But not so easily did he escape from the 
hands of a crafty man of Pyquag, who, with un- 
daunted perseverance, and repeated onsets, fairly 
bargained him out of his goodly switch - tailed 
charger, leaving in place thereof a villanous, 
foundered Narraganset pacer. 

But maugre all these hardships, they pursued 
their journey cheerily along the course of the 
soft-flowing Connecticut, whose gentle waves, says 
the song, roll through many a fertile vale and 
suimy plain, — now reflecting the lofty spires of 
the bustling city, and now the rural beauties of 
the humble hamlet, — now echoing with the busy 
hum of commerce, and now with the cheerful 
song of the peasant. 

At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who 
was noted for warlike punctilio, order the sturdy 
Antony to sound a courteous salutation ; though 
the manuscript observes, that the inhabitants 
were thrown into great dismay when they heard 
of his approach. For the fame of his incompa- 
rable acliievements on the Delaware had spread 
tlu'oughout the east country, and they dreaded 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 469 

lest he had come to take vengeance on their man- 
ifold transgressions. 

But the good Peter rode through these toT\Tis 
with a smiling aspect, waving his hand with 
Inexpressible majesty and condescension ; for he 
verily believed that the old clothes which these 
ingenious people had thrust into their broken 
windows, and the festoons of dried apples and 
peaches which ornamented the fronts of their 
houses, were so many decorations in honor of his 
approach, as it was the custom in the days of 
chivalry to compliment renowned heroes by sumpt- 
uous displays of tapestry and gorgeous furniture. 
The women crowded to the doors to gaze upon 
him as he passed, so much does prowess in arms 
delight the gentle sex. The little children, too, 
ran after him in troops, staring with wonder at 
his regimentals, his brimstone breeches, and the 
silver garniture of his wooden leg. Nor must I 
omit to mention the joy which many strapping 
wenches betrayed at beholduig the jovial Van 
Corlear, who had whilom delighted them so much 
with his trumpet, when he bore the great Peter's 
challenge to the Amphictyons. The kind-hearted 
Antony alighted from his calico mare, and kissed 
them all with infinite lovmg-kindness, — and -was 
right pleased to see a crew of little trumpeters 
crowding around him for liis blessing, each of 
whom he patted on the head, bade him be a 
good boy, and gave liim a penny to buy molas* 
ses candy. 



170 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER V. 



HOW THE YANKEES SECRETLY SOUGHT THE AID OF THE BRITISH CABINEl 
IN TUEIR HOSTILE SCHEMES AGAINST THE MANHATTOES. 



^ji^OW SO it happened, that, while the great 




and good Peter Stuyvesant, followed by 
his trusty squire, was making his chival- 
ric progi-ess through the east country, a dark 
and direful scheme of war against his beloved 
province was forming in that nursery of mon- 
strous projects, the British Cabinet. 

This, we are confidently informed, was the 
result of the secret instigations of the great 
council of the league ; who, finding themselves 
totally incompetent to vie in arms with the heavy- 
sterned warriors of the Manhattoes and theu' 
Li-on-headed commander, sent emissaries to the 
British government, setting forth in eloquent lan- 
guage the wonders and delights of this delicious 
little Dutch Canaan, and imploring that a force 
might be sent out to invade it by sea, while they 
should cooperate by land. 

These emissaries arrived at a critical juncture, 
just as the British Lion was begmning to bristle 
up his mane and wag his tail ; for we are assured 
by the anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant man- 
uscript, that the astounding victory of Peter 



BISTORT OF NEW YORK 471 

Stiiyvesant at Fort Christina had resounded 
throughout Europe, and his amiexation of the 
territory of New Sweden had awakened th" jeal- 
oi^sy of the British Cabinet for their wild lands 
at the south. This jealousy was brought to a 
head by the representations of Lord Baltimore, 
\Ndio declared that the territory thus annexed lay 
within the lands granted to him by the British 
crown, and he claimed to be protected in his 
rights. Lord Sterling, another British subject, 
claimed the whole of Nassau, or Long Island, 
Dnce the Ophir of William the Testy, but now 
the kitchen-garden of the Manhattoes, which he 
declared to be British territory by the right of 
discovery, but unjustly usurped by the Neder- 
landers. The result of all these rumors and 
representations was a sudden zeal on the part of 
his Majesty Charles the Second, for the safety 
and well-being of his transatlantic possessions, and 
especially for the recovery of the New Nether- 
lands, which Yankee logic had, somehow or other, 
proved to be a continuity of the territory taken 
possession of for the British crown by the Pil- 
grims, when they landed on Plymouth Rock, fugi- 
tives from British oppression. All this goodly 
land, thus wrongfully held by the Dutchmen, he 
presented, in a fit of affection, to his brother, the 
Duke of York, — a donation truly royal, since 
none but great sovereigns have a right to give 
away what does not belong to them. That tliis 
munificent gift might not be merely nominal, his 
Majesty ordered that an armament should be 
straightway dispatched to invade tlie city of New 



472 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Amsterdam by land and water, and put hig 
brother in complete possession of the premises. 

Thus critically situated are the affairs of the 
New Nederlanders. Wliile the honest burghers 
are smoking their pipes in sober security, and the 
privy councillors are snoring hi the council-cham- 
ber, — while Peter the Headstrong is undauntedly 
making his way through the east country in the 
confident liope by honest words and manly deeds 
to bring the grand council to terms, — a hostile 
fleet is sweeping like a thunder-cloud across the 
Atlantic, soon to rattle a storm of war about the 
ears of the dozmg Nederlanders, and to put the 
mettle of their governor to the trial. 

But come what may, 1 here pledge my ve- 
racity, that in all warlike conflicts and doubtful 
perplexities he will ever acquit himself like a 
gallant, noble-minded, obstinate old cavalier. — 
Forward, then, to the charge ! Shine out, pro- 
pitious stars, on the renowned city of the Man- 
hattoes ; and the blesshig of St. Nicholas go with 
thee — honest Peter Stuy vesant. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 473 



CHAPTER VI. 




»P PETER ST'JrVESANT'S EXPEDITION INTO TUE EAST COUNTRY, SHOT* 
INO THAT, TUOUGU AN OLD BIRD, HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND TRAP. 



RE AT nations resemble great men in 
pll this particular, that their greatness is 
seldom known until they get in trouble ; 
adver.sity, therefore, has been wisely denominated 
the ordeal of true greatness, which, like gold, 
can never receive its real estimation until it has 
passed through the furnace. In proportion, there- 
fore, as a nation, a community, or an individual 
(possessing the inherent quality of greatness) is 
involved in perils and misfortunes, in proportion 
does it rise in grandeur, and even when sinking 
under calamity, makes, like a house on fire, a 
more glorious display than ever it did in the 
fairest period of its prosperity. 

The vast empire of China, though teeming 
with population and imbibing and concentrating 
the wealth of nations, has vegetated through a 
succession of drowsy ages ; and were it not for its 
internal revolutions, and the subversion of its 
ancient government by the Tartars, might have 
presented nothing but a dull detail of monotonous 
prosperity. Pompeii and Herculaneum might 
have passed into oblivion, with a herd of their con 



474 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

temporaries, had they not been fortunately over- 
whelmed by a volcano. The renowned city of 
Troy acquired celebrity only from its ten years' 
distress, and final conflagration ; Paris rose in 
importance by the plots and massacres which 
ended in the exaltation of Napoleon; and even 
the mighty London has skulked through the rec- 
ords of time, celebrated for nothing of moment 
excepting the plague, the great fire, and Guy 
Faux's gunpowder plot ! Thus cities and em- 
pires creep along, enlarging in silent obscurity, 
until they burst forth in some tremendous calam- 
ity — and snatch, as it were, immortality from 
the explosion ! 

The above principle being admitted, my reader 
will plainly percei\'e that the city of New Am- 
sterdam and its dependent province are on the 
high-road to greatness. Dangers and hostilities 
threaten from every side, and it is really a mat- 
ter of astonishment, how so small a state has been 
able, in so short a time, to entangle itself in so 
many difhculties. Ever since the province was 
first taken by the nose, at the Fort of Goed 
Hoop, in the tranquil days of Wouter Van Twib 
ler, has it been gradually increasing in historic 
importance ; and never could it have had a more 
appropriate chieftain to conduct it to the pinnacle 
of grandeur than Peter Stuyvesant. 

This truly headstrong hero having success- 
fully -effected his daring progress through the ea^t 
country, girded up his loins as he approached 
Boston, and prepared for the grand onslaught 
with the Amphictyons, which was to be the 



HIST OR r OF NEW YORK. 475 

crowning achievement of the campaign. Throw- 
ing Antony Van Corlear, who, with his calico 
mare, formed his escort and army, a little in the 
advance, and bidding him be of stout heart and 
great ^^^ncl, he placed himself firmly in his sad- 
dle, cocked his hat more fiercely over his left eye, 
summoned all the heroism of his soul mto his 
countenance, and, with one arm akimbo, the hand 
resting on the pommel of his sword, rode into the 
gi-eat metropolis of the league, Antony sounding 
his trumpet before him in a manner to electrify 
the whole community. 

Never was there such a stir in Boston as on 
this occasion ; never such a hmTying hither and 
thither about the streets ; such popping of heads 
out of windows ; such gathering of knots in mar- 
ket-places. Peter Stuyvesant was a straightfor- 
ward man, and prone to do everything above- 
board. He would have ridden at once to the 
great council-house of the league and sounded 
a parley ; but the grand council knew the met- 
tlesome hero they had to deal with, and were not 
for doing things in a hurry. On the contrary, 
they sent forth deputations to meet him on the 
way, to receive him in a style befitting the 
great potentate of the Manhattoes, and to multi- 
ply all kind of honors, and ceremonies, and for- 
malities, and other courteous impediments in his 
path. Solemn banquets were accordingly given 
him, equal to thanksgiving feasts. Complimentary 
speeches were made Iiim, Avherein he was enter- 
tained with the surpassing virtues, long-sufferings, 
and achievements of the Pilgrim-Fathers; and it 



476 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

IS even said he Wcas treated to a sight of Plym 
outh Rock, — that great corner-stone of Yankee 
empire. 

I vnW not detain my readers by reconnting the 
endless devices by which time was wasted, and 
obstacles and delays multiplied to the infinite an- 
noyance of the impatient Peter. Neither will I 
fatigue them by dwelling on his negotiations with 
the grand council, when he at length brought 
them to business. Suffice it to say, it was like 
most other diplomatic negotiations : a great deal 
was said and very little done ; one conversation 
led to another, one conference begot misunder- 
standings which it took a dozen conferences to 
explain, at the end of which both parties found 
themselves just where they had begun, but ten 
times less likely to come to an agreement. 

In the midst of these perplexities which bewil- 
dered the brain and incensed the ire of honest 
Peter, he received private intelligence of the dark 
conspiracy matured in the British cabinet, with 
the astounding fact that a British squadron was 
already on the way to invade New Amsterdam 
by sea, and that the grand council of Amphic- 
tyons, while thus beguiling him with subtleties, 
were actually prepared to cooperate by land ! 

Oh ! how did the sturdy old warrior rage and 
roar, when he found himself thus entrapped, like 
a lion in the hunter's toil ! Now did he draw 
his trusty sword, and determine to break in upon 
the council of the Amphictyons and put every 
mother's son of them to death. Now did he 
resolve to fight his Avay throughout all the regioD 
of the east, and to lay waste Connecticut river ! 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 477 

Gallant, but unfortunate Peter ! Did I not 
enter with sad forebodings on this ill-starred ex- 
pedition ? Did I not tremble when I saw thee, 
with no other counsellor than thine own head ; 
no other armor but an honest tongue, a spotless 
conscience, and a rusty sword ; no other pro- 
tector but St. Nicholas, and no other attendant 
but a trumpeter ; did I not tremble when I be- 
held thee thus sally forth to contend with all the 
knowing powers of New England ? 

It was a long time before the kind-hearted 
expostulations of Antony Van Corlear, aided by 
the soothing melody of his trumpet, could lower 
the spirits of Peter Stuyvesant from their war 
like and vindictive tones, and prevent his making 
widows and orphans of half the population of 
Boston. With great difficulty he was prevailed 
upon to bottle up his wrath for the present, to 
conceal from the council his knowledge of their 
machinations, and by effecting his escape, to be 
able to arrive in time for the salvation of the 
Manhattoes. 

The latter suggestion awakened a new ray of 
hope in his bosom ; he forthwith dispatched a se- 
cret message to his councillors at New Amster- 
dcim, apprising them of their danger, and com- 
manding them to put the city in a posture of 
defence, promising to come as soon as possible 
to their assistance. This done, he felt marvel- 
lously relieved, rose slowly, shook himself like a 
rhinoceros, and issued forth from his den, in much 
the same manner as Giant Despair is described 
to have issued from Doubting Castle, in the chi- 
valric history of the Pilgrim's Progress. 



478 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

And now much does it grieve me that I must 
leave the gallant Peter in this imminent jeopardy ; 
but it behooves us to hurry back and see what is 
going on at New Amsterdam, for greatly do I 
fear that city is already in a turmoil. Such was 
ever the fate of Peter Stuyvesant ; while doing 
one thing with heart and soul, he was too apt 
to leave everything else at sixes and sevens. 
While, like a potentate of yore, he was absent 
attending to those things in person which in mod- 
ern days are trusted to generals and ambassadors, 
his little territory at home was sure to get in an 
uproar ; — all which was owing to that uncom- 
mon strength of intellect, which induced him to 
trust to nobody but himself, and which had ac- 
quired him the renowned appellation of Peter 
the Headstrong 



HIS TOBY OF NEW YORK. '179 




CHAPTER Vn. 

HOW THE PEOPLE OF NEW AMSTERDAM WERE THROWN INTO A GREAT 
PANIC BY THE NEWS OP THE THREATENED INVASION, AND THU MAX 
NER IN WHICa THEV FORTIFIED THEMSELVES. ■ 

'HERE is no sight more truly interesting 
to .a philosopher than a community 
where every individual has a voice in 
public affairs, where every individual considers 
himself the Atlas of the nation, and where every 
individual thinks it his duty to bestir himself for 
the good of his country : I say, there is nothing 
more interestuig to a philosopher than such a 
community in a sudden bustle of war. Such 
clamor of tongues — sucli patriotic bawling — 
such running hither and thither — everybody in 
a hurry — everybody in trouble — everybody 
m the way, and everybody interrupting his 
neighbor — who is busily employed in doing 
nothing ! It is like witnessing a great fire, 
Avhere the whole community are agog — some 
dragging about empty engines — others scamper- 
ing with full buckets, and spilling the contents 
into their neighbor's boots — and others ringing 
the church-bells all night, by way of putting out 
the fire. Little firemen, like sturdy little kuight« 
storming a breach, claml)ering up and doAVU scal- 
ing-ladders, and bawling through tin truoipets, by 



'180 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 

way of directing the attack. Here a fellow, in 
his great zeal to save the property of the unfor- 
tunate, catches up an anonymous chamber-utensil, 
and gallants it off witli an air of as much self- 
unportance as if he had rescued a pot of money; 
there another throws lookin^-olasses and china 
out of the window, to save them from the flames ; 
whilst those who can do nothing else run up and 
down the streets, keeping up an incessant cry of 
Fire! Fire! Fire! 

" When the news arrived at Sinope," says Lu- 
cian, — though I own the story is rather trite, — 
" that Philip Avas about to attack them, the inhab- 
itants were throAvn into a violent alarm. Some 
ran to furbish up their arms ; others rolled stones 
to build up the walls, — everybody, in short, 
was employed, and everybody in the w^ay of his 
neighbor. Diogenes alone could find nothing to 
do ; Avhereupon, not to be idle when the welfare 
of his country was at stake, he tucked up liis 
robe, and fell to rolling his tub Avith might and 
main up and down the Gymnasium." In like 
mamier did every mother's son in the patriotic 
community of New Amsterdam, on receiving 
the missive of Peter Stuyvesant, busy himself 
most mightily in putting things in confusion, and 
assisting the general uproar. " Every man " — 
saith the Stuyvesant manuscript — " flew to 
arms ! " — by wdiich is meant, that not one of our 
honest Dutch citizens would venture to church or 
to market Avithout an old-fashioned spit of a sword 
dangling at his side, and a long Dutch fowling- 
piece on his shoulder ; nor would he go out of a 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 481 

flight without a lantern ; nor turn a corner with- 
ouf. first peeping cautiously round, lest he should 
coTiie unawares upon a British army ; — - and we 
are informed that Stoffel BrinkerhofF, who was 
considered by the old women almost as brave a 
man as the governor himself, actually had two 
one-pound swivels mounted ui his entry, one 
pt)inting out at the front door, and the other at 
the back. 

But the most strenuous measure resorted to on 
this awful occasion, and one which has since been 
found of wonderful efficacy, was to assemble pop- 
ular meetings. These brawling convocations, I 
have already shown, were extremely offi^nsive to 
Peter Stuyvesant ; but as this was a moment of 
unusual agitation, and as the old governor was 
not present to repress them, they broke out with 
intolerable violence. Hither, therefore, the ora- 
tors and politicians repaired, striving who should 
bawl loudest, and exceed the others in hyperboli- 
cal bursts of patriotism, and in resolutions to up- 
hold and defend the government. In these sage 
meetings it was resolved that they were the most 
enlightened, the most dignified, the most formi- 
dable, and the most ancient conununity upon the 
face of the earth. This resolution being carried 
unanimously, another was immediately proposed, 
— Avhether it were not possible and politic to ex- 
terminate Great Britain ? upon which sixty-nme 
members spoke in the affirmative, and only one 
arose to suggest some doubts, — who, as a punish- 
ment for his treasonable presiunption, was imme- 
diatel}' seized by the mob, and tarred and feath- 
31 



482 ni STORY OF NEW YORK. 

ered, — which puiii.^hmeiit being equivalent to 
the Tarpeian Rock, he was afterwards considered 
as an outcast from society, and his opinion went 
for nothing. The question, tlierefore, being unan- 
imously carried in the affirmative, it was rec- 
ommended to the grand council to pass it into 
a law; v/hich was accordingly done. By tliis 
measure the hearts of the people at large w(;r<3 
wonderfully encouraged, and they waxed exceed- 
ingly choleric and valorous. Indeed, the first 
paroxysm of alarm having in some measiu'e sub- 
sided, — the old women having buried all the 
money they could lay their hands on, and their 
husbands daily getting fuddled with what was 
left, — the community began even to stand on the 
offensive. Songs were manufactured in Low 
Dutch and sung about the streets, wherein the 
English were most wofuUy beaten, and shown 
no quarter; and popular addresses were made, 
wherein it was proved, to a certainty, that the 
fate of Old England depended upon the will of 
the Xew Amsterdammers. 

Finally, to strike a violent blow at the very 
vitals of Great Britain, a multitude of the wiser 
mhabitants assembled, and having purchased all 
the British manufactures they could find, they 
made thereof a huge bonfire ; and, in the patri 
otic glow of the moment, every man present, who 
had a hat or bi-eeches of English workmai^iship 
pulled it off, and threw it into the flames, — tc 
the irreparable detriment, loss, and ruin of tho 
English manufacturers. In commemoration of 
this great exploit, they erected a pole on the spot, 



nr STORY OF NEW YORK. 483 

with a device on the top intended to represent 
the province of Nienw Nederlands destroying 
Great Britain, under the similitude of an Eagle 
picking the little Island of Old England out of 
the globe ; but either through the unskilfulness 
of the sculptor, or his ill-timed waggery, it bore a 
striking resemblance to a goose, vainly striving 
to get hold of a dumpling. 



484 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER Vm. 



BOW THE GRAND COUNCIL OF THE NEW NETHERLANDS WERE MIRAOO- 
LOUSLT GIFTED WITH LONG TONGUES IN THE MOMENT OF EMERGENOt 
— SHOWING THE VALUE OF WORDS IN WARFARE. 



^^T^^^T will need but little penetration in any 
)^l^^ one conversant with the ways of that 
(^3t^^ wise but windy potentate, the sovereign 
people, to discover that notwithstandmg all the 
warlilve bluster mid bustle of the last chapter, 
the city of New Amsterdam was not a whit 
more prepared for war than before. The privy 
councillors of Peter Stuyvesant were aware of 
this ; and, havhig received his private orders to 
put the city ui an immediate posture of defence, 
they called a meeting of the oldest and rich- 
est burghers to assist them with their wisdom. 
These were that order of citizens commonly 
termed ^' men of the greatest weight in the com- 
munity " ; their weight being estimated by the 
heaviness of theu^ heads and of their purses. 
Their wisdom in fact is apt to be of a ponderous 
kind, and to hang like a mill-stone round the 
nock of the community. 

Two things were unanimously determined in 
this assembly of venerables : Fu-st, that the city 
required to be put m a state of defence ; and, 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 485 

Second, that, as the danger was imminent, there 
should be no time lost : Avhich points being set- 
tled, they fell to making long speeches and be- 
laboring one another in endless and intemperate 
disputes. For about this time was this unhappy 
city first visited by that talking endemic so prev- 
alent in this country, and which so invariably 
evinces itself wherever a number of wise men 
assemble together, breaking out in long, windy 
speeches, caused, as physicians suppose, by the 
foul air which is ever generated in a crowd. 
Now it was, moreover, that they first introduced 
the ingenious method of measuring the merits of 
an harangue by the hour-glass, he being consid- 
ered the ablest orator who spoke longest on a 
question. For which excellent invention, it is 
recorded, we are indebted to the same profound 
Dutch critic who judged of books by their size. 

Tliis sudden passion for endless harangues, so 
little consonant with the customary gravity and 
taciturnity of our sage forefathers, was supposed 
by certam philosophers to have been mibibed, to- 
gether with divers other barbarous propensities, 
from their savage neighbors; who were pecu- 
liarly noted for long talks and council-fires^ and 
never undertook any affiih- of the least impor- 
tance without previous debates and harangues 
among their chiefs and old men. But the real 
cause was, that the people, in electing their rep- 
resentatives to the grand council, were particular 
in choosing them for their talents at talking, 
without inquirmg whether they possessed the 
more rare, difficult, and ofttimes important talent 



486 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

3f holding their tongues. The consequence was, 
that this deliberative body was composed of the 
most loquacious inen in the community. As they 
considered themselves placed there to talk, every 
man concluded that his duty to his constituents^ 
and, Avhat is more, his popularity ^\'ith them, 
required that he should harangue on every sub- 
ject, whether he understood it or not. There 
w^as an ancient mode of burying a chieftain, by 
every soldier throwing his shield full of earth on 
the corpse, until a mighty mound was formed ; 
so, w^henever a question was brought forward in 
this assembly, every member pressing forward to 
throw on his quantum of Avisdom, the subject 
was quickly buried under a mountain of words. 

We are told that disciples, on entering the 
school of Pythagoras, were for two years enjoined 
silence, and forbidden either to ask questions, or 
make remarks. After they had thus acquired 
the inestimable art of holding their tongues, they 
were gradually permitted to make inquiries, and 
finally to communicate their own opinions. 

With what a beneficial effect could this wise 
regulation of Pythagoras be introduced in mod- 
ei-n legislative bodies, — and how w^onderfully 
would it have tended to expedite business in the 
grand council of the Manhattoes ! 

At this perilous juncture the fatal word econ- 
omy, the stumblhig-block of William the Testy, 
had been once more set afloat, according to which 
the cheapest plan of defence was insisted upon as 
the best ; it being deemed a great stroke of pol- 
icy in furnishing powder to economize in ball. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 487 

Thus did dame "Wisdom (whom the wags of 
antiquity have humorously personified as a wom- 
an) seem to take a miscliievous pleasure in jilt- 
ing the venerable councillors of New Amster- 
dam. To add to the confusion, the old factions 
of Short Pipes and Long Pipes, which had been 
almost strangled by the Herculean grasp of Peter 
Stuyvesant, now sprang up with tenfold vigor. 
Wliatever was proposed by Short Pipe was op- 
posed by the whole tribe of Long Pipes, who, 
like true partisans, deemed it their first duty to 
effect the downflill of their rivals, their second, 
to elevate themselves, and their third, to consult 
the public good ; though many left the third con- 
sideration out of question altogether. 

Li this great collision of hard heads it is aston- 
ishing the number of projects that were struck 
out, — projects Avhich threw the Avind-mill system 
of William the Testy completely in the back- 
ground. These were almost uniformly opposed 
by the " men of the greatest weight in the com- 
munity ! " your weighty men, though slow to de- 
vise, beuig always great at " negativing." Among 
these were a set of fat, self-important old burgh- 
ers, who smoked their pipes, and said notlung 
except to negative every plan of defence pro- 
posed. These were that class of " conservatives " 
who, having amassed a fortune, button up their 
pockets, shut their mouths, sink, as it were, 
mto themselves, and pass the rest of their lives 
in the indwelling beatitude of conscious wealth ; 
as some phlegmatic oyster, having swallowed a 
pearl, closes its shell, sinks in the mud, and 



488 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

devotes the rest of its life to the conservation 
of its treasure. Every plan of defence seemed 
to these worthy old gentlemen pregnant with 
ruin. An armed force was a legion of locusts 
preying upon the public property; to tit out a 
naval armament was to throw their money into 
the sea ; to build fortifications was to bury it in 
the dirt. In short, they settled it as a sovereign 
maxim, so long as their pockets were full, no 
matter how much they were drubbed. A kick 
left no scar ; a broken head cured itself ; but 
an empty purse was of all maladies the slowest 
to heal, and one m which nature did nothing 
for the patient. 

Thus did this venerable assembly of sages lav- 
ish away that time which the urgency of affairs 
rendered invaluable, in empty brawls and long- 
winded speeches, without ever agreeing, except 
on the point with which they started, namely, 
that there was no time to be lost, and delay was 
ruinous. At length, St. Nicholas taking compas- 
sion on their distracted situation, and anxious to 
preserve them from anarchy, so ordered, that ui 
the midst of one of their most noisy debates, on 
the subject of fortification and defence, when 
they had nearly fallen to loggerheads in conse- 
quence of not being able to convince each other, 
the question Avas happily settled by the sudden 
entrance of a messenger, who informed them that 
a hostile fleet had arrived, and was actually ad- 
vancing up the bay ! 




Knickerboofcer, p. 488. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 489 



CHAPTER IX. 



VS WHICH THE TROUBLES OP NEW AMSTERDAM APPEAR TO THICKEN — 
SnOVTINO THE BRAVERY, IN TIME OF PERIL, OF A PEOPLE WHO DEFENll 
THEMSELVES BV RESOLUTION. 






^.^ IKE as an assemblage of belligerent cats, 
HA W(t§y gi^^^cring and caterwauling, eying one 
^^^^ another with hideous grimaces and con- 
tortions, spitting in each other's • faces, and on 
the point of a general clapper-clawing, are sud- 
denly put to scampering rout and confusion by the 
appearance of a house-dog, so Avas the no less 
vociferous council of New Amsterdam amazed, 
astounded, and totally dispersed, by the sudden 
arrival of the enemy. Every member waddled 
home as fast as his short legs could carry him, 
Avheezing as he went with corpulency and terror. 
Arrived at his castle, he barricadoed the street- 
door, and buried himself hi the cider - cellar, 
without venturing to peep out, lest he should 
have his head carried off by a cannon-ball. 

The sovereign people crowded into the mar- 
ket-place, herding togetlier with the instinct of 
sheep, who seek safety in each other's company 
when the sheplierd and his dog are absent, and 
the wolf is prowling round the fold. Far from 
finding relief, howev'er, they only increased each 
3ther's terrors. Each man looked ruefully in hw 



490 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

ueighbor's face, in search of encouragement, but 
only found in its woe-begone lineaments a confir- 
mation of his own dismay. Not a word now was 
to be heard of conquering Great Britain, not a 
whisper about the sovereign virtues of economy, 
— while the old women heightened the general 
gloom by clamorously bewailing their fate, and 
calling for protection on St. Nicholas and Peter 
Stuyvesant. 

Oh, how did they bewail the absence of the 
lion-hearted Peter ! and how did they long for 
the comforting presence of Antony Van Corlear ! 
Lideed, a gloomy uncertainty hung over the fate 
of these adventurous heroes. Day after day had 
elapsed since the alarming message from the gov- 
ernor, without bringing any further tidings of his 
safety. Many a fearful conjecture was hazarded 
as to what had befallen him and his loyal squire. 
Had they not been devoured alive by the canni- 
bals of Marblehead and Cape Cod? — had they 
not been put to the question by the great council 
of Amphictyons ? — had they not been smothered 
in onions by the terrible men of Pyquag ? In the 
midst of this consternation and perplexity, when 
horror, like a mighty nightmare, sat brooding 
upon the little, fat, plethoric city of New Amster- 
dam, the ears of the multitude were suddenly 
startled by the distant sound of a trumpet: it 
approached, it grcAV louder and louder, and now 
it resounded at the city gate. The public could 
not be mistaken in the well-known sound; a 
Bhout of joy burst from their lips, as the gallant 
Peter, covered with dust, and followed by his 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 491 

faltliful trumpeter, came galloping into the mar- 
ket-place. 

The first transports of the populace having 
subsided, they gathered round the honest Antony, 
as he dismounted, overwhelming him with greet- 
ings and cono;ratulations. In breathless accents 
he related to them the marvellous adventures 
through which the old governor and himself had 
gone, in making their escape from the clutches 
of the terrible Amphictyons. But though the 
Stuyvesant manuscript, with its customary mi- 
nuteness where anything touching the great Peter 
is concerned, is very particular as to the incidents 
of this masterly retreat, the state of the public 
affairs will not allow me to indulge in a full reci- 
tal thereof. Let it suffice to say, that, while 
Peter Stuyvesant was anxiously revolving in his 
mind how he could make good his escape with 
honor and dignity, certain of the ships sent out 
for the conquest of the Manhattoes touched at 
the eastern ports to obtain supplies, and to cull 
on the grand council of the league for its prom- 
ised cooperation. Upon hearing of this, the vigi- 
lant Peter, perceiving that a moment's delay ^N-ere 
fatal, made a secret and precipitate decampment ; 
though much did it grieve his lofty soul to bo 
obliged to turn his back even upon a nation of 
foes. Many hair-breadth 'scapes and divers per- 
ilous mishaps did they sustain, as they scoured, 
without sound of trumpet, through the fan* regions 
of the east. Already was the country in an up- 
roar with hostile preparations, and they were 
obliged to take a large circuit in their flight, 



492 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

lurking along through the woody mountains of 
the Devil's backbone ; whence the valiant Petef 
sallied forth one day like a lion, and put to rout 
a whole legion of squatters, consisting of three 
generations of a prolific family, who were already 
on their way to take possession of some corner of 
the New Netherlands. Nay, the faithful Antony 
had great difficulty, at sundry times, to prevent 
him, in the excess of his wrath, from descending 
down from the mountains, and falling, SAVord in 
hand, upon certain of the border-towns, who were 
marshallino; forth their drasfo-le-tailed militia. 

The first movement of the governor, on reach- 
ing his dwelling, was to mount the roof, whence 
he contemplated with rueful aspect the hostile 
squadron. This had already come to anchor in 
the bay, and consisted of two stout frigates, hav- 
ing on board, as John Josselyn, Gent., informs us, 
" three hundred valiant red-coats." Having taken 
this survey, he sat himself down arid wrote an 
epistle to the commander, demanding the reason 
of his anchorinsj in the harbor without obtaining 
previous permission so to do. This letter was 
couched in the most dignified and courteous terms, 
though 1 have it from undoubted autliority that 
his teeth were clmched, and he had a bitter, sar- 
donic grin upon his visage all the while he wrote. 
Having dispatched his letter, the grim Peter 
stumped to and fro about the iovra with a most 
war-betokening countenance, his hands thrust into 
his breeches-pockets, and whistling a Low-Dutch 
psalm-tune, which bore no small resemblance to 
the music of a northeast wind, when a storm is 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 493 

brewing. The very dogs as they eyed him 
skulked away in dismay ; while all the old and 
ugly women of New Amsterdam ran howling at 
his heels, imploring him to save them from mur- 
der, robbery, and pitiless ravishment ! 

The reply of Colonel Nicholas, who command- 
ed the invaders, was couched in terms of equal 
courtesy with the letter of the governor ; declar- 
ing the right and title of his British Majesty to 
the province ; where he affirmed the Dutch to be 
mere interlopers ; and demandmg that the town, 
forts, etc. should be forthwith rendered into his 
Majesty's obedience and protection ; promising, 
at the same time, life, liberty, estate, and free 
trade to every Dutch denizen who should readily 
submit to his Majesty's government. 

Peter Stuyvesant read over this friendly epistle 
with some such harmony of aspect as we may 
suppose a crusty farmer reads the loving letter 
of John Stiles, warning him of an action of eject- 
ment. He was not, however, to be taken by 
surprise ; but, thrusting the summons into his 
breeches-pocket, stalked three times across the 
room, took a pinch of snuff with great vehe- 
mence, and then, loftily waving his hand, prom- 
ised to send an answer the next morning. He 
now summoned a general meetmg of his privy 
councillors and burgomasters, not to ask their 
advice, for, confident in his own strong head, he 
needed no man's counsel, but apparently to give 
them a piece of his mind on their late craven 
conduct. 

His orders being duly promulgated, it was a 



494 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

piteous sight to behold the late valiant burgo 
masters, who had demolished the whole British 
empire in their harangues, peeping ruefully out 
of their hiduig-places ; crawling cautiously foi th ; 
dodging through narrow lanes and alleys ; start- 
ing at every little dog that barked ;' mistaking 
lamp -posts for British grenadiers; and, in the 
excess of their panic, metamorphosing pumps 
into formidable soldiers levelling blunderbusses at 
their bosoms ! Having, however, in despite of 
numerous perils and difficulties of the kind, ar- 
rived safe, without the loss of a single man, at 
the hall of assembly, they took their seats, and 
awaited in fearful silence the arrival of the 2:0V- 
ernor. In a few moments the Avooden leg of the 
intrepid Peter was heard in regular and stout- 
hearted thumps upon the staircase. He entered 
the chamber, arrayed in full suit of regimentals, 
and carrying his trusty toledo, not girded on his 
thio^h, but tucked under his arm. As the n;ov- 
ernor never equipped himself in this portentous 
manner unless something of martial natiu'e were 
working within his pericranium, his council re- 
garded him ruefully, as if they saw fire and 
sword in his iron countenance, and forgot to light 
their pipes in breathless suspense. 

His first words were, to rate his council 
soundly for having wasted in idle debate and 
party feud the time which should have been 
devoted to putting the city in a state of defence. 
He was particularly indignant at those brawlers 
who had disgraced the councils of the province 
by empty bickerings and scurrilous invectives 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 495 

against an absent enemy. He now called upon 
them to make good their words by deeds, as the 
enemy they had defied and derided was at the 
gate. Fmally, he informed them of the summons 
he had received to surrender, but concluded by 
swearing to defend the province as long as 
Heaven Avas on his side and he had a wooden 
leg to stand upon ; which warlike sentence he 
emphasized by a thwack with the flat of his 
sword upon the table, that quite electrified his 
auditors. 

The privy councillors, Avho had long since been 
brought into as perfect discipline as were ever the 
soldiers of the great Frederick, knew there was 
no use in saying a word, — so lighted their pipes, 
and smoked away in silence, like fat and discreet 
councillors. But the burgomasters, being inflated 
with considerable importance and self-sufficiency, 
acquired at popular meetings, were not so easily 
satisfied. Mustering up fresh spirit, when they 
found there was some chance of escaping from 
their present jeopardy without the disagreeable 
alternative of fighting, they requested a copy of 
the summons to surrender, that they might show 
it to a general meeting of the people. 

So insolent and mutinous a- request would 
have been enough to have roused the gorge of 
the tranquil Van Twiller himself, — -what then 
must have been its effect upon the great Stuyve- 
sant, who was not only a Dutchman, a govei-nor, 
and a valiant Avooden-legged soldier to boot, but 
A\athal a man of the most stomachful and gun- 
powder disposition ? He burst forth into a blaze 



496 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

of indignation, — swore not a mother's son of 
tliem should see a syllable of it, — that as to 
their advice or concurrence, he did not care a 
whiff of tobacco for either, — that they might go 
home, and go to bed like old women ; for he was 
determined to defend the colony himself, without 
the assistance of them or their adherents ! So 
saying he tucked his sword under his arm, cocked 
his hat upon his head, and girding up his louis, 
stumped indignantly out of the council-chamber, 
everybody making room for him as he passed. 

No sooner was he gone than the busy burgo- 
masters called a public meeting in front of the 
Stadthouse, where they appointed as chairman 
one Dofue Roerback, formerly a meddlesome 
member of the cabinet during the reign of Wil- 
liam the Testy, but kicked out of office by Peter 
Stuyvesant on taking the reins of government. 
He was, withal, a miglity gingerbread bake,r in 
the land, and reverenced by the populace as a 
man of dark knowledge, seeing that he was the 
first to imprint New- Year cakes with the myste- 
rious hieroglyphics of the Cock and Breeches, 
and such like magical devices. 

This burgomaster, who still chewed the cud of 
ill-will against Peter Stuyvesant, addressed the 
multitude in what is called a patriotic speech, 
informing them of the courteous summons which 
the governor had received, to surrender, of his 
refusal to comply therewith, and of his denying 
the public even a sight of tlie su?nmons, which 
doubtless contained conditions highly to the honor 
and advantage of the province. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 497 

He then proceeded to speak of his Excellency 
in high-sounding terms of vituperation, suited to 
the dignity of his station ; comparing him to 
Nero, Caligula, and other flagrant great men of 
yoi'e ; assuring the people that the history of the 
world did not contain a despotic outrage equal to 
the present. That it would be recorded in letters 
of fire, on the blood - stamed tablet of history ! 
That ages would roll back with sudden horror 
when they came to view it ! That the womb of 
time (by the way, your orators and writers take 
strange liberties with the womb of time, though 
some would f\iin have us believe that time is an 
old gentleman) — that the womb of time, preg- 
nant as it was with direful horrors, Avould never 
produce a parallel enormity ! — Avith a variety 
of other heart - rending, soul - stirring tropes and 
figures, which I cannot enumerate ; neither, in- 
deed, need I, for they were of the kind which 
even to the present day form the style of popular 
harangues and patriotic orations, and may be 
classed in rhetoric under the general title of 
Rigmarole. 

The result of this speech of the mspired bur- 
gomaster was a memorial addressed to the gov- 
ernor, remonstrating in good round terms on his 
conduct. It was proposed that Dofue Roerback 
himself should be the bearer of this memorial ; 
but this he warily declined, having no inclination 
of cominnr a'2jain within kicking? distance of his 
Excellency. Who did deliver it has never been 
named in history, in which neglect he has suffered 
grievous wrong ; seeing that he was equally 
32 



498 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

worthy of blazon with him perpetuated in Scot- 
tish song and story by the surname of Bell-the- 
cat. All we know of the fate of this memorial 
is, that it was used by the grim Peter to light his 
pipe ; which, fi'om the vehemence with which he 
smoked it, was evidently anything but a pipe of 
weace. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 499 



CHAPTER X. 




BONTAINDfG A DOLEFUL DISASTER OF ANTONY THE TRUMPETER — AND 
HOW PETER STUYVESANT, LIKE A SECOND CROMWELL, SUDDENLY DIS- 
SOLVED A RUMP PARLIAMENT. 



10 W did the high - minded Pieter de 
Groodt shower down a pannier-load of 
maledictions upon his burgomasters for 
a set of self-willed, obstinate, factious varlets, who 
would neither be convinced nor persuaded. Nor 
did he omit to bestow some left-handed compli- 
ments upon the sovereign people, as a herd of 
poltroons, who had no relish for the glorious hard- 
ships and illustrious misadventures of battle, but 
would rather stay at home, and eat and sleep in 
ignoble ease, than fight in a ditch for immortal- 
ity and a broken head. 

Resolutely bent, however, upon defending his 
beloved city, in despite even of itself, he called 
unto him his trusty Van Corlear, who was his 
right-hand man in all times of emergency. Him 
did he adjure to take his war-denouncing trumpet, 
and mounting his horse, to beat up the country 
night and day, — sounding the alarm along the 
pastoral borders of the Bronx, — startling the 
wild solitudes of Croton, — arousing the rugged 
yeomanry of Weehawk and Hoboken, — the 



50C HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

mighty men of battle of Tappan Bay, — and the 
brave boys of Tarry-Town, Petticoat-Lane, and 
Sleepy-Hollow, — charging them one and all to 
sling their powder-horns, shoulder their fowling- 
pieces, and march merrily down to the Manhat- 
toes. 

Now there was nothing in all the world, the 
divine sex excepted, that Antony Van Corlear 
loved better than errands of this kind. So just 
stopping to take a lusty dinner, and bracing to 
his side his junk-bottle, well charged with heart- 
inspiring Hollands, he issued jollily from the city 
gate, which looked out upon what is at present 
called Broadway, sounding a farewell strain, that 
rung in sprightly echoes through the ^^'inding 
streets of New Amsterdam. Alas ! never more 
were they to be gladdened by the melody of their 
favorite trumpeter ! 

It was a dark and stormy night when the good 
Antony arrived at the creek (sagely denominated 
Haerlem river) wliich separates the island of 
Manna-hata from the mainland. The wind was 
high, the elements were in an uproar, and no 
Charon could be found to ferry the adventurous 
sounder of brass across the water. For a short 
time he vapored like an impatient ghost upon tlie 
brink, and then bethinking himself of the urgency 
of his errand, took a hearty embrace of his stone 
bottle, swore most valorously that he would swim 
across in spite of the devil ! (Spyt den Duyvel !) 
and daringly plunged into the stream. Luckless 
A^ntony ! Scarce had he buffeted half-way over 
when he was observed to struggle violently, as if 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 501 

buttling with the spirit of the waters, — instinc- 
tively he put liis trumpet to liis mouth, and giv- 
ing a vehement blast — sank forever to the bot- 
tom ! 

The clangor of his trumpet, like that of the 
JAory horn of the renowned Paladin Orlando, 
when expiring in the glorious field of Ronces- 
valles, rang far and wide through the country, 
tdarming the neighbors round, who hurried in 
amazement to the spot. Here an old Dutch 
burgher, lamed for his veracity, and who had 
been a witness of the fact, related to them the 
melancholy affair ; with the fearful addition (to 
which I am slow in giving belief) that he saw the 
duyvel, in the shape of a huge moss-bonker, seize 
the sturdy Antony by the leg, and drag him be- 
neath the waves. Certain it is, the place, with 
the adjoining promontory, which projects into the 
Hudson, has been called Spyt den Duyvel ever 
since ; the ghost of the unfortunate Antony still 
haunts the surrounding solitudes, and his trum- 
pet has often been heard by the neighbors, of a 
stormy night, mingling with the howling of the 
blast. Nobody ever attempts to swim across the 
creek after dark ; on the contrary, a bridge has 
been built to guard against such melancholy acci- 
dents in future ; and as to the moss-bonkers, they 
are held in such abhorrence, that no true Dutch- 
man Avill admit them to his table, who loves good 
fish and hates the devil. 

vSuch was the end of Antony Van Corlear, — 
a man deserving of a better fate. He lived 
roundly and soundly, like a true and jolly bach- 



502 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

elor, until the day of liis death ; but though he 
was never married, yet did he leave behind some 
two or three dozen children, in different parts of 
tlie country, — fine, chubby, brawling, flatulent 
little urchins ; from whom, if legends speak true, 
(and they are not apt to lie,) did descend the in- 
numerable race of editors, who people and defend 
this country, and who are bountifully paid by the 
people for keeping np a constant alarm — and 
making them miserable. It is hinted, too, that 
in his various expeditions into the East he did 
much towards promoting the population of the 
country ; in proof of which is adduced the noto- 
rious propensity of the people of those parts to 
sound their own tiTimpet. 

As some Avay-worn pilgrim, when the tempest 
wliistles throu<>;h his locks, and nii>'ht is s-atherins: 
round, beholds his faithful dog, the companion 
and solace of his journeying, stretched lifeless at 
his feet, so did the generous-hearted hero of the 
Manhattoes contemplate the untimely end of An- 
tony Van Corlear. He had been the faithfid 
attendant of his footsteps ; he had charmed him 
in many a Aveary hour by his honest gayety and 
the martial melody of his trumpet, and had fol- 
loAved him Avith unflinching loyalty and affection 
through many a scene of direful peril and mis- 
hap. He AA'^as gone forcA^er ! and that, too, at ? 
moment AA^hen every mongrel cur Avas skulking 
from his side. This — Peter Stuy vesant — AA^as 
\he moment to try thy fortitude ; and this Avag 
the moment Avhen thou didst indeed shine forth 
Peter the Headstrong ! 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 503 

The glare of day had long dispelled the hor- 
rors of the stormy night ; still all was dull and 
gloomy. The late jovial Apollo hid his face 
behind lugubrious clouds, peeping out now and 
then for an instant, as if anxious, yet fearful, 
to sec what was going on in his favorite city. 
This was the eventful morning when the great 
Peter was to give his reply to the summons 
of the invadei-s. Already was he closeted with 
his privy council, sitting in grim state, broodiiig 
over the fate of his favorite trumpeter, and anon 
boiling with indignation as the insolence of his 
recreant burgomasters flashed upon his mind. — 
While in this state of irritation, a courier arrived 
in all haste from Winthrop, the subtle governor 
of Comiecticut, counselling him, in the most af- 
fectionate and disinterested manner, to surrender 
the province, and magnifying the dangers and ca- 
lamities to which a refusal would subject him. — 
What a moment was this to intrude officious ad- 
vice upon a man who never took advice in his 
whole life! — The fiery old governor strode up 
and down the chamber with a vehemence that 
made the bosoms of his councillors to quake with 
awe, — railhig at his unlucky fiite, that thus made 
him the constant butt of factious subjects, and 
iesuitical advisers. 

Just at this ill-chosen juncture, the oflficious 
burgomasters, who had heard of the arrival of 
mysterious despatches, came marching in a body 
into the room, -svith a legion of schepens and toad- 
eaters at their heels, and abruptly demanded a 
perusal of the letter. This was too much foi* the 



504 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

spleen of Peter Stuyvesant. He tore the letter 
in a thousand pieces, — threw it in the face of 
the nearest burgomaster, — broke his pipe over 
the head of the next, — hurled liis spitting-box 
at an unlucky schepen, who was just retreating 
out at the door, and finally prorogued the wliole 
meeting sine die, by kicking them down-stairs 
with his wooden leg. 

As soon as the burgomasters could recover 
from their confusion and had time to breathe, they 
called a public meeting, where they related at 
full length, and ^vith appropriate coloring and 
exaggeration, the despotic and vindictive deport- 
ment of the governor ; declaring that, for their 
o\vn parts, they did not value a straw the being 
kicked, cuffed, and mauled by the timber toe of 
his Excellency, but that they felt for the dignity 
of the sovereign people, thus rudely insulted by 
the outrage committed on the seat of honor of 
their representatives. The latter part of the ha- 
rangue came home at once to that delicacy of 
feeling and jealous pride of character vested in 
all true mobs, — who, though they may bear in- 
juries without a murmur, yet are marvellously 
jealous of their sovereign dignity ; and there 
is no knowing to what act of resentment they 
might have been provoked, had they not been 
somewhat more afraid of their sturdy old gov- 
ernor than they were of St. Nicholas, the English 
— or the d — ^1 himself. 



HISTORY OF l^EW YORK. 505 



CHAPTER XI. 

BOW PETER STUYVESANT DEFEXDED THE CITY OF NEW AMSTERDAM FOB 
SEVERAL DAYS, BY DINT OF TUE STRENGTU OP UIS HEAD. 

HERE is something exceedingly sublime 
and melanclioly in the spectacle wliich 
l^^^^l the present crisis of our history presents. 
An illustrious and venerable little city, — the me- 
tropolis of a vast extent of uninhabited country, — 
garrisoned by a douglity host of orators, chairmen, 
committee-men, burgomasters, schepens, and old 
women, — governed by a determined and strong- 
headed warrior, and fortified by mud batteries, 
palisadoes, and resolutions, — blockaded by sea, 
beleaguered by land, and threatened with direful 
desolation from without, while its very vitals are 
torn with internal faction and commotion ! Never 
did historic pen record a page of more compli- 
cated distress, unless it be the strife that dis- 
tracted the Israelites, during the siege of Jeru- 
salem, — where discordant parties were cutting 
each other's throats, at the moment when the 
victorious legions of Titus had toppled down 
their bulwarks, and were carrying fire and sword 
uito the very sanctum sanctorum of the temple. 

Governor Stuyvesant having triumphantly put 
nis grand council to the rout, and delivered him- 



506 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

Belf from a multitude of impertinent advisers, 
dispatched a categorical reply to the commanders 
of the invading squadron ; wherein he asserted 
the right and title of their High Mightinesses 
the Lords States General to the province of New 
Netherlands, and trusthig in tlie righteousness 
of his cause, set the whole British nation at 
defiance ! 

My anxiety to extricate my readers and my- 
self from these disastrous scenes prevents me 
from giving the whole of this gallant letter, 
which concluded in these manly and affectionate 
terms : — 

" As touching the threats in your conclusion, 
we have nothing to answer, only that we fear 
nothuig but what God (who is as just as merci- 
ful) shall lay upon us ; all things being in liis 
gracious disposal, and we may as well be pre- 
served by him with small forces as by a great 
army ; which makes us to wish you all happiness 
and prosperity, and recommend you to his protec- 
tion. My lords, your thrice humble and affec- 
tionate servant and friend, P. Stuyvesant." 

Thus having thrown his gauntlet, the brave 
Peter stuck a pair of horse-pistols in his belt, 
gii'ded an immense powder-horn on his side, — 
thrust his sound leg into a Hessian boot, and 
clapping his fierce little war-hat on the top of his 
head, — paraded up and down in front of liis 
house, determined to defend his beloved city to 
the last. 

While all these struggles and dissensions were 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 507 

prevailing in the unhappy city of New Amster- 
dam, imd while its worthy but ill-starred governor 
was framing the above-quoted letter, the English 
commanders did not remain idle. They had 
agents secretly employed to foment the fears and 
clamors of the populace ; and moreover circu- 
lated far and wide, through the adjacent country, 
a proclamation, repeating the terms they had 
already held out in their summons to surrender, 
at the same time beguiling the simple Nederland- 
ers with the most crafty and conciliating profes- 
sions. They promised that every man who vol- 
untarily submitted to the authority of his British 
Majesty should retain peaceful possession of his 
house, his vrouw, and liis cabbage-garden. That 
he should be suffered to smoke his pipe, speak 
Dutch, wear as many breeches as he pleased, and 
import bricks, tiles, and stone jugs from Holland, 
instead of manufacturing them on the spot. That 
he should on no account be compelled to learn 
the English language, nor eat codfish on Satur- 
days, nor keep accounts in any other way than 
by casting them up on his fingers, and chalking 
them down upon the crown of his hat ; as is 
observed among the Dutch yeomanry at the pres- 
ent day. That every man should be allowed 
quietly to inherit his father's hat, coat, shoo- 
buckles, pipe, and every other personal appen- 
dage ; and that no man should be obliged to con- 
form to any improvements, inventions, or any 
other modern innovations ; but, on the contrary, 
should be permitted to build his house, follow his 
trade, manage his farm, rear his hogs, and edu- 



508 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

cate his children, precisely fis his ancestors had 
done before liim from time immemorial. Finally, 
that he should have all the benefits of free trade, 
and should not be required to acknoAvledge any 
other saint in the calendar than St. Nicholas, who 
should thenceforward, as before, be considered the 
tutelar saint of the city. 

These terms, as may be supposed, appeared 
very satisfactory to the people, who had a great 
disposition to enjoy their property unmolested, 
and a most singular aversion to engage in a con- 
test, where they could gain little more than honor 
and broken heads, — the first of which they held 
in philosophic indifference, the latter in utter de- 
testation. By these insidious means, therefore, 
did the English succeed in alienathig the confi- 
dence and affections of the populace from their 
gallant old governor, whom they considered as 
obstinately bent upon running them into hideous 
misadventures ; and did not hesitate to speak 
their muids freely, and abuse him most heaitily 
— behind his back. 

Like as a mighty grampus when assailed and 
buffeted by roaring Avaves and brawling suiges, 
still keeps on an undeviating course, rising above 
the boisterous billows, spouting and blowing as 
he emerges, — so did the inflexible Peter pursue, 
unwavering, his determined career, and rise, con- 
temptuous, above the clamors of the rabble. 

But when the British warriors found that he 
set their power at defiance, they dispatched re- 
cruiting officers to Jamaica, and Jericho, and i\in- 
eveh, and Quag, and Patchog, and all those 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK 509 

towns on Long Island which had been subdued 
of yore by Stoffel BrinkerhofF; stirrhig up the 
progeny of Preserved Fish, and Determined Cock, 
and those other New-England squatters, to assail 
the city of New Amsterdam by land, while the 
hostile ships prepared for an assault by water. 

The streets of New Amsterdam now presented 
a scene of wild dismay and consternation, hi 
vain did Peter Stuyvesant order the citizens to 
arm and assemble on the Battery. Blank terror 
reigned over the community. The whole party 
of Short Pipes in the course of a single night 
had changed uito arrant old women, — a metamor- 
phosis only to be paralleled by the prodigies re- 
corded by Livy as having happened at Rome at 
the approach of Hannibal, when statues sweated 
in pure affright, goats were converted mto sheep, 
and cocks, turnmg into hens, ran cackhng about 
the street. 

Thus baffled in all attempts to put the city in 
a state of defence, blockaded from without, tor- 
mented from withm, and menaced with a Yan- 
kee invasion, even the stiff-necked will of Peter 
Stuyvesant for once gave way, and in spite of 
his mighty heart, which swelled m his throat un 
til it nearly choked him, )ie consented to a treaty 
of surrender. 

Words cannot express the transports of tho 
populace, on receiving this intelligence ; had 
they obtained a conquest over their enemies, they 
could not have indulged greater deliglit. The 
streets resounded with their congratulations, — « 
they extolled their governor as the father and 



510 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

deliverer of his country, — they crowded to liia 
house to testify their gratitude, and were ten 
times more noisy in their pLn-udits than when he 
returned, with victory perched upon his beaver, 
from tlie glorious capture of Fort Christina. But 
the mdignant Peter shut his doors and windows, 
and took refuge in the innermost recesses of hia 
mansion, that he might not hear the iirnoble re- 
joicings of the rabble. 

Commissioners were now appointed on both 
sides, and a capitidation was speedily arranged ; 
all that was wanting *^o ratify it was that it 
should be signed by the governor. When the 
commissioners waited upon him for this purpose, 
they were received with grim and bitter" courtesy. 
His warlike accoutrements were laid aside, — an 
old Lidian niglit-gown was wrapped about his 
rugged limbs, a red night-cap overshadowed his 
frowning brow, an iron-gray beard of three days' 
growth gave additional grimness to his visage. 
Thrice did he seize a worn-out stump of a pen, 
and essay to sign the loathsome paper, — thrice 
did he clhich his teeth, and make a horrible 
countenance, as though a dose of rhubarb, senna, 
and ipecacuanha had been offered to his lips ; Jit 
length, dashing it from him, he seized his brass- 
hilted sword, and jerking it from the scabbard, 
swore by St. Nicholas, to sooner die than yield 
to any power under heaven. 

For two whole days did he persist in this mag- 
nanimous resolution, during wdiich his house was 
besieged by the rabble, and menaces and clamor- 
Dus revihngs exhausted to no purpose. And now 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 511 

another course was adopted to soothe, if possible, 
his mighty ire. A procession was formed by the 
burgomasters and schepens, followed by the pop- 
ulace, to bear the capitulation in state to the gov- 
ernor's dwelling. They found the castle strongly 
barricadoed, and the old hero in full regimentals, 
with his cocked hat on his head, posted with a 
blunderbuss at the garret-window. 

There was something in this formidable posi- 
tion that struck even the ignoble vulgar with awe 
and admiration. The brawling multitude could 
not but reflect with self-abasement upon their 
own pusillanimous conduct, when they beheld 
their hardy but deserted old governor, thus faith- 
ful to his post, like a forlorn hope, and fully pre- 
pared to defend his ungrateful city to the last. 
These compunctions, however, were soon over 
whelmed by the recurring tide of public appre- 
hension. The populace arranged themselves be- 
fore the house, taking off their hats with most 
respectful humility; Burgomaster Roerback, who 
was of that popular class of orators described by 
Sallust as being " talkative rather than eloquent," 
stepped forth and addressed the governor in a 
speech of three houre' length, detailing, in the 
most pathetic terms, the calamitous situation of 
the province, and urging him in a constant repe- 
tition of the same arguments and words to sign 
the capitulation. 

The mighty Peter eyed him from his garret- 
window in grim silence, — now and then his eiye 
would glance over the surrounding rabble, and 
an indignant grin, like that of an angry mastiflp, 



512 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

would mark his iron visage. But tliougli a man 
of most undaunted mettle, — though lie had a 
heart as big as an ox, and a head tliat would 
have set adamant to scorn, — yet after all he was 
a mere mortal. Wearied out by these repeated 
oppositions, and this eternal haranguing, and per- 
ceiving that unless he complied, the inhabitants 
would follow theu' own inclination, or rather 
their fears, without waiting for his consent, or, 
what was still worse, the Yankees would have 
time to pour in their forces and claim a share 
in the conquest, he testily ordered them to hand 
up the paper. It was accordingly hoisted to him 
on the end of a pole ; and havhig scrawled his 
name at the bottom of it, he anathematized them 
all for a set of cowardly, mutinous, degenerate 
poltroons, threw the capitulation at their heads, 
slammed down the window, and was heard 
stumping down-stairs Avith vehement indignation. 
The rabble incontinently took to then* heels ; even 
the burgomasters were not slow in evacuatuig the 
premises, fearing lest the sturdy Peter might issue 
from his den, and greet them with some unwel 
come testimonial of his displeasure. 

Within three hours after the surrender, a le- 
gion of British beef-fed warriors poured mto Nev/ 
Amsterdam, taking possession of the fort and 
batteries. And now might be heard, from all 
quarters, the sound of hammers made by the old 
Dutch burghers, in nailing up their doors and 
windows, to protect their vrouws from these fierce 
barbarians, whom they contemplated hi silent sul- 
leniiess from the garret-windows as they paraded 
through the streets. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 513 

Thus did Colonel Richard Nichols, the com- 
mander of the British forces, enter into quiet 
possession of the conquered realm as locum tenens 
for the Duke of York. The victory was attended 
^vitll no other outrage than that of changing the 
name of the province and its metropolis, which 
thenceforth were denominated New York, and 
so have contmued to be called unto the present 
day. The inhabitants, according to treaty, were 
allowed to maintain quiet possession of their 
property ; but so inveterately did they retain 
their abhorrence of the British nation, that in a 
private meeting of the leadmg citizens it was 
unanimously determined never to ask any of their 
conquerors to dinner. 

Note. — INIodern historians assert that when the New Neth- 
erlands were thus overrun by the British, as Spain in ancient 
days by the Saracens, a resolute band refused to bend the neck 
to the invader. Led by one Garret Van Home, a valorous 
and gigantic Dutchman, they crossed the bay and buried 
themselves among the marshes and cabbage-gardens of Com- 
munipaw ; as did Pelayo and his followers among the moun- 
tains of Asturias. Here their descendants have remained ever 
since, keeping themselves apart, like seed-corn, to re-people 
the city with the genuine breed whenever it shall be effec- 
tually recovered from its intruders. It is said the genuine 
descendants of the Nederlanders who inhabit New York, still 
look with longing eyes to the green marshes of ancient Pavo- 
nia, as did the conquered Spaniards of yore to the stern moun- 
tains of Asturias, considering these the regions whence deliv- 
erance is to come. 



5J4 J] IS TORY OF NEW YORK. 



CHAPTER Xn. 




g 



BONIAINING THE DIGXIFIED RETIREMENT, AND MORTAL SURRENDER 
PETER THE HEADSTRONG. 



riUS, then, have I concluded this great 
historical enterprise ; but before I lay 
^ aside my Aveary pen, there yet remains 
to be performed one pious duty. If among the 
variety of readers who may peruse tliis book, 
there should haply be found any of those souls 
of true nobility, which glow with celestial fire as 
the history of the generous and the brave, they 
will doubtless be anxious to know the fate of the 
gallant Peter Stuyvesant. To gratify one such 
sterling heart of gold I would go more lengths 
than to instruct the cold-blooded curiosity of a 
whole fraternity of philosophers. 

No sooner had that high -mettled cavalier 
signed the articles of capitulation, than, deter- 
mmed not to witness the humiliation of his favor- 
ite city, he turned his back on its walls and made 
a growling retreat to his houwery, or country -scat, 
which was situated about two miles off; where 
he passed the remainder of his days in patriarchal 
retirement. There he enjoyor' tliat tranquillity 
of mind which he had never known amid the 
distractino: cares of jrovernment ; and tasted the 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 515 

Bweets of absolute and uncontrolled authority, 
which his factious subjects had so often dashed 
with the bitterness of opposition. 

No persuasions could ever induce him to revisit 
the city ; on the contrary, he would always have 
his great arm-chair placed with its back to the 
windo^\■s which looked in that direction, until a 
thick grove of trees planted by his own hand 
grew up and formed a screen that effectually 
excluded it from the prospect. He railed contin- 
ually at the degenerate imiovations and improve- 
ments introduced by the conquerors ; forbade a 
word of their detested language to be spoken in 
his family, — a prohibition readily obeyed, since 
none of the household could speak anythuig but 
Dutch, — and even ordered a fine avenue to be 
cut down m front of his house because it con- 
sisted of English cherry-trees. 

The same incessant vigilance, which blazed 
forth when he had a vast province under his care, 
now showed itself with equal vigor, though in 
narrower limits. - He patrolled with unceasing 
watchfulness the boundaries of his little territory ; 
repelled every encroachment with intrepid prompt- 
ness ; punished every vagrant depredation upon 
his orchard or his farm-yard with inflexible se- 
verity ; and conducted every stray hog or cow 
in triumph to the pound. But to the indigent 
neighbor, the friendless stranger, or the weary 
wanderer, his spacious doors were ever open, 
find his capacious fireplace, that emblem of liis 
own warm and generous heart, had always a cor- 
ner to receive and cherish them. Tliere was on 



516 EJ STORY OF NEW YORK. 

exception to this, I must confess, in case the ill- 
staiTed applicant were an Englishman or a Yan- 
kee ; to whom, though he might extend the hand 
of assistance, he could never be brought to yield 
the rites of hospitality. Nay, if perad venture 
some straggling merchant of the East should stop 
at his door, witli hLs cart-load of tm ware or 
wooden bowls, the fiery Peter would issue forth 
like a giant from his castle, and make such a 
furious clattering among his pots and kettles, that 
the vender of " notions " was fain to betake him- 
self to instant flight. 

His suit of regimentals, worn tlu*eadbare by 
the brush, were carefully hung up in the state 
bed-chamber, and regularly aired the first fair 
day of every month ; and his cocked hat and 
trusty sword were suspended in grim repose over 
the parlor mantelpiece, formmg supporters to a 
full - length portrait of the reno^^^led Admiral 
Van Tromp. In his domestic empire he main- 
tained strict discipline and a well-organized des- 
potic government ; but though his own Avill was 
the supreme law, yet the good of his subjects 
was his constant object. He watched over, not 
merely their immediate comforts, but their morals, 
and their ultimate welfare ; for he gave them 
abundance of excellent admonition, nor could any 
of them complain, that, when occasion required, 
he was by any means niggardly in bestowing 
wholesome correction. 

The good old Dutch festivals, those periodical 
demonstrations of an overflowing heart and a 
thankful spirit, which are falling into sad disuse 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 517 

among my fellow-citizens, were faithfully observed 
in the mansion of Governor Stuyvesant. New- 
Year was truly a day of open-handed liberality, 
of jocund revelry, and warm-hearted congratu- 
lation, when the bosom swelled with genial good- 
fellowship, and the plenteous table was attended 
with an unceremonious freedom, and honest broad- 
mouthed merriment, unknown in these days of 
degeneracy and refinement. Paas and Pinxter 
were scrupulously observed throughout his do 
minions ; nor was the day of St. Nicholas suffered 
to pass by, without making presents, hanging the 
stocking in the chimney, and complying with all 
its other ceremonies. 

Once a year, on the first day of April, he used 
to array himself in full regimentals, being the 
anniversary of his triumphal entry into New 
Amsterdam, after the conquest of New Sweden. 
This was always a kind of saturnalia among the 
domestics, when they considered themselves at 
liberty, m some measure, to say and do what they 
pleased ; for on this day their master was always 
observed to unbend, and become exceeding pleas- 
ant and jocose, sending the old gray-headed ne- 
groes on April-fool's errands for pigeon's milk ; 
not one of whom but allowed himself to be 
taken in, and humored his old master's jokes, 
as became a faithful and well-disciplined depend- 
ant. Thus did he reign, happily and peacefully 
9n his own land — injuring no man — envying 
no man — molested by no outward strifes — per- 
plexed by no internal commotions ; — and the 
mighty monarchs of the earth, who were vainly 



518 UISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

seeking to maintain peace, and promote the wel- 
ftire of mankind, by war and desolation, would 
have done well to have made a voyage to the 
little island of Manna-hata, and learned a lesson 
in government from the domestic economy of 
Peter Stuyvesant. 

In process of time, however, the old governor 
like all other children of mortality, began to 
exhibit evident tokens of decay. Like an aged 
oak, which, though it long has braved the fury 
of the elements, and still retains its gigantic pro- 
portions, begins to shake and groan with every 
blast — so was it with the gallant Peter ; for 
tliough he still bore the port and semblance of 
what he was in the days of his hardihood and 
chivalry, yet did age and infirmity begin to sap 
the vigor of his frame, — but his heart, that un- 
conquerable citadel, still triumphed unsubdued. 
With matchless avidity would he listen to every 
article of intelligence concerning the battles be- 
tween the English and Dutch, — still would his 
pulse beat high whenever he heard of the vic- 
tories of De Kuyter, and his countenance lower, 
and his eyebrows knit, when fortune turned in 
favor of the English. At length, as on a certain 
day he had just smoked his fifth pipe, and was 
napping after dinner, in his arm-chair, conquer- 
ing the whole British nation in his dreams, he 
was suddenly aroused by a ringing of bells, rat- 
tling of drums, and roaring of cannon, that put 
all his blood in a ferment. But when he learnt 
that these rejoicmgs were in honor of a great 
victory obtained by the combined English and 




Kfiiokeibocker, p. 519. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 519 

French fleets over the brave De Ruyter, and 
the younger Van Tromp, it went so much to his 
heart, that he took to his bed, and in less than 
three days was brought to death's door, by a 
violent cholera morbus ! Even in this extremity 
he still displayed the unconquerable spirit of 
Peter the Headstrong ; holding out to the last 
gasp, with inflexible obstinacy, against a whole 
army of old women who were bent upon driving 
the enemy out of his bowels, in the true Dutch 
mode of defence, by inundation. 

While he thus lay, lingering on the verge of 
dissolution, news was brought him that the brave 
De Ruyter had made good his retreat, with little 
loss, and meant once more to meet the enemy 
in battle. The closing eye of the old warrior 
kindled with martial fire at the words, — he 
partly raised himself in bed, — clinched his with- 
ered hand, as if he felt within his gripe that 
sword which waved in triumph before the walls 
of Fort Christina, and giving a grim smile of 
exultation, sank back upon his pillow, and ex- 
pired. 

Thus died Peter Stuyv^esant, — a valiant sol- 
dier — a loyal subject — an upright governor, 
and an honest Dutchman, — who wanted only a 
few empires to desolate, to have been mimortal- 
ized as a hero ! 

His funeral obsequies were celebrated with the 
utmost grandeur and solemnity. The town was 
perfectly emptied of its inhabitants, who crowded 
•n throngs to pay the last sad honors to their good 
old governor. All his sterling qualities rushed 



52C HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

in full tide upon their recollection, while the 
memory of his foibles and his faults had expired 
with. him. The ancient burghers contended who 
should have the privilege of bearing the pall ; 
the populace strove who should walk nearest to 
the bier; and the melancholy procession was 
closed by a number of gray-headed negroes, who 
had wintered and summered in the household of 
their departed master for the greater part of a 
century. 

With sad and gloomy countenances, the multi- 
tude , gathered round the grave. They dwelt 
with mournful hearts on the sturdy virtues, the 
signal services, and the gallant exploits of the 
brave old worthy. They recalled, with secret 
upbraidings, their own factious oppositions to his 
government ; and many an ancient burgher, whose 
phlegmatic features had never been known to re- 
lax, nor his eyes to moisten, was now observed to 
puff a pensive pipe, and the big drop to steal 
down his cheek, while he muttered, with affec- 
tionate accent, and melancholy shake of the head 
— " Well, den ! — • Hardkoppig Peter ben gone at 
last ! " 

His remains were deposited in the family vault, 
under a chapel which he had piously erected on 
his estate, and dedicated to St. Nicholas, — and 
which stood on the identical spot at present occu- 
pied by St. Mark's church, where his tombstone 
is still to be seen. His estate, or houwery, as it 
was called, has ever continued in the possession 
of his descendants, who, by the uniform integrity 
of their conduct, and their strict adherence to the 



niSTORY OF NEW YORK. 521 

customs and manners that prevailed in the " good 
old times,'' have proved themselves worthy of 
their illustrious ancestor. Many a time and oft 
has tlie farm been haunted at night by enterpris- 
ing money-diggers, in quest of pots of gold, said 
to have been buried by the old governor, though 
I cannot learn that any of them have ever been 
enriched by their researches ; and who is there, 
among my native-born fellow-citizens, that does 
not remember when, in the mischievous days of 
his boyhood, he conceived it a great exploit to 
rob '• Stuyvesant's orchard " on a holiday after- 
noon ? 

At this stronghold of the family may still be 
seen certain memorials of the immortal Peter. 
His full-length portrait frowns in martial terrors 
from the parlor-wall ; his cocked hat and sword 
still hang up in the best bedroom; his brim- 
stone-colored breeches were for a long while sus- 
pended in the hall, until some years since they 
occasioned a dispute between a new -married 
couple; and his silver-mounted wooden leg is 
still treasured up in the store-room, as an ijival- 
uable relique. 



:;22 HISTORY OF NEW YORK 



CHAPTER XIII. 

THE author's reflections upon wuat has been said. 

^g^^MONG the numerous events, which are 
^^^^ each in their turn the most direful and 
i^^^^S® melancholy of all possible occurrences, 
in your interesting and authentic history, there is 
none that occasions such deep and heart-rending 
grief as the decline and fall of your reno^vned 
and mighty empires. AYliere is the reader who 
can contemplate without emotion the disastrous 
events by which the great dynasties of the world 
have been extmguished ? While Avandering, in 
imagination, among the gigantic ruins of states 
and empires, and marking the tremendous convul- 
sions that wrought their overthrow, the bosom 
of the melancholy inquirer swells with sympa- 
thy commensurate to the surrounduig desolation. 
Kingdoms, principalities, and powers, have each 
had their rise, their progress, and their downfall, 
— each in its turn has swayed a potent sceptre, — 
each has returned to its primeval nothingness. 
And thus did it flu'c with the empire of their 
High Mightinesses, at the Manhattoes, under the 
peaceful reign of Walter the Doubter, the fret- 
ful reign of William the Testy, and the chivalrio 
reign of Peter the Headstrong. 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 523 

Its history is fruitful of instruction, and wor- 
thy of being pondered over attentively, for it is 
by thus raking among the ashes of departed great- 
ness, that the sparks of true knowledge are to be 
foimd, and the lamp of wisdom illuminated. Let 
then the reign of Walter the Doubter warn 
against yielding to that sleek, contented security, 
and that overweening fondness for comfort and 
repose, which are produced by a state of prosper- 
ity and peace. These tend to unnerve a nation ; 
to destroy its pride of character ; to render it 
patient of insult ; deaf to the calls of honor and 
of justice ; and cause it to cling to peace, like the 
sluggard to his pillow, at the expense of every 
valuable duty and consideration. Such supine- 
ness insures the very evil from which it shrinks. 
One right yielded up produces the usurpation of 
a second ; one encroachment passively suffered 
makes way for another ; and the nation which 
thus, through a doting love of peace, has sacri- 
ficed honor and interest, will at length have to 
fight for existence. 

Let the disastrous reign of William the Testy 
serve as a salutary warning against that fitful, 
feverish mode of legislation, which acts without 
system ; depends on sldfts and projects, and trusts 
to lucky contingencies. Which hesitates, and 
wavers, and at length decides with the rashness 
of ignorance and imbecility. Which stoops for 
popularity by courting the prejudices and flatter- 
uig the arrogance, rather than commanding the 
respect of the rabble. Which seeks safety in a 
multitude of counsellors, and distracts itself by a 



524 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 

variety of contradictory schemes and opinions. 
Wliich mistakes procrastination for wariness — ■ 
hurry for decision — parsimony for economy — • 
bustle for business — and vaporing for valor. 
Which is violent in council, sanguine in expec- 
tation, precipitate in action, and feeble in execu- 
tion. Which undertakes enterprises without fore- 
thought, enters upon them without preparation, 
conducts them without energy, and ends them 
in confusion and defeat. 

Let the reign of the good Stuyvesant show 
the effects of vigor and decision even when des- 
titute of cool judgment, and surrounded by per- 
plexities. Let it show how frankness, probity, 
and high-souled courage will command respect, 
and secure honor, even where success is unattain- 
able. But at the same time, let it caution 
against a too ready reliance on the good faith 
of otliers, and a too honest confidence in the 
loving professions of powerful neighbors, who are 
most friendly when they most mean to betray. 
Let it teach a judicious attention to the opin- 
ions and wishes of the many, who, in times of 
peril, must be soothed and led, or apprehension 
will overpower the deference to autliority. 

Let the empty wordiness of his factious sul>- 
jects ; their intemperate harangues ; their vio- 
lent " resolutions " ; their hectoruigs against an 
absent enemy, and their pusillanimity on his ap- 
proach, teach us to distrust and despise those 
clamorous patriots whose courage dwells but in 
the tongue. Let them serve as a lesson to re- 
press that insolence of speech, destitute of real 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 525 

force, which too often breaks fortli in popular 
bodies, and bespeaks the vanity rather than the 
spirit of a nation. Let them caution us against 
vaunting too much of our own power and prow- 
ess, and reviling a noble enemy. True gallantry 
of soul would always lead us to treat a foe with 
courtesy and proud punctilio ; a contrary conduct 
but takes from the merit of victory, and renders 
defeat doubly disgraceful. 

But I cease to dwell on the stores of excel- 
lent examples to be drawn from the ancient 
chronicles of the Manhattoes. He who reads 
attentively will discover the threads of gold which 
run throughout the web of history, and are in- 
visible to the dull eye of ignorance. But, before 
I conclude, let me point out a solemn warnino-, 
furnished in the subtle chain of events by which 
the capture of Fort Casimir has produced the 
present convulsions of our globe. 
^ Attend then, gentle reader, to this plain deduc- 
tion, which, if thou art a khig, an emperor, or 
other powerful potentate, I advise thee to treas- 
ure up in thy heart, — though little expectation 
have I that my work shaU fall into such hands, 
for well I know the care of crafty ministers, to 
keep all gi-ave and edifying books of the kind 
dut of the way of unhappy monarclis — lest per- 
adventure they should read them and learii 
wisdom. 

By the treacherous surprisal of Fort Casimir, 
then, did the crafty Swedes enjoy a transient 
triumph; but drew upon their heads the ven- 
geance of Peter Stuyvesant, who wrested all 



526 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 

New Sweden from their hands. By the con- 
quest of New Sweden, Peter Stiiyvesant aroused 
the claims of Lord BaUiniore, who appealed to 
the Cabinet of Great Britain ; avIio subdued the 
whole province of New Netherlands. By this 
great achievement the whole extent of Nortli 
America, from Nova Scotia to the Floridas, was 
rendered one entire dependency upon the British 
crown. — But mark the consequence : the liith- 
erto scattered colonies being thus consolidated, 
and having no rival colonies to check or keep 
them in awe, Avaxed great and powerful, and 
finally becoming too strong for the mother-coun- 
try, were enabled to shake off its bonds, and by 
a glorious revolution became an independent em- 
pire. But the chain of effects stopped not here : 
the successful revolution in America produced 
the sanguinary revolution in France ; which pro- 
duced the puissant Bonaparte ; who produced the 
French despotism ; which has thrown the whole 
world in confusion ! Thus have these great pow- 
ers been successively punished for their ill-starred 
conquests ; and thus, as I asserted, have all the 
present convulsions, revolutions, and disasters that 
overwhelm mankind, originated in the capture of 
the little Fort Casimir, as recorded in this event- 
ful history. 

And now, worthy reader, ere I take a sad 
farewell, — which, alas ! must be forever, — will- 
ingly would I part in cordial fellowship, and 
bespeak thy kind-liearted remembrance. That I 
have not wiitten a better history of the days of 
the patriarchs is not my fault • liad any othei 



HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 527 

person written one as good; I should not have 
attempted it at all. That many vnW hereafter 
spring up and surpass me in excellence, I have 
very little doubt, and still less care ; well know- 
ing that, when the great Christovallo Colon (who 
is vulgarly called Columbus) had once stood hia 
c^^ upon its end, every one at table could stand 
his up a thousand times more dexterously. Should 
any reader find matter of offence in this history, 
I should heartily grieve, though I would on no 
account question his penetration by telling him 
he was mistaken — his good-nature by telling 
him he was captious — or his pure conscience h^ 
telling him he was startled at a shadow. Surel}/ 
when so ingenious in finding offence where none 
was intended, it were a thousand pities he should 
not be suffered to enjoy the benefit of his dis 
covery. 

I have too high an opinion of the understanding 
of my fellow-citizens, to think of yielding theix 
instruction, and I covet too much their o-ood-will 
to forfeit it by giving them good advice. I an, 
none of those cynics Avho despise the world, be- 
cause it despises them : on the contrary, though 
but low in its regard, I look up to it with the 
most perfect good-nature, and my only sorrow 
is, that it does not prove itself more worthy of 
the unbounded love I bear it. If, however, in 
this my historic production — the scanty fruit 
of a long and laborious life — I have failed to 
gratify the dainty palate of the age, I can only 
lament my misfortune — for it is too late in the 
season for me even to hope to repair it. Already 



528 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. t? ^ -• ' 

^/ { 

has withering age showered his sterile snows upon 

my brow ; in a little while, and this genial 

warmth which still lingers around my heart, and 

throbs — worthy reader — throbs kindly towards . ..x 

thyself, will be chilled forever. Haply this fi-ail ^ 

compound of dust, which while alive may ha\e 

given birth to naught but unprofitable weeds, 

aiay form a humble sod of the valley, whence 

may spring many a sweet mid liower, to adorn 

aiy bel )v-ed island of Manna-hata ! 



THE KND. 



